Thursday, March 11, 2010

Sports Moments That Need Animation

I don't know why crude video-game style animations of random stories in the US news cycle by Taiwanese programmers so tickles my funny bone.

But they do. Every time.

Perhaps it is the scrambling, rat-a-tat-tat cadence of the Chinese voice-over. Perhaps it is me visualizing some dude sitting in front of a computer saying to his co-worker: "I don't know. Maybe we should make Elin's face look more angry as she smashes out that back window? Click-click-click. Yeah, like that. Super pissed. Perfect!"

Maybe it is the attempt to actually animate a rather obtuse story.

Like the latest edition, a kerfuffle over the mascot at Ole Miss. In case you didn't know, dem racist cracka's down in Oxford have decided to deep six ol' Col. Reb in favor of "Mystery Mascot 2k10."

Naturally, somebody thought a "fan poll" would be a good start in their search for a replacement.

Awful idea.

That produced an instant front runner in the form of Star Wars fish/commander Admiral Ackbar. University officials have quickly doused any notion that this will actually happen, but that didn't stop the Chinese animators!

Fabulous, isn't it?

And I thought they couldn't out-do themselves on sorting out the whole "Jay Leno vs. Conan O'Brien" late night TV fight.

Which gets me to thinking. What famous, fucked up stupid/bizarre sports stories over the years that we do NOT have any live footage of, deserve the Chinese animator treatment?

Here are a few to get the conversation started. You people can help add some more.

Kobe's hotel encounter in Eagle, Colorado.
Bob Knight stranding Texas Tech's AD at the salad bar in a fight.
Latrell Sprewell going Homer Simpson on PJ Carlissimo's neck.
The Nancy Kerrigan clubbed-knee attack.
Brett Favre scooping loose vicodin's out of his vomit.
Mike Vick trying to sneak weed in a bottle onto an airplane.

And the possibilities, they are endless!

Have at it, boys and girls!


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Najeh Dumpenport droppin a deuce in a closet.

  3. Steve Czaban, the morning whining BITCH. Every year for the last 10 years, your stupid team owner goes all out on major shopping spree and gets all these high priced players. Every year they turn out to be a BUST. Last week your team cut ten old dirt bags. The move I guess allows the old losers to make room for the new losers. This year is no different. your idiot team owner is gearing up to sign new big names which they will, of course, once again end up being a big BUST. What a joke.
    Leave Bret and the Vikings alone, bitch.

  4. Onterrio Smith getting caught at the airport with the Whizzenator.

  5. you stay classy cool running

  6. Both sides of the Ben Rothlisberger thing in Georgia.

  7. Perfect would be a montage of Jose Canseco's "alleged" (likely true) bathroom stall injections. The scene: Jose and player x go into a bathroom stall together. Player x drops trow. Jose feigns gay sex (for laughs), then injects player x. Some deviations: A-rod tries to bitch-slap the syringe out of Jose's hand; Manny has trouble getting his (awesome) dreadlocks out of the way; Jose compliments McGwire for a nice ass, to which McGwire replies "I'm not here to talk about the ass"; while Jason Giambi is getting dosed, his brother Jeremy stumbles into the stall "oh, sorry, my bad..."

  8. How about John Chaney threatening to kill John Calipari?

  9. kadyshak22, stay the Hell out of this, get it.