Let's Get It On!

So here we go....

It's "Rexy vs. Beck-sy To See Who Starts at FedEx-ie."

Not exactly Billy vs. Sonny in the annals of Redskins quarterback camp duels. But it'll do to pass the time this August en route to a probable 5-11 season.

It's gonna have to do.

It's all we've got, as 'Skins fans.

While I like the succession of low-key moves by the organization in free agency, and the salvaging of draft picks for McNabb and Haynesworth, this team still has no direction under Shanahan until we know if Beck can play.

Grossman, is a dead end.

Which means to me, at least, we've got to pull hard for John Beck to be as good as Shanny says he can be. Because here's the unusual thing about Grossman. If he wins the job in August, then the Redskins will push away from shore with a starting QB who is 31 years old, and making the league minimum ($800k) on a one year contract.

To say that would be unusual, is an understatement.

You can say it was smart of Bruce Allen not to pour much money into Grossman. And yes, it was. But when a team says with it's wallet: "We don't think you are very good" then it's not a good sign that you are forced to start him Week 1 anyway.

If Grossman wins this thing, then this team would be taking a drive down an almost certain dead-end cul-de-sac at the most important position on the team.

As such, I see no upside in Grossman emerging as the victor, even though if I had to put my money on it, I'd go with him anyway.

So sorry, Rexy. I'm for Becks-y.

It might be like trying to figure out who loves cocaine more, Paris Hilton or Linsday Lohan, but it's the only thing we've got this summer.

Let's get it on!

NFL Network Is Killing NFL Films

If you watched the Ed Sabol special and loved every minute of it, as I did, then be warned: this story is going to make you absolutely sick.

Apparently, the NFL Network is sucking the creative life blood out of the once brilliant NFL Films.

Here's a key graph:

"People are afraid to leave because they don't know what they're going to do, but they're also afraid of what's happening right before their eyes," said former Films vice president Phil Tuckett, who spent 36 years with the company before resigning in 2007. 

"They're destroying that company. It's a cold-blooded killing. Bornstein and Katz are just cold-eyed network killers. They don't care about what we represented. With every action spoken and unspoken since they got there, they've said, 'We're in charge now. We don't want to hear this nonsense anymore about the topcoat-maker making home movies of his kid.' 

"Their approach is how much cheap crap can you turn out as quickly as possible so we can stick it on this godawful network that we've created.' "

Great.

In short, the NFL Network, which still does not penetrate every cable outlet in America (Time Warner is a huge hold-out) and whose chief executive commands a staggering $8 million a year, has precipitated an NFL Films workforce reduction of over 80 hard working producers and editors and turned the company from a fine 5-Star Chef into a short order cook.


Excuse me. I need to go punch a wall, or throw up in my mouth.

Welcome Our New Brand Partner, Yahoo Sports Radio!

Exciting news from the national radio front, everybody. Our old "affiliation" as Sporting News Radio has ended, and we are now known as Yahoo Sports Radio.

This is good on many fronts. First of all, ever heard of Yahoo?

Um, yeah. Everyone has.

That's huge. To be associated with a well known web portal, is going to mean a metric shitload of new exposure.

(Note: Are "shitloads" measured in metric, or standard? Wondering...)

Furthermore, Yahoo has been steadily hiring more and more very good sports reporters and columnists. We can now tap into them as regular contributors and guests.

Win for them. Win for us.

I'm not wild about the color purple, but it'll grow on me.

Adventure, Excellent. Once Again...

All told, in a little under 4 days, I....

- played 72 holes of golf
- lost 2 dozen balls in the Wisconsin wilderness
- drove 429 miles
- slept an average of 4 hours a night
- walked 8 miles carrying my own bag at Erin Hills

... and discovered that you can buy live bait from a vending machine in some parts of the state!

And of course, met many wonderful listeners and fans along the way.

Thanks to everybody for helping make my annual trip to Wisconsin absolutely my favorite weekend of the year!

Including... but not limited to....

GM Ann Marie Topel and Sales Manager Jeremy Zuleger from 102.9 The Hog, who made it happen. Thanks for making me feel part of the family.

Jim Reichart from Frontier Airlines. A very nice outfit, that ran the planes on time, and they even have live TV onboard and fresh cookies!

John Ferrito from Lexus of Brookfield. The LS460 loaner was unreal. But next time, let's let me take that $400,000 LFA concept car out for a spin. Not sure where I'll put the golf clubs, but maybe we can get a roof rack for it.

