Carrying shoulder pads never looked so good

Dez Bryant spends a lot of money in the newest Czabecast:

Country Music Poll

That's not even the funniest part...

Find out what is in today's Pix.

Coming Up Just A Little Short in Sacramento

Once upon a time, the Sacramento Kings were the darlings of the NBA. They had a rabid fan base that packed ARCO arena every night, making games feel like college throw downs. They featured a skilled, running and gunning team that scored easily in the 100's when most teams were bogged in the low 90's or worse. The owners, Joe and Gavin Maloof were dynamic, customer oriented, and courtside for every big tilt against the hated Lakers.

Sooooo, how hard would it be to get a new arena built in a city that has no other professional team?

Apparently, very hard.

In fact, the Commish himself, demanded an NBA-style "clear out" play so he could show his mad skillz with the local pols and take them to the rack!

REJECTED!

Four years after the National Basketball Association commissioner announced he'd personally help get an arena built in Sacramento, the league issued a terse e-mail Tuesday saying it's no longer taking an active role in local arena efforts.

Johnson said he called NBA Commissioner David Stern on Sunday to talk, and that Stern was "not enthused" by Cal Expo's decision.

Stern himself had swept into Sacramento four years ago and told a packed press conference that he would take charge of crafting an arena deal – the first time he had ever done so.

His arrival followed the voters' resounding defeat in 2006 of a proposal to raise sales taxes and build an arena in the downtown railyard.

Johnson said Stern told him Sunday that the NBA still "loves our market." However, officials of both the NBA and the Sacramento Kings said they are not interested in a proposal Johnson floated Friday to consider refurbishing the existing Arco Arena.

So that makes Stern 0-2 on new arenas in the Western conference, after he and the former Sonics owners completely pissed off Seattle and forced the team to hustle off to Oklahoma City.

But hey, keep shooting, Commish. You're bound to make one, sometime.

In theory, at least.

"Hail to the Redskins" or "Fly Eagles Fly"?

Cast your vote in this week's Football poll.

What does today's poll have to do with.....

A

Is It Chilly In Here?

Czabe catches a chill in the latest Czabecast.

He'll Do It, His Way

Now that the Redskins season has hit it's first chunk of severe turbulence, there is the natural instinct to start wondering: "Just how good is our pilot?"

It has been an article of faith, that Mike Shanahan is the second best "modern" coach this team has ever had. Certainly, with two Super Bowl Rings, only Saint Joe himself outranks in that category.

But, that said, we're all wondering: "What have we gotten into with this guy?"

For what it is worth, here's a pretty detailed, thoughtful take from a long time Broncos fan about the Shanahan demise in Mile High.

Granted, it is a fan take, not one from an actual member of the "football media", although it needs to be noted that professional football media takes are often of lesser quality than this.

You can read the entire take here, but of primary concern is the defensive side of the football - an area that currently looks as easy to exploit as Dina Lohan after a few cocktails.

Shanahan's defensive downfall in Denver? According to this fan....

On defense, things were nearly the opposite. After a six-year run with Greg Robinson that spanned two super bowl wins, the defense collapsed and Shanahan began his revolving door of defensive coordinators. Every year or two, he brought in a new coordinator. Some did not work out for coaching reasons, others for personality reasons. Most of these coordinators were successful before coaching in Denver, and some, such as Ray Rhodes and Larry Coyer have gone on to success with other teams. None of them had much success in Denver.

With each turnover of coordinators came a new defensive system, which required a different type of player to make it work. Shanahan reshuffled the roster, including in some cases signing players off their living room couch weeks before the season started. Realistically it takes two or three years of drafting a signing to put together an NFL roster to fit a system. Trying to do it it one year, the Broncos cut or traded quality players who didn't fit for bad players of the right type. Each turnover degraded the talent on their roster even further.

Shanahan's last year in Denver marked one of the worst performances by an NFL in history. The defense ranked last or nearly last in every significant defensive statistical category and at one point was on a pace to surrender the most points by an NFL defense in history.

As a measure of the deterioration of their defensive talent over the final years of the Shanahan era, Josh McDaniels cut nine defensive starters from Shanahan's roster - only two of whom were in the league (in a backup role) during the last season.

