Friday, June 28, 2013

An Even Worse Tick Borne Ailment Than Lyme Disease!

Sudden, violent, and irreversable allergy to.... MEAT.

/cue Homer scream: "Oh... no... for the love of god!"

Shortly after he was bitten, Rutherford ate a steak dinner.

A few hours later, “My feet started itching and it worked its way up,” Rutherford said. “I had huge hives around my waist. It was pretty ugly.”

It was even worse the next time it happened after Rutherford ate a hamburger.

“It took me three trips to the emergency room, and I didn’t have a clue as to what was the cause,” Rutherford said.

After some internet digging and talking with doctors, Rutherford learned he’d contracted the alpha-gal allergy from his tick bites. It causes a potentially deadly allergic reaction to the carbohydrates in any type of mammal meat. Rutherford is now very careful about what he eats.

Seriously, this ailment would be just 1 step short of cancer for me. Let's hope they find a cure.

I Try To Keep Politics Out....

... of the sports radio show, but you people know that's hard sometimes. Here's a case where a political "pro" (Kevin Madden of "Face the Nation") admits to listening to my show on his drive in to work.... and I've never even met him! Thanks Kevin!

Breakfast of champions: What’s your morning media diet?
SC: Playbook as soon as it’s out, quick scan of Times and Post, a little “Morning Joe” and of course I’m all about CNN’s “New Day.”

KM: I generally scan Twitter news feeds at that hour to see what, if anything, happened overnight that will shape the morning news cycle. My drive to the office is dominated by about 20 minutes of listening to Steve Czaban’s sports-talk program on Yahoo radio. Then once in the office, I read through all the “morning reads” emails like CNN’s Political Ticker, The Note, The Morning Fix, First Read, EarlyBird, POLITICO’s Playbook and Morning Money, the Huddle and all the energy, tech and other issue briefings that I subscribe to. My main hard copy reading is The Wall Street Journal.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Bloody Horns 2013 Sign-Ups Are Now OPEN!

Year 2 Winners Neil Sackerson and Josh Sparks.
Year 1 winners Bill Dawson and Dennis Flipse.
Get on it, gonna be a fun.... hard... but FUN day out at a WORLD CLASS venue, The Bull at Pinehurst Farms!

As per the previous two years, at stake...

1st Place - 2 Nights Lodging/2 Rounds of Golf for 2 Players at 2014 CzabeVegas (airfare not included)
2nd Place through 6th Place Teams - Signed, game-used tournament pin flag.
7th Place Teams - Last - Sunburn, good time.

For $130 bucks you'll get...

Round at the Bull with range balls and cart
Logo Cooler with Red Bull and Vodka "refreshments"
Bloody Horns Hat
Post Round Buffet
Photo with Czabe

This is a REAL tournament, where we WILL play by the RULES of golf! A great prize is at stake, so NO cheating will be tolerated.

WHEN: Sunday July 28 - 10 a.m. SHOTGUN
WHERE: The Bull at Pinehurst Farms
FIELD: 36 Teams of 2 (72 players)
FORMAT: Scramble
NOTES: Max score on each hole is a triple bogey. Play hard until you "get the horns" and then pick it up!

We stretch the tees to the very max, and tuck all of the pins. Hard? You f'ing bet, pal!

See everyone there. Thanks again for supporting this very fun event!

- Czabe

NOTE: You may not sign up as an individual. Also, one person in each two-some is required to pay for BOTH players via PayPal Only. Re-imburse each other on your own, gents. REFUNDS are available up to the MONDAY before the event.

Any further questions, email me at

UPDATE: For some reason, this "button" below does not seem to work. Until we get it sorted out, you can sign up by simply sending me $260 for each twosome to me via PayPal.

1. Go to your PayPal account. Log in.
2. Go to "Send Money"
3. Send it to
4. Enter $260 per twosome
5. Make it a "personal" transfer of money to avoid any fees.

In the meantime, we'll try to fix this button below. Stay tuned.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Horrible and/or Ironic Ways To Die: #2,894

Shopping cart.



Smash... smash... SUHMASH!

"According to a report on Stomp and QQ two men had loaded a trolley of their own with 15 crates of drinks, instead of using a supermarket trolley - store trolleys are adapted to lock onto the ridges on the escalator. 

Police are currently investigating the incident."

/cue Jackie Chiles

"How much Snapple was on that shopping cart? What flavor Snapple? Do you know what one case of Snapple weighs? I love Snapple, don't you ladies and gentlemen of the jury?"


