Sunday, September 29, 2013
Just like Ricky Bobby once said: "That was real... that just happened!"
At first, I said: "Wow, typical 'Raider Chick.' Probably has a criminal record and VD."
Then they said it was Glee's Naya Rivera. Oops. Sorry. (Still loved the clearly mouthed "f*** yeah!")
I retract that statement, made wholly and exclusively from my basement to nobody in particular. Especially since her brother Mychal could kick my ass six ways to Sunday.
That said, I found this on the internet, soooo... you know. Yeah.
A creepy looking Al Davis - crazy in his own league, but not WRONG on this one, at least - lowers the boom on Lame Kittens and sends him packing!
I could watch this thing on a loop, a thousand times.
Goodbye, nepotistic loser. Once and for all.
Friday, September 27, 2013
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Now, I'm not sure about the whole "mild" part of his "concussion" - nor do I think the concerned look and moist towel on Roger's head have much healing benefit.
But hey, I repeat. He came out of the game, and STAYED OUT!
Which is more than what happened Monday night, when Raider QB Terrelle Pryor - in a game long since lost to the ravages of Peyton Manning - got DEBACLED by a Bronco, wandered around woozily, had time to talk to the sideline staff while replay sorted out the fumble..... AND THEN GOT PUSHED BACK OUT THERE FOR MORE PUNISHMENT!
It's like Colt McCoy, never happened. Amazing.
Of course, you'll recall here how league reporter/mouthpiece Adam Schefter said the NFL was going to "make sure" this did NOT happen again.
Except um, it did.
Meanwhile, good ol' Heads Up Football (TM) is out there pretending to teach and preach a "safer" and "better" way to tackle - you just need to remember FIVE SIMPLE MOVES, and execute them in perfect sequence against a physical and elusive ball carrier in space.
Now, I understand that you can't always be black/white on these issues. Because Aaron Rodgers got BUTTONHOLED by Julius Peppers in the NFC Title game a few years ago. And thankfully for Packer fans, Rodgers got up, shook himself off, and finished the march to another Lombardi.
Had the NFL imposed some mandatory "rule" where hits like this require a "sit down" by a QB for some period of time (1 play? 1 series? A quarter? Game?) then who knows how this would have affected the outcome of such a huge game. Imagine how bitter fans would be over a rule meant for safety, but ultimately ends up giving a borderline dirty team/hit a huge advantage.
Still, it should not be hard to take a Colt McCoy out of a regular season game when James Harrison dump trucks him, or when Pryor gets Exorcist-necked in a game they had zero chance of winning.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
During the week before big rivalry games, I've heard players mention that they are going to "lift some extra weights this week" to get ready. What's the point? I doubt that lifting weights THAT WEEK will make you any stronger. In fact, my guess is that it will only tire you out. Lifting weights earlier would help, but not that late.
Galdi or Cooley might be able to add something.
MattThe Steelers are playing so bad that they should be deported. (Wait, they are! Off to London.)
Ah yes, the "pump you up" culture! It's the BEST, isn't it, kids?
It reminds me of two clips.
The first is of noted weightroom "meathead" coach, John Lott, who conducts the annual NFL combine "bench press" test. Lott has the absolute BEST sayings when a dude is cranking out the reps. Here's a small example as he watches a guy set the "record" for 225 reps a while back. (Note: have you ever heard of this guy since he made the NFL? Yeah, right. Me neither.)
Monday, September 23, 2013
So I looked it up.
Eh. I've seen better from the lovely ginger. And trust me, my fandom of her is PEGGED at a 10/10.
To my eye, it looks like she's leaned-out by 10-15 pounds, which is great for her. Kudos.
But it brings out some harder edges in her body that doesn't suit her, in my humble opinion.
That said, take a gander at this heat.
Sunday, September 22, 2013
'Member this jerkstore loser? Ah yes, the good ol' days when there were a select few "reality" stars out there - a dozen, two dozen, tops? - and all it took to be semi-famous was to be dysfunctional enough on a cable network with an audience just a few live bodies larger than Al Jazeera, or MSNBC.
Apparently, Jon is now living in the woods, with no TV or internet. And he's waiting tables. And yeah, he does admit to people "I'm that guy, from that thing!" And now, he's perhaps going to get in trouble for firing a "warning shot" to scare off the paparazzi. He says it's perfectly legal.
But Jon Gosselin is not an attorney. He just had to pay for one to watch that evil witch wife of his get fake boobs, bang the limo driver/security guard, and haul ass down their long reality TV driveway with those 8 little monsters adorable children.
