Saturday, November 30, 2013

Why I'm Thankful...

For parents, and a family... like this.

I was lucky enough to get a hold of the Czaban Family Archives in advance of my parents' 50th anniversary this summer. My pops did a great job of documenting things - often, ordinary things - along the way when I was little. And my mom, was and is, simply the best.

I am so lucky that both are alive and thriving, and living nearby to dote on our daughters and spoil them rotten.

If you ever wanted to see the backstory of my upbringing and why I jokingly call them the "mean streets" of McLean, Virginia...  well here's the definitive documentary.

I hope everyone who reads this blog, also had a great Thanksgiving.

And if your parents are still alive and in your life, enjoy every minute with them.

And for your kids, take lots of pictures and video. They mature with age and become priceless family artifacts.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Get. Better. Players.

Sometimes, the simplest message is the most true.

Like Chick-fil-A's brilliantly minimalist marketing strategy, in the NFL there is no substitute for getting better players.

And despite all the problems with the Redskins right now - too many to truly list - the biggest problem remains as boring and old as the NFL hills: poor talent.

Griffin can improve. Shanahan can be fired. Those things will run their course.

Getting mo' better players, however, takes time and a persistent strategy.

Nothing sexy or quick about it.

Here's all that really matters about the Redskins right now. Going into the Vikings game 3 losses ago, the team was staggeringly healthy. All 22 of it's Week 1 starters on both sides of the ball, were suited and ready to go.

And they lost the next three.

If you were to rate each player as follows...

++ = NFL elite, All-Pro
+ = Very good, Pro Bowl Caliber
0 = A decent player, no more, no less.
- = Less than average player
-- = Liability, should not be on roster

I would say the Redskins current roster has more "minus", or double-minus players than "plus" players by a factor of 2-to-1.

And I won't go through calling them out, because I think followers of the team know exactly who they are.

So in other words, the Redskins' roster - full of "minus" players - doesn't even have young backups who are pushing and taking over starting jobs.

Which makes the bench "double-minus" caliber talent.

Shanahan is eager to get at that sweet, sweet, salary cap money which will be finally be available this spring. Hell, he talks about it more than a teenager talks about the upcoming One Direction release.

But you can't buy more than a few decent guys with cap space.

The Rams have our first rounder this year, as final payment for RG3. It's looking like it might be Top-5, perhaps (gulp!) #1/#1.

That's sobering enough if Griffin were good this year, and the team was still bad due to other reasons.

But in my nightmares........ I see Joe Webb.

In my nightmares, I see the great RG3 Experiment morphing into a guy who is not much more than a "run around guy", still trying to pull miracles out of his Superman socks.

I still have faith,  maybe stupidly, that this guy is smart enough, committed enough, and skilled enough to play the position at an elite level.

But he needs better coaching, a big dollop of humility (currently being installed by recent events and games) and... alas.... MORE. BETTER. PLAYERS.


Here are the notable screen shots from last night's game. None are comforting. Especially, the kick to the gonads!

Monday, November 25, 2013

Tony Sirico Makes Canine Cameo on Family Guy

I could listen to his wet, whistle-ish, Italian voice all day long.

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Just So You Understand "Roger Goodell's Super Safe NFL Rules" Better...

This was a penalty.

This was not.


Happy 4th Anniversary, Tiger Woods Scandal!

To me, Thanksgiving means all the wonderful things in life to savor and enjoy. Family, friends, food... and a remembrance of the car crash and subsequent bimbo-palooza that brought down Eldrick T. Woods from the Mount Olympus of sports and commercial endorsement.

Oh, how the time flies.

Still no majors since then.... but hey, he's a young* 37, there's plenty of time. Right?

I remember exactly where I was when I heard that Woods had been in a car crash and was in "serious" condition at an Orlando hospital. I was driving up to my driveway when my golf bro Gitter rang my cell phone with the news.

Holy, crap! My mind raced with thoughts of what it would mean if he never played again at a competitive level. Or perhaps was as bad as Hogan. Or... of course... the worst.

Well, turns out the crash was the LEAST of his problems.

The unfolding several weeks after that night, was beyond brain melting in terms of what we, the media, and fans, had FORMERLY thought about the multi-ethnic, can-do-no-wrong, golfing superstar.