One of the main problems with Shanahan's approach to personnel was that he was never willing to rebuild. He stated that he should be able to put a team on the field every year that was competitive to win a super bowl. He approached team building as if he were just "one player away" from a super bowl roster. He would try to sign the one player that could put them over the top by paying big bucks to a free agent. Most of these high-priced free agents did not work out. Some such as Darryl Gardner were washed up, over the hill, while others (Dale Carter) did not fit whatever system Denver was running at the time. With large chunks of salary cap tied up in unproductive free agents, Denver was unable or unwilling to sign productive players that they had developed who moved on to other teams (Bertrand Berry, Monsanto Pope)

The period from 2000 to 2005 was marred by generally poor drafting on both sides of the ball. At one point the team had only two starters who had been drafted during that period. The draft problems -- whatever they were -- seem to have been somewhat fixed with excellent drafts in 2006 and 2008 sandwiching a marginal draft in 2007.

All told, we have no choice but to sit back and see if Shanahan (and Allen, FWIW) can bend this team into the shape they want it to look like. This will take time. The aftermath of the Snyder-Cerrato ("Snyderatto!") roster and way of doing things, is going to involve some growing pains.

Who doesn't love a good roller coaster reaction photo?

See some of the best in this week's Pix.

Which model makes the Snicky

This Is America

“This is America. I don’t want a tomato picked by a Mexican. I want it picked by an American, then sliced by a Guatemalan and served by a Venezuelan in a spa where a Chilean gives me a Brazilian.”

- Stephen Colbert

"A League Completely Rudderless On Behavioral Standards"

"My decision today is not based on a finding that you violated (New York) law, or on a conclusion that differs from that of the local prosecutor. That said, you are held to a higher standard as an NFL player, and there is nothing about your conduct in (Manhattan) that can remotely be described as admirable, responsible, or consistent with either the values of the league or the expectations of our fans.”

Your conduct raises sufficient concerns that I believe effective intervention now is the best step for your personal and professional welfare.”

The Personal Conduct Policy also states that discipline is appropriate for conduct that ‘undermines or puts at risk the integrity and reputation of the NFL, NFL clubs, or NFL players.’ By any measure, your conduct satisfies that standard.”

That was Roger Goodell's letter to Ben Roethlisberger, as justification for his ridiculous 6-game suspension of the quarterback.

I took the liberty to change two small items (in parentheses) in case Goodell wants to copy-paste-print into his upcoming letter to Braylon Edwards.

Which should be coming, oh, sometime close to, uh, NEVER.

This despite the fact Edwards has exhibited far more conduct that could be considered "damaging to the shield" of the mighty, pristine, family conscious NFL.

Let's go back to last year....

The NFL is investigating whether Cleveland Browns wide receiver Braylon Edwards violated the league's conduct policy following accusations he assaulted a man outside a nightclub.

Edwards allegedly punched promoter Edward Givens, a friend of NBA star LeBron James, early Monday morning following an argument in downtown Cleveland.

In March, Edwards was partying with suspended wide receiver Donte' Stallworth in Miami the night Stallworth later drove drunk and killed a pedestrian. Edwards was not with Stallworth at the time of the accident.

Last November, Edwards was fined $150 and given 30 hours of community service after he was found guilty of driving 120 mph.

But hey, let's let the legal process play out here, folks. No jumping to conclusions or piling on by the media, like, well the Big Ben case. There, you may assume, jump to conclusions, and get on the highest soap-box in the land.

Because Big Ben is...

a) White

b) A quarterback

... and we just can't have white QB's pulling this outrageous shit like getting drunk and hitting on a bunch of college aged chicks.

Never mind that Big Ben is 28 and the girl was 20. Let's treat it like he's 64 and she's 14 and he tied her up in the basement.

Never mind that she was wearing a button that read "DTF" and was herself so drunk, the police report said she was in "brown out" condition whereby she had a hard time remembering much of anything from the night.

Never mind that the doctor who examined her, said he couldn't conclude that she had been raped, and that what little DNA was there, wasn't enough to tell whose exactly, it was.

Let's make sure to bring up the two year old lingering civil case against Ben, in which no criminal charges were filed, and no charges ever will be filed. And while we're using that as some flimsy proof of "pattern of behavior", make sure we ignore the fact that the woman in the case might be legally crazy.

In July of 2009, Andrea McNulty came forward and claimed that Roethlisberger raped her after he lured here in to his hotel room at a Nevada Harrah’s where she worked. Since then, the validity of her claims has been questioned not only because there was no evidence and no police reports filed, but also because of the accuser’s mental health issues.

McNulty is said to have had a fictitious relationship with a soldier in Iraq that was actually the wife of a married man that she allegedly had an affair with. McNulty fell for the soldier (who didn’t exist –but she didn’t know that) and even told people they were engaged.

Oh yeah, in the time between Big Ben's alleged rape and when she filed her civil suit, McNulty checked into no less than FOUR hospitals to get treatment for a variety of mental health issues. This is the same insane woman who then offered Big Ben the chance to end it all, by just admitting the rape happened, and donating $100,000 to a women's charity of her choice.