So, yeah, he's doing SUPER! Thanks for asking.
As for the New York Giants? They apparently suck golf balls through garden hoses, they are so bad.
I recall when every little Tom Coughlin 2-game losing skid would sent TV pundits into spasms of "fire this guy!" outrage. Then Coughlin won two Super Bowls, so that sorta died down. Now, I think it really is time again to fire this assmunch of a coach. I mean, 2 David Wilson fumbles per week, a giant bucket of Eli-Face reactions to INTs, and the fact the Super Bowl is coming to town, isn't going to take Big Blue very far.
Or you can stay the course, and suck for two more years, and THEN fire him. Which, as a Redskins fan, would be fine by me.
Friday, September 20, 2013
If you are the CLOSEST to the exact score, of if you "nail it" like the 'Nard Dog, then you will be entered into the KOP "playoffs" after the season, with a chance to win the 42" Flatscreen!
As if the glory of winning a week, is not enough. If the entry to to the playoffs AND the magnificent Czabe Football Prize Pack (signed Yahoo! Sports Radio football, hat, sweatshirt) is NOT enough... well then... we are UPPING THE ANTE!
National landscaping and snowplow parts supplier J. Thomas is going to give $50 intent/store credit for the winner. And hey, who doesn't need an extra spool of heavy .095 sting trimmer wire!?
So run to the contest page here, before you forget, and GOOD LUCK!
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
I gotta say, something about her is just utterly intoxicating. The deep, round, lovely blue eyes. The plush pillow lips that stop just short of being absurdly over the top. And perhaps the fact that underneath it all, is a "girl-next-door" quality that makes you think she could actually work in the cubicle next to you.
And even when she's cast in movies like Don Jon, where she plays the hopelessly romantic, trash-talking gum-snapping, Jersey girl, it makes her even hotter.
/"They give awahds in movies, Johwn!"
Monday, September 16, 2013
In fact, it might be the single worst college football f*** up by the zebras since the infamous Colorado v. Missouri "5th Down" game.
You could easily argue: WORSE! Because at least the 5th Down game was a SINGULAR screw up. Granted, it involved nothing more than an entire crew not COUNTING CORRECTLY TO FOUR, but hey, it was ONE thing.
This ref crew f*** up six ways to Saturday. Then ran off the field like a bunch of chickensh** losers who should never call a flag football game again in their life.
It's the END of the game! You BETTER call a conference, and FIGURE IT OUT.
Nah. Run for the parking lot. Pussies.
Well, anyway, there's too much of THIS going on today, which makes me livid. The whole "yeah, but" crowd, and then somehow trying to blame Stave or Wisconsin for this colossal F-UP!
Here's some dickwad homer for the ASU blog trying to rationalize it all. His name is Kerry Crowley. Let him know just how feeble his reasoning skills are after reading this:
Does the blame fall on Arizona State for falling on a fumble after a whistle? Does it fall on Wisconsin for poor clock management? Or does it fall on the referees for mishandling the final seconds of the game and creating a sense of uncertainty?
All three parties are responsible for the situation. That doesn't mean the final seconds should be replayed nor does it mean that referees should be fired. Crazy things happen in college football, and that's why we love the sport. The Badgers might have been robbed, but every coach on their staff will tell you they had opportunities to put the game away many times before that final play.No. None of that matters, dunce-wad. If Alabama vs. Texas A&M ended this way, cities would be burning. Wrong is wrong, and these refs should never, ever, ever work D1 football again.
Now run along.
I do know that little bitsy boy-shorts can't beat a micro-skirt like Faith Hill.
Not on Sundays. Mondays, or any other day that ends in "y".
Maybe we'll get some wardrobe changes from Ms. Mike Fisher of the Nashville Preds later in the year.
In the meantime, enjoy this Onion spoof about what Carrie's version of SNF *might* have been, if she was given full creative liscense.
Allowing a new Aaron Rodgers record for single game passing yards. Check.
Allowing the pack to snap a 44-game streak of sub-100 yard rushers. Check.
And getting shut out in the first half on offense against another opponent whose defense was not exactly know for being a "shut down" unit. Check.
Oh, and we have a cheap shot artist on staff. Though maybe not for long.
Look, I too am frustrated by the NFL's inconsistent and often absurd attempts to legislate violence out of the game by way of Monday morning fines from the league office.
