Sunday, May 17, 2009

Spalding! You'll Win The Irish Open, and You'll Like It!

Twas a slow sports weekend all of a sudden, wasn't it?

Aside from the entertaining Preakness on Saturday, we were all just sitting around on our asses waiting for Sunday.

And even that was a letdown.

Both the Lakers and Red Wings won in romps, and who can really get fired up about the Valero Open on the PGA Tour?

Yeah, yeah. Baseball.
Yeah, yeah. All Star race in Charlotte.
Yeah, yeah. Michael Phelps swims again.


You feel me. It was a dog sports weekend. But not without notable observations, or some hidden gems.

Hidden Gem #1: Irish Open

I'll be the first to admit that even I don't hump EuroTour telecasts on the golf channel on Sat and Sun mornings, but maybe I should start. Because lo and behold, some kid who LOOKS JUST LIKE SPALDING FROM CADDYSHACK just won the damn thing in the kind of weather that once led to somebody coining the phrase "Mad dogs and Irishmen."

Shane Lowry is the kid's name, and it was perfect karma that he's a local lad from the Emerald Isle. After he tapped in the winning putt over a guy named "Rock" (last name, I swear) he was mobbed on the green by locals.

Great stuff.

And the weather was re-donkulous! We're talking bruising cold rain. Die hard golf fans bundled for an assault on Everest. Wet, soppy, wool hats on players.

Ireland everybody! Hooray!

I saw one of the billboards on the tee box, and it was for Ireland Tourism. Good luck on that, Mickey! And I'm half Irish! If that's your "May" weather, then I'm just gonna stay home and eat Lucky Charms.

The Coors performing naked in my hotel lobby with an open house bar couldn't get me to Ireland for weather like that!

In the meantime, attaboy, Shane! Just don't eat any boogers you might pick.

Hidden Gem #2: The Preakness Infield

In case you didn't notice, the infield at Pimlico looked like it had been wiped out by the swine flu. I guess bringing your own coffins stuffed to the gills with cheap beer actually, was, um "important" to the 100,000 Bal-tee-more utes who annually attend the event.

This year's ban on BYOB delivered a crushing 30% drop in attendance, and showed that Maryland horse racing is even sicker than everybody thought.

However, it does give me an excuse to re-post one of the Top-25 all time internet videos ever posted to YouTube. The 2008 "Running of the Urinals." Screw running with the bulls in Pamplona. This was a real death wish.

When you watch, be amazed that the guy made it through that many urinals taking obscenely heavy aluminum fire without a single incapacitating blow. But then sadly, the simple math of this endeavor wins out. With enough hurled beer cans, one will inevitably try to violently occupy the same time/space moment as the guy's head.

Sure, he's probably got brain damage now. But it was worth it. He's internet-famous!

1 comment:

  1. Czabe,

    I agree it was a craptastic sports weekend.

    Not to be too pedantic, but the someone who coined the phrase "mad dogs and Irishmen" would appear to be... Steve Czaban!

    The phrase you are thinking of is "Only mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun" and the coiner was Noel Coward. And the weather he was referring to was tropical heat, damn near the polar opposite of the rainy cold Emerald Isle.

    But other than that it was a bitchin' attempt at an allusion.