And because it is the tiresome NFL off-season, where we just wait and wait and wait for football to come back into our lives, let's jump on any little story and inflate it into weeks worth of programming for ESPN and hundreds of hours of yak on sports radio stations from coast to coast.

In fact, let's run the most absurd reach of a Sports Illustrated cover story in magazine history (move over, pit bull cover!) in which we quote bar owners indicting Big Ben for... wait... NOT PAYING A $5 cover charge because he's famous!

O. M. G!!!!!!!!!!

Mark Baranowski, owner of the popular Cabana Bar in Pittsburgh, says that when the quarterback first came in with a group of hangers-on a few years ago, he refused to pay the $5 cover and used a variation on the Do you know who I am? line to intimidate an employee at the door. Roethlisberger agreed to sign a few items, for which he was going to receive free drinks, but Baranowski says he did it sloppily and halfheartedly.

I hope Goodell read that part carefully.

HE SIGNED AUTOGRAPHS, HALFHEARTEDLY!

Meanwhile, what is the league saying with it's (non)actions on misbehaving black wide receivers?

Oh, hell. We expect much worse from them! If they aren't shooting themselves in the leg, they are falling out of the back of pickup trucks to their death while chasing their terrified girlfriends from the house.

Or maybe having some thug pump their girlfriend's car full of bullets so they won't have to pay child support for another baby-momma.

Big Ben, though, oh no, YOU BETTER STRAIGHTEN UP AND FLY RIGHT, BOY!

This league has an IMAGE to protect!

If somebody could flow-chart how the NFL makes decisions on criminal behavior and on-field discipline, I'd love to see it. Because right now, the league looks like a rudderless ship on behavioral standards.

I've seen more consistency and logic from a "Magic 8-Ball" toy.

Goodell can just shake it up, and pick one of the following.

● As I see it, yes

● It is certain

● It is decidedly so

● Most likely

● Outlook good

● Signs point to yes

● Without a doubt

● Yes

● Yes – definitely

● You may rely on it

● Reply hazy, try again

● Ask again later

● Better not tell you now

● Cannot predict now

● Concentrate and ask again

● Don't count on it

● My reply is no

● My sources say no

● Outlook not so good

● Very doubtful

It Just Keeps Getting Better...

When the guy who created the infamous "Hope" poster for Barack O-blah-blah during the campaign has now himself... wait for it.... LOST HOPE in the guy, well then....

Heh heh heeeeeee....

"There's a lot of stuff completely out of Obama's control or any of the Democrats' control," Fairey allowed. "But I think there's something a little deeper in terms of the optimism of the younger voter that's happening. They wanted somebody who was going to fight against the status quo, and I don't think that Obama has done that."

Luckily, some of us do not worship a false god of ever-growing, hyper-intrusive statism like Obama.

We worship ruthlessly logical, ruggedly independent beet farming paper salesmen like Dwight Schrute.

Fact.

A Monument of Mediocrity

Don Nelson is out at Golden State. But hey, he's still the "Winningest Coach In NBA History!"

With a record of 1335-1063 (.557) how will the league ever replace Nellie's brilliance in calling those 20-second timeouts?

Now, Nellie's a nice fella, but for a guy that has NEVER BEEN TO THE NBA FINALS, I find the fact that he's the all-time top dog a little troubling.

If you look here at his year-by-year coaching resume, you realize even more that the NBA is the least coaching important pro league in America.

All aboard the Jimmy train!

Jimmy Masterlock sets you straight with this week's picks:

Check out the Football Page to sign up for the Czabe Craction league.

Czabe.com Facebook Temporarily Offline

We'll be back for your Facebooking pleasure as soon as humanly possible.

Perrys

The Latest DJ Steve Porter Coaches Masterpiece!

All I can say is, O-M-G!

DJ Steve Porter, you sir, are a genius. And all of the video snips in glorious HD! With some rare, seldom seen footage: like the Jim Mora: "You don't know... and you'll never know."

Play Craction - Revel in Lord Football!

Which housewife made today's Snicky?

Sure, you can stay after class...

Bone up on today's Pix.

"Let Me Just Take One Little Bite Out of You!"

God, I do love Photoshop!

When did TV become so confusing?

The guys discuss the joys of linear plot lines in the newest Czabecast:

NFC North Monday Night Showdown

Who will come out of the fray 3-0?

Weigh in on this week's Football Poll.

You just might want to watch Amazing Race this season.

Find out why in As Seen On Czabe, part of the How I Roll page.

Oh-For-219

From the Associated Press...