I mean, hey, we were naive to think he perhaps didn't *dabble* just bit outside the lovely Swedish model-turned-nanny-turned-housewife. But the skanks just kept coming.

And the voice mail. And the porn stars. And the Perkins waitress! And the sex rehab clinic in Mississippi. And the "fake" Tiger his agent paid to try to throw the paparazzi off the trail.

Well, for the first time I can recall, there's a very specific (and thorough recap) of the "Three Nights in November" at the Woods compound in Florida, that began the unravelling. I am not sure where the NY Post's Maureen Callahan sources much of this very private intelligence on the whole mess, but I am sure there are now bimbo's (and perhaps Elin herself) more than willing to whisper out the facts despite payoffs, NDA's and sealed divorce records.


Sources close to Nordegren later told The Daily Beast that on Nov. 24, one day before the Enquirer hit stands, Woods put his wife on the phone with Uchitel, who insisted there was no truth to the imminent story. Nordegren and Uchitel spoke for 30 minutes.

Woods was satisfied; Nordegren was not. That afternoon, Woods left his cellphone unattended, and Nordegren scrolled through his call history. She found another name, Jaimee Grubbs, and called her. Nordegren got voice mail. She left a message.

“You know who this is,” Nordegren said, “because you are f- -king my husband.”

Nordegren didn’t tell Woods, and when he retrieved his phone, he, too, called Grubbs.

His call also went to voice mail.

“Hey, it’s, uh . . . it’s Tiger,” he said. “Can you please take your name off your phone? My wife went through my phone and, uh, may be calling you. So if you can, please take your name off that. And, um . . . just have it as a number on the voice mail. OK? You got to do this for me. Huge. Quickly. All right, bye.”


On Thanksgiving night, after Woods, an insomniac, took an Ambien and fell asleep, Nordegren took his phone and scrolled for Uchitel’s number.

She clicked on it and found a text from her husband: “You are the only one I’ve ever loved.”

It was now 1 a.m. on Friday, and Nordegren, described by friends as an exceptionally controlled person, thought for a moment. How could she be sure to catch her husband in this lie?

She began texting Uchitel — as Woods.

“I miss you,” Nordegren wrote. “When are we seeing each other again?”

Uchitel replied immediately, expressing surprise that Woods was up.

Nordegren called Uchitel immediately. “I knew it was you,” she said. “I know everything.”

“Oh, f- -k,” Uchitel said. She hung up.

Nordegren’s screaming woke up Woods. He was woozy, but he grabbed his cellphone and ran to the bathroom, locking himself in and texting Uchitel.

“She knows,” he wrote. “I’m going to be packing.” He told her it looked like divorce.

Nordegren was still yelling at Woods, demanding he come out. When he emerged minutes later, she swiped the cellphone, took one look at his last sent message — “divorce” — and exploded. She threw it at Woods, chipping his tooth. She pummeled his chest and scratched his face. He wrested himself away, and Nordegren reached for the nearest weapon — a golf club — and began chasing him.


By Dec. 11, 2009, two weeks after Woods’ accident, the number of known mistresses was up to 14. He lost endorsements with Nike, Gatorade, Gillette and Accenture — the latter alone earning him between $10 million and $15 million a year. He announced he was taking a leave from golf and on Nov. 30, he pulled out of the Chevron World Challenge.

By the end of the month, Woods had entered rehab for sex addiction.

Nordegren used the time to renegotiate her prenup and mull her marriage. The day after the accident, Woods had reportedly told a friend that Nordegren had “gone ghetto” on him and that he needed to “run to Zales and get a Kobe special — a house on a finger,” referring to caught-cheating NBA star Kobe Bryant’s gift to his wife.

Woods’ golf game fell apart, and his career has never fully recovered. He now earns about $54 million in endorsements — half of what he made pre-scandal, Forbes says — and has not won a major tournament since.

Woods reportedly confessed to sleeping with 120 women, but sources close to Nordegren say she remained on the fence about leaving him until April 2010, when a 15th mistress was revealed. Her name was Raychel Coudriet. She was a daughter of the couple next door and first met Woods when she was only 14.


