I only wish Donald Trump himself had been flown in to do the honors. Looking right down into Tiger's bag, he could have lectured the new Method putter about how it had let the World's #1 player down. How it would never make it in the competitive flatstick market if it didn't work much harder to please its owners.
And then: “You're fi-ahed!”
If I were Stevie Williams, I'd be puttin' out more than just feelers right now. I'd be puffing into my own inflatable life raft. Wife. Fired. Coach. Fired. Putter. Fired.
Can “Caddy” be that far behind?
So for the record, let's go tale of the tape here.
Scotty Cameron
Starts: 186
Wins: 86
Majors: 13 (all but 1997 Masters, Ping Anser)
Earnings: $83.6 million.
Nike Method Putter
Starts: 1
Sunday Rounds: 0
Earnings: It ain't getting none of Tiger's money!
Majors: Major pain in Tiger's ass, that's what!
I am going to go out on a limb and say we won't be seeing that Nike Method putter back in Tiger's back until... uh, well, never.
That putter is coming back like Adrianna is coming back to play herself in the Sopranos movie.
That putter is coming back like the “3 to make 2” rule in the NBA.
Ian Baker Finch will earn his tour card back before that putter gets to crawl back into Tiger's bag.
So this is how this guy rewards and thanks a major international conglomerate like Nike. Perhaps his staunchest marketing ally, and the one company that didn't flinch when it came time to either stand by him or cut him loose. The same company that cut him a (seemingly) insane $40 million contract deal before he won a single Tour event.
They no doubt paid him EXTRA to play that stupid putter this week. And all they wanted from him, was to NOT – under any circumstances, Tiger – blame the fucking putter!
I bet Nike reps were saying to Tiger's people: “Look, unless the Big Cat is totally in love with this thing, and ready to really show it some love, then let's not do it. Let's wait. We'll hold off.”
And I bet Tiger, or his people, said, “Nah, nah. Whatever. We'll use it. Now make that check out to my “other” bank account.”
So when he's clearly out of it on Sunday – I mean, snowball's chance in hell out of it – the least he could do is suck it up and play one more dumbass round with the thing.
Then, back stateside, he could just lie about how much he liked it on slower greens, and that he thinks it might be perfect for us weekend publinxers because of the greens we play on. But because we're back to super slick stateside greens on Tour, he's sorry, but the Scotty Cameron is back in the back.
Like you know, “you don't lose your starting job to slow greens” kind of thing.
But no. Tiger chose not to do that. He chose to be a petulant dick.
Nike's money is gone. The Method Putter is on a rocket sled to the discount barrel at your local pro shop, and he doesn't give a rats ass.
Are you folks starting to see why rooting against him has become such delicious fun?
Spot on Czabe. I used to hate the Tiger F*&k much more than I hated Tiger. Now, I just relish every bit of misery and failure that he brings upon himself. He is a world class dick.
ReplyDeleteI started rooting against Cheetah right after the 1997 Masters. The genuflection and tongue baths were too much even then. What the golf media got wrong was not the need for a golfing messiah, but for great players to compete against each other week in and week out. The problem for Tiger is that he needs to concentrate on his life, not his golf, but since winning has all it's ever been about for him that will be difficult. See how happy Phil is with his life? It's because he came at it from the right direction.
ReplyDeleteNice job Czabe, but as a former Titleist rep I have to make just one correction. The 1997 Masters was not won with a Ping Anser, it was simply a different model Scotty Cameron. He's never won a major with anything but a Cameron.
ReplyDeleteOn a more positive note, I watched/DVR'd the entire Open on DirecTV 705--the International ESPN feed. Zero commercials all 4 days.
ReplyDeleteAnd the analysts' comments were mostly to the point, quite a breath of fresh air compared to the US ESPN or major network coverage.
All the Tiger haters are so predictable. Get your shots in now, because when he starts dominating again, you'll be watching every shot just like the rest of us. By the way, Stephen A. is killing it......
ReplyDeleteStephen A. is killing it- yep, my eardrums. Loudmouthed, obnoxious, unfunny and irritating is no way to wake up in the morning.
ReplyDeleteDan in DC
Stephen A. was at his usual douchebag best this morning talking about the Tiger "we all knew and loved". Are you kidding me? Obviously nobody knew this guy and who the hell loved him other than the media. Another classic Stephen A. quote " Tiger needs to get his freak back". Stay classy asshat.
ReplyDelete