"I Don't Feel So Well, I'm Just Gonna Lay Down For A Bit...."

That inbred asshole Harvey Updyke Jr. recently got punched out at a gas station somewhere in Alabama. He's the dick who decided to poison Auburn's famous live oaks at "Toomer's Corner" after Auburn won the National Championship.*

Let's hope he gets punched off of barstools for the rest of his life for this moronic act, because sadly our justice system can't just look at the sheer stupidity of this act and say: "You know, it's just a tree not a person, but that was SO stupid and petty, we're just going to hang you anyway. All in favor? AYE!"

In related news, one of the two trees on Toomer's Corner is not showing any signs of poisoning. The other? Ehhhhh.....

One of the poisoned trees is not doing well. Many branches don't have leaves or have much smaller ones. The other tree is not showing any signs of poisoning right now, said Auburn horticulture professor Gary Keever.

Like "Massive Head Wound Harry" from SNL fame, I see this grand ol' specimen of nature sleeping in every day, not eating well, and showing the general malaise of a massive dose of ol' Spike 80 DF.

Come on, tree! Get up! Get some fresh air! Breathe! Push out out those leaves.... PUSH!