Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The Remote Control Guaranteed to Drive You Crazy

Might just be, the worst idea ever.


Can you imagine your father, or grandfather, trying to find CNN with a freaking WAND?

You'd be better off changing the channel with a gun.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Suh Gets His Taiwanese Animation Close Up

So if Suh gets two games for just quick-stomping the arm of Packers lineman Evan Dietrick-Smith, what would the suspension be if he actually did dismember Mr. Dietrick-Smith limb-by-limb on national TV on Thanksgiving?

Four games? Six? A million?

Only twice before has an NFL player been suspended for two games, or more, for an on-field act of violence. Charles Martin for head-slamming Jim McMahon (2 games), and Albert Haynesworth for face stomping Andre Gurode (5 games). 

Methinks this was a bit harsh, but hey, it's not MY $160,000 that Roger Goodell just STOLE because he was embarassed on Thanksgiving Day over turkey.

I told the players once, I told the players repeatedly this spring and summer: "Draw a line in the sand on this suspension issue with Goodell, because the guy is out of control. You have to make this a deal breaker. Get the suspension gavel out of his hands."

They didn't listen. Or care. So now this is how it goes.

Of course, had Suh cheap-shotted somebody under the pile, or in a way that wasn't caught to clearly, or if he didn't already have a "rep" for being too rough, or if it wasn't Thanksgiving, or if Goodell wasn't so worried about the "next time" precedent....

You get the point.

The players should have said simply: "Pro football is a violent game. Sometimes, things happen. Being kicked out of games is fair. Modest fines ($20K or less) are also do-able to send a message. But we're not going to just let you steal precious paychecks in the name of 'protecting the shield.'"

All that said, Suh is a dirty bitch. Period. The rap sheet he has, is now well deserved. Very good player. Potentially great. Anger problem.

The next move, and the rest of his career is up to him.

"Where Are The Coaches In All of This?"

An excellent point by Bob Costas, and a nice tight 2-minute video essay on the stupidity of jackass wide receivers in the NFL.

Of course, it generated the usual backlash from some columnists and pundits, decrying Costas - and anyone who may agree with him - as angry old white men.


Heard that one more times than a knock knock joke.

The fact remains, however, that jackass wide receivers like Stevie Johnson almost never end up hoisting the Lombardi Trophy.

Walking backwards through the decade where such numbskulls like Ocho-chango-name-o came to prominence, what team featured a loud, hey-look-at-me wideout and rode him to a title?

T.O. came close with Philly. But the cost was high the following season.
Keyshawn won with Gruden and the Bucs. But not really because of him.
Santonio Holmes was more wandering weed-head, than a jackass.

Otherwise, the best teams just have wideouts who know how to do their job, and aren't that concerned about calling attention to themselves. Guys who are catching passes from Drew Brees, Peyton Manning, Aaron Rodgers and Tom Brady understand one thing clearly: the dude throwing them tight bullets right to their fingertips 40 times a game, are the guys who will make them rich.

Better to just shut the F up, and play football.

I don't mind a quick, spontaneous celebration from a guy who scores. But anything too premeditated is juvenile at best. Or in the case of Johnson, damaging to your team's chances of winning at worst.

Cutting Johnson immediately - as Merrill Hoge suggested on ESPN - would be extreme.

But it's not like you can't get somebody to replicate what he does. Besides, are the Bills currently winning WITH him right now?


You are now free to resume calling Bob Costas - and myself - old, white, fun stealing nerds.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Maybe, The Most Glorious Fall Afternoon Ever

When I was a kid, we had a neighborhood "open space" that served as our football field.

We did not have official endzone pylons.

The end zones were the faint gravel walking track that encircled the space. One sideline was roughly defined by a concrete drainage sewer, which thankfully never killed anyone. Although it surely could have.

The other sideline was defined by a few sweatshirts plopped down by one of us kids.

The grass was anywhere from 3 to 4 inches in height, mowed on a very random basis by some entity the HOA employed for the task.

So when I decided to move way the F out to the suburban Washington D.C. countryside (note: never, ever take a fall "pumpkin" drive, or "apple picking" excursion. Events can spiral out of control...) and absorb a 56 minute door-to-door commute, I was excited to have some land to play with, and some grass to mow.

And I was especially happy that my brother-in-law Todd, the Giants fan from Jersey who lives in suburban Philly, was bringing his two similar aged sons (9 and 13) to my daughters (9 and 12) for the weekend and they wanted to play some football.

So with that in mind, I sought out the flattest chunk of grass I could find, and promptly brought the blade down to 2.5 inches. I then brought my walk mower down for a deeper scalping to define the outer boundaries of the field.

After that, it was about 24 cans of spray paint, and maybe 4-5 hours of good ol' grown-up fun.

Just making the field, would have been enough to tickle me silly inside for weeks. Having a little 3 on 3 game with my own family was even better.

But two things happened that made the day after Thanksgiving truly awesome.

One: the weather. It was unreal. I mean, insanely nice. 62 degrees, low angle late fall sunshine. Not a breath of wind.

Then something pretty nutty happened. A group of kids, perfectly aged between 8 and 14, boys and girls just came walking down the gravel road behind the house.


I am not making any of this up.

Mind you, we have a smattering of neighbors in our little swatch of western Loudoun County, but the amount of "foot traffic" on that gravel road is maybe 2 people per day. Maybe.

These kids were visiting their in-laws, about a mile up the road. And you should have seen their faces when they saw the field I had made.

So when they asked if they could play, I told them to beat it, and if they don't I would CALL THE COPS!

Ha. Kidding.

They poured over the gap in the stone fence and onto the field, and the rest of the evening was nothing short of awesome. Having daughters myself, I was thrilled that just as many girls were in the visiting group as boys.

And guess what? They were some of the best players!

