Monday, January 31, 2011
Greetings from Dallas!
The NFL, for reasons only known to them, are pushing this year's "location" as being "North Texas."
It all smells like Dallas to me.
Yes, the new JerrahWorld is indeed, in ARLINGTON, Texas, which is it's own distinct CITY, that has nothing to do with Dallas, other than the fact that it's only 20 minutes away.
And yes, Arlington residents ponied up something like $236 million to help Jerry build his palace. So I get why they are a touch sensitive.
Here are the associated slogans with all of the satellite cities here in the Dallas area.
Addison: "We're Glad Your Here!"
Arlington: "And The Crowd Goes Wild"
Dallas: "Live Large. Thing Big."
Denton: "Discover Denton."
Fort Worth: "City of Cowboys and Culture."
Frisco: "Texas's Rising Star."
Lewisville: "Deep Roots, Broad Wings, Bright Future."
And then these places had no slogan, or at least not any that were part of their official "logo."
Plano, Richardson, Grapevine, Irving, and Farmers Branch CVB.
This is like last year's Super Bowl, which was called "South Florida" and NOT Miami. Geographically, this was accurate, but pointless. Who cares if the Media Center is in Ft. Lauderdale, and Joe Robbie Stadium is in suburban Miami Gardens, and all the great parties with the smokin' hot 20-something's are in South Beach?
Just call it, Miami.
Next year, the Super Bowl lands in Indianapolis. Not because it would be a good place to be for a week in February, if you are covering the event. It's there only because the NFL has been rewarding anybody with a new stadium, with a Super Bowl at some point in the near future.
When the built Lucas Oil Stadium, you just knew a Super Bowl was coming.
Ditto the new Meadowlands.
Of course, every year here in the media room, the next year's city sets up a "visitor's booth" just in case you need to secure a dinner reservation 371 days in advance.
Indy now has a booth set up, where there slogan for next year's game is this: "Get Your Winter On. It's Cool."
Okay, so they are no trying to hide the obvious. Take a perceived weakness, and turn it into a strength.
But seriously. "Get Your Winter On?"
With due respect, Indianapolis, most of us have been wearing our winter for some time now, and we're fucking sick of it.
The Super Bowl should be played in the following cities, on a rotating basis. Period. Ready?
San Diego, Tampa, Miami, New Orleans, and Arizona.
Then just rotate.
These cities provide either an excellent chance of good weather, and sufficient things to do for media and fans who decide to spend some vacation time in advance, leading up to the game.
The league won't do this, however, because they like the ongoing bribery of cities throwing themselves at the league's feet to host such a game.
This week, and this city, could be very good, however. JerrahWorld was simply BUILT to hold this game, and the Dallas/Fort Worth area (yes, "north Texas", groan) has plenty of things to do for a week.
The weather, however, is not cooperating.
Next three days: HIGH temps of 31, 24, and 28 degrees.
And, did I mention that there is a cabbie strike going on right now? Apparently, Dallas decided to let electric/hybrid cabs cut to the front of the line at the airport. Great.
Should be a fun week. We'll keep you posted.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Even though "JerryWorld" is less than 2 years old, it has undergone a significant makeover in advance of the Super Bowl.
They have added seats all through the open "standing room only" areas in the stadium, created and sold tickets for an outdoor viewing pavillion (soldout the 5,000 lawn tickets at $200 a pop!) put more lights and spotlights on the overhanging "JerryTron", and of course replaced the Dallas Cowboys star with the NFL Shield.
Still, I wonder: what about the vaunted Cowboy cage dancers? Please God... er... I mean, Jerrah!, don't let the NFL strong arm you into taking down this most awesome piece of American and Texas Redneckicana!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
This guy Goodell is un-fucking-believable kids, isn't he?
Just when you thought the barrell-chested, skull-inflated, red-headed spokesdummy for the NFL couldn't get or sound any stupider, he does.
In an effort to show the entire football world what a swell guy he is, Goodell said on Wednesday that he would voluntarily reduce his "salary" to $1 if there is any stoppage in games due to the lockout.
Well, la-dee-frickin'-da, as the late Chris Farley might say.
That's some real hardship, there, Roger. You gonna take a job at Kinko's to make ends meet?
Seriously, though, where does this guy get his public relations instincts? Lindsay Lohan's mother? If I was him, the last thing in the world I would do - short of locking my office door from the outside while fining James Harrison and dropping a few n-bombs - is alert anybody who doesn't already know it, THAT I MAKE $10 FUCKING MILLION DOLLARS A YEAR!