Now, I can already see the emails and comments below being written right now. "Geez, Czabe, way to pile on. Are you ever going to let it go? Why do you hate him so much? And on and on...."

I don't "hate" Tiger Woods, because I don't know him and he's never done anything to me and my family. But I do think he's a truly awful person, and with every low rent act ON the golf course he pulls these days, it only confirms why all of the above happened in the first place.

Plus, there are too many juicy details here, that I had never before seen or read, and the Post story bundles it all up in such a well constructed Tiger Scandal 101

He's a guy to whom the rules simply do not apply. At least not in his mind. He treats nearly everybody in his orbit shabbily, and I suspect Lindsay Vonn will be the next one to find out. 

"Oh, hurt your knee again? So sorry. I really wasn't looking forward to freezing my ass off in Sochi anyway, babe. So looks like I WILL enter the Honda Classic after all this February. Text me and let me know how it's going."

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Lonely Island: Jack Sparrow

It's kinda embarrassing that I only saw this one today, for god's sake! Where have I been? Not like I don't know about the Lonely Island geniuses. Not like "J*** In My Pants" isn't my favorite song of all time (no, wait.... "I'm On A Boat" is even better).

So for everyone else out there who *thinks* they are "hip to the internets" and have seen what all the kids are talking about, but still find things here at that you never knew existed... well.. enjoy. It's another classic.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

If Tony Soprano Ran The Dolphins, Here's How It Would Go Down

I think I've finally had it with this Jonathan Martin vs. Richie Incognito bullying case.

Took me a while. But the simmer has now blown my lid right off the pot.

It's not that Martin is a mommy-clinging-thumb-sucking soft-tard for how he tattled on Incognito.

Although he might be.

It's not that Incognito is a certified psychopath, almost certain to be arrested, broke, or both about 10 minutes after he's out of the NFL. Or that he went way way waaaay over the line with Martin in particular.

Although he might have.

No, what's enough to make you want to throw an oversized ashtray through Roger Goodell's glass-case collection of NFL mini-helmets is the fact that this thing is taking way too long untangle and put to bed.

Did you know, there are now TWO separate investigations?

Two. The NFL's and the NFLPA's.

Martin left the Dolphins on October 28th. Incognito was suspended November 3rd.

Thanksgiving is next week, and we aren't even a country fucking mile from wrapping this thing up and getting on with the business of high level, professional, tackle football.

And now the league's hand-picked ESPN mouthpieces like Mort and Shefter, are talking about.... sorry for yelling here but...... "WHAT PUNISHMENT GOODELL MIGHT IMPOSE WHEN THE TED WELLS REPORT IS FINISHED!"

Punishment from the league? Against the Dolphins?

They've been "punished" enough by how they handled this. They are down two starting lineman for the equivalent of a card game that went sideways and some dick jokes. The Dolphins basically flushed what was left of their season!

To channel my inner Jim Mora: "Punishments? Puh-puh-puh-PUNISHMENTS?"

But then again, this is what this league has become under Goodell: a thoroughly unlikeable corporate drone-hive of assholes in suits.

Oh, that, and they football on Sundays.

In 2013 it's all lawyers, lawsuits, and "special investigations." I almost yearn for the days when Goodell would take Spygate VCR tapes and throw them in his personal incinerator behind his desk, clip a team and a coach for quarter-million or two, and tell them to knock it the fuck off.

Done and done.

I yearn for the days of rogue owners that would threaten to do whatever the hell they wanted, and dared the league to say even lift an eyebrow. The "league" once existed to keep basic order amongst the separate franchises, run the draft, bang the TV networks for money and to set the schedule.

That's it.

If Al Davis wanted to drive the Raiders back and forth between Oakland and L.A. on every odd-numbered year, that was on him. Good luck, Al.

Bountygate was a case where the NFL essentially STOLE an entire possible championship season from Tom Benson, with a QB in his tender prime, defrauded a whole fan base with absurdly trumped up allegations - and Benson just took it all... LIKE A BITCH.

This league......

The Dolphins should have had this Martin thing handled in a week - tops.

It should have gone something like this.

Dolphins to NFL. "Stand down, we got this."
Dolphins to Martin. "Okay, kid what's the matter?"