Scott Silvestri from Destination Kohler. He was able to get me on Blackwolf Run - River. And despite the fact the course absolutely tore me up, it's still an incredible woodland gem, like nothing you have ever seen. Go play it. And bring lots of pellets!

Jason Boaz and Stephanie Ashley at Grand Geneva for the golf and accommodations for the B&B Open. What a great resort. Don't sleep on it, Milwaukeeans! You have a gem in your back yard.

Jim Lombardo at Erin Hills GC. The course is absolutely world class now after some needed hole tweaks, and the fairways coming into their own in terms of health. It will shine in two weeks for the US AM, and the US Open in 2017 will be very well deserved.

Dave Bachman at the Bull at Pinehurst Farms for hosting what I hope will be a long running new event, the Bloody Horns Open. Course was amazing, as always, and the tournament ran smooth as butter.

Dave Sanderson at Blue Harbor Resort in Sheboygan. If you are ever making a trip to Kohler for golf, and you just can't swing the budget to stay at the American Club, this is an excellent Plan B. Especially for families with kids, there's a ton of stuff to do besides just the water park.

And of course Gerritt Mack at West Bend CC (man, those green complexes are insane!), Kirk Strong from Smart Interactive Media (loved the fake over-sized winner's check) young John and Tyler for filming and shooting the Bloody Horns, and my main man Eric Gitter for tricking out the "trophy horns", David Stein of Beer Tubes, and everybody else who I may have forgotten.

And now.... let's look at some pictures!

Bob Madden is un-impressed with how "hard" his banging new radio studio appears to the untrained eyeball.

What? Am I supposed to RENT some Toyota Tercel like a hump? Child... please!

Gerritt Mack stripes one home on #18 at West Bend CC.

The severe contours on the green complexes at West Bend were simply incredible, and unique. Never played a course like that in my life!

Of course, the short but dastardly 7th hole at West Bend, ate my freaking lunch to the tune of a smooth snowman (don't ask). I dubbed these the "stairway to hell."

Erin Hills is back to "World Class" status after some needed design tweaks and a few years to grow in the fairways.

Big props to my buddy Mike's girl Janice, who slugged out 36 holes with us, including walking 18 in the afternoon on Saturday. Our caddy, Julius Germany, works at Augusta National in the spring and fall, and will be on Peter Uihline's bag at the US Am.

Coming home in the setting summer sun at Erin Hills is a near religious experience.

You gotta love custom flags! Eric Gitter poses for the one that he took home to his basement. He missed our birdie on #13 though. Doh! (so did I!)

Our winners of the Bloody Horns, Bill Dawson (L) and Dennis Flipse (R). A smooth captain's choice 66 from the 7,435 way-back tees! Impressive!

For a while there, we were "in the mix" to take home solo second place, but a dreaded set of "Horns" on #15 (triple bogey, 4 balls in the water!) did us in!

All in all, a great 4 days of golf!

Despite the unrelenting punishment the game doles out with such gusto!

Road Wins Just Got Harder In Upstate New York (Correction: Germany)

Thanks to this....

The Bloody Horns Field Is Set!

Thanks to all you guys who stepped up. Here's the final field sheet, with foursome pairings and rules. Let's hope for good weather!

"Ohio State Tattoo Parlor, Meet Alabama's Suit Parlor"

Well, well... well.

This is going to be interesting.

Here we have one of the Mount Rushmore-caliber college football programs in the country, with a stuff-for-autographs scandal brewing that appears to be a carbon copy of the dynamics that brought down Jim Tressel at Ohio State.

Mind you, Nick Saban has yet to blatantly lie to the NCAA about this - yet - but who knows where it's headed.

We pick up the excellent legwork on the ground from Outkick The Coverage.com....

As the T-Town Menswear story continues to grow, one of the most interesting aspects of the story has been the degree to which a middle-aged suit store owner ingratiated himself with the Alabama football program. As you've seen from our previous story hundreds of Alabama players have been pictured hanging out at his store. 

Including Julio Jones at the above picture, trying on a suit coat inside the store.
Why are so many players hanging out here? 

How many mall stores did you regularly hang out at while you were in college? 

The only real reason why so many Alabama players would be hanging out at this store is simple -- because they were getting hooked up in some way. Ohio State's tattoo parlor meet Alabama's suit parlor.