And I am sure that is without a bunch of "bonuses" for "performance" that are about as certain to happen with this money making machine called the NFL as the sun coming up on a cow's ass in the barnyard.
"Congrats, Roger! The Super Bowl was a sellout. Again! You are a fucking genius! Here, have another million dollars!"
Do most people know that this guy is a complete NOBODY?! Do they know?
Do people know that if the owners woke up one day and said: "You know what, I bet a monkey could run this league" old Roger would be seriously shit-out-of-luck finding anything more than a managers job at Appleby's.
Here's Goodell's extensive "business" resume, courtesy of the Wiki.
From intern to COOThat's it, kids. You too can go from intern to COO, just write some letters to a big billion dollar conglomerate, be open to absorbing some "tutelage" and be ready to perform "a variety of roles."
Goodell's career in the NFL began in 1982 as an administrative intern in the league office in New York under then-Commissioner Pete Rozelle – a position secured through an extensive letter-writing campaign to the league office and each of its then 28 teams. In 1983, he joined the New York Jets as an intern, but returned to the league office in 1984 as an assistant in the public relations department.
In 1987, Goodell was appointed assistant to the president of the American Football Conference (Lamar Hunt), and under the tutelage of Commissioner Paul Tagliabue filled a variety of football and business operations roles, culminating with his appointment as the NFL's Executive Vice President and Chief Operating Officer in December 2001.
If Goodell gets shitcanned tomorrow, I can assure you the collective boards of the Fortune 500 aren't going to be tripping on their dicks to get the phone to call this guy.
He's done nothing. He knows nothing. And he makes $10 million a year.
If you want to know why players hate this guy's guts, just look up how many players in this league make more than $10 million a year.
In 2009-10, a total of two running backs made more than 10 mil. (MJD and Brandon Jacobs, oddly enough).
You know, the psychopaths who endure the equivalent of 20 or more violent car crashes every week until their knees give out in a quivering pile of twisted tendons and cartilage.
Goodell makes more than almost all of them, just sitting on his ass in New York firing off memos about how much the league cares about player safety.
You tell me the league can't get a really great CEO from another company, with a real resume, who would gladly take this CEO job for just $1 million per year, if for nothing else the tits-sweet sideline access 24/7?
Of course you could!
You could have a parade of successful CEO's who just want to ease into retirement with a little 4 year term standing at the wheelhouse of this league that CANNOT BE FUCKING SUNK, waving at the pretty girls in bikinis floating by.
And I bet you, those CEO's would tell these dipshit owners - especially the old farts who won their team in a factory game of poker sometime around WWII and are now sitting on literally, Fort Fucking Knox! - "Hey fellas. You're printing money. Don't make any sharp moves here, and let's just figure out how we can charge an extra $50 a year on Sunday Ticket and call it a day!"
But no. The owners have their monkey, and they are telling him to dance!
God, now I am almost wishing for this all to go horribly, horribly wrong for the owners. I'd even take a whole year off, with no Super Bowl, to watch Goodell's idiocy end up burning down a huge chunk of the owner's financial house.
"Ooops. Didn't think the players could stick together like that. Sorry. We'll get 'em next year!"
Of course, I'm dreaming here. Antonio Cromartie reminded me that even if the NFLPA has a full 85% of its members stocked up on bottled water and driving reasonable family vehicles for a long labor showdown, all it takes is the Albert Haynesworth led 15% to fuck it all up for everybody.
A $1 salary, eh boss? I think you finally found your true market value.
The bear sprained its knee halfway through the woods, took a seat on a log, then asked a moose to continue being chased by Matthews until caught.
Not only did these Bears fans go home losers, they had a long night of scraping paint out of their belly buttons.
Retirement papers, whatever! Never underestimate this douchebag. It could happen!
This picture is unfair. To cheerleaders! I've seen those girls keep cheering with WAY worse than what Cutler had!
The court will allow this one, however, to be entered into the record.
This too, can be yours from NFLShop.com. Get on it!
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
From the genius satirists at The Onion, this story is even better considering that it was written BEFORE Jay's less-than-inspirational performance against the Packers!
CHICAGO—Silencing once and for all the multitude of critics who said he did not have what it took to be a postseason quarterback, Bears quarterback Jay Cutler led the Bears to the NFC Championship Game last Sunday by defeating the 8-10 Seattle Seahawks, by far the worst team ever to make the playoffs. "I think I've demonstrated what I'm truly capable of when I'm playing to my strengths," said Cutler, who threw for two touchdowns against Seattle's godawful 27th-ranked defense and had a four-game interception streak snapped only because Seahawks safety Jordan Babineaux inexplicably muffed a pass thrown at the goal line. "People got to see my true potential today." Cutler will play his first postseason game against an opponent with a winning record Sunday.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
If this wasn't the worst NFC Championship game ever, it was close.