I made them all pose for a trading card style photo on my NFL Shield logo. Some of them didn't want to. I would not take "no" for an answer. I told their mom and dad I would send them the pics. Being an adult, and knowing how I would KILL to have more pictures of myself as a kid, I know someday they'll enjoy the shit out of these pictures.

Now, as for the logo, how did I do it?


Excel spreadsheet.
8 x 8 grid. (each square = 2 ft.)
Download logo.
Resize to fill grid.
Bring grid to field.
Make grid with kite string and golf tees. (Tedious, but necessary).
Stare at grid, start with outline, and go from there.

Of course, a sadness came over me when I saw my in-laws leave, and the weekend drained out. I don't have friends who live close enough to play. The field is a bit small for big boys. And I'm gonna watch that sweet grid fade away from my back window as the winter sets in.

But I had that one glorious day. And I have the photos (and video) to prove it.

It was, perhaps, the best Thanksgiving ever.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Craction Pool Week 12

Ah ha! I knew that picture of Penn State's new logo would get your attention! Okay, just kidding there, Penn Staters. Relax!

It's CRACTION POOL TIME for Thanksgiving. EVEN IF you don't get your picks in before Turkey day, you can STILL enter anytime up until Sunday at 1 p.m. So get on it!

Once again, at stake this week, is a rare and mint condition, tag-still-on-it Fightin' Donkey Sweatshirt! One size fits all!


Because that's all I have left! So you'll either have to squeeze into it, lose some weight, or gift it to a smaller friend, wife, or child.

All you gotta do, is dial in the PERFECT 5-way combination!

Sign up HERE, for free, and enjoy the game!

Week 1: Shawn Brandt
Week 2: Larry Haslee/Ronnie Windsor
Week 3: Eric Hucke
Week 4: John Merrill
Week 5: John Sample
Week 6: Nate Faust
Week 7: John Heibel
Week 8: Karin McAnaney
Week 9: John Goodall
Week 10: Jim Hardy
Week 11:

Personally, I'm going to roll with Jimmy Masterlock's Picks, this week, because he IS a staggering 23-17-3!

Jimmy sez to "double up" on his 10-star Thanksgiving Day "Turkey Stuffer Parlay", whatever the hell that is. So take these three Jimmy Picks....

Green Bay -7 at Detroit
Miami +7 at Dallas
Baltimore -3 vs. San Francisco

and add onto it.. for Purposes...

Carolina -4 at Indianapolis
Seattle -4 vs. Washington

Good luck! Have fun. And tell a few friends!


Prepare For War!

As the boys at What Would Tyler Durden Do write...
I always suspected those god damn octopuses were working on stuff like this, trying to walk on land so they can come get us. These people should have stomped on this thing, then shook their fists and shouted at the ocean to let the octopus army know whats up. “This is what you get when you come in our world, fuckers!”
REACT: Amen. You see what the stingrays are up to, starting with the savage murder of Steve Irwin. They are not to be trifled with. And neither should the octopii.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

I Just Don't Have the Stomach For This

The Redskins are not likely to win the "Suck for Luck" derby.

Indy has that locked down.

So what then about the rest of the QB's who are "likely" to be available?

Well, here's the short list.

Andrew Luck

Matt Barkley
Robert Griffin III
Landry Jones

Tier two...

Brandon Weeden
Ryan Tannehill
Kirk Cousins
Case Keenum
Kellen Moore

And maybe I'm unfairly parsing out the two tiers, I just figured I'd throw out names of guys you have heard of. This CBS Sports page, has a list which was compiled, by NFL Draft Scout, whomever, or whatever they are.

Of the guys on Tier 1, it needs to be noted: they are all juniors, or redshirt juniors. Meaning any or all of them  COULD, in theory, stay in school.

Stranger things have happened. See Manning, Peyton or Tebow, Tim.

The "Suck List" in the NFL, of worse records right now... reads like this.

Colts 0-10
Vikings 2-8
Rams 2-8
Jags 3-7
Skins 3-7
Cardinals 3-7
Dolphins 3-7

Don't ask me about tiebreakers for the BOTTOM of the NFL standings. I have heard that head-to-head is not used in breaking draft position ties.

The point is this. While I want the Redskins to suck as much possible for the best chance at an elite quarterback, without having to spend additional picks  to move up, I am not going to be able to continue the overt wishing for loss after loss from here until January 2nd.

The analogy is this: if you lived with a single mother, who was about to get evicted for not making the rent, and she decides out of desperation to turn a few tricks in the bedroom to keep a roof over your head - okay, as a one time deal, do what you gotta do.

But if your mom decided, "hey, this is pretty good money" and then started bringing creepy johns in off the street for 6 weeks in a row, well, that might be a bit too much to take.

I can't take 6 weeks of active tanking for a better draft pick. I just can't.

I won't root like crazy for this team - I just don't have it in me. It's a lousy team, with lousy coaching. It has a chance to get better, and a chance to draft a QB that gives them a chance at being legitimately good.

A chance.

But who knows how the chips will fall? The Redskins, with two more "oops" wins, could end up drafting 10th!

Or, they could lose out and still finish with the 3rd overall pick. Let's say Indianapolis and Miami (the two teams in the "Suck For... " race who have the most dire need for a QB) are ahead of them.

Then let's say two of the top 4 guys (say Barkley and Jones, merely for argument sake, I have no intel or angle on that, it's just a "what if..") decide to stay in college?

You gonna then reach with the 3rd overall pick for a Tier 2 QB? Spend a fortune in future picks to move up one spot?

In general, I am okay with tanking for a pick - to an extent. If it's one or two games left in the year, and you are sitting at 3 wins, okay, fine.

But this is a bridge too far for me. The Skins will show what kind of heart they have down the stretch. I will be an interested observer. I am not going to smash any remotes if they lose.

But I've gotta put the pom-poms down for losing, because too much can happen before next April's choose-em-up in New York City.

And losing breeds losing. It's probably best if the team didn't just flatline down the stretch.