If Martin says "talk to my lawyers" you tell him this: "Kid, we own your rights. You'll play for us, or nobody. Now tell us what happened, and what do you want us to do about it?"

If he says Incognito strong armed him for $15k for a Vegas trip he wanted no part of and rode his ass too hard in the locker-room, you tell Martin:

"Okay, kid. We're gonna make it right. Richie's gonna pay you back the $15k for Vegas, and another $15k for being an asshole. He's going to apologize to you, and apologize in public for getting a little carried away. You two hug like men, and the guys will only jump your ass when you are missing blocks."

If Incognito balks at this solution, remind him of the golf course groping lawsuit they swept under the rug, and ask him to think long and hard about how many other teams will want to sign him when the "full Richie file" gets accidentally emailed to Deadspin. "Ooops."

And if Martin doesn't want to play ball, and instead says he and his lawyer mommy are gonna sue the Dolphins, tell him: "Okay, bud. Nice career. Short, but nice. Good luck over the next 5-7 years, because that's how long it'll take. Even if we lose, we've written down more bad debt in one day than what your case will cost."

Then you re-instate Incognito, with a warning of "less asshole, more football" and we move on.

If Roger Goodell is all freaked out about what might come out, and insists that the league has some "vested interest" in helping do some "crisis management" in an intramural dispute of this low a magnitude, just ask him: "Hey, don't you have a tight end in jail for murder right now?"

Or perhaps "got those hand warmers all lined up for your corporate clowns at this year's Superbowl?"

But hey, I'm sure this thing will be wrapped by Christmas, and Ted Wells' thorough report will be available in a faux-leather bound reader on

Hallelujiah, holy shit, where's the Tylenol!


Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Snicky du Jour: Cindy Crawford

My god, doesn't she look stunning at 47?

Better yet, unlike that crazy narcissist Jennifer Aniston, Cindy is a rather rare bird in that you don't get new pics of her very often. She's a lay-low, I-Know-I'm-Still-Smokin'-Hot, mother of two.

And then she'll re-fill her little spending account with I'm sure a FAT 7-figure deal to pimp some anti-aging cream to women who will never look as good as Cindy - on her WORST day!

Good for her. And good for us, as these pics just shook loose from a recent magazine photo shoot.

Chi Chi Takes One (In) Near The "Fellas..."'

Step lively, Chi Chi!

Sunday, November 17, 2013

The Most Comprehensive X's and O's Breakdown I've Ever Seen

Once upon a time, I routinely railed on the NFL for emargoing the vaunted "All-22" film that coaches look at to review plays and create game-plans.

In fact, the league once haughtily said this:
If you ask the league to see the footage that was taken from on high to show the entire field and what all 22 players did on every play, the response will be emphatic. "NO ONE gets that," NFL spokesman Brian McCarthy wrote in an email. This footage, added fellow league spokesman Greg Aiello, "is regarded at this point as proprietary NFL coaching information." 
The NFL says the league wasn't actually serious about releasing the footage. The survey was meant only to gauge fan interest, Aiello says. "There's not a product in development," he says. "This is a long way from becoming a reality, if ever."
Yeah. That was all the way back in.... 2011.

The "fear" from the football "establishment" was that us idiot couch monkeys would start jumping to incorrect conclusions about plays and players based on this "proprietary" secret fucking video formula to the NFL.

Like it's the recipe for Coca-Cola.


Instead, plenty of smart football minds who do NOT get paid $1 million to sit on a network set and say virtually nothing of value (I'm looking at YOU, Isotoner Boy!) now take this goldmine of video and prepare film prep breakdowns like THIS!

Read this awesome breakdown by Fran Duffy on the Redskins complicated "Zone-Read" scheme in advance of today's Eagles game and you WILL BE much smarter for it.

And yeah, I had to look him up. Who the f*** is Fran Duffy?

A former video coordinator for Temple football. Plenty smart to explain things to us masses about football concepts and trends.

And still hungry to make a name for himself.

All brought to you, absolutely FREE, thanks to Al Gore's internet.


Friday, November 15, 2013

Obamacare In One Minute (or less!)

From the single best comprehensive read of this utter debacle anywhere....