At least blowout games of the 1980s - before the balancing force of free agency eroded super teams from within - featured highly competent football on ONE side of the ball.
The Packer's 21-14 win over the Bears was just 44.5 minutes of one team betting the other one they had no chance to score two touchdowns in 3 quarters.
Not unlike one drunk, betting the other drunk at a bar, he couldn't bounce a quarter off the bar and into a shot glass on top of the liqour cabinet. Even with unlimited quarters until closing time, it gets pretty boring, pretty quick.
This was a fight with the big guy getting in one good hard punch, followed by a headlock that lasts until the police show up.
This game will also be remembered as the "Game That Changed Jay Cutler's Career."
The full story is not yet written, and I suspect there will be some interesting chapters that come out in the following weeks.
Conflicting medical reports. A snarky comment from Cutler himself, in some off-season interview months from now. A teammate, likely off the record, who rips his QB for being a, well, let's just say it rhymes with "complete pussy."
Cutler certainly belongs in the unwanted pantheon of "Least Inspiring NFL Starters Ever." Right up there with Jeff George, and modern day non-greats like Matt Leinart, Vince Young, and Rex Grossman.
I'm slightly more sympathetic to Jay Cutler knowing his body better than anybody, and assuming, that he didn't climb to this level of athletic success by NOT wanting to be in big games.
But that assumption has been proven wrong before with certain quirky athletes. Guys like Kwame Brown, Michael Westbrook, and Ricky Williams come to mind. Guys who ended up pros, basically because they were just very good at playing their sport, not because they had any genuine ambition.
This doesn't diminish Green Bay as the clean and deserving winner on Sunday. They were, and are, a far better team, Cutler or not.
What was saved, is an embarrassing two weeks for Cutler and Lovie Smith. Can you imagine the questions? Do you coach up Hanie, and start him no matter how many shots of cortisone Culter gets?
Certainly, the Commissioner's office won't have to fluff up a -18.5 point spread game in Dallas. But Goodell's drumbeat of an 18 game season, along with the madness of this upcoming cold weather Super Bowl, will take a well deserved beating.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Don't be fooled by Britfar's suddenly warming opinions on the Packers and their chances in the playoffs. Remember, it was just a few weeks ago, that Favre told Julius Peppers in a semi-concussed state: "Good luck, now go beat the Packers."
Here's Brett's newest take on his former-former team.
"I think they will win it all! I hope they do, if you are wondering," Favre said in an e-mail to ESPN's Ed Werder. "Aaron is the best QB and the receiving corps is the best ever, maybe," Favre said in the e-mail. "But Dom and the defense gets the MVP award at this stage. There is no bitterness. I'm happy for them and very happy and content with my legacy," Favre told Werder.
For three years running, Favre has done ALL HE CAN to be a grade-A prick to the Packers and their fans. From subtle little jabs, to calling up Matt Millen to share game planning intel.
Now, suddenly, he's a big fan(!) root, root, rooting for his old team. Suck it, redneck. Nobody takes you seriously, and nobody wants to hear about you, or from you right now.
Meanwhile, somebody found a C+ looking fake Favre to film this spoof on the LeBron "Rise" commercial. Nice try, fellas.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Unless, it's a Kardashian.
ENJOY YOUR LAST LOOK AT RED CHEWBACA
Writes The Superficial....
Khloe Kardashian is apparently being forced by E! to dye her hair back to its original color because she doesn’t look enough like her sisters, according to Hollywood Life: Right, the hair color was the determining factor here, not looking like a woolly mammoth whenever she stands next to Kourtney. Because before she dyed it, I just assumed they were all triplets. I don’t know how people even told them apart.
Monday, January 17, 2011
I know of a guy who is in a fantasy league where the last place loser has to travel to this far-away, totally off-the beaten path city in Minnesota, ON THE DAY OF THE SUPERBOWL and get a picture in front of a TV showing the game!
I always thought was insane, and extreme. Until now....
OMAHA, NE -
Those who think their fantasy football league is hard-core need to check out Spud Mann's new tattoo.
It's a sparkly-horned, red-maned unicorn leaping to kick a football over a rainbow. There's a little red heart on the unicorn's haunch. Beneath the fanciful scene, Mann's thigh reads, “FANTASY LOSER.”
“It's pretty epic, I'll tell you what,” said Mann, who earned the tattoo by finishing last in his fantasy football league.
The Omahan and his nine buddies in the league had made a pact. The last-place finisher had to acquire a tattoo of the league champion's choosing.