Monday, November 21, 2011

This Is Why The NFL Is Awesome!

Why tackle with just one, or two guys, when tackling with SIX guys - is perfectly legal?

And fun!

All About Eldrick

Never mind the fact that my man Jim Furyk went 5-0, and never once had to complain about his dead weight luggage of a partner, Phil Mickelson during the partnered sessions.

No, the story is about Eldrick, and will always be about him, until probably he signs up for the Senior Tour. At which time, the annoucers in the golf media will likely ask: "Could he be the first guy to win the Senior Grand Slam AND the regular Grand Slam in the same year? You know you just can't count him out."

Here's an email....
Thomas Jefferson once said to Madison, about Hamilton....for god sakes man take up your pen and cut him to pieces....

Well that’s how I feel after reading all the headlines (which you predicted) about how tiger clinched the victory for the U.S. That’s a little like saying that they guy who scored the 3rd run in a 10 to 2 baseball game "won the game". I have also read how couples has them eating crow with his pick of tiger....please I'm sick of it, and beg of you...for god sakes man take up your pen (or microphone) and cut them to pieces. Looking forward to the podcast tomorrow...

Your number one fan (although I'm not sure how exact those polls are)

Richard from the 260
Sigh. Yes indeed, "Tiger Clinches Cup" is how it goes. Freddie Vindicated. Tiger is "Back". Yada, yada.

Look, Tiger played great on Sunday. Struck it pure, and made putts. But he beat a guy who hasn't been relevant since we last saw his head melt on Saturday at Oakmont with the lead a few years ago.

He played okay the first 4 rounds, but the talk quickly devolved into how much his partners weren't helping him any. Which of course, is such a dramatic fall from the old Tiger, who would lift even a drunken 15 handicapper over his shoulder and carry him to a 5&4 victory.

In an exhibition, match play, with very wide fairways, short par-4's, wispy light rough, against just one opponent, not a field of 156, Tiger is pretty money.

But let's see him against a full field again of the world's best. You know, the kind of field he used to slay with regularity.

I think he certainly is hitting it better there days. But I doubt his lethal sniper putting will EVER come back the way it used to be.

So let me just put this out there as my official stance: I'll admit Tiger is "back" when he wins his SECOND full field stroke play event on the US Tour, in a single season.

Until then, it's just Charlie Rymer sitting in the dark waiting for golf's "Great Pumpkin" to arrive.


Photo 1: Here's a fun game! Try to find the guy in the photo who cheated on his perfect, pretty Tour wife with 87 skanky strippers and porn stars? He really blends in, so take your time.

Photo 2: Jim Furyk with his wife Tabitha. Duh. Winning.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Slutty Teacher + Crooked Cop = What Could Go Wrong?

Heidi Kaeslin, a high school teacher from Stockton, Calif., was placed on paid leave earlier this week as school authorities investigate reports that she and Richard Fields, a former Stockton police officer, managed a ring of adult websites, including teachert***** and, from a school-issued computer.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Friday, November 18, 2011

Craction Pool Week 11

At stake this week, is a rare and mint condition, tag-still-on-it Fightin' Donkey Sweatshirt! One size fits all!


Because that's all I have left! So you'll either have to squeeze into it, lose some weight, or gift it to a smaller friend, wife, or child.

All you gotta do, is dial in the PERFECT 5-way combination!

Sign up HERE, for free, and enjoy the game!

Week 1: Shawn Brandt
Week 2: Larry Haslee/Ronnie Windsor
Week 3: Eric Hucke
Week 4: John Merrill
Week 5: John Sample
Week 6: Nate Faust
Week 7: John Heibel
Week 8: Karin McAnaney
Week 9: John Goodall
Week 10:

Personally, I'm going to roll with Jimmy Masterlock's Picks, this week, because he IS a staggering 21-16-2!

and throw on top of it....

Buffalo +1 at Miami

Jimmy Sez:

Don't Think Don't Blink, Lay the Lumber PICK: SF -10 vs. Arizona Underdog PICK: WAS +8 vs. Dallas
"Run To The Smell" PICK: BAL -7 vs. Cincinnati
Lock of the Week PICK: NYG -5 vs. Philadelphia

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Monday, November 14, 2011

We Must Protect This Statue!

Just one week into the Paterno State Child Rape Scandal, a University President, iconic football coach, and 3 others are out of their jobs.

And remember, one week ago, the Univeristy President and head football coach were furiously fighting to hold onto their jobs. Hmmm. Seems very desperate in hindsight. 

What we know NOW, is even worse than one week ago. And right now is the BEST it's ever going to be.

I predict that what we learn about Joe Paterno will flat out MELT our heads in the next 12 months. This is emerging as a full blown, coordinated cover-up, spanning over a decade, involving a crime that is second to premeditated murder.

Or maybe not. Maybe it's worse.

The image of Joe Paterno as man of integrity, a pillar of moral rectitude, and an iconic father figure to men in football pads, HAD to be defended - at all costs. Too much money, too many jobs, too many libraries, were at stake. What would become of the football records, the merchandisable trinketry in the bookstore, and all of the sugary biographies if this wasn't just contained to just Sandusky and the "best efforts" of "good men" who were "fooled like the rest of us?"

More so, Joe Paterno was NEVER going to surrender that lofty perch. Never. In his mind, he earned it. And just because Jerry Sandusky is a sick bastard, JoePa made the calculation that - no matter what - the entire weight of shame would come out of Sandusky's soul, not his.

I can see the strategy now, failed as it was, as it smolders in the rear view mirror.

JoePa (or his cronies, by proxy) convince authorities to wait until at least he breaks the win record. It times out perfectly with bye week. Allegations come down. The AG's office emphasizes that JoePa himself, is not being charged, and they have NO PLANS to charge him.

JoePa and Spanier quickly issue statements calling the allegations "troubling" - not shocking, not abhorrent, not stunning - merely "troubling." Maximum wiggle room, or so they hoped. Pretend like a) These assaults may not have even happened b) We sure were blindsided like everyone else.