"In the wake of Hurricane Katrina, it took about five minutes for liberals to cast the chaos and confusion of the disaster as a searing indictment of not just the Bush administration but of conservatism itself. Whatever the merits of that argument (and there are not many), Katrina was at least a surprise. The October 1 deadline for Obamacare was set by Obama’s own administration years ago — and it caught them completely off guard. The president may now claim that he knew nothing, but he must have wondered why Henry Chao,’s chief project manager, set the bar of success at sea level last March: “Let’s just make sure it’s not a Third World experience.” At this point, it could only be more of a Third World experience if required enrollees to pay with chickens."

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Snicky du Jour: Priyanka Chopra

Or... better known as "The Hot Chick Who Opens NFL Network Thursday Games But They Make Extra Sure to Never Show Her Name Or Mention Her Anywhere."

I mean, are we THAT xenophobic as football fans that we can't promote an Indian smokeshow just because she's not 'Murican!?

I suppose that's what NFL Network thinks. Because the lengths to which they go to NOT mention her, is truly comical. Look, we're not all inbred rednecks who will shoot our TV screens like Elvis just because this gal 'ain't from Tennessee.

(Although I did now notice you can get Pri wearing EVERY one of the NFL's officially licensed jerseys here, which makes for a nice screensaver!)

We put up with that hack midget Cee Lo Green before her.

We can handle it. Put her name up there. Drop her a mention on the pre-game. Hell, bring her on the set one week!

You may hate the song (it's pop garbage, I concede) but let's not let this snicky go unappreciated.

Stonehenge: Live! Spinal Tap in Glastonbury Scotland

F'reals! Awesome.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Study: Rooting for Losing Teams, Makes You Fat

So that explains this lovely Jaguars fan.

I suppose.
Sports fans may be more prone to gorging on food--and putting on the pounds--after their team loses, according to a study. 
According to the Wall Street Journal, "powerless fans may also find themselves losing self-control after a loss, including the ability to say no to a giant plate of nachos." 
The publication cites a study by "Yann Cornil and Pierre Chandon of the European business school" that found that "saturated-fat consumption spikes by 16% for fans after the loss of a beloved NFL team. After a victory, fat consumption goes down by 9%, and overall calorie consumption by 5%." 
That study was published "online in August in Psychological Science, looked at intake data from American households in 2004 and 2005 during the NFL season":
When you look at her hefty right "bingo wing" there, with that horrible mess of Jags related ink, you just wonder: "Could the show Tattoo Nightmares even do ANYTHING with that"

Likely not. And given how inept Shad Khan's non-existent-in-the-north-Florida-wild Jaguars are this year, she's going to be drowning her sorrows in lots of buckets of double-stuff-oreo ice cream!

Photobombed, Cat Style

Boom. Roasted.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

California Considering Worst Porn Law.... EVAH!

One word: "Goggles."

I sh** you not.

From "The Corner" on National Review Online...
"The bill, which initially garnered attention by requiring the use of condoms in pornographic films, also requires that “personal protective equipment be visible in the final product of an adult film” so as to ”prevent contact of an employee’s eye; skin, mucous membranes, or genitals” with, well, most any kind of bodily fluid that might reasonably be present. The bill also mandates the use of gloves when touching contaminated laundry, plastic and disposable materials to clean up sets, and lubricants for use with condoms."
Okay, the gloves thing: not a problem. The goggles. Uh, yeah. Not gonna work.

Unless that it is, it somehow entices broad shouldered swimming babes like Dara Torres into the business.

Not likely. But we can dream.

Monday, November 11, 2013

What's The Meaning of Stonehenge?

Silly? Yes. Catchy? Undeniably.

Two warnings.

1. Mildly NSFW
2. You will NOT be able to get this tune out of your head.


Friday, November 8, 2013

Throwing the Season Away.....

Every year it seems, Redskins fans like myself watch a promising, hopeful season, take a turn for the worse en route to a grinding pointless death.

Last year was the exception. This year is a return to the norm.

Last year's version of "3 and 6" saw Shanahan (inadvertently) shock the system with comments about "evaluating players" and "finding out who wants to be here for the next few years." Then POOF! - a miracle 7-game run to end the season was born.

That's not happening this time.

At best, I see two more losses for sure. San Fran at home, and at least 1 of the 3 remaining road games as the likely culprits. But it could easily be two other games. Or several more of the remaining seven.