Now if we could just get these two ladies in a swimming pool filled with mud... or oil.... or... mmm... jello......
Rodrick was also alongside Williams while she was on the phone with sister Venus gossiping about another player, whom Rodrick believes to be Sharapova. 
After chattering about their dad, they move on to gossip. As usual, Serena does most of the talking. 
“There are people who live, breathe and dress tennis. I mean, seriously, give it a rest.” Serena exits the car and the conversation moves on to a top-five player who is now in love. “She begins every interview with ‘I’m so happy. I’m so lucky’ – it’s so boring,” says Serena in a loud voice. “She’s still not going to be invited to the cool parties. And, hey, if she wants to be with the guy with a black heart, go for it.” (An educated guess is she’s talking about Sharapova, who is now dating Grigor Dimitrov, one of Serena’s rumored exes.) 
Williams said she believes Sharapova accepted her apology, but the Russian’s comments at a news conference Saturday suggest otherwise. Sharapova said Williams should be more concerned about her own personal life rather than her colleagues’. 
“If she wants to talk about something personal, maybe she should talk about her relationship and her boyfriend that was married and is getting a divorce and has kids,” Sharapova said, referring to Serena’s unconfirmed relationship with her coach/consultant Patrick Mouratoglou. 
“Talk about other things, but not draw attention to other things. She has so much in her life, many positives, and I think that’s what it should be about.”
Oooh! Juicy!

What must it be like to their boyfriends? I wonder. That said, why don't we just enjoy the booty-tacularness of Serena, and the willowy-Russianessence of Maria below.

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Still The King.... of Douchebaggery

Abraham Lincoln once said: "People who like this sort of thing will find this the sort of thing they like. "

As you can see by the comments on his Instagram feed, plenty of people REALLY do like LeFlopsy "giving it" to all of his "haters."

Because that's the sort of thing they like.

God bless 'em.

You and I won't win that argument.

Way to go, BronBron. You are the first, and only player to have ever won tw..... wait... what? Oh yeah, that's right. A jillion guys have at LEAST two rings.

Robert Horry has 7. Ron Harper has 5.

I'd list your ranking, but the Wikipedia page stops at a massive tie for 26th place with 4 rings.

It's like what Dan Hicks said when Tiger sank that putt to tie Rocco Mediate: "Did you expect anything different!?"

Did you expect anything different from THIS guy?

Of course not. 

Welcome back to social media, LeBron. The coast is clear. Please remember to tip Ray Allen generously.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Stump the Schwab Becomes "Dump The Schwab"

"Hmmm. Mets pocket schedule. Unused condom. PINK SLIP! Whaaaaaa??"
A bit too much was made last week in certain circles about ESPN firing 26-year Bristolite Howie Schwab - almost as if he deserved emeritus status just because he had been there a long time.

These companies... all of them... are just waiting for the instant they think they can live without you. That's how it goes. We should all know the drill by now.

That said, this Deadspin piece about Schwab contains an illuminating nugget of how the company operates.

I heard a story about Schwab last week that tells you a lot about Schwab and a lot more about the company that let him go. (I didn't hear this from Schwab, for the record. He refused to talk to us.) This happened in 2002. Mark Shapiro was ESPN's senior vice president for programming at the time, and Schwab was handling the BottomLine, ESPN's news ticker, another product of the network's fat mid-1990s. On this particular day, Schwab was watching TV at home and saw a mention of the Australian Open final run across the BottomLine—16th-seeded Thomas Johansson vs. ninth-seeded Marat Safin—only someone had removed the seeds from next to the names. 
It turned out that a directive had come down from Mark Shapiro's office, on the belief that a 16-vs.-9 final wasn't exactly appointment television; why mention the seeds at all? Schwab complained, according to our source, and eventually he and Shapiro had it out. 
Schwab thought it was inaccurate. Information is sacred, after all. 
Shapiro supposedly hung up on him. Information is a commodity, too.
I'm not sure what's more stupid, the office noodge insisting tennis seeds are listed accurately on the Bottom Line ticker, or the corporate boss thinking he can wring an extra tenth of a percentage point rating by smuding over the facts?

I'll rule in favor of Howie, but just barely.

That said, this commenter had perhaps the best additional take about what the mini-episode says about the "World Wide Leader".

Two things came immediately to mind reading this eulogy:

1) Ken Jennings' TED talk about the "obsolete know-it-all." His thesis is basically that because we have so much information at our finger tips now, knowing something has unfortunately and mistakenly become obsolete.