The firewall was to then let the media destroy Jerry Sandusky alone. Pound him into a million shamed pieces.

JoePa and Spanier would press ahead, and let Sandusky bear society's justified rage. Hopefully, the off week would be enough to absorb the outrage, and then the following week everything would look a little bit brighter.

Every week that they could just hang in there, every week that the public could return their pathetic short attention spans to Kim Kardashian or Dancing With the Stars, worked in Paterno and Spanier's favor.

Well, that didn't quite work, did it. The rest of the country, was not like the residents of Happy Valley. Not so invested in JoePa, his legacy, or his fucking library. I am so, so, sick of hearing about that library.

The JoePa/Spanier firewall, quickly fell apart. Events and public opinion over-ran both of them with a vengeance.

By thursday.

Now we are going to get the REST of the story. All of it. From every angle. And it's going to be UGLY. It's coming out. All of it.

Wait until McQueary tells a prosecutor, in open court, what he saw that night in the showers in graphic detail. Wait until he tells what he told Paterno, EXACTLY, face to face. Wait until we find out what Paterno told HIM (this exchange, so far, is still murky) at this moment of truth.

Wait until Paterno is required to testify. Wait until he tries to explain what he did, what he did not do, and why.

It's all coming out. All of it.

What if Sandusky has a last minute bout of remorse and shame. And he pleads guilty. And from his jail cell, he lays out exactly how Paterno bought his pathetic lies, failed to follow up, and perhaps even helped cover his tracks.

I believe Joe Paterno knew, in 2002, that one phone call to police, would likely bring down Penn State football, and in large part, his perfect image. The fact that Sandusky "retired" in 1999, one year after an "incident" involving a young boy that was known to locals, but had never reached the national radar, is beyond fishy.

It's damn near unprecedented.

A 57 year old assistant coach, "retiring" underneath a 72 year old coach who kept chugging along? A guy with such credentials, that he was courted as a head coach at several other schools?

If Paterno makes that call to police in 2002, the outrage would have been enormous. The 2002 rape, was a direct result of a half-assed effort to just "quarantine" this sicko from JoePa's reputation.

Nobody really cared about quarantining the monster from other children.

The message from the 1998 incident: "You can't be on staff if you are a child molestor. Sorry."
The message from the 2002 incident: "Geezus, Jerry. Can you do this on your own time, at home, please!"

So Paterno puts up his hand and tells McQueary: "Tell it to my boss." And the bosses above him, in the most shameful charade of a game of "telephone", manage to water down the monstrous act in a way that lets everybody's gravy train on the JoePa railroad keep going.

Here's the nuclear core of this story, as reported by the Harrisburg Patriot News. The entire thing is a gut churning, rage inducing, mind-blowing read. And I remind you: we are just ONE WEEK into this story.

According to Paterno’s testimony, McQueary told the coach he had witnessed Sandusky “fondling or doing something of a sexual nature” to the boy.

Two days after the report was released, Paterno issued a statement saying he wanted to correct the impression left by the presentment.

Even though Paterno himself had told the grand jury that McQueary saw “something of a sexual nature,” Paterno said this week that he had stopped the conversation before it got too graphic. Instead, he told McQueary he would need to speak with his superior, Athletic Director Tim Curley, and with Schultz.

That meeting did not happen for 10 days.

What was said at that meeting is in dispute.

McQueary testified he told the men in specific detail exactly what he’d seen, and what he testified to before the grand jury.

Curley and Schultz say nothing criminal was described. Instead, Curley says, it was characterized as “inappropriate conduct” or “horsing around.

Schultz said it seemed like “not that serious.”

But Schultz also admitted to the grand jury that McQueary had reported seeing “inappropriate sexual conduct” between the older man and the young boy, and possibly Sandusky “inappropriately grabbing the young boy’s genitals.”

Neither man called the police. Instead, they decided to tell former President Graham Spanier.

Spanier testified that he was only told there was “horsing around” in the shower — between Sandusky and a boy. And that had made a member of Curley’s staff “uncomfortable.” Spanier told the grand jury he didn’t hear that the incident was sexual.

Spanier never asked to speak with McQueary.

Spanier signed off on their decision to ban Sandusky from bringing children from his charity, The Second Mile, into the Penn State football building.

The ban, Curley admitted, was unenforceable.

And in fact, Sandusky attended Second Mile football camps with kids on other Penn State campuses as recently as 2008.

What about The Second Mile itself? Second Mile President Jack Raykovitz was told about the incident and the ban in 2002, the report says.

Raykovitz, too, never contacted the police.

When Raykovitz testified before the grand jury, he said Curley had merely told him an employee was “uncomfortable” about seeing Sandusky in the locker room shower with a boy, but that an internal investigation revealed no wrongdoing.

“At no time was The Second Mile made aware of the very serious allegations contained in the grand jury report,” Raykovitz said in a statement after the indictments. Raykovitz’s statement said the new details “bring shock, sadness and concern,” but said they had no indication any of the alleged abuse happened within charity programs and events.

According to the grand jury, then, here is how McQueary’s eyewitness account became watered down at each stage:

McQueary: anal rape.
Paterno: something of a sexual nature.
Schultz: inappropriately grabbing of the young boy’s genitals.
Curley: inappropriate conduct or horsing around.
Spanier: conduct that made someone uncomfortable.
Raykovitz: a ban on bringing kids to the locker room.

The picture of Joe Paterno that is emerging, looks more and more like the Uncle Junior character from the Sopranos. Could such a fuzzy, innocent looking old man be a ruthless, self-absorbed boss underneath it all?

Answer: you bet.

Don't be surprised if we find out Paterno's massive influence in that town, and in that county, extended all the way up to the district attorney's office. Paterno was both loved and iconic, and ALSO a giant INDUSTRY to State College, Pennsylvania, as well.