President Barack Obama once told Democratic lawmakers they'd be proud to campaign on historic health care legislation. Six months later, the only Democrats running ads about it are the ones who voted "no."

None of the 219 House Democrats who support the legislation are talking about it in campaign ads. But several of the 34 Democrats who voted "no" can now boast of that vote, casting it as a sign of their fiscal responsibility or independence from Obama and party leaders.

Hope the Kool-Aid was tasty, Democrats. In about a month, you'll begin to feel a hazy, peaceful feeling, and then fall gently asleep.

The Truest Thing Ever Written About Kids and Vacations

Drew Magary, who writes for Deadspin, is one salty, foul-mouthed mother.

I guess that's why I like his writing so much. Guilty, sophomoric pleasure.

Anyhoo, he wrote perhaps the most honest, blisteringly true paragraph in the history of parenting. It goes something like this.

I don't even like the parts of summer where you DO get to go on vacation. I have kids. Vacationing with kids is fucking AGONY. It's like double the parenting work. You don't have your own bed. They don't have their own beds. You have to fly somewhere, or drive somewhere, and you constantly have to make sure they're all happy and quiet while you're traveling. They stay up late because they don't understand what the hell is going on. There's no relief. There's nothing in the way of rest. You try and convince yourself the whole thing was a good idea when you know, deep in your heart, you're fucking miserable. In fact, the most restful part is returning back home and releasing the kids into the babyproofed section of the house. If you have young kids, you really shouldn't go anywhere. There's no goddamn point.

You can read the rest of his rant about how I too feel at the end of summer: it just needs to go into a corner and die!

Thank God, the weather is turning goldenly perfect, and cool and crisp will give way to the dark winter. A perfect time to stay the hell inside, and watch your 1080 lines of resolution until your eyes sting.

Now This Guy...

.... is a football dad!

"A Florida man who this weekend was charged with prodding his stepson to run "football sprints" while motivation-ally waving a BB gun is now in the hospital after an apparent overdose."

Classic.

Today's poll - it was talked about on B&B

In case you missed it...

Here's the Czabecast on Ken Burns' new chapter his 18 ½ hour Baseball documentary:



Don't worry–the Czabecast is under four minutes.

Finally, Somebody Who Knows LESS About Overtime Rules Than Donovan McNabb!

For the record, I like our current Redskins Radio play-by-play booth. Larry Michael has gotten better as the replacement for beloved former front man Frank Herzog. Sonny Jurgensen is still very, very sharp from an X&O standpoint, and beloved. And Sam Huff, well, Sam is pure comedy.

This from the excellent site TBD Fact Check:

4:48 p.m. — Michael mentions former Redskins punter Matt Turk is the holder for the Texans. Huff says he knew there was a reason he never liked Turk. Michael: "He's just a punter, Sam." Huff: "That's why I don't like punters." I'm as confused as you are.

5:44 p.m. — Huff suggests the Redskins abandon the 3-4. Larry: "It's going to be a 3-4, Sam. They're not going to change now." Huff thinks the Skins need to get London Fletcher involved more.

6:37 p.m. — Huff, who has been complaining about field goals all day, takes the block relatively well. "There's never any guarantees on that play," he says. That's undoubtedly true. Booth is very quiet. Huff, trying to be optimistic: "They just wanted to put a little excitement in it. Jurgensen: "They sure as hell did that."

6:45 p.m. — Michael mentions McNabb's frustrated smile after Galloway can't grab the long pass. Sonny: "Don't smile about it! Get off the field."

6:52 p.m. — Sonny, without ever using Matt Schaub's name: "Let me tell ya, this quarterback is a good quarterback." Yes, that's why he made the Pro Bowl last year.

7:12 p.m. — One of Sonny or Sam (I couldn't tell which) floats the idea of calling an on-side kick to start overtime. Larry Michael is as respectful as he can while responding: "No."

7:14 p.m. — After Texans wideout Kevin Walter makes a grab: Sam: "Walter? Is that the first time we've called his name tonight?" Larry: "He's made nine catches." Sam: "Where have I been?"

7:26 p.m. — Sam Huff asks if the game will end if Gano misses the field goal. Michael, Jurgensen clear things up for him. Huff: "I don't know all these rules."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Then, for a fuller recap of Sam's concussion and senility re-mix of "what...?" you can read Dan Steinberg's piece here.

Michael: Of course there's new overtime rules in the playoffs, but not during the regular season, so the winner of this coin toss is obviously going to have the first possession and the first chance to score.

Huff: I thought everybody had one chance.

Michael: That's gonna be the case in the playoffs. Rule change for the NFL this year.

After the coin toss, Michael asks Huff about the defense taking the field.