But there's no need for Brandon Meriweather in the NFL. None.
In case you forgot, Meriweather's history is chock full of these types of hits.
He's basically Chuck Cecil, with dreadlocks.
The league will no doubt have their say this week in the form of his game check. The concussion protocol may keep him out a few weeks anyway. But worst of all, is that the defense sucks with him, or without him.
And no matter what is going with RG3 and the apparent aversion to letting him/asking him to run, none of that matters if they can't stop people.
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
I know, I know. She was in Twilight (the second, I think.) I know, she's in "Under the Dome" on TV (I don't watch it, sorry).
But damn, I need to get ON THE BALL with this girl. Talk about all the things that are my faves...
1. Redhead - ding.
2. Wavy/long hair - ding.
3. Awesome smile - ding-a-ding-ding!
Now, my producer Solly says he's known about this Canadien tempress for a while now, and although lovely, she's apparently the kiss of death for any show she's on.
Hmm. I don't care. Ms. Fefevre, you are ON MY RADAR!
Monday, September 9, 2013
Everybody is wiping the egg yolk off their eyebrows, right down to me, your loudmouthed radio buddy. (The Eagles suck! Johnny College coach! Fragile Vick!)
From the RG3 hagiography (sponsored by Gatorade!), to the 4-0 pre-season, with a dash of arrogance (let's carry 4 QBs, when we had to start a converted CB E.J. Biggers at safety!) it was all steering us toward a debacle like that.
It was 33-7, and it really should have been 33-0 (I thought Vick threw a 1/2 yard forward pass, but concede that two separate replays directly contradicted the other one).
That's when Kelly and Co. shut off the engines, and before you had your milk and cookies before bedtime, a live ball on an onside kick was loose for a split second. Six point game, a full 1:14 left, I swear it was looking like the Ravens miracle all over again.
I don't know how long college games go, but somebody should explain to Kelly the 60 minutes concept here in the pros.
Which, in a roundabout way is why I am still suspect about the long term prospects of Kelly's admittedly intriquing new scheme. How do you close out games with a sizeable lead? At Oregon, the answer was "just score 60, and give up 40."
In the NFL, that's not gonna happen.
That said, W-O-W. What the Eagles did early was truly pulse-chargingly different, and kinda fun (if it wasn't your team they were doing it against). The Skins defense - despite what I am sure was a week of hard prep for the up-tempo stuff - was utterly scared and confused.
This is going to be a challenge for teams playing the Eagles this year.
You put out a confusing spread scheme, run it full throttle, and have terrorizing speed and shiftiness in the form of DeSean Jacksona and Shady McCoy, and holy shit. Look out.
Vick is stil incredibly dangerous a-foot, and can break your back with 3rd down scrambles to move the chains.
Still, he takes way too many shots, wants to get out and block on slow developing runs and reverses, and has no concept on how to slide, or when to slide.
He is going to get hurt again. This is not even up for debate.
Now, the elephant in the room: RG3 and his rusty scupper.
(NOTE: There was a seafood restaurant in Tyson's Corner, VA when I was growing up by this name, and it's always stuck with me. In fact, every time I hear the word "rusty" I think "scupper." Not even sure if a "scupper" is something on a boat anyway. But I digress...)
Yes, RG3 looked out of sync. Yes, his footwork was tenative and resulted in weak or inaccurate throws.
And he took a heck of a pounding once again.
He is going to get hurt again. I wish this was somewhat debatable, but I am starting to have my doubts.
After the game, RG3 did what he always does. Show class, be calm, and exude leadership. Took responsibility for everything that went wrong, and pointed no fingers.
God, I love the guy. He'll have better nights.
He tried to spin it that they "played better in the 2nd half" but really, who's buying that? When Philly goes into a basic rush-4 shell, with soft cover 2's and 3's, it's easy to play pitch and catch.
They played HARD in the second half, and to that end, I give the team credit. But don't read much into anything after it was 33-7.
DeAngelo Hall's night included...
1. Getting beat badly on a TD, then blaming the safety (although Trevor Matich said the blame goes on Baccari Rambo, so, yeah, whatever...)
2. Showboating on a play where he did nothing more than pick up a ball and run unapposed into the endzone.
3. Commit a senseless frustration foul that led to a 15 yard penalty.
This is what you have to put up with, when you are in the DeAngelo Hall business. At times, he's a great cover corner. The rest of the time, well, he's THAT...
When you begin a game with...
2. INT into triple-coverage
... it's hard to play much worse.