So, while other fantasy league losers were drowning their tears in beer and buffalo wing sauce, Mann hiked down to Grinn & Barrett Tattoo on Jan. 7 and hiked up his pants leg.
A deal is a deal.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
There are some things, no longer worth bitching about. The NFL is never - repeat - NEVER going to get rid of "Instant" Replay. And coaches are never going to stop making idiotic challenges. So with that, I'll let you figure out how I feel about the first play of the Ravens-Steelers game ending up with an excitement crushing 8 minute delay to look at a bad spot of about 15 yards.
With that, I'm out.
T.J. Houshmanzadeh was once upon a time, considered an "A-list" free agent at WR. Seattle bought that notion, paid him a lot of money, and quickly figured out he's just another in a long line of non-difference-making wideouts. For further reference, please see: Price, Peerless. Harper, Alvin. Moulds, Eric. Boston, David. Et, al.
Generally speaking, the more mouthy and cocky a wide receiver is, the better the chance that when a catch absolutely has to be made, he'll drop it.
Many teams, when defending a 3rd and very long, like to employ the old 3-man rush, 8-men in coverage scheme. The conventional wisdom is, at least you won't allow a wideout to "get behind" your secondary. Well, how did that work for Baltimore, Saturday? Personally, I would never rush fewer than 5 guys in these 3rd-and-long spots. If you can't cover 4 wideouts with 6 guys, you suck.
I know somebody who is a Cowboy fan, whose son is a 4 year old Packer fan. She was trying to explain to her son why "the Packers are in the playoffs and the Cowboys are not." I said: "Rationalizing Jerrah's destructive narcissism to a four year old is a tall task. Good luck."
I'm thinking long and hard about going to Chicago to try to see the NFC . My agent, the fabulous Matt Miller is a native Chicagoan and of course, Bears fan. I am betting tickets will be 4-figures, easily. But in a way, this game might be a more epic experience than the . Home field advantage game. Cold, snow, rivalry. What do you think? If your team was already out of the playoffs, and you had a choice between this game, and the Super Bowl, which would you choose?
Fox sent its Kenny, Moose, and Goose crew to do the Bears-Seahawks. It's supposed #2 crew. Whatever. Sam Rosen and Tim Ryan are 10x better, IMHO.
Despite my recent criticism of the Fox dream team, Buck-Aikman and Oliver, I thought they had an outstanding broadcast . Buck was finally alive and animated on all the big plays, and Aikman delivered some strong and good opinions.
Two weeks ago on on ESPN980 in Washington D.C., Mel Kiper opined that "needs" to win a playoff game to validate himself as a great QB. I love Mel, but I hated that argument then, I hate it now, and I'll hate it the next time an NFL talking head uses it. For one, Rodgers actual playing career is just in it's adolescence. It's not like he has a long string of playoff chokes to his name. Also, last year, Rodgers put up 45 against Arizona in a loss. Hardly his fault! Finally, the body of work Rodgers has authored - both statistically, and to the trained football eye - has demonstrated just how good he already is. A mere playoff win, is just icing, it's not "validation."
Somebody I know, a mere 14.5 months ago, dared to stand on the crowded top steps entering , holding a sign that read: "In Ted I Trust". With the Packers at just 5-5, the crowd thought this person was surely, a loose village idiot. Now, the Packers have a ridiculously deep, young, and talented team that has absorbed a crushing 17 players on IR this year, and just went through the #1 seed like Sherman through Atlanta.
Karmic timing is a beautiful thing. Just this week, 's sister washed up in a Mississippi meth lab raid. Then Rodgers goes 31-36, 366 yards, 3 TDs, 1 rushing and a rating of 136.8. Can you imagine, if Favre was still with the Pack, having to deal with his personal family situation before this game, the media drama, and such?
In the span of just one week, we went from "it's Sarah Palin's fault" to the revelation that Jared Loughner was so whack-a-doo that he took photos of himself in a red g-string posing with his gun the night before his gutless, twisted, and psychotic act. In between, we learned he's a high school dropout, dope smoking, paranoid, live-at-home, community college student who doesn't read the newspaper, watch TV, or listen to talk radio. One week. Polls show the American public rejects overwhelmingly any notion that this was a political act. The mainstream media and the lunatic left need some serious mental counselling of their own.
What can we do, to entice somebody at Playboy to do a special edition "The Fake Bartenders of Those Miller Lite Ads". Please. Pretty, please.
The Seahawks, were who we thought they were. That is all.