I am well aware of the utterly bizarre Ray Gricar story, too. A guy "disappears" huh? In America? A person of influence and stature? Homeless people rarely disappear without a trace. No body parts? No corpse? No leads? No suicide note? No witnesses? No nothing?

Really? That's one helluva disappearing act.

But let's put the whole Gricar thing to the side for now. What is in front of us, is more than enough.

A recent Forbes survey had Penn State as the #3 most profitable athletic department in the country. Gross revenues of $70 million. Profits of $50 million.

Every.... damn... year.


These are the gears that will grind 10 year old boys and their inconsequential parents into hamburger meat.

As a final thought - for now, and believe me, this is not going to go away - I am a little dismayed at the over-the-top hatred for McQueary. He didn't "do nothing" as some people say. He did more than the men in power above him did, that's for sure.

He didn't call the cops, you are correct. But is it possible, that he feared the police more than anybody on that campus, especially with a crime that could threaten all that is "happy" in Happy Valley?

He did call Joe Paterno, and in many ways, that was going "right to the top" if you believed all of the wonderful things that have been said about this "wonderful" man of power, Joseph Paterno.

McQueary is going to tell his story. And I want to hear it all, first. Then I'll calibrate my scorn for him accordingly. If it turns out that McQueary's actions - while not "action hero" enough for some - end up putting Jerry Sandusky behind bars forever, isn't that enough?

What I have read in the last week about accusations like this, is that coming out and telling somebody about them is the most terrifying act of all, because of the potential, almost inevitable backlash. Polite, civil society, simply does not want to contemplate monsters the size of Jerry Sandusky.

These men don't come wearing horns and have blood dripping from their mouth. They look like the nicest neighbor on your street.

As such, people are sometimes more inclined to turn against those who speak the ugly truth, in order to maintain the pleasant lie. "The man has a million-dollar FOUNDATION to help kids! And HE's a child molestor!? How dare you." 

McQueary told his father. He told Paterno. He told Curley and Shultz.

That's alot.

Had he turned away completely that night, and never said a word, his life would be much, much easier right now. But his soul would be ravaged. 

He did the right thing. He just didn't do the PERFECT thing.

If you destroy McQueary now, before we hear his side, you play into the inevitable human calculation of the NEXT person of little power, who witnesses such a rape. 

"Wow, I just saw a guy raping a boy. But I couldn't break it up. I froze. I was terrified. I was too small. But I AM going to report it. I must. But wow, look at how they treated that guy at Penn State who did the same? He was vilified. His career was ruined. He lived with death threats, because he didn't instantly swing into "action hero" mode. Do I need this in my life? Will I ever get a good job again? Will they try to make ME the bad guy?"

Here's the most jarring excerpt from the Patriot-News Special report.

The 1998 victim's mother said the authorities leaned on HER to "think about" the accusations her son and her were making. The same Attorney General, Linda Kelly, actually praised the school for a half-action against Sandusky.

Sandusky was barred from the school as soon as this victim made allegations against him, and Kelly praised the school district for acting appropriately.

The mother has told The Patriot-News she was upset to hear the district being commended.

“They told me to go home and think about what I wanted to do, and I was not happy,” she said. “They said I needed to think about how that would impact my son if I said something like that. I went home and got [my son] and we came to [Children and Youth Services] immediately.”

If that doesn't chill you down to your socks, nothing will.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

NFL Scouts Won't Miss Joe Paterno One Bit

From Mike Freeman of CBS Sports...

One NFC scout was asked how he felt about Joe Paterno leaving. 
"I hate to see any of this stuff happening," the scout said, "but people in my line of work won't miss him." 
The reason? Paterno was notorious for his abuse of scouts and personnel men who tried to interview players or the staff in preparation for the NFL draft and free agency 
None of this stuff compares to the grand ugliness that happened at the school regarding molestation charges but it does open a small window -- a tiny one -- into how tight control Paterno had at the school.

It wasn't unusual for scouts to set up an appointment to speak with a player or group of players, or even Paterno himself, only to find after traveling to campus Paterno would cancel all appointments. 
Eventually, I'm told, scouts were only allowed to come on certain open dates. Sometimes they'd be allowed to watch practice, sometimes not. Paterno had his favorites and would let certain scouts he liked or thought were friends of the program have better access to the team than others. 
"Penn State was one of the worst places to try and do your job," said the scout. 
Dan Shonka, a former scout, tweeted recently: "I have received several e-mails from retired and present #NFL scouts that reminded me that #JoePaterno hindered us from doing our job at #PennSt How so? #CoachPaterno had a rule that scouts could only visit on open dates and watching prospects during practice was not allowed. Many #scouts blame #PennSt busts over the years on the lack of info #CoachPaterno let out..."

Friday, November 11, 2011

Craction Pool Week 10

Here's a freaky deaky stat for you kids. If you back out every spike to kill the clock, intentionally flushed pass to abort a play, and drops - Aaron Rodgers completion percentage is about 82%!


So here's your chance to win my coveted, and rare, Aaron Rodgers McFarlane action figure. If only, it had him doing the patented "Discount Double Check" move..... 

All you gotta do, is dial in the PERFECT 5-way combination!

Sign up HERE, for free, and enjoy the game!

Week 1: Shawn Brandt
Week 2: Larry Haslee/Ronnie Windsor
Week 3: Eric Hucke
Week 4: John Merrill
Week 5: John Sample
Week 6: Nate Faust
Week 7: John Heibel
Week 8: Karin McAnaney
Week 9: John Goodall

Personally, I'm going to roll with Jimmy Masterlock's Picks, this week, because he IS a staggering 19-14-2!

and throw on top of it....

