Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Cankle Nation

Even though there's a recession going on and un-employment is steaming toward double-digits, thank God America can still obsess about things that are utterly trivial.

Like "cankles."

Apparently, anti-cankle fitness regimes and products are all the rage. For those that don't know what "cankle" is, it's when a person's calf just melts right into their ankle, without any definition.

I believe - although I may be proven wrong - that John Madden gave the world this term, or at least injected it into the pop culture. Writes a message board poster to a Fanhouse article about the "Ground Zero" man with "cankles" Jeff Zgonina...

My favorite Madden moment is when he was spending ten minutes explaining to Pat Summerall what "cankles" were. He started drawing circles around Zgonina's legs. "Ya see... you've got your calf and BOOM! it just goes straight into the foot. It's a calf and an ankle. Cankle. Boom!"

Now plenty of football players have cankles. That much you expect. But what about women? And what can you do about them?

Well, I thought that it was a simple matter of losing some weight, you water buffaloes! But not... so... fast!

Ever seen a SIZE ZERO woman with cankles?

Well... BOOM! Now you have!

Personally, I'm not too worried about my cankles. For one, "teacher arms" and "FUPA's" are much more of a concern on a lady, if you ask me. Also, the dreaded "drawstring upper lip" from too much smoking is quite the turn off.


  1. A couple years ago we took the idea of a "cankle" even farther. For those women whose thighs blend into their calves which blend into their ankles, I give you the "thankle."

  2. I find cankles and FUPAs to be pretty closely correlated. Personally, a bad set of cankles ends up being a pretty big turn-off for me. Such women rarely wear/look good in skirts or shorts, and as such end up with personality defects to match. Generalizations? Sure. Based in reality? Oh yeah.

  3. haha... teacher arms... I just call them my wings! lol