They won't lose 'em all. They aren't that bad. They just aren't that good. They don't know how to close. The defense is still a distinctly non-disruptive force, despite repeated excuses for brief periods of competence.

That'll make for 8-8, and they would need an insane flurry of tiebreakers to fall their way in a division that fails to produce at least one 9 win team.

Nobody's any good, okay? Not Dallas. Not us. Not Philly, and surely not the Giants.

But the Redskins have lost too many games while being "not any good" this year to make up the gap with the other "not goods." It's that simple.

Last year, it took some pretty incredible stuff to pull off that 7 game win streak.

Let's review.

At 3-6, they had a bye week to regroup. This year, they get 3 extra days, but it's not nearly the same.

Win 1: They beat Philly 31-7 at home, as the Eagles had to play Nick Foles, who was terrible.
Win 2: A great game vs. Dallas on Thanksgiving. Noted.
Win 3: A 17-16 win vs. Giants, thanks in part to a "fumble-td" from RG3 to Morgan.
Win 4: Ravens blow 8 point lead in final 4 mins. Cousins makes miracle rally after RG3 gets "dump trucked" by Haloti Ngata.
Win 5: Cleveland flat out lays down for Cousins in Factory of Sadness.
Win 6: Solid return trip effort at Philly.
Win 7: Win vs. injury depleted Cowboys, where Romo throws crushing last drive INT.

This loss to Minnesota was as bad as any I've seen in recent Redskins memory. To be dominating the game as they were, and to allow Shrimpy McPonder end up beating them before giving way to Matt Cassel is sickening.

The Redskins were moving the ball with Tecmo Bowl-like unstoppability, then it all unraveled.

Bad play calls. Worse penalties. Two terrible sacks taken by Griffin.

And then like Lenny and Squiggy barging in the door at just the wrong time on Laverne and Shirley, HERE'S A SHANK BY SAV ROCCA!!

Then you had 4th and goal, and Griffin locks onto Santana Moss on a fade pattern. Covered. Our shortest, oldest wideout. Close. No cigar.

The replay shows he missed a wide open Garcon and wide open Reed - HIS TWO FAVORITE TARGETS - right there in front of him. The screen cap is enough to make you ill.

I still like Griffin. A metric ton. But his trigger pulling abilities in the pocket are very much a work in progress. How can he not see these open receivers? He is certainly smart enough to grasp any offense put in front of him. He has a 1% quarterback intellect in this league. He's brilliant. Literally.

But it's not translating under pressure in the pocket.

Then there's the running. He sells out. On almost every play. Absent all other considerations, it would be awesome and cool and heroic and all of that.

But he's gonna start to break at an alarming rate, and very soon. I think Griffin hits his helmet hard on the turf more than any other single QB in the league.

It's just a matter of time.

When you spend 4x the resources to get a guy like that (total draft cost: 3 #1 picks, and a #2) and most teams spend 1x on a franchise QB (Colts draft cost on Andrew Luck: 1 #1 pick) you need that player to pan out as a 10 year starter for your team to recoup that steep investment.

You would also like him to be "ready to go" out of the box, as an NFL passer.

But now, for the first time since last season's rookie tour-de-force we are hearing things like "he's never really played in a pro style offense" and "he never even had a 'route tree' while at Baylor."



Then there's the ol' Crimson Fox himself. I'll give Shanny credit for stabilizing this dying patient known at the Redskins under Vinny and Zorn. There's no more nonsense. Expensive purchases (like Garcon) are now worth every penny, not fruitless cash sinkholes (Haynesworth). They are finding "A" players downdraft like Morris (6th, with a re-claimed pick from the McNabb trade, nifty!) and Reed (3rd).

But Shanny can't win games for this team on Sundays. His clock management makes Les Miles look like a technocrat by comparison. And his delusion on those bad decisions borders on delusional.

There's never that feeling watching the Shanaskins of "don't worry, ol' Mike is gonna find a way to win this one!" He's the guy who sends his kicker - fresh off an injury and with one of the weakest legs in the league - out to try a 59 yarder, only to see it blocked.

Then makes a point of saying the next day that the kick was "too low."

Thanks. Got it.