Miami -4 vs. Redskins

Jimmy Sez:

Don't Think Don't Blink, Lay the Lumber PICK: GB -14 vs. Minn. Underdog PICK: Buf +6 at DAL
"Run To The Smell" PICK: SEA +7 vs. Bal
Lock of the Week PICK: NYJ -1 vs. NE

Thursday, November 10, 2011

State Penn

Why Didn't Mike McQueary Do More?

Well, there's a lot of reasons. And it doesn't necessarily exonerate him. But let's remember how powerful the Paterno Cosa Nostra was in Happy Valley.

I would liken McQueary's shocking encounter, to you or I coming upon a live Bengal tiger in the lockeroom showers. Except this tiger could also cost you your job, not just eat you.

Your sense of what you just saw, would probably melt your circuits in a way that renders logical thinking almost impossible.

Furthermore, would you know if Sandusky had a weapon on him, or near him? What if you swing and miss, and he gets the upper hand on you and then harms the child?

Howard Bryant, writing for, recalls a Boston Red Sox sexual abuse scandal that I surely never heard about. One that reminds you how absolute power corrupts absolutely, especially when it comes to dark, hideous acts, that the powerful never want to confront.

Sports might not be as important as law enforcement or religion, but the betrayal of trust is just as deep. For three decades, the Boston Red Sox employed a sexual predator who solicited sex from the young boys he would hire to work the clubhouse during spring training. It would become common knowledge that Donald Fitzpatrick was dangerous around children. One of his victims alleged that Red Sox players such as Jim Rice and Sammy Stewart would warn the clubhouse kids to avoid Fitzpatrick. When one of the kids confronted Red Sox management in 1971 with the charge that Fitzpatrick had engaged in inappropriate sexual behavior with them -- some as young as 4 years old -- in the Red Sox clubhouse and at the Holiday Inn where the team was housed during spring training, the Red Sox followed the Penn State template and more. Not only did the team fail to alert authorities or disassociate from Fitzpatrick but the Red Sox fired the victims who came forward. 
Only in 1991, when another victim, a young aide Fitzpatrick was suspected of recruiting, held up a sign during a nationally televised Red Sox-Angels game that read "Don Fitzpatrick sexually assaulted me" did the Red Sox act, paying out a $100,000 settlement. After more than 30 years, in 2003, the Red Sox settled a $3.15 million lawsuit with the seven Florida victims. In 2002, Fitzpatrick pleaded guilty in Florida to four counts of sexual battery on a child.
Look, hindsight of 9 years, and with all we know now, makes it easy to say "I would have cold cocked that old man!" But in the moment, who knows.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

The Nine Funniest Minutes of 2011

Who has the patience for a web video longer than 3 or 4 minutes these days? Nobody. But this gem, keeps getting better, and better as it presses toward the 9 minute mark.

Genius, Team CoCo. Genius.

Monday, November 7, 2011


There's not much more to say than this in regard to my Redskins. Just look at the photo.

As such, I won't bore anyone with deep analysis of the team, or the game.

We suck.

We suck, we suck, we suck.

And nothing is going to matter until there's an actual NFL quarterback on the roster.

Mind you: I am not saying a QB fixes all of our problems. But nothing else matters, until this crucial position gets addressed.


Mike Shanahan had a very interesting  interview with our radio station's mid-day hosts Kevin Sheehan and Thom Loverro just prior to the team returning from the bye week. At the time, the team was 3-1, and almost entirely healthy. Never mind that the 3 wins were 1 solid win over the Giants in Week 1, followed by a "down to their last 4th down and 3" against decidedly poor Arizona and a stuttering low-point win against 1-win St. Louis.

Never mind all that. Shanahan, was damn near giddy in that interview. He was loose, relaxed, confident and happy. He talked about things he has never talked about with the media since he came to town. He talked about how he liked to play blackjack, his preference in music, and a bunch of non-football things.

He also said the following, in regard to an oblique question about whether Rex Grossman was essentially good enough to win with:

Shanahan: "We understand the quarterback position."

Oh, you do? Really.

That comment came before the entire season came flying apart at the seams. Before injuries to the o-line, and the loss of a starting WR and TE. It came before Rex vomited all over himself in a 4-picks-in-just-3-quarters game at home that prompted the move to John Beck.

It came before letting the Eagles back off the mat, it came before another loss to a rookie QB in Cam Newton (the Redskins staggering 7th STRAIGHT loss to a rookie starter) it came before a lifeless shutout in Toronto against the Bills.

And it came before Sunday's debacle in which the Redskins were effectively shut out, again.

I go back to that interview, Shanny's tone, and the cocky-ass, condescending comment: "We understand the quarterback position."

I must ask an honest, and sobering question: "Does Shanahan have any idea what is going on right now?"

I mean that. Is it possible that he's completely floored that his magnificent scheme is not working somehow? Could he really be scratching his head in wonder?

The conventional wisdom is essentially: "Of course, Shanahan knows he needs a QB. He's too smart not to know that."

But does he? Really? Is it possible, this Grossman-Beck experiment has blown up in his face, and he is franctically trying to give it life support?

More conventional wisdom says Shanahan knew that he needed a young QB to mold, but he sacrificed that need for one year in order to bolster the defense.

If so, quite a noble gesture, given how he had to know he would take the dump truck of crap from the fanbase if the offense was junk. Plus, had the Skins not thrown away pick #37 this year on McNabb, they could have easily moved up 2 spots for Andy Dalton who went #35 to Cinci. Instead, they took Jarvis Jenkins at #41, but they did so with a cobbled together 2nd round pick assembled from a flurry of trade-downs.

Which again, reinforces the tragic folly of the McNabb deal. You can say to youself: "Ah, it's just a second round pick" but those missing picks have consequences. You go without one, and then you chase to re-claim it, and all of a sudden, you are missing on a perhaps franchise QB.

Shanahan said he'd stake his reputation on the belief that Grossman and Beck can play. That's more than just a standard coaches endorsement to pump up his quarterbacks.