I'd imagine both Howie and Roger share much in common with Ken, with a love of knowledge for the sake of knowing chief among their similarities.

2) As a 23 year old, I've become keenly aware that the ESPN that exists now—and the viewers that it covets—are not the same as the ESPN of the early 2000's and the viewer it trained me to become. Shows likeStump the Schwab were the natural offspring of the late-1990's Dan Patrick and Keith Olbermann heyday of sports-dorkery at ESPN. They told us that being smooth, funny, and encyclopedic as sports fans was cool.

Now, in this First Take era at ESPN they're pandering to the sports fan who cannot think critically, who is abrasive, confrontational, easily flustered, and quick to yell. Once upon a time, Stephen A. Smith didn't fit the culture and had to leave. Now, he is the culture, and at times the voice of reason as his companions push ever further into the absurd than even he is willing to go.


So, here's my conclusion. If Fox Sports 1 really wants to make a run at the throne—and hiring Onrait and O'Toole tells me they want to recreate the late-'90's ESPN magic—then they should without hesitation scoop up Schwab and Jackson. Let those guys bring over the top information nerds. Dedicate the network to being smooth, funny, and encyclopedic in its coverage and give us ESPN expat's an island to call home again

See What LeBron Has Spawned?

Flopping by the papparazi!

I like "old school" papparazi, who would happily try to get into fistfights with celebrities.



The Flopping Never Stops

Heart of a champion.

LeBron's New Shoes Know Something You Don't

Namely, that the Heat are pre-ordained to win tonite's Game 7.

LeBron's new Nike kicks (which look like awful "jungle camo") have the "2-Time Champion" already printed into the liner!

I am sure this was only a limited run, demo pair, but it just makes you wonder sometimes.

Of course, there are still villagers in Africa somewhere wearing "Buffalo Bills Super Bowl Champions" hats and t-shirts too.

My Apology Post For Going Awol This Week

It's been a "heavy lifting" week for me, as my afternoon colleague Andy Pollin is off, so I am running the crab boat in the afternoon as well. It's more work than you'd think, having to manage the show, and not just scoff at Andy's miguided notions while throwing in a few snarky comments.

That said, I should never leave you people with stale content for 2 days again. So please accept my apology in the form of these restaurant-quality pics of Carrie Underwood.

Enjoy. And I'll do better....

Friday, June 14, 2013

Mako Eats Marlin: Film at 11

Don't you hate it when this happens? 

Nothing quite like the sight of one of the oceans pelagic apex-predators, casually *snacking* on another one of the oceans' pelagic monsters.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Hockey Night In Canada: Game 1 Stanley Cup Finals Opening Montage

Two words: chicken skin.

F***ing amazing.

/enthusiastic stick tap

"Librarius Booker Is Gonna Have A Ring!"

Absolute, classic Kimmel.

And yet another frightening reality check of how utterly screwed our nation is. These morons are not just allowed to vote, they are encouraged to do so.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

LeBron Apparently Learned His Flopping From Sesame Street

Remember the stumbling, bumbling chef on the classic Sesame Street?

Well, obviously LeBron has been watching these old YouTube clips for tips and tricks.

This is a limited reel of his all time flops. He had another one last night in Game 3, which of course got him a courtesy foul call, and then minutes later when he "panther-swipes" Tim Duncan and gives him a face rake with an arm gouge (but hey, did get the ball... WITH HIS ELBOW!) the refs swallow their whistled.

Just a total f'ing joke.

Tiger's Former Mistress Back on The Market... Again

And even though I am quite certain she's more crazy than a s***house bat, I still love her look. Yep, the look that includes fake boobies, and fake inflated Lisa Rinna style lips. I know, I know. All that living. All those men. All that cocaine.

And a kid she's now cranked out.

God....she must be a mess....

/call me.

Monday, June 10, 2013

The US Open and Lee Trevino

I'm angry that I missed this hour long special last night. But thankfully, it's locked in my crosshairs for next Monday. My god, this little video clip alone give me the golf nerd chills. Awesome stuff. Now dry out, Merion!

Chad Johnson's Clownery Gets Him 30 Days In the Can

Okay, two things.

1. What a dummy! When you are getting a "good deal" in front of a judge, you TAKE IT... and shut your mouth! (and keep your hands to yourself!)

