Thursday, February 17, 2011

If It Dies, You Should Hang 'Em High!

By now, you've probably heard about the fucking redneck idiot Alabama fan, who decided to use industrial grade tree-killing herbicide to (probably) fatally poison the iconic live oaks that frame Auburn's Toomer's Corner.

Excuse my language, but this asshole really deserves the death penalty.

No, really.

I'm no granola-eating-tree-hugger, but I do love trees. And when some moron poisons a tree that took God and nature 130 years to make - just because of a football game! - and then has the stupidity to CALL IN TO A RADIO SHOW TO BRAG ABOUT IT?

Well, that guy is so stupid, he's clearly a menace to both his immediate neighbors in the trailer park, but also a general drain on the human gene pool.

If there was any justice, he's hang from the highest branch in that tree, or serve the 130 years in jail for the age of the tree he just destroyed.

Meanwhile, I sit on my porch and look at 5-6 sugar maples and zelkovas, that stand a decent but not yet magnificent 12-18 feet and think: "I'm gonna be an old codger before these look anything close to magnificient."

Execute this prick and do the world a favor. Or if nothing else, go to a nursery and price out a replacement 60-foot live oak, fully installed, and charge it to Alabama's football program.


  1. War Damn Eagle!!! They caught the jag-off and I hope they put him the Auburn/Opelika area jail!!

  2. It really is asinine. You expect maybe a 19 year old kid to pull such a prank ... but a 62 year old man?

    And, he is a retired Texas State Trooper. Wow, the bar must be really low for that gig.

  3. This is BEYOND DISGUSTING. I'm with you Czabe--give this sorry sick bastard the death penalty. While I'm no environut, I DO appreciate the beauty that trees give us.

    Here's a sentence: release him into the main courtyard of the Auburn/Opelika jail with ten of the biggest, baddest prisoners in that jail and give them five minutes to beat his sorry ass.

  4. It makes that stupid "Roll Tide" commercial seem even more ridiculous.

  5. Why should this be charged to the Univ. of Alabama? Did someone at UA ask Mr. Updyke to kill Auburn's iconic trees? Did someone at UA encourage his actions?
    UA fans are, for the most part, just as discusted by this as everyone else. The University can not be held accountable for the few fans that lack sanity. Did Univ. of North Carolina bill N.C. State when an actual student killed and attempted to eat Ramses? No. Updyke is a moron who did something that can't be undone, but the University of Alabama is not responsible!

  6. czabe - this couldn't have been said any better. That ass clown needs to be euthanized.

  7. I am a Bama fan but I couldn't agree with you more Czabe! This dick needs to dangle in the breeze!

  8. Don't blame UA for this. blame the morons fans on both sides who pull pranks and Paul finebaum who gives these morons a stage with his show. All it does is fan the flames. If you string up this guy finebaum should be on the next branch.

  9. Actually I think we should REWARD this type of behavior.

    I say let Updyke return the opening kick-off of the next Iron Bowl.

    Barring that - Hang him from the oak before it dies, it should out live him.

  10. War Eagle, Czabe!

    The problem with any effort to replace the now poisoned trees is that the particular herbicide used will stay in the soil, and SPREAD, for up to 5 years. So not only would new trees have to be brought in, but a large area of soil would have to be replaced as well.

    Oh well ..... the Auburn hierarchy will think of something, I am sure.... probably some sort of temporary replacement for this fall, and then a more permanent fix after that.

  11. Don't know if anyone has seen this, but some ALABAMA fans have started a fund raiser on Facebook to help save or replace the Toomer's oaks. Check out "Tide for Toomers" on Facebook. As of tonight, it has over 50,000 fans and has raised over $32,000 ... in just 48 hours. I'm an Auburn grad and these Bama fans have really stepped up and are showing the world, and especially Auburn, what a TRUE rivalry means.... respect. WAR EAGLE and ROLL TIDE!

  12. I'm not a super tree-hugger, but this wrenched my gut more than most anything that has happened in the last year.. and as we all know, some bad stuff has gone down.