The basics are as follows.

Mall store owner has easily 100 or so Alabama players he is "friends" with. They sign stuff for him. He sells that signed stuff.

And we're supposed to believe that the players will do this for anybody - like say, the Dairy Queen down the road, not at the mall, and not with access to $1000 plus tailored suits.

Uh, sure.

Julio Jones - who proudly recounted how his single mother worked to raise him by working at fast food chicken joints - apparently wore up to 16 different suits while playing for Alabama and walking in from the team bus.

At 6-4, 220, he's not borrowing them, either.

The store manager won't talk.
The owner of the memorabilia company won't talk.
Alabama says there are no violations.

And yet, they are voluntarily "disassociating" with the guy for 3 years.

Hmm. Doesn't ESPN have a 15 year, $2 BILLION deal with that same conference.

Why, yes. Yes they do. Wonder if this story gets equal scrutiny as Ohio State.

Ahhh. Sure it will. Of course. Right?

If They Are Happy, Then I Am Happy....

.... with the lockout settlement.

I mean, I don't get it. But hey, it's their league. Their money. Their brains.

Not mine.

I stand by my lengthy, and well argued post from the weekend.

But that's over.

Let it rot on the digital scrapheap of the interwebs and the graveyard of cached pages on Google's search servers.

If I were the players...

I would have pushed for nothing less than the former revenue split of 53-47 in our favor.
I would have absolutely insisted on getting rid of franchise and transition "tags."
I would have certainly said: "A five year deal is enough. Let's see how it goes."

Given how panicked the league is to get in Week 1 of the pre-season, it would seem the players had excruciating leverage over the owners. What would a lockout that dragged into October have done?

We'll never know.

That said, happy, happy, happy.

Perhaps the best analogy is from the Sopranos. Episode 69: "The Fleshy Part of The Thigh."

Back home, Phil comes to Tony with Johnny Sack's final offer: T keeps his paycheck and W-2 for 10 years and 12 percent of the sale price – but no skim. Tony agrees. “Truth be told, there's enough garbage for everybody.”

Amen. Let the garbage trucks roll!

My Most Comprehensive, Final Word On Just Where I Stand On The NFL Lockout

The NFL is the Deadliest Catch of sports.

Or at least it should be.

Here's how I see it, and I'll just cut to the chase: NFL players are badly UNDER-paid by comparison to their fellow professional athletes.

NFL players currently have...

a. The lowest average salary per player
b. The greatest % of players working for the league minimum (approx. 1000 of 1800)
c. The shortest average career length
d. The highest rate of injury

Additionally, NFL players play in the most collectively lucrative league, with a whopping $9 billion annual revenue pie.

The other leagues are well, not even in their league.

Yes, I know. Every other sport has smaller rosters, and longer seasons.

So what?

The only thing that matters, is TOTAL pie. The NFL players are about to take a step BACK in the only sport that is kicking ass in America, recession be damned.

NFL players may seem "expendable" or "replaceable" because they wear out so quickly. But it doesn't mean that they aren't unique and talented athletes.

While Michael Vick may be the guy who sells jerseys, the guys who chase after him like a pack of rabid dogs (sorry, too easy) to tackle him into dust, aren't just some guys off the street.

They are dedicated athletic FREAKS, who have climbed a mountain of fellow players to reach the game at the highest level.

Just like how deckhands on crab boats may seem like easily replaceable, no-education, fisherman - so many quit, burnout, or, well, sorry, DIE. Yet, they are not paid as if there's an inexhaustible supply of them.

They are paid a premium.

I recently watched an episode where they said the crew of the Wizard netted $22,000 a man for a 5-week season of Opilio fishing.

Doing the quick back-of-the-envelope math on this - and it's always dangerous with me, but let me take a stab here - I estimate the average hourly wage of such a trip to be $26+ per day.

Wizard
$22,000 deckhand share for Opi's
5 weeks (35 days)
$630/day
$26/hour

If you can gut out four fishing "seasons" per year (say, King, Opie, and two others) at that rate, you can make almost 6-figures and still have 12 weeks off per year.

Pretty good work, if you don't mind how fucking insane and dangerous it is.

Kinda like professional tackle football.

Meanwhile, another job in Dutch Harbor Alaska that pays a lot less, but also requires little education - if any - is to work in a fish processing plant. By my research, you're looking at about $7/hour to flash cook and freeze the same crabs Keith and crew just went out and dragged from the Bering Sea.