Pete Carroll, down 28-0, with 1:57 left in the 3rd quarter, on 4th and 9 from the 12, decides to kick a field goal instead of go for it. Another example of how most NFL coaches, are purely emotional creatures, not logical ones.
With 13:22 to go, the Bears lead 28-3 and can/should, literally hand the ball off every single down, punt, play defense, and go home for hot chocolate and a berth in the NFC Championship game. Instead, calls a direct snap, wildcat-option play, in which (predictably) a running back throws an ill-advised pass that is intercepted. Why? Because that's what Mike Martz does. Just go with it.
are 2-0 against the two NFC Championship teams, which should make our owner even more delusional about the relative strength of his own team. Hold your hats, once the league resumes free agency.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Congrats to Auburn for a helluva season, and a "National Championship" that can never be taken away, because the NCAA refuses to own, administrate, or dictate terms of an actual Division IA playoff.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
"Our record shows that we're a bad team, but we're not a bad team. I mean, every game we lose, it's in the fourth quarter."
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
While I don't have any great passion for arguing the merits of Bert Blyleven getting into the Baseball Hall of Fame, I have stood by my thumbnail recollection of him that he's just not somebody very HOF-worthy.
My criteria for the Hall of Fame - in any sport - is simple: induct GREAT players, who did something GREAT.
Yes, numbers can help solidify a candidate, but they shouldn't be used as a primary measuring stick. I would rather take the BEST 7 year stretch of a player's career, and measure that statistically against his peers.
Longevity is nice, but it's not true GREATNESS. Baseball is a sport, where a good player who keeps himself in shape, can accumulate a massive pile of stats when it's all over 20 years later.
As for Blyleven, I simply said I'd much sooner remember the greatness of Jack Morris, Orel Hershieser or Curt Schilling instead. And apparently, those guys don't have the kind of numbers to guarantee Cooperstown.
Naturally, my buddy Andy Pollin proclaimed me an idiot for saying the other day that I thought Blyleven was merely "good."
Listeners have my back. Well, at least some of them!
FROM: Alex in Arlington, VA
RE: Blyleven HOF
Although Andy tried to chastise Steve for not knowing anything about Blyleven’s career, Steve is completely correct about Blyleven. He was a compiler of stats only, with no great baseball moments.
He was an All-Star only twice, never won a , and only received Cy Young votes four seasons. He was on two world series teams, but was never the Ace of a World Series staff, which is a far greater accomplishment. Andy is completely wrong to say Blyleven “pitched in big games” equal to Schilling, not true at all.
I would take guys with lesser stats like Schilling, Hershiser or Jack Morris over him any day of the week, guys who actually created great baseball moments and were the best in the game at one point, and weren’t a whiny little bitch like Blyleven who wore out his welcome and was traded four different times in his prime for basically nothing.
He even outdid Haynesworth by quitting on his team and going home in 1980 because he didn’t like their World series winning manager, earning the nickname “Cryleven”, remember Andy??????????
His reputation has grown overtime because pitchers don’t complete as many games as they used to, he was not outstanding in this regard during his career. In fact, in his first chance at the hall of fame he had only 17.5% of the vote, lowest of any hall of fame inductee in the modern era.
I think Andy was trying to act like a big shot who remembered Blyleven, when clearly he didn’t from what he said, and should be held accountable.
REACT: I could present this stinging rebuke to Andy, chapter and verse, and I know exactly what I will get from him. Is it an open minded re-consideration of his previous stance?
Ha! You don't know Andy!
Nah, he'll just shrug and say: "You're wrong, and the HOF voters agree with me." And off he'll go....
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
So this is a little bit late, but I figured I would throw out three pretty decent year-end pieces to put a fork in 2010.
The first, is Dave Barry's always humorous Year In Review. My favorite line, from many...
Speaking of entertainment: As the year finally draws to a close, all eyes are on Seaside Heights, NJ, where MTV plans to ring in the new year by dropping a ball containing Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, one of the leading bimbos of "Jersey Shore." Millions eagerly tune in, only to find that the ball has been attached to something that makes it drop slowly. A bitterly disappointing end to a bitterly disappointing year.In sports, Michael Rosenberg of SI.com does a nice job re-capping some (but not all) of the notable sports moments of the year. Including the Patriots fleecing of the Vikings on the Randy Moss trade.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Remember when Peter King confessed to just having found out about Guinness Beer and the movie Saving Private Ryan?
Well, apparently he just found out about something called "a keg stand."
Yep, in 2011.
With two daughters who have recently gone through college.
Man, this guy never misses a thing, does he?
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Once upon a time - oh, probably 5 years ago - I championed the writings of Gregg Easterbrook on ESPN.com's Page 2.