So here we are, ready to just bleed out hopelessly through the holidays. Then a very crucial decision by this owner as to whether he wants to...

a. Sign up for more of this regime with a Shanaclan Extension
b. Let his guy coach one more year for the last big contract he's ever gonna get
c. Get a jump start on what the owner does best: get to firin' and hirin'

Me? I've got no firm opinion either way. This team has beaten the firm opinions out of me. This roster does have some talent. But not nearly as much as they think. I like Griffin's potential, but I think he's been under-coached and poorly served so far by the "star status" treatment on this team.

Winning is hard in the NFL. I accept that. But losing is easy, especially when you aren't brutally honest with yourself as an organization.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

What Does Your Girl Say....

... "nyah, nyah, nyah... nyah, nyah... nyah nyah...."


Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Snicky du Jour: Allie Laforce

So I'm watching CBS Sports Network by accident today (and let's be honest, who can even FIND that thing?) and I happen upon some show with ex-Bristolite Doug Gottleib called "Leadoff."

Now, I personally don't know Gottleib, but I like him. He's smart. Blunt. And willing to say what needs to be said. Probably why ESPN was never really willing to promote him. And yes, he stole credit cards in college and got kicked out of school.

He has owned that low moment without reservation whenever somebody wants to use it as a bludgeon, and I give him full marks for that.

So anyway, this show "Leadoff" is like any of the cable sports shows with a rundown, and topics-du-jour, and there's somebody tossing softballs for Gottleib to hit with his opinions on them.. and...


Who. Is. That?

Say hello, to Allie Laforce. Former Miss Teen USA. Former basketball player at Ohio U. Paid her dues in TV around Cleveland, and now doing a nice job on this show and also sidelines doing college hoops.

She's clearly "sports smart" from listening to her. And she has a nice TV "poise" about her.

And yeah, total smokeshow. Sorta like a younger Alex Flanagan. With a touch of Emma Stone's sexy, husky deep voice.

Love it. Carry on, Ms. Laforce. See you on the big stage, in short order.

What Does "Handle It Like A Man" Really Mean?

When somebody says something even more perfectly, and eloquently than you can... well... best for me to just step aside and not get in the way...


Regarding the "locker room mentality" of football players, I believe it is just that, a mentality. I don't know anything about Jonathan Martin outside of his wikipedia page, but when someone has narrowed down their college choices to Harvard and Stanford, I think it is safe to say that he is a "cut above" intellectually. Perhaps that was the issue. He was willing to put up with a certain amount of crap, as any logical person would in order to make the life-changing amount of money an NFL job offers. But, at some point, a line was crossed, and a man with dignity (and choices) will simply say "enough."

I have a distinct problem with people saying he needed to handle it like a man. To a civilized and logical person, this is exactly how a man handles this sort of thing. I am even more impressed because, with his strength and size, he is perfectly capable of pushing Incognito's nasal bone into his brain, thus ending the abuse. Unfortunately, to the mouth breathers who play in and watch the NFL, that is the only kind of response they understand or respect.

With all the talk of bullying, I think it is too simple to label it that. It brings to mind, as you yourself said, of playground push fights between larger bullies and little kids. This serves to make Martin seem like a pussy for not simply "handling it like a man" This was one huge man acting like a child and another huge man acting like an adult.

As always, keep up the great work.

Michael Lehman M.D.
Jacksonville, FL

Michael, well put, and amen. Thank you. It makes zero sense that the "only" way for Martin to handle it "like a man" was to put himself on the simplistic level of this idiot above.

Only because of the NFL's "rights system" did Martin not have the choice any other person would have in the professional world - to simply quit and go work for another more "evolved" company than the "Miami Dolphins Football Inc."

Only in the testosterone soaked, but logically crippled world of high level football could a team think that a guy who has earned the STARTING LEFT TACKLE position needed to be "toughened up."

Hey, dummies. You didn't have anybody better!

If Martin was such a marshmallow when it came to actually playing football, instead of crushing brews and hanging out with Richie Incognito and his boyz, then bench his ass and start somebody else.

If he's not finishing blocks on the field because he's "soft"... then COACH HIM!

It's not that hard. 

Now the entire Dolphins team (and fanbase, what's left of it) pays the price for utterly bad coaching and management. You are OUT two starting linemen, because you didn't have a pulse on the working environment on your team.