The best pay, goes to the riskiest and most difficult job.

I contend that making an NFL roster and staying there, is about as hard as anything in pro sports.

Yet NFL players are seemingly willing to accept a "modest" cut of about 6% in total net pay this time around. Despite a league that is showing absolutely NO signs of financial distress.

There is no hard and fast rule, that NFL players can't make upwards of 55-60% of the league's overall revenue. They just haven't asked for it, and are seemingly unprepared to fight for it.
And it's their league, and their careers, but I say they are nuts.

Fox Sports' Jason Whitlock is looking at the same hand of poker I am. He writes...

The owners blinked.

All it took was the potential cancellation of the Hall of Fame Game to force Roger Goodell and NFL ownership to reveal their bluff Thursday.

It’s not 1987. They’re not dumb enough to sacrifice one of their 16 regular-season games to fix a non-existent problem. The NFL is far from broken. It’s one of the few products America still produces far better than the rest of the world.

The lockout has been one long, poorly executed bluff.

Seventeen days before the ceremonial Hall of Fame Game, the owners and Goodell hatched a Hail Mary public-relations ploy trying to bully the players into agreeing to a deal the players had yet to read. Goodell held a news conference proclaiming the lockout over.

My contention for the past year was there was no way NFL owners were going to derail the greatest reality TV show in the world (the NFL regular season). It took 30 years of rules-massaging to turn NFL quarterbacks into the biggest brands on the small screen. Charlie Sheen wishes he could drive the TV ratings Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, Drew Brees and Michael Vick generate week to week.

Goodell’s job is to ride Manning and Brady until their wheels fall off.

And those wheels fall off pretty quickly given the ferocity of the modern game. It's why the players should have no shame in stating plainly: "We're unique talents. We pay a helluva price physically for the rest of our lives. And we burn out quickly. That deserves premium compensation."

Go ahead and tell the owners to try a full season of UFL caliber players. See how that works out.

I went back to refresh my memory on how the MLB strike of 1994 went down. It's rather amazing by comparison. At the time, MLB players were well compensated. That wasn't the issue. It was the fact that the owners and Bud Selig - then, "acting" commissioner - were ready to try to RAM a salary cap down the union's throat.

One could easily argue the game needed one, given how widely the payroll gap had grown between the big markets and the smalls. You may not ensure yourself of making the playoffs with a big payroll, but it certainly WAS like starting with two face cards in your hand every year.

But the players had the balls to draw a line in the sand.

They said a salary cap was dead on arrival. They said they would walk with the season on the line. They weren't bluffing.

They walked. They stayed strong. And MLB had to take it's showcase event, the World Series, take it out back, and put a bullet in it's head.

The strike lasted all through the winter, and into spring. The owners went ahead with scabs. The players didn't flinch. I don't recall hearing people say "oh, these athletes will never be able to make their car payments" back then.

They were fucking GANGSTERS! It was literally, a fight to the death for the players' union.

And they won.

Sure, it helped that they got a favorable bounce from then circuit court Judge Sonya Sotomayor.

But the point is, that they were absolutely, all-in. All the way.

Years later, what's the lesson? Well, baseball is fine, and not a single team went under.

And the players make absolutely absurd bank.

Absurd.

Vernon Wells is making $26 million this season, to hit a pedestrian .222 for the Anaheim Angels.

While Arian Foster, who led the league in rushing in 2010 with 1600+ yards and 16 touchdowns, is due to play for a mere $480,000 this coming season as a "exclusive rights" free agent.

A "free agent" who actually isn't free. Talk about an oxymoron!

This is not an argument that Foster should make $26 million dollars. And you can claim that I have cherry picked two convenient extremes to make my point.

I have, but that doesn't matter.

The Arian Fosters of the NFL don't have time to try to cut their way through the NFL's byzantine player contract rules so they can magically land on the ONE season where they will be TRUE free agents, and THEN hopefully have a statisically breakthrough year.

They are usually out of the league by then, or yesterday's news. Which is how the owners like it.

I don't blame the owners for trying to keep it that way, but if you are the players, this IS THE FIGHT OF YOUR PROFESSIONAL LIFE to attempt to fix that in your favor.

If Foster weren't so restricted, there would be plenty of suitors for his talents. And while a team may make a poor investment in him (see Snyder, Daniel M.) at least it's up to the clubs to take that chance.