Huff: Well, they'll be on the field first, but they're kicking the ball. You're not gonna score when you're kicking the ball....Let me say this, you don't want to try an onsides kick here, do you?

Michael: No, I would not do that.

Huff: You've got to kick it as hard as you can.

REACT: I say cherish this radio booth for every blessed minute, Redskins fans. Someday, we won't have Sam around to provide this kind of unintentional comedy. It'll just be blah, blah, boring football analysis.

This is like hitting the "DVD commentary" button and getting a whole different audio track besides the movie itself!

What's it going to do with that dragonfly?

Find out in today's Pix.

No Dude, You Don't Get To Keep The Helmet

This clown has got to be the idiot of the week for actually thinking he is allowed to KEEP a stray HELMET that flies into the crowd.

Enjoy the moment when security guy has to SHOW him the fucking back of his ticket, explaining that, um, no, that Brandon Jacobs helmet is NOT a souvenir.

Of course, you don't want to mess with "Helga Manning" because she seems mightily pissed off at something.

Now that they both have had children who is going to win today's poll?

"Seemingly Innocent, Cascading Series of Unfortunate Events."

The Redskins game finished something like this. Only it took longer, because Jeff Triplette and the replay crew were apparently getting paid by the hour and wanted to review everything right down to players' sock lengths.

Here's where the game went up in flames.

Skins lead 27-20, driving for dagger TD in 4th quarter.
Portis running for an easy first down inside the 10, somehow falls down in open space one yard shy of the line.
3rd and 1.
False start.
3rd and 6. Incomplete.
Field goal.
Blocked because Fred Davis did a half ass job chipping his man Bernard Pollard.

Right there, was the QUINTESSENTIAL NFL moment that I like to call the "Seemingly Innocent, Cascading Series of Unfortunate Events."

This happens to everybody's team. All the time. And it won't be the last for our squad.

Of more concern is this. Trent Williams knee got fucked up. LaRon Landry is singlehandedly keeping the defense relevant. And he's going to either break himself in two hitting like that, or put a fellow teammate on season ending IR.

(Please, please, please make that guy Reed Doughty...)

**looks around sheepishly**


Was, um, that my "out loud" typing voice?

It was?

Oh.



Awkward.

Can't Spell Dungy, Without "Duh"

When ever Tony Dungy - the NBC analyst - comes up, I usually say: "Nice man, AWFUL analyst."

Some people are taken aback. Others mount a timid argument.

Here's a perfect example.

Sunday, talking about the Texans comeback win against my Redskins, Dungy said he thought it was an impressive win because "the ground game wasn't working..." blah blah blah.

Uh, wrong.

The ground game might have worked, if not for the fact that MATT SCHAUB WAS PASSING THE BALL AT WILL!

Sorry, I am yelling at you in my ALL CAPS. Sorry.

The dude was throwing pitch and catch like it was a 7 on 7 drill in May OTA's.

So when it comes to that kind of "analysis", well as a fan, let's just say it doesn't exactly wow you that somehow these ex coaches are all capable of explaining the game in ways you never would have imagined.

Get your picks!

Jimmy "Masterlock" Dugans gives you his sure-fire Week 2 picks, just in time for the weekend:



Check out the Football Page to sign up for the Czabe Craction league.

Lynch Tippin' His Whip

Just in case the Packers somehow pry away Aaron Rodgers' former Cal teammate Marshawn Lynch, you'll want to walk down memory lane with this epic post-game celebration from 'Shawn after the Bears beat Washington.



Sure, he could have crushed three innocent people/players/coaches with kneecap to bumper mayhem, but he didn't. So wheeee!

Even the Onion gets it!

Touchdown Disallowed After Ref Drops Ball Handed To Him By Player

She's unbeatable in a poll - today's Snicky

Wayne State wins!...Twice!

Czabe, Bob & Brian recap some of the biggest wins by schools you've never heard of:

Poll me

Sick of seeing this bumper sticker?

Check out a much funnier one in today's Pix.

Revenge of the Rules Nerds

Well, that didn't take long.

The NFL season is always sure to produce several calls by the refs that baffle, infuriate, and generally create a week's worth of griping on sports talk radio.

But here we go. Week one, and the beer swilling masses are already up in arms over the Megatron negated game winning touchdown.

As they should be.

Nobody likes a rules ninny, and this league is becoming as technical and litigious as your cell phone company on early termination rules.

When things look like a catch, they should be called just that - a catch.

How on earth could the NFL rulebook allow for something as vague as "the process" of making a catch enter the rules? The process? Process? (insert high pitched, Jim Mora-esque voice).

You talking, process?