This is actually the most ENCOURAGING thing about Monday night. They are not this sloppy.
Finally, there's this. 0-2 teams make the playoffs about 13% of the time since 1990. However, this is a flawed number. It includes a vast number of clearly shitty teams, that start 0-2 for a damn good reason. That said, you can now feel the urgency of somehow scratching out a Week 2 win at Lambeau Field against a pretty pissed off Packer team that felt they had the NFC Champs pinned last week on the road.
Let's just say the Pack avoid the 0-2 curse, and hang it instead on the Skins.
The Detroit Lions come to FedEx Field in Week 3. They look like they might have a team this year.
The Lions have NEVER won in Washington. NEVAH. I still won't feel too good about that, staring 0-and-THREE in the face.
0-3 teams historically: about 3% make the playoffs.
Need alot of focus this week fellas. Lotta focus...
In football, there is a penalty for something called "Un-necessary Roughness."
The penalty was created to help round off the edges of an already savage game. Football, even back in the olden days, was plenty "rough" enough when played within the boundaries of the rules.
Therefore, if a referee saw somebody applying "un-necessary" amounts of roughness, it would be deemed a penalty.
The Davonte David hit that essentially and undeservedly GAVE the game to a Jets, was clearly NOT "un-necessary roughness". The "hit" or "tap" if you will, was a split second after Geno Smith had veered out of bounds, David was running full speed from half way across the field, and one never knows if a QB is going to play the "tip toe" game for an extra few yards down the sideline.
An extra few yards that, it must be noted, might be the critical yards in turning an un-makable under any circumstances 66 yard field goal, into a "you've at least got a shot!" 59 yarder.
Yet we ignore the actual WORDS which were created and used for very specific reasons in the game of football and the rules themselves.
I am also starting to re-think the entire premise of QB's getting "slide" protection anywhere on the field. It remains a very "bang-bang" play, with lots of shades of gray.
Saints S (rookie) Kenny Vaccaro delivered a "slide stopper" hit to Atlanta's Matt Ryan. You can see the GIF here. (I am opting not to embed them in these posts, as per many people's gripes about what it does to page load times. Feeback: received.)
To me, it was a pretty clean hit. Vaccaro was going down almost as soon (or late, depending on how you want to look at it) as Ryan decided to slide. From there, gravity dictates the outcome. Vaccaro decidedly does NOT use his helmet as a weapon, and does not target Ryan's head.
Perhaps as long as the league would aggressively enforce the no spearing/no helmet hunting on these slides, then they wouldn't need to be so ticky-tack.
Maybe QB's should just worry about throwing the damn ball, and if they want to go out in space and get their Adrian Peterson on, then prepare to be tackled.
WATCH GENO SMITH PLAY HERE
WATCH COLIN KAEPERNICK PLAY HERE
Friday, September 6, 2013
Even if you missed Week 1, you can and SHOULD DIVE RIGHT IN anyway.
1. It's FREE!
2. Say hello to my little friends above! The "Czabe Football Prize Pack!"
3. Did I say it's FREE?
So here's how it'll work.
1. Closest correct score (must pick winner, too. duh...) each week is declared the "Weekly Winner."
2. Weekly Winner Gets the Czabe Football Prize Pack. Autographed Yahoo! Sports Radio football. Vintage Fighting Donkeys Sweatshirt and Hat.
3. Every weekly winner (17 weekly winners, plus ties) will be qualified for the "Grand Prize" at the end of the year. (We are working on that, but trust me, it's gonna be sweet!)
4. Selecting the "Grand Prize Winner" will likely be a continuation of the contest using NFL Playoff Games as the tiebreaker.
So all in all, fun. Yes, good clean fun. Sign up and win. It's free.
Don't YOU want to be the "King of Primetime?"
/ Judge Smails voice
"Mmmmm. Hmmuhm, hmmmmm! Danny?"
SIGN UP HERE FOR KING OF PRIMETIME!
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Okay, so they aren't "technically" mother-daughter. Webb of course, is just DATING 'Bama QB A.J. McCarron, and the lovely Mrs. Bonner is A.J.'s mom.
But if they get married someday... look out!
I don't know where exactly to get a hard copy of the mighty "Access" magazine (think deep south Pic 'n Sav's) but I sure would like to get a copy or three - preferably autographed in person!
And speaking of magazine covers soon to be autographed, you'll never guess who is on the cover of TIME this week. Uh huh.