Perhaps his reputation has no clothes. Perhaps Shanahan is one of the most well paid frauds in NFL history. A second coming of George Seifert, emboldened by a $35 million guaranteed 5 year contract, and the knowledge that if Snyder were to fire him prematurely, almost all the blame would bounce back on the owner.

Winning a Super Bowl is insanely hard. But at the same time, it's also no perfect litmus test of coaching excellence. Brian Billick and Jim Fassel squared off in a Super Bowl once, and where are those guys now? Billick butchering names in the broadcast booth, and Fassell slumming it in the UFL.

Shanny had a quick strike pair of Super Bowls, with a Hall of Fame QB, and a RB whose production was absurdly HOF-worthy before he had it cut short by knee injuries. The only other bright spot, and only other AFC West title was a lone 13-3 season in 2005.

Dick Jauron once went 13-3 too, so let's not get carried away.

There's only 3 basic scenarios right now for Shanahan.

1. He knows Beck and Grossman are junk, and just hoped to get through the year. The pumping up was just that. Lip service. He's got a good idea who he likes coming out this spring, and plans to go get him.

2. He's truly flummoxed, and stunned that THIS is not working at all. As such, he has no real "Plan B".

3. He's just cynically banking Snyder's cash. He knows that this is his last big coaching "score". He wanted to give his kid the best shot at a full blown NFL career. If Snyder fires him before all 5 years are over (shudder the thought) Shanny knows he can say "oh, well, it was Mission Impossible."

Right now, I'm leaning - just a lean - that he's on Scenario #2, and will have to be talked into #1. But if that plan gets much harder, he will gladly fall back into #3, and this unfortunate episode in franchise history will become just another case study in fail.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

The Monster Devours Happy Valley

College football is a monster.

And seemingly every week, it is something new.

The latest, Penn State's horrifying case of alleged sexual assault - rape, really - by former Paterno heir apparent Jerry Sandusky, is big enough to put all of the others into the "Also Receiving Votes" category.

The allegations, in a nutshell: Sandusky assaulted up to 8 at-risk young boys, in the Penn State showers, got caught, and Penn State coaches and administrators covered it up to avoid damage to the program's "pristine" reputation.

Goodbye, Cam Newton scandal. So long, Ohio State's tattoo controversy. Ha, Miami's hookers-n-cash expose.

Just look at this, if you can stomach it.

So how does this happen? How can something so vile be hushed away like a wideout who got a discounted car from a local dealership?

Because modern college football is a soulless monster, and it... does... not... care.

It does not care that the players make nothing, and the TV rights keep going through the roof.
It does not care that conferences which involve Boise, IDAHO, will be called the "Big East."
It does not care that dads ask for 6-figure cash for their kids.
It does not care that Ohio State players should have been ineligible immediately, there was a bowl to play.
It does not care that the Fiesta Bowl was soaked and dripping with fraud and embezzlement.
It does not care that many schools actually lose money on bowl appearances.

The monster that is modern, televised, quasi-professional college football does not care. It eats, swallows whole, and moves on.

Players, coaches, teams, budgets, conferences, ethics, morals, tradition, decency.

It eats it all.

An omnivore that nobody dares to stand up to.

The University Presidents won't do it. The NCAA won't do it. Congress won't do it. The TV networks won't do it, because they are the ones on the other end of the thick iron chain leash.

And we feed the beast. Yep. We the fans. We the media. We the rah-rah people with our face paint and BBQ ribs in the parking lot.

The LSU-Alabama game was another perfect example. Yes, it was a heavyweight matchup. But the dripping "oohs" and "ahhs" from everybody was just about enough to make you puke.

ESPN fed us 24/7 coverage starting on Tuesday, with reporters literally waking up with the coaches and driving in to work with them, cameras rolling and mics live.


The game was close, hard hitting, low scoring. Alabama's poor kicker couldn't hit the Gulf of Mexico from the deck of the Queen Mary. Given how a previously disgruntled 'Bama fan fatally poisoned two 100 year old oak trees to make him feel better, I would say that kicker should hire a food taster for a while.

Do I have an answer? I am about to make some soap-box like media "demands".

No. No I am not. I have no answers, and there's enough people on soapboxes already.

There's nothing that can be done, until the people in charge of the game, decide they want to have something done to at least trim the monsters claws, if not put it in a cage of some sort.

I do love the product on the field. But the system producing it is nothing short of abysmal. Even if you didn't mind the low-level criminality, bribery, assaults and what-not, the sport still decides its champion in the most grotesquely unpopular way.

I know how this season ends. An interminable 30-some days after the last regular season game. With a single "championship" determined by computers and polls. It'll take place about a week after New Years, be played on a weeknight, and start about 9:30 eastern, and last at least 3 hours and 45 minutes.

And chances are, it'll be a blowout.

Meanwhile, Penn State is trying to figure out how they can shield a nearly senile Joe Paterno from having to describe in open court, penis on penis action in his program's lockeroom showers, and why he and the entire program seemed to care more about their image than saving young boys a lifetime of pain and misery.

And yeah, the same monster - college football - killed a kid trying to film a practice in 50 mph winds on a 30-foot scissors lift for a maniac of a coach, and nobody got fired. I'll never let that one go.

Good times.

All that said, I think Stanford is in a great spot, given how shaky Oklahoma State has looked as of late. And part of me hates myself for even thinking about that, or writing it.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Craction Pool Week 9

We are going OLD SCHOOL with the Donkey Helmet prize for this week's winner! As you see here, this is a rare "alt-throwback" helmet from the early 50's at Southwest Tech, of course with a modern high finish shell and coated steel facemask.

The helmet was an homage to the Michigan "wing" and appeared from 1953-1957.

However, Donkeys coach Les Stutsmeyer (Record: 6-38-2) successfully lobbied to have the design retired following his second straight 0-11-1 season in 1957. Stutsmeyer was convinced the helmet was "bad ju-ju" and a direct cause of the team's troubles, despite his offense using the controversial "full-house backfield" formation of up to 7 running backs at a time, with only a center and two guards in front of the quarterback.