The fact that the NFL also has a definition of a "second act" during a catch, is proof positive that even they can't truly define when that "process" ends.

Fans bitch about the refs all the time in the NFL. Sometimes, rightfully so.

I bitch about the rule book. It is a bloated mess.

And get this, the NFL won't even put the full rulebook on their website. They have a rules "digest" but the full megillah is only available by going through the NFL Media site, which requires a password.

SIDE NOTE: When I went to use the phrase "full magilla" I stopped to wonder: "What the hell is that from?" Well, I found out!

It’s really spelled megillah, and it’s the Hebrew word for a scroll. In particular, it refers to one of five books of the Old Testament, namely Song of Songs, Ruth, Lamentations, Ecclesiastes, and Esther, which are read on certain Jewish special days. The most common reference, though, is to the Book of Esther, which is read in its entirety at the feast of Purim.

Anyway, back to my point. The rulebook is a farce. The NFL has tried to define every single act, concept, and possible athletic move in writing.

No wonder they have tied themselves in knots!

The rulebook needs to be made more SIMPLE, and in many instances, LESS specific. I know that is counter-intuitive, but think about it: somebody at the end of all the rulebook's legalese is still going to have to make the call.

A judgment call.

You can't reduce all judgment calls to black and white, legally binding rules that fit all occasions.

Just like the horrible Troy Polomalu call vs. the Colts in the playoffs.

Polamalu intercepted a pass, rolled to the ground, then fumbled the ball while getting up. The play was initially ruled an interception and fumble, but after viewing the instant replay, referee Pete Morelli ruled the play an incomplete pass. His rationale was that Polamalu did not make a "football move" after intercepting the pass but before fumbling the ball, and therefore did not demonstrate possession of the ball. The NFL later released a statement saying that Morelli's interpretation was incorrect, and that the interception should have been upheld.

This time, the NFL has not thrown their own refs under the bus. Instead, they are doubling down on stupid.

"I'd like to see a little commonsense injected into the officiating," Jags coach Jack Del Rio said Monday.

That's exactly what the league doesn't want.

"What we try to do with any rule is eliminate the gray area," NFL vice president of officiating Carl Johnson said.

"It reminds me of the tuck rule, which a lot of people didn't know," he said. "But it was properly ruled on the field. Now it is a nonevent because the fans know it.

"Now we can further educate the fans and media on what the proper requirements are for a catch."

Now, it could just be me, but I don't think holding up the NFL's OTHER absurdly abstract and drippingly unfair call helps the NFL's image on this. Yet, this is apparently what league administrators get all hard just thinking about.

And if you really want to "educate" the fans on the rules, why not start with putting the full 137 page PDF "Rule and Casebook" on the front page of NFL.com so we can print a copy, and keep it by the ottoman on Sundays.

And you thought baseball GAMES were long...

Ken Burns squeezes a few more hours out of Baseball in the new Czabecast.

Those Manning Boys are at it again...

Weigh in on this week's Football Poll.

I'll Take Two, Please

You won't get a better use of your 2 minutes than this today, trust me.

Today's Poll - Who keeps a better secret?

Has "Jumping the Shark" jumped the shark?

There's one Happy Days writer who's had enough:

"Animals Want To Hang Out With Me"

Forgetting for a moment that his homeboys stabbed two guys to death at a Super Bowl party over something petty, and forgetting that the Ray Lewis glorification by ESPN remains over-the-top and nauseating (how many pre-game dances of him do we really need to see?) I must say this Old Spice commercial cracks me the f' up!

I believe what does it for me is the bear. That dude in a bear suit is MOVING! And it's a GOOD bear suit!

Then, the bear just stops and hangs out, because, well, Ray Ray has that power over animals.

Classic.

Given how few plays overachiever and good guy Reed Doughty is making right now, I say we cut Doughty, sign the bear.

Check out the competition in todays Pix.

You... JACKASS!

Watching college football on Saturday, I noticed at least three absurd jackass plays by kids for various teams.

Throwing aside the old nostrum that "hey, they are 19 year old kids, they are going to get carried away at times..." what I saw stunned me.

A Notre Dame wideout cruising for a touchdown dropped the football like some cocky prick at the 2 yard line. Replay should have taken it off the board, and Brian Kelly should have benched his ass until Catholic priests stop tickling boys, but no. Modern day football, and I suppose these things get overlooked.

In the Stanford-UCLA game, a Stanford DB makes a pick at his OWN 1 yard line. Then, while being tackled, he LATERALS to a team-mate, who - shocker - does NOT proceed to run 99 yards for a touchdown. I thought Stanford players were smart.

