So let's get this out of the way off the bat: what I know about the sport of curling, couldn't fill the jockstrap of figure skater Johnny Weir.
Like that's gonna stop me from calling Cheryl Bernard a choking dog. Not!
You probably have seen the MILF-Celebre of curling for team Canada. If you ask me, she's mostly dazzling folks with the fact that her cans are at least 3 letter sizes larger than necessary for sliding a stupid doorstop down a sheet of ice.
But hey, whatever. Goes to show you how easily people can get duped into thinking a chick is hot when you surround her with a bunch of frumpy Swedes who haven't seen the outside of a barn in 9 months.
So I'm watching the curling gold medal match(?) and it comes down to skip Bernard with one shot to win the gold. After a ratio of standing around to action of nearly 25:1, she finally gets those golden globes down low to the ice and lets it fly.
"Pretty routine double," Bernard said afterward. "Rubbed it, missed it by a millimetre. Couldn't ask for an easier shot."
The loss, seemingly snatched from the jaws of victory, was a hard pill to swallow.
O'Connor, who might have had the best tournament of any member of her team, outplaying her opposing thirds time and time again, also spoke with reporters with tears in her eyes.
But she maintained there's no one else she would have wanted to have the stone in her hand.
"Cheryl is the reason that we're sitting up here now, is the reason that we're at the Olympics," she said. "There is nobody in the world that I would rather have throwing last rock."
Like Bernard, O'Connor said the silver medal hardly feels like a prize right now — but she did her best to look at the glass as half-full.
"It's a pretty huge accomplishment and there's a million people and curlers in Canada that would kill to be in our spot right now," she said.
If "that spot" means in the team room consoling Cheryl with a bottle of Crown Royale and sedatives, then huzzah huzzah you can count me in! Better luck next time, ice cougars!