Sunday, January 12, 2014

All Heavyweight Championship Sunday

Excited, everybody? I hope so.

Not me. I'm going to be weak-kneed, nervous wreck watching these games next weekend.

I know, I know. You are only supposed to be nervous when it is your team in a massive stakes games like these.

I'll be nervous because I simply can't stomach the thought of either the Niners or the Pats in the Super Bowl.

Much less both.

And there's a very real chance of just that!

What do I have against them?

Nothing, except that both teams are so damn good right now, it's unfair.

Un-fucking-fair. I'm calling it. Like a little 10 year old kid.

Harbaugh has somehow made me kind of like Petey "Rah Rah" Carroll. Nobody is a bigger front runner than Jim Harbaugh. When he wins, he's kissing beat writers on the head. When he loses, he's giving you the 1000 yard stare, and perfunctory answers.

Sunday, Fox explained how Harbaugh still wears cleats on the sideline as a coach.

Of course he does. What an ass.

His move of running 30 yards onto the field to complain to Carl Cheffers about getting a replay on the Vernon Davis TD call was classic idiot. Like they weren't going to review that.

He's impossible to like, unless you are a Niner fan. I bet brother John hates his guts, and that mom and dad just tolerate him.

He's an amazing coach, though. Holy shit, amazing. I'd want him coaching my team. Any day. He's the first coach to reach the Conference Championship game in each of the first 3 years as a head coach.

And he did it with a bunch of guys Mike Singletary couldn't figure out how to make a ham sandwich out of.

I respectfully hate his guts. Oh, and the Niners now have an extra 2nd round pick because Alex Smith was so good for Kansas City, and Colin Kaepernick isn't even really good just yet.

I have a feeling the Seahawks are our last hope to prevent about 4 straight Super Bowl trips for the Niners.

And the enemy of my enemy .... is my friend.

Go Hawks.

And then we have the Patriots. This will be their 8th AFC Championship game under Belichick and Brady. They've already got a shelf of Lombardi's from this run, and had two more stolen from them by the Giants while pulling two lucky horseshoes out of their asses.

There is absolutely no reason why any one team should have this much success over that long a span. And I'm not even a guy who still holds a grudge against the Pats for Spygate. I mean, they cheated like fuck. And got caught. And haven't won a Super Bowl since.

But they are still relentlessly incredible.

Every year, the football gods throw all kinds of ridiculous injuries at the Patriots, just to make it fair.

And it's still never enough.

Tom Brady had his knee blown up, and they still went 11-5 with a one-time-use, backup QB, who they traded for a 2nd round pick - and the guy hasn't been any good since!

This team extracts talent from every little crack and crevice of a 53 man roster like no one else. Random guys. Other team's castaways. Little white dudes.

How sick would the Pats be if Vince Wilfork was still upright and healthy, and just one of their now famously injured or incarcerated tight ends were available?

They had this entire offense that Belichick built around the concept of "You can't guard two TE's like these dudes! We are going to KILL people with this scheme!"

Then had to change it all.

And... boom. Here they are again!

When are these assholes going to go away?

They are ruthless gangsters. Trading Richard Seymour the week before the season began (first round pick, thank you!), benching Wes Welker for a half because he clowned Rex Ryan, or this week putting Brandon Spikes on IR because he tried to use snow (Snow! In New England!) as an excuse for missing a meeting!

They cut Tiquan Underwood - WHILE AT THE SUPER BOWL!

Other franchises reach for the Patriots' magic trinkets like boy-coach Josh McDaniels, or supposed GM-guru Scott Pioli, only to watch them morph into complete turds under their own roof.

Sure, the Pats will someday suck again when B&B are retired and gone.

For many of us, it can't come soon enough. But I know it simply won't come soon enough.

And I'm gonna have to look at these guys, and hear Super Bowl stories about these guys... AGAIN! For two weeks? In New York City?

Shoot me now.

Peyton, this would be a really great time for you to not choke, for once. (Okay, for twice in your life).

Go Broncs.

Excited for this upcoming epic Sunday? Not me. I'm already ready to puke.


  1. Perfectly stated. I'm glad to see someone else is a sick of B&B as I am. My dream is that Brady gets thrown out of bounds and crashes into Belichick. When Belichick awakens he has forgotten everything he knows about football and starts a new career writing Broadway musicals.