In any professional sport, the purchase of a player through free agency - star or otherwise - is almost always, on some level, a luxury purchase by the billionaire owner.

"I simply MUST have this guy! I will pay ANYTHING!"

How do you think Vernon Wells, even at the height of his Vernon Wellsian powers, got so grossly over-paid?

The only way for the NFLPA to get the kind of compensation I think they deserve, is to have the balls and fortitude to march all the way through the heart of the league, and burn their fucking house down.

Stay decertified, push through with your anti-trust litigation, let the season go up in flames, and watch Goodell and Company have to take the Super Bowl out back and shoot IT in the head with wailing tears in their eyes.

Take down the legality of the college draft. Take down the salary cap. Take down all the franchise tags and shit. And checkmate the commissioner from suspending you and stealing a third of your salary every time some drunken bimbo claims you grabbed her tits in a bar.

When the owners cry that you will "destroy" the league, and "ruin" the game, tell them in your best Tommy Lee Jones in The Fugitive voice: "I don't care.."

The players seem to like to look and talk like gangsters. Time to be one.

Will the fans hate your guts for it? Of course. We hated the baseball players. We stayed away for a few years. But we got over it. Baseball ain't dead, and football is an even tougher sonofabitch to kill.

You aren't doing this to be liked, you are doing it so guys don't have to perform like league stars for a mere 10% of free market value.

It may well push out some of the small market "mom-and-pop" owners like Wilson, Bidwell, Brown, and Richardson, among others.

To which I say: "Good!"

Bring in more Mikhail Prokhorofs. Dudes who can buy an NFL team for $800 million, run it as an annual loss-leader for nothing more than the celebrity pussy and global entertainment purposes, and not even blink.

You know, these football teams do not HAVE to be profitable on their own. I mean, they DO if it's your only business your family has ever run. But not if you are a billionaire.

As a players union, your mission should be to drive these old cranks out of the league at all costs. You can't say that publicly, but that's your mission. An owner who thinks as small mindedly as Mike Brown of the Bengals, deserves no sympathy from you. Anybody who is ready to run a still viable near-franchise QB out of the league, simply because he doesn't want to acquiesce to a trade, is god-damned insane!

So what did Major League Baseball owners do after the union fucked them up sideways back in 1994?

Well, you haven't heard more than a peep from them since about "taking their league back" like Jerry Richardson recently did, now have you?

Baseball decided there's just no way you can keep the Yankees from spending lots of money on a really good team, and it's probably bad business to even try. So they taxed the rich teams so steeply, they thought for sure it would "reel them in" a bit.

It didn't.

But it did make for a huge re-distributive windfall for the poor teams, who may still suck for the most part, but they aren't going bankrupt. And now, they seem to be finding out creative ways to compete with younger and cheaper players.

And when Vernon Wells somehow ends up making $26 million dollars, everyone can just write it off and shrug: "Oh well, seemed to make sense, at the time."

All this, in a sport where it's relatively easy to spot, pay, and then plug-in the best players at each position.

The NFL is a much more mysterious sport, where talent is hidden behind many layers of camoflage (scheme, injuries, teammates) and each player piece needs to fit more precisely and co-exist peacefully with their team.

Championship contending NFL teams are like summer thunderstorms, popping up and forming seemingly out of nowhere. A vast payroll disparity would have even less effect than it does in baseball.

Mind you, all of this that I have laid out, is not necessarily what I WANT to happen. I would rather have a peaceful 2011 season, and a reasonable revenue split. I'm just saying that if I was advising the players, this is exactly what I would tell them.

So far, I think the owners, fans, and media have underestimated these current players. Waiting and waiting for them to fold, we're suddenly crossing off significant chunks of the 2011 season.

If the players cave this weekend, and sign the owners' arrogant deal they tossed at them out the window of their learjets on Thursday night, then that's on them.

I sure wouldn't do it. But it's their league. Their careers. And their moment.

Abby Wombach Night, Not Featuring, Abby Wombach

So after taking her media "victory lap" with her teammates - minus, the um, victory part - golden girl and MegaHeader Abby Wombach returned to her $20,000 a year part-time pro job playing women's soccer for her team named after an "As-Seen-On-TV" gimmick product.

And she was too "tired" to play.

Perfect. It's like the Onion is writing this stuff for me.