In the Florida State game, a big oaf on the FSU sideline decides to give an Oklahoma player an obvious SHOVE about 10 yards out of bounds, in clear view of the refs. The shove wouldn't have hurt one of the Olsen Twins, but it was an easy call for an additional 15 yards.

Stupid.

Of course, Matt Millen was calling that game, and then bragged about how doing that shit was actually POLICY when he played with the Raiders.

Wonder why he never made it as GM in Detroit?

I get it that college players make mistakes. Often times, big ones. Mental, physical, the whole gamut. But I think plays like these three plays I cited, are more a product of the modern culture, and not limited to a black-white thing either.

Players of 30 years ago in college made mistakes. But I would think it would be HARD to go back and find plays of this caliber of stupid.

Can you guess today's Snicky?

Calling all Inter-Web Gambling Degenerates!

Jimmy "Masterlock" Dugans is back laying down four flawless week 1 picks.



Check out the Football page to sign up for the Czabe Craction league or head over to Craction.com to find out how to play!

Gold Pant Dreamin'

Well, kids, we can dream, right?

I have banged the drum all off-season for the Skins to rock the old school mustard pants as part of their new uniform look. With Bruce Allen's return to the team, sporting the look his father coached under back in the late 70's would be truly delicious.

All through the off-season, the Redskins as an organization, and Allen in particular, have been coy - if non-committal - about what will be the defacto "home uniform" of the team.

Under Gibbs 1.0, it was white tops on brick red pants. A classic look, made even better looking by the fact that those teams won in that get up. Alot.

Over the years, however, it became a bit tired and dated. Losing in them certainly rubbed off much of the "glory" of the white-on-red.

Marty decided he liked the brick-on-white look, and I generally resented it.

Then Spurrier started ushering in the awful white-on-white.

Gibbs 2.0 went back to the white-on-red look, but then relented to the players late in the 2nd season and had some Spurrier-inspired white-on-white games. Boo.

Zorn was mostly white-on-red, but allowed the biggest travesty in Skins modern uniform history when the team rolled out on Monday night against the Steelers in double-burgundy (really, red).

I personally think we're gonna see that gold-pant glory on Sunday, for the following reasons.

a. If it was NOT going to happen, I think Allen would have said that by now.
b. It can't be a league permission issue because they certainly didn't need it for burgundy on burgundy which came out of nowhere, and was launched on a whim.
c. The team has been handing out special "Beat Dallas" t-shirts for this game, that are... wait for it... in GLORIOUS mustard yellow!

Since the Cowboys are normally forced into their non-preferred road blues against the Skins, it was eye opening when Dallas Cowboys.com reported to their fans that there would be no wearing of the road blue this year, because the Redskins had REQUESTED to wear red on Sunday.

Hmmmmm.

It's all pointing to a golden moment on Sunday. If not, shame on Bruce Allen for leading us on.

"23 Inches of Pure Comfort!"

This has to be the worst idea, in the history of ideas.

New Coke, combined with Milli Vanilli, and the Olympics Triplecast stupid.

You'll enjoy the quote: "Cowboys ride eight hours on their horses during the day and still feel comfortable."

Yeah, they are fucking, COWBOYS! And have you seen how they walk? Do you know how they feel when they wake up?

Plus, the seats look like a blast when you have NOBODY else in front of you (as shown) and the chick a hot-ass size 2.

Imagine a fat dude shimmying into those saddles between two lineman sized gang bangers with sleeve tattoos on their arms.

Yeah. Not so fun.

Robot Football: Your Protocols Must Be Coachable!

Czabe joins Bob & Brian to discuss the future of the gridiron:

"Dude, about that trophy...."

So Vince Young doesn't want Reggie Bush's tainted, and about to be repossessed Heisman Trophy.

I get that.

This is one baller, looking out for another. I wouldn't expect, or want Vince to say anything else.

It doesn't mean the Heisman Trust should just leave the thing in the closet. It needs to award the Trophy to Young in title at least, and then remand it's custody to the University of Texas.

Vince can come claim it at any time, but the school should have custody rights of that glorious stiff-arm in its trophy case.

First, let's address whether the trophy should be revoked. Answer: OF COURSE! The logic is plain. Bush was INELIGBLE that season, by virtue of massive amounts of illegal cash and gifts showered upon him by boosters.

Thus, you can't let a player who was INELIGIBLE receive such an award.

It has nothing to do with morality. And it doesn't mean we have to go on a witch hunt to find other players in college history who have won the Heisman and perhaps taken money under the table.

If there's a clear cut case of Rashaan Salaam taking cash, then fine. Present it. We'll make the call then.

Of course college athletics is a ridiculous semi-pro activity in which colleges hold all the cards, and make millions off the backs of players.

