Friday, February 20, 2009

The Chimps Are Champs

This week's "Furious George" attack has provided some interesting food for thought. Or better yet, "nightmares for thought!"

I posed the following fights.

Pit Bull v. Chimp
Fedor v. Chimp
Fedor v. Chimp (with mouth mask to prevent biting).

After seeing, reading and thinking about all of these, I believe Chimp wins the round robin tournament no matter how you slice it.

That said, somebody did say they once saw a Chimp v. Pitbull fight on the internet from Mexico ('natch). However, the chimp was given a baseball bat to "make it even."

Whatever, it's barbaric I know, but christ would I love to see that just once in my life, although I would probably never sleep again, or go to the zoo or a public park!

That said... here's some further opinion...



Certainly not making light of Travis the chimp mauling that poor, 70 year old lady (prayers with her), which is tragic indeed. Could not agree more that animals such as this are better fit for the local zoo as opposed to the bedroom!

Almost choked on my Wendy's Asian Chicken Salad from laughing, listening to you guys going through the details of the story today (again - - tragic indeed)! The PETA references among others were hilarious and its stuff like this that makes me even more of a fan of ya'll - - - we all need to laugh a lot more than we do these days - - keep it up!

Regarding the Pit Bull vs. Chimp cage match: hands down, the Pit Bull takes it by a SIGNIFICANT MARGIN OF VICTORY and I speak from what I believe to be very accurate experience. Not that I approve of or have ever been to a Pit Bull fight - - I think its horrible, however, I am an avid hunter / outdoors-man (HUUNTIN'S LEEEGAL) and I have had the fortunate or unfortunate (depending on how you look at it) experience of wild hog hunting with the aid of Pit Bull terriers. Yes - - that's right, down here in LA (and not Lower Alabama - -but Louisiana), there is a lot of hog hunting with these vicious creatures - - and let me tell you - - it works!

Given the fact that I have witnessed a 40 lb. Pit Bill charge into some to the thickness most heinous brier thickets known to mankind and take down snarling, foam spitting, extremely, pi$$3d off, 250 lb+ wild boars, with 4" razor sharp tusk only to make them squeal helplessly like Ned Beatty, can I make this assertion. Once ole' PB grabs his prey by the throat, pins him and the blood starts flying, the decision is made to either kill the boar, or neuter him. Tough deal for porky the pig either way, but death or castration in my opinion may both be better options that being attacked by a Pit Bull! I am a 6'4", 290 lb., southern born, slightly red-neck, former college football playing, overall pretty tough kind of fellow - - but make no mistake about it, I admit to the world that I am absolutely, deathly afraid of Pit Bulls! I'd walk an extra mile to stay out of the path of one, and I consider myself a dog lover! Down here in LA, leash laws are a bit lax, so to see a stray PB walking the streets is not uncommon. I grab women and children and run like hell when I see one! Matter of fact, I may have run over a few women and kids based on my own fear and getting the hell out of Dodge to save my own hide!

Moral of the story is, take the Pit Bull plus any amount of points given over a 200 lb. Chimp any day - - young, old, movie star, wine drikin', police harassin" -- whatever, the Pit will deliver the goods - - LOCK AND LOAD BABY - - LOCK AND LOAD!!!! Matter of fact - given even odds or just slightly worse, I'd still take the PB over a 500 lb. gorrilla - - I'm serious! King freakin' Kong even comes into question!

Let us know if a pay per view match ever materializes - - my bet would be that it would last about as long as Mike Tyson and poor ole' Spinks did back in the day - - speaking of Pit Bulls. I paid for all those 1 minute debacles back in the day, so I would pony up!


cdaddy (great fan long time listener!)



I'm with you. Thinking that Fedor could beat a full grown chimp in a fight is laughable. I'll give a few reasons:

1. Fedor can forget about any submission moves.

It's impossible to put a rear-naked choke on a chimp because of their anatomy. Chimps necks are bigger around than their heads making it impossible to "lock in" the choke. It's the same thing with a dog. Go put a dog in a head lock. I guarantee he gets out. So you can take out all submissions to the neck.

Also, armbars won't work because chimps arms are simply too long and too strong. Chimps are extremely top-heavy. A 200 lb chimp probably has the upper body muscle mass of a 400 lb man because that's where all their weight is.

2. A chimp can take a punch like no human.

Chimps' heads are not like human heads. Their brains are protected by a thicker skull, and their skulls are anchored onto their body better by their freakish muscle attachments, making it harder to "jar" a chimp's head enough to knock it out.

3. Chimps have incredible grip strength.

Go find a pull up bar and hang from it as long as you can. I'd be impressed if you can hang for more than 2 minutes. Chimps, on the other hand, can hang from a bar for an hour easily. That means, once a chimp gets a hold of you, there's no getting out. Not to mention he pretty much has 4 arms. It'd be like fighting Goro from Mortal Kombat.

4. Chimps instinctively go for the face and testicles.

I watched a show about chimp attacks, and they explained how the chimps always do the same thing: rip off the face and testicles, so their victims can't reproduce. And to the arguement that Fedor will be wearing a cup: if a chimp can rip off a person's face, do you really think it will have a hard time ripping off a cup?

Love the show. Keep it up.

Tom in Wisconsin

Hairless FEMALE chimp with Popeye forearms:


Hey Steve, Patrick in Pewaukee...

Let me begin by saying I'm a dog lover, and am a little disturbed by the level of fascination with this whole dog vs chimp nonsense...

However, I have no big sympathy for Pit bulls, which probably shouldn't be owned by people... so I'm listening.

Let me point out that you glossed over the best and most revealing part of this whole thing: the person who alluded to the bout taking place in Mexico, who stated that "To make it even, the chimp was given a baseball bat."

That went straight to the point right there, and revealed the most. It is clear from that comment that this "bout" had been run several times before, and it had become clear that to attract the betting action, the chimp needed to be given a bat, because otherwise the bout was "All Pit Bull".

Pit Bull by 2 touchdowns, it's hard to determine that sort of "line" in a fight to the death.... It needs to be pretty even, to be a real match.

So, I think that was glossed over a little too quickly... I'm intrigued that they've done it enough times in Mexico that they know exactly that the chimp needs to be given an Easton A-70 Aluminum bat to "even it up"....


My thought is this: A Pit Bull Terrier is a bad, bad animal. Pound for pound, I'll take it, against almost anything. They use 'em for Feral Hog hunting.... 'nuff said. A pack of Wolves will not attack a lone feral hog in the wild. But Pit Bulls will.... You think on that....

Love your show.

Best Regards,
Patrick IN Pewaukee


  1. A chimp would win hands down.

    A female chimp weighting 135 pounds has shown to have a one handed pull strenght of 1260 pounds. Times that by four and I'd say the pit would get dismembered in short order.

    A one tonne car makes an awful mess of a pitbull too :).

  2. I can't even believe anyone thinks a pit would have a chance in hell against a chimp. Even a female chimp would tear the pit limb from limb. I got into a similar discussion when someone on an MMA board tried to claim that Fedor could take out a chimp. Some people just don't want to factor in strength to weight ratio. They don't want to admit a 150 pound animal can be far stronger than the strongest man on earth, but this is the case.