Further proof that in modern America, dysfunction, selfishness, and rule breaking is REWARDED, not punished in the popular culture.
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
A high school football player in Montana has comeback from an amputated right leg - suffered in a football game, believe it or not, after a complicated and grotesque knee injury - and scored two touchdowns less than a year later.
Koni Dole: Attaboy! Thank you.
Fans of sports, and fans of life, everywhere.
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Picking an NFL team to win the Super Bowl before the season is hard enough, because the league is so wonderfully, indecipherably unpredictable.
And well, injuries.
And those f***ing refs.
But picking which teams have absolutely no shot in hell, is rather easy. Nowadays, just pick any team that has basically nothing good going on at QB and that's your list.
It's a QB League, in a QB World, and the days of hitting an "inside straight" with an average QB are over. (Brad Johnson, Trent Dilfer). Even just getting INTO the Super Bowl with a so-so trigger man are just about done. (Rex Grossman, Rich Gannon, Jake Delhomme, Chris Chandler)
Nine of the last 10 Superbowls have been won by guys named: Roethlisberger, Manning (both), Brees, Brady or Rodgers. (Flacco is the 10th. And let's not debate ol' UniBrow now, okay? Thanks.)
Those are all ACE pilots under that increasingly complex glass canopy of NFL offenses. And it's great if you have them.
Sucks if you have Blaine Gabbert.
So in the obligatory "East-to-West" and "NFC-AFC" order, here's the teams I am crossing of the list. And mind you, for teams NOT on my "no f'ing chance" list, it hardly means I think they have a GOOD chance. They might only be 1%. The following I shall list at 0% chance of winning the Super Bowl.
Here's how it'll go with Vick this year. Great game. Shit game. Okay game. Super shit game. ESPN drooling great game. Even shittier game. Injury. Nick Foles. And with a college coach? Please.
The have backed up one real "reach" of a starting QB with Ponder, with another one in Matt Cassel. AP you better run for 3,000 yards, son.
Josh Freeman is averaging nearly 20 picks and 8 fumbles the last two years. And that dick of a coach! The NFL might have to cancel the SB if he ever made it, having to hear this fake tough guy brag about blowing up kneel downs. Oh, and the NFC Championship game at the pirate ship would still be blacked out.
The Cardinals caught lightning-in-a-retread-bottle once already my lifetime with Kurt Warner. And Carson Palmer is no Kurt Warner. Run along now, birdfeeder bird football team.
Sam Bradford, we're waiting. And waiting... and... ah never mind.
MIAMI, NY JETS, BUFFALO
Geezus, fellas. Are you even TRYING! You suck. All of you. Bad enough the rest of the league has to watch Coach Mumbles act like everything he does is some secretive stroke of genius, but it sure would be swell if you gave the Pats at least a WHIFF of in-division pressure. None of you teams even deserve my customized, individual scorn. Just sit in the back of the room and put your heads down on your desk.
The Browns. Oh, sigh... the Browns. They remain the NFL's most distant planet. And like Pluto, they are about to be downgraded to a mere "trans-Newtonian object" once this crook of an owner goes to jail and they have to start all over again.
Nothing says "we won't be good again for decades" like Ebay-ing a game each year to London and spray painting your helmets half gold.
Jake Locker and Christian Ponder are the exact same guy. Exact! NFL starting QB prospects because the "scouts" said they had all the "measurables" leading up to the draft. And like the Vikings, all the Titans need for 9-7 and a wildcard is a trillion rushing yards again from Chris Johnson. (Not likely, once he got paid)
No 350+ lb. coach has ever lost a Super Bowl in one city, then gone to another Super Bowl in a different city in a different conference. Not when the BBQ in that new city is so delicious. Never.
Quickly rivaling the Browns as our most distant NFL planet, where you need the most powerful telescope to even see a glimpse of how and when they might be good. The Rich Gannon team under Gruden, that burped up one last SB appearance with Bill Callahan was a cosmic fluke. Back when the league didn't mandate a superstar QB to have a title shot. The only light in Oakland is the dim, flickering Al Davis cauldron on the concourse.
And finally, because I want to pre-empt many emails about a few other teams, let me just put together my little 1% list of teams with QBs who have been to the League Championship game. Or whose QBs have certainly soured as of late, or perhaps were never that good to begin with. Or just teams that I feel obligated to give them that 1% pop.
CHICAGO, SAN DIEGO, DALLAS.
There. Now I am done.
Who do I like to WIN it all? Another post. Coming later this week.