2. Man, what a bitch!

As you were, kids. Remember: cute judges can still do irrational and vindictive things. That, and jail ain't no fun. Even for just 30 days.

Wonder if he'll get to tweet from jail? Do you get two tweets and one phone call? Or other way around?

Snicky du Jour: Katherine Webb

Once again, I know she has somewhat "strong" facial features and "too much teeth" for some of you men, but my goodness, she still just hits the sweet spot for me. Soak it in.

Friday, June 7, 2013

Mash The B Button

The Guy Who Accidentally Sank Jimmy The Greek's Career Has Died

His name was Ed Hotaling, and he certainly had no intention of making Jimmy The Greek a truly tragic figure of foot-in-mouth self-destruction.

But he was the guy, holding the mic as a TV reporter in Washington D.C., when Jimmy decided to expound on the superiority of the black athlete, slave breeding, and the need for white guy affirmative action in coaching.

Hotaling was a former CBS Middle East bureau chief and horse racing author. He was 75. Don't blame him. He was just doing his job.

Meanwhile, for a very funny listen, here's Opie and Anthony with the late (and great) Patrice O'Neal, trying to "retro-fit" The Greek's out-of-bounds comments to conform to current standards.

Yeah, good luck with that!

Thursday, June 6, 2013

"We're The Millers" - This Looks Epic!

Jennifer Aniston as a stripper?

Three words.

Sign. Me. Up!

(NSFW R rated trailer)

Snicky du Jour: Taylor Swift

Scoff away, you haters. She's now 23 and starting to round into All-Pro form as a young woman.

Hangover 3: A Good Ride, While It Lasted

Well, that should do it for The Wolfpack.

I think. *THINK*.

The ending certainly left open all possibilities, which is rather depressing because any attempt at a 4th installment of this series is borderline insane.

Hangover III itself rolls into Vegas one last time on fumes, and delivers hardly any additional chuckles you didn't get already in the various trailers.

My biggest gripe about this finale is that it is entirely devoid of fun. Don't we want "The Wolfpack" to at least enjoy their dances with the devil en route to being utterly f***ed with various predicaments?

Fun? Not here. Not this time.

This is like a mostly un-funny "Ocean's 3."

Hell, they never even get drunk in the movie. Hangover? From what?

It's a plodding, linear slog to "return the bad guy's money" - gee, there's a new movie concept - that delivers very few (if any) "holy sh** I didn't see THAT coming" plot twists. In fact, some of the scenes  are so tepid, nice, and devoid of value you wonder why it was even left in the final cut?

The scene with Heather Graham - now happily married and pregnant to a new doctor in a really nice home - is utterly dull and pointless. Yeah, Alan reunites with his baby bjorn buddy from Hangover I, and gets a hug before leaving.

And...... and.... that's it!

Wacky stuff.

Stu and the stripper are happy to see each other again, give each other the obligatory "you look great!" greeting (cringe), and they have a calm cup of coffee in her kitchen.

Seriously, WTF Todd Phillips!?

Also, you can only ask the viewer to stretch his acceptance of "well, that's POSSIBLE" so far. In the first movie, every one of those moments stayed out of range of dismissive scoffing. Steal a cop car? A live tiger? Get tasered to get out of jail? Get mixed up with drug dealers? All highly unlikely, but possible.

In this one, we're talking decapitated giraffe, escape from a Thai prison, climbing down bedsheet ropes from the rooftop at Ceasars, nearly demolished vehicles that make it from Arizona to New Mexico to Vegas without breaking down, and the ability of tiny-ass Leslie Chow being able to carry not one but TWO duffel bags of gold BRICKS at one time.

For the record, I looked it up. A gold brick like that weighs 27 pounds - EACH! Assuming there were just 20 bricks as "loot" (seems about right) then that's a cool 540 pounds to lug around.


The worst bit of "plot logic malpractice" is the fact they never once had to "phone home" and report back to the family what was going on. At least in the first two installments, you knew the timeline was essentially 48 hours. Here, who knows? They did so much and drove so far, the movie loses track realistic time and then basically asks you the viewer to just go with it.

A little bit of Alan and Leslie Chow went a long way in the previous Hangovers, but the two characters are force fed to you from start to finish this time. Chow is no longer a man of mystery, but a guy you are actively rooting for to get killed in the end. (Spoiler alert: maybe he does, maybe he doesn't!)

All in all, it was about what I expected. I still think Hangover I was brilliant for it's unique story telling mechanism, and the breakout performances of Zach Galifianakis and Ken Jeong. The movie hit fans out of the blue with something different, raunchy and funny.