And entire off-season of preparation, countless hours of scouting and coaching, the grind of a regular season...and you are on the verge of throwing it all away because of this?

So go ahead, blame Martin. Sound "tough". And you'll end up being what you deserve to be: losers.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Holy Fish!

I've always thought that when grizzled marlin anglers like my brother would say you can "get killed" by a marlin if you aren't paying attention on deck, that he was exaggerating like well... a fisherman.

Then I saw this.

Lordy, lordy.

Granted, running around the boat and jumping overboard like a bitch?

A bit much.

Robot Fears 101: Rock-Paper-Scissors

Oh, laugh all you want.

Today, they can now smoke us in "Ro-sham-bo."


Who knows.

The future belongs to the robots.

It's only a matter of time.

Monday, November 4, 2013

A Holly Sonders Story, From Back When She Was Holly Niederkohr

TO: Czabe
FROM: Mike G.
RE: Holly Sonders of The Golf Channel

I was listening to the Thursday podcast and caught your Golf Channel lecture and I must agree. More importantly, I also caught you and a fellow listener's comments on lovely and talented (?) Golf Channel host Holly Sonders.

I actually know and remember Holly Sonders, but as Holly Niederkohr (Pronounced: 'nee-derr-core.') from attending High School with her in Marysville, Ohio in 2003. In actuality, she has a fairly interesting background that a golfer like yourself may take a "hey, how about that"-worths interest in.

Holly was, of course, a tremendous golfer even before high school. She was, well, "hot", even then, but the type of "hot" that you know you have no chance of getting so you don't even bother with trying (yes, I am in my late 20's and balding. How'd you guess?). Her father is an optometrist and has his own practice in Marysville. Growing up, a lot of people knew she would be a very talented golfer, but weren't quite sure where she would play, since Marysville High School had no women's Golf team.

What made things additionally intriguing in this story was that there was another girl in Marysville by the name of Carly Truitt, who was EQUALLY good at golf, of the same age as Holly, and to top it off her father was ALSO an Optometrist with his own practice in Marysville! Both girls playing so well (and I imagine their fathers being doctors) seemed to be enough to establish the first-ever girls golf team at Marysville High School. Holly and Carly, of course, were on the team, but the rest of the pack was not nearly as talented as those two. Almost comically, they still won the Ohio state girls golf tournament (for our division) that first year, with Holly taking 3rd place in the state individually. The next year, they won again with Carly taking 1st in the state this time!

Long story short, both girls received scholarships to golf and seem to be doing well now. I did not know them thatwell personally, but back in those days their rivalry was palpable. Any time one would get asked about the other, it was like the moment in any Tiger interview after a tournament when he's asked about whoever else that won the tournament. You can just see it in his face, the underlying animosity. Pretty entertaining stuff.

Anyway, thought you might enjoy that story. Also, I don't care what Solly says behind your back, the show is great. Kidding, kidding. Really, though, never change because you're all perfect just the way you are.

Highest Regards,
"Mike G"
Marysville High School Class of 2003

Sunday, November 3, 2013 By The Numbers

0 - Percent Truth to Obama's "If You Like Your Plan, You Can Keep It.." line
1 - Person who has been fired over Obamacare: The nice woman who went on Sean Hannity's radio show.
6 - Number of actual people who successfully signed up on Day 1 of Obamacare.
7 - Number of "Assistant Secretaries of Health and Human Services" under Kathleen Sebelius
$174 million (and counting) - Cost of designing
42 - Months the government geniuses had to get up and running

$9.99 - Price of a new copy of "Internet For Dummies" book.

Watching state senator Brian Kelsey of Tennesee hand Sebelius this book, and looking at her sourpuss mug - f'ing PRICELESS!

NOTE: See ol' "Grandpa Lardslide" sitting there? Yep, you'll be paying for lots and lots of HIS doctor visits!

Friday, November 1, 2013

Snicky du Jour: Molly Qerim

Of all the smokeshows on NFL Network these days, you probably have been sleepin' just a bit on the former MMA reporter for ESPN known as Molly Q!

She is curvaceous, exotic and lovely.

And of course, smart, talented, yada yada yada.