Still, when Reggie Bush signed up with USC to play, he accepted this fact. He agreed to play, by those ridiculous rules.

If you want to radically change college athletics to allow for paying of players - either small stipends, or perhaps more - then do it up front.

Just don't say: "Well, the whole system is so corrupt, how can we revoke Bush's Heisman?"

In the meantime, Texas had more than a little something to do with Vince Young's success that season, and schools are rightfully proud when they produce Heisman winners.

As such, they should re-engrave the plate, let Texas display it in the lobby, and tell Vince he's welcome to pick it up and bring it home if the mood ever strikes him.

A Picture = 1000 Words

Well thank you to a commenter who found me that exact site I was looking for!

FAKE POSTERS.COM!

These are Czabe.com originals, so feel free to pass them along as you see fit! Or, come up with something even better!

What a great country we live in! (At least, for now....)

ALTERNATE VERSION

Behold: "The Woz!"

How could I have been sleeping on Caroline Wozniaki?

Sure, she is only 20 years old, and is just now pushing into the tennis limelight. But still, I feel like I'm late to the party.

Just look at this incredible Denmark-born all-Polish gal!

The smile is fantastic, and for the record, I like the yellow nail polish with the yellow accented tennis top.

I think it's her "power color." Like Tiger's red.

Let's hope she keeps slayin' 'em as the #1 seed at Flushing Meadow, and we can usher in a new era with her, as the "it girl" of women's tennis!

"Barry Poppins"

Classic. Fucking, classic.

I was thinking about this photo, and figured it would make a good "fake" Successories style of picture. You know, with a headline and sub-head like....

LIBERALISM
"Because, God forbid, you should ever get even a little bit wet in life."

Or something like that. Perhaps you enterprising folks could come up with even better slogans for the picture. And if you want to get really nuts, whip it into a poster itself and I'll post the good ones.

In fact, somebody by now, should have invented a website, where you simply upload a picture, type in the heading and sub-head you want, hit a button called "Create" and have it poop out a finished product for everybody's enjoyment.

Tell somebody at Google, to get on it.

Hokies and Broncos Sport the ALT Look on ESPN

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and as such, so go sports uniforms.

One man's classic color scheme, is another man's tired old paint job in desperate need of a makeover.

Last night in Landover, MD, the VA Tech v. Boise State game lived up to all expectations, see-sawing until the final Bronco kick to the gut with less than two minutes remaining.

But what about those unis?

I'm guessing, people either loved them, or hated them.

Nike is pushing this line of ALT jerseys known as the Pro Combat line. They include very nontraditional elements like flat black helmet paint, and graphic sub-tones inside the actual jersey numbers.

Boise State stole a concept from the Pittsburgh Steelers, only sporting a logo on ONE side of their helmet.

From afar, I thought VA Tech looked too much like Oregon State, and Boise was bland without their traditional splash of orange, which was all but banished from their look.

Take a closer look youself, and come to your own conclusions.






Personally, I think it's just a bit of overkill. For example, if VA Tech had gone black helmet (flat finish) without the funky morphing stripe in the middle, and without the graphic in-lay in the uniform numbers, it could have been pretty cool.

If Boise state had gone with the enlarged Bronco head logo on both sides of their helmet, and added a more prominent slash of orange somewhere in the pants or on the side venting of the shirts, I would have been more enthusiastic.

But at this point, the Nike Pro Combat series has SO MANY graphical bells and whistles, it has almost ceased as a uniform, and morphed into a graphic designer's wet dream.

Now, if you want a guy who is vehemently against all such "ALT-Black" schemes, it would be Phil Mushnick of the NY Post:

Virginia Tech's school colors are orange and maroon -- but only for the last 104 years, since 1896. Such traditions can't survive the combination of money-first TV and sneaker company demands and marketing blueprints.

Certainly, the introduction and subsequent sale of street attitude-enriched black uniforms is hardly new. No other color has systematically been added to all sports' uniforms and team logos -- while mascots have been turned into snarling predators. Black uniforms are now even worn by the Duke Blue Devils, Rutgers Scarlet Knights, Toronto Blue Jays, Harvard Crimson, Louisville Cardinals and St. John's Red Storm.

I can only imagine what would happen if the famous "Maize and Blue" Michigan got swapped out for a midnight "black" and "Wolverine gold" instead someday.

Or if Joe Pa agreed to let the conspicuously austere Penn State uniforms get graphically raped by Nike designers.

I would say I won't live long enough to see that, but I seem to be seeing more and more crazy shit all the time with uniforms, and I've got a lot of life in me yet.

Mushnick