Hangover II was arguably even more funny, thanks to a new venue (Bangkok), better dialogue, and a omg-did-they-just-go-there scene that is almost unparalleled in "mainstream" movies today. "... and then we cried, it was beautiful, Stu..."

Hangover 3 just misses at almost every turn.

But I'm not gonna be mad. I'll just appreciate and re-watch 1&2 for many years, and be glad the first two were as good as they were.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Snicky du Jour: Rock Girl

Once upon a time, the good folks at The Hog would actually fly me up there, so I could lend a "keen eye" in picking the coveted "Rock Girl." Now, Bob and Brian handle those duties, but I figured I needed to at least make my endorsement "official" for this year's candidates.

My choice - not knowing anything about this lovely lady, but she sure looks nice! - is Chelsea.

You too can vote, so click here to find out how.

Meanwhile, in honor of outgoing Rock Girl Holly, here's some very snickety pics of her doing sports things. Yeah! Sports!

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Monday, June 3, 2013

Snicky du Jour: Heidi Klum

The German Boom-Boom, Heidi Klum turned 40 on June 1. Still dominating. Enjoy.

Video Evidence of Jordan "Flop"?

You be the judge. At the 0:27 mark. A little sell job, yes. Flop? No.

Stormchaser Claims "Bitch of The Year" Award

Okay, full points for somehow getting footage of a high speed collision with a FLAMING bail of hay.

Demerits for being such a little girl. And for yelling at your driver, McLovin'.

Your "life dice" had already been thrown at this point, buddy. No amount of cryin' is gonna change 'em. So next time, channel your best Lt. Dan and start screaming: "You call this a storm!!!!?"

Sunday, June 2, 2013

And He Ran....

Moments and images can be revealing in sports.

Saturday night, Game 6 of a bruising, controversial Eastern Finals. LeBron James invades the airspace of the 7'2" USS Hibbert.

An acrobatic confrontation worthy of the old gimmick sport "Slam Ball" plays out at rim level, well off the floor.

LeBron and Hibbert collide violently.


Offensive foul.

Then LeBron ran. Ran from one end of the court to the other. Amazed, astounded, hurt, and truly shocked that HE, "The King" was not just denied a trip to the free throw line.

But it was on him!

And so he ran. Fitting.

Ran so far, I could almost hear Flock of Seagulls in the background.

Ran like a little boy to his momma after somebody on the playground called him a hurtful name.

Ran like he was leaving Cleveland again, by foot.

Another defining moment for James, that he'll never fully live down. Like disappearing (literally) as the Celtics closed out his last game as a Cavalier in Boston. Fake coughing with Wade in the tunnel to mock Dirk's reported illness. Confiscating the summer camp poster-dunk video. Wearing his own "LBJ MVP" t-shirt.

"Not one… not two… not three…."

These are all things that nobody ever forgets about a guy so good, nothing else should matter. Somehow, he makes himself small, at every possible defining moment.

Hey, it was maybe (probably) a bad call. Looked like Hibbert did more than just say straight up. But seriously, dude? You are unaware of the metric ton of touch fouls YOU get on the other end?

One call. On one play. In a game that was all but over anyway.



He's the best basketball player in the league by a Secretariat-at-the-Belmont margin. Yet he still is one of the NBA's worst floppers. It's hardly what inspires sports fans.

Michael Jordan inspired. It was why when he was winning 6 NBA titles, TV ratings were at an all time high. MJ had a competitive magnetism that didn't let you blink sitting at home, lest you miss something.

LeBron makes you roll your eyes.

When Jordan would get mad, you could stare into his face and see a burning fire pit of a thousand suns. "Holy shit. Jordan. Is. PISSED!" Then you sat back and watched magic unfold. 

And he didn't need to flop, whine, or run around in protest to make it happen.

When LeBron gets mad, it just makes you say: "Oh, wow. He's really trying now."

All of that said, the Heat will still probably win another title, and it won't make me lose any sleep. I am no longer emotionally invested in seeing LeBron stymied from having his summer parade.

He's a great player, and he'll win more than 1 title. (My estimate: 4. Two with Miami, two later on with the Lakers. More on that to come…)

If somehow the Heat wilt between now and the end of June, I'll muster a hearty chortle, but that's about it. If they don't, then LeBron's "punishment" is that he'll always be who he is.

A superstar athlete, whose only hard core fans still ride a yellow bus to school.