  2. Czabe.................Thanks. As a Patsfan Ill take it as long as I can get it. This HOF duo has limited time left and who knows. I may be back to the Pats of the 80s and 90s, but for now Im gonna enjoy. Im still waiting for Cleavland to be the next dynasty but I probably wont be around if it ever happens

  3. You are a true Redskin homer with this one. You soaked up the RG3 nonsense, bathed in it, rolled around in your own mud and now you look over the fence and see how much better it could be. Superb head coach, superb staff, near perfect GM, athletic and healthy QB, and 95% of team stars DRAFTED by the team.

    Being from San Francisco and living in the DC area is pure comedy. You 'Skins fans are the most whiny, sour puss, grumps on earth. When you win you're going to the SB; when you lose, it's always Dan Snyder. You need Snyder like Obama needs the GOP; you have to blame someone.

    Enjoy this heavyweight Sunday, the likes of which has never been seen since the days of Niners-Dallas that was every year in the early 90s. Sorry, Czabe, your new Coach that has never won a playoff game will take you as far as the 'Skins other coach that didn't win a playoff game. Oh wait, that's every other Skins coach the past two decades.

  4. I can't stand either the Seahawks (anti-Carroll; just exactly how many players can get caught for PED's/drugs before it is a trend on a team?) or the Niners', but I am rooting for the Seahawks next week - I lost all respect for the Niner's when Kap and the defense mocked Cam's Superman act, in Carolina, after a TD and sacks; Pure classless, unprofessional acts by immature men. NFL is turning NBA...

  5. Truth is I don't like any of the teams left. I was/am a Seahawks fan but I'm not real fond of coach Petey and the team and its fanbase is too boastful despite not having won anything in decades. The 49'ers are the same way except with a more obnoxious coach. The Pats are like you described...and the Bronco's are annoying because I just don't enjoy watching Payton play football. I'm amazed that the Bronco's went through the year with so much success when they have a QB that throws basically nothing but dinks and dunks the entire game.

    In the end I'm rooting for the Seahawks to win it all...I just wish Carrol would go back to the college ranks or something.

  6. You could have added Bunchen. Win or lose, Brady goes home to Bunchen.

  7. Right on Czabe. It's an unfortunate trend that for most of the last 20 years when we reach this point in the season, I consistently hate 3/4 of the remaining teams. And I don't mean just dislike, I mean that their success pains my physically and to hear the pundits speak of their inevitable "wins" for the following weeks is migraine inducing.

    You've summed up the hate-worthy problems of the Pats and Niners perfectly (hate - but much respect too). My problem with the Seahawks is just the opposite - I would probably like that team if it weren't for "Rah Rah I Cheat like Hell Caroll". Never has a head coach inspired less respect in me, with his "aw shucks I'm such a nice fun loving guy" schtick and the path of destruction he leaves in his cheating-ass wake. To think that this guy might go down in history as the only coach to win a National Championship at the collegiate level and a Super Bowl to boot might make me write off football entirely. Oh, and Richard Sherman, while scary good, is the dirtiest ass corner I've ever seen play. As talented as he is, it should be unnecessary.

    So I'm left rooting for old Lego neck, if just because I feel his rap as a "loser in the big games" is only partly earned - he's been the victim of bad coaching and forehead-slapping defensive failures more times than I can count. So while I'm not a huge Manning fan - I have to throw in with him if just on principle.

    And the prospect of him winning the Super Bowl this year is probably the least likely of all the sceanrios we're left facing.

    What do do on Super Bowl Sunday? Well, there's this good book I've been wanting to sink my teeth into . . .

  8. I cannot stand Harbaugh and the arrogance he and his team exude. I was so happy to see that FINALLY someone flagged his ass for running onto the field. Moreover, I turned off both the Seahawks/Saints and 49ers/Panthers games because of all the nonsense trash talk and boasting after nearly every play. Add in the douche Kaepernick only makes it worse. The only person in the 49ers/Seahawks game I actually root for is Russell Wilson. Not much the football player, but the person. For Peyton v. Brady, I cannot stand the Patriots, so by default I guess I will root for the Orange Crush. So by default I guess it is Go Hawks, Go Broncos. ugh.

  9. I seriously don't enjoy any game that involves the Patriots. Much respect to their success, but I won't shed a tear when their pretty boy QB and his butter face wife go off into the sunset.

    The best comment I heard from a 49er fan is, "Harbaugh's an asshole, but he is our asshole so we will defend him".

    Did anyone else notice that some of Manning's throws where he get's his whole body into it look a lot like vintage Elway? Coincidence? I think not.

  10. ummm...when do OTA's start up again?

  11. Looking forward to this funny rant on 980 today

  12. Between hawks-9ers I root for the meteor.

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