"If 3 backs in a triangle works for Oklahoma, then 7 backs in a pyramid can't be stopped!" Stutsmeyer would often bark to players and media alike.

The formation never caught on, and only once cracked 80 yards rushing in a single game.

Stutsmeyer was fired after the first game of the 1958 season, one in which his team wore the "Double Horseshoe" helmet design. The new logo did nothing for The Fightin' Donks under Stutsmeyer, as they lost to Dismal Valley State 77-2 in the home opener.

"That helmet still looked like it had a damn horse penis down the stripe!" Stutsmeyer shouted as he was escorted from the press conference announcing his dismissal. "And you can't pin that one on me!"

So there you go, football fans! A real piece of history on the line! Have at it!

All you gotta do, is dial in the PERFECT 5-way combination!

Sign up HERE, for free, and enjoy the game!

Week 1: Shawn Brandt
Week 2: Larry Haslee/Ronnie Windsor
Week 3: Eric Hucke
Week 4: John Merrill
Week 5: John Sample
Week 6: Nate Faust
Week 7: John Heibel
Week 8:
Week 9:

Personally, I'm going to roll with Jimmy Masterlock's Picks, this week, because he IS a staggering 18-11-2!

And throw on top of his picks...
San Francisco -4 vs. Redskins.

Jimmy Sez:

Don't Think Don't Blink, Lay the Lumber PICK: Dallas -12 vs. Seattle Underdog PICK: Cleveland +11 @ Houston.
"Run To The Smell" PICK: New Orleans -9 vs. Tampa Bay
Lock of the Week PICK: Oakland -9 vs. Denver


The boys at Craction are having a 50% off sale on the "PRO" version of the game, which includes live scoring and will soon have discounts at local businesses around the country.

They can purchase it through our Craction Store and proceeds will go to various charities that help our troops returning home settle in and enjoy things they may have missed while serving our great nation.

HERE IS THE LINK for the "Pro" version of Craction, which is awesome for your leagues! You'll never watch football the same way again!

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Hey Los Angeles, Try Keeping Films In House, Before Stealing The Vikings

While Minnesota Vikings fans are understandably nervous about losing their football team to Los Angeles, lets remember that getting a new stadium built in LA is far from a done deal.

Even though the city power brokers have managed to grease the skids on the ultra tough environmental rules in the Golden State for this project, until I see cranes putting the scoreboard in place, I won't believe anything.

And if you want to know how completely effed up Los Angeles and California are when it comes to their enviro laws, consider this: the FILM INDUSTRY has lost almost HALF of its work to other locations in the last 15 years!

From Koel Kotkin's piece in Forbes about the LA stadium push...

LA’s leaders should therefore focus on the systematic causes for the region’s ailing economy. 
One source of the problem lies in tough environmental rules that, although lifted on behalf of football, clamp on growth of virtually every other industry, including the city’s port and manufacturing sector. Powerful green interests, for example, make any plan to modernize the port all but impossible. This could prove catastrophic when the widening of the Panama Canal will allow aggressive, cheaper posts in the Gulf or Southeast U.S. to compete with the Pacific Asian trade that has driven LA’s port economy for decades. 
Los Angeles’ huge industrial sector has also been a victim of the regulatory tsunami. 
Manufacturers have lost roughly one-third of their jobs over the past decade as firms head out to more congenial regions with less onerous regulatory burdens. Sadly, Los Angeles has benefited little from the recent upsurge in manufacturing nationwidewhen compared with metropolitan areas such as Detroit, Salt Lake City and San Antonio. 
Even Hollywood, an industry less affected by green regulations, has begun to lose steam. Film production has dropped by more than half over the past 15 years. LA’s share of film and television production has eroded as well, with much of the new work headed to Toronto, New Mexico, New Orleans, New York and Atlanta. All these cities offer richer incentives to attract productions than the world’s self-proclaimed “entertainment capital."

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

"Hey Zornie, Shanny Just Fell Behind Your Mark In DC!"

This pretty much sums it up. Other than this stat: First 23 Games: Zorn 10-13. Shanahan 9-14.

Boom... roasted.


Does anyone else see the similarity between Shanahan and all the other past overpaid Redskin free agent signings?  Of course Shanahan is a coach rather than a fat defensive lineman but the comfortable sense of entitlement and lack of accountability is still there.  Shanahan is making 7 million dollars this year which goes along with the “come to the Redskins to get paid” theme over the past 11 years.  Shanahan is 59 years old and has 2 rings.  What else does he have to prove in his career?  What drives him everyday other than getting paid an obscene amount of money. 

The whole situation allows him to casually hire his son which most people agree opens up the door for more drama and controversy that the Redskins are so used to.  It allows him to go 0 for 4 on quarterbacks but say things like “we know the quarterback position.”  And would someone who’s job/career/financial situation was on the line allow his sons roommate/BFF to start at quarterback??  Schwartz and Harbaugh literally fought on the field after the game.  Bilichick cheated to make sure he had the best chance to win.  He had a career to think about.  I dont condone cheating but the point is they have motivation, drive and urgency to build a team and make a name for themselves.  Shanahan has none of that.  He has a cushy situation in which really his only motivation is to give his sons career a bump in the right direction while he cashes 7 million dollar checks.  

Let’s not even get into the fact that his two of the brighter spots (Torain and Banks) were left off the opening roster last year and that he shoves the “scheme” down everyone’s throat even when he doesn’t have the personnel to fit it (not just offense – see 3-4 defense).  But again he could care less because of the same reasons Haynesworth could care less about laying on the field and chilling on his million dollar boat during OTAs.  No accountability, no motivation, no drive, and no sense of urgency.  It all comes back to the same thing – you can’t buy a championship. 

Matt Sol

"I Didn't Know Trick Extended To A Felony Trick"