So you've got all these yenta-journalists like Christine Brennan and Sally Jenkins browbeating us heathens to actually watch more women's soccer outside of just the World Cup, you have a packed crowd of 15,000 people in Wambach's hometown to see her play, and she's too tired to jog around for at least one HALF of action?

Derek Jeter, you sir, are off the hook. You ain't got nothing on this gal.

>>>>>>>>>

As a last add, I was amused to see Hope Solo rattle off what sure sounded like a politico's list of "talking points" in an interview with ESPN's Sarah Walsh. Sure we didn't win, but boy wasn't that comeback against Brazil great? And the ever laughable "winning silver isn't failure."



Yeah, well if you had said going into the tournament: "I dunno, gold, silver, whatever. We're not picky" then I could excuse it after the fact. This sounds alot like the Miami Heat claiming they had a "successful" season, when you consider everything, minus the ghastly choke, up 2-1 in the Finals.

We are becoming a sporting universe where you hold your championship parades before a single ball is bounced, and you do media/celebrity circuit appearances win, lose, or draw.

While I agree that the biggest "thing" in sports is indeed, HOW you play the game (i.e. win with class, lose with class) it seems like somebody has to constantly remind athletes that the POINT of whatever game you play, is to WIN.

Period.

And while you can lose the game and still be classy, you can't just gloss over the losing part like it was somehow irrelevant or doesn't bother you.

I mean, you CAN do that, but not everybody is going to let you get away with it.

>>>>>>>>>>>

Okay, last, last, last add on women's soccer for the next four years, I swear!

Everybody has their "favorite" on this team. For some, it's the model-esque Heather Mitts (can't play a lick). For me, it's Hope Solo. For Scott Linn it's Alex Morgan.

But maybe the biggest "sleeper" in terms of looks is the dynamic Ali Krieger.

Yes, sir.

He Feels Your Pain

From Business Insider.com, Las Vegas hotel titan Steve Wynn unloads on Obama - not personally, mind you - but rather on his crippling economic policies.

And Steve Wynn, is a Democrat!

And I'm saying it bluntly, that this administration is the greatest wet blanket to business, and progress and job creation in my lifetime. And I can prove it and I could spend the next 3 hours giving you examples of all of us in this market place that are frightened to death about all the new regulations, our healthcare costs escalate, regulations coming from left and right. 

They'll say, God, don't be attacking Obama. Well, this is Obama's deal and it's Obama that's responsible for this fear in America. 

The guy keeps making speeches about redistribution and maybe we ought to do something to businesses that don't invest, their holding too much money. We haven't heard that kind of talk except from pure socialists. Everybody's afraid of the government and there's no need soft peddling it, it's the truth. It is the truth. And that's true of Democratic businessman and Republican businessman, and I am a Democratic businessman and I support Harry Reid. I support Democrats and Republicans. And I'm telling you that the business community in this company is frightened to death of the weird political philosophy of the President of the United States. And until he's gone, everybody's going to be sitting on their thumbs.

Policy. Not personal.

Dismiss it if you like. But it's the truest thing I've heard anybody in big business say these days. There is so much money, and so many companies just sitting on the sidelines right now because of Obama, it's why there IS NO recovery. Not now. Not tomorrow. Not next year. Not until he is peacefully voted out of office, and his elementary and distorted view of economics utterly repudiated.

Until then, the economic beatings shall continue.

All Former Redskin Scrub Jerseys Must Go!

I was all ready to go and splurge for at least 3 or 4 of these "novelty" unis, especially considering they are on an 80% discount! But then somebody informed me the "shipping" on each one was more than the actual $9.95 cost!

Meanwhile.. dare I read anything into the fact that ol' #5 is not on a similar reduced price rack?

..and There Was Great Sadness

But I'm here to cheer you up, okay? Because all of the wonderful, feel good, never-give-up, resilient, family, team, rah-rah-RAH, stuff you read and heard about the American team after they beat Brazil?

Well, just cross out United States and put "Japan" and the story gets even better.

Look, I wanted our gals to win. I wanted Abby Wambach to retire to that comfortable 20k per gig speaking engagement lifestyle that a GOLD-medal winning World Cup champion would have surely earned. I wanted about 20 more TV appearances by lovelies Ali Krieger and Hope Solo and Alex Morgan.

But give it up to Japan, okay?

Here's your key stat, to keep it all in perspective.

Japan reportedly has only 25,000 registered female youth soccer players, compared to more than 1 million in the U.S. The Japanese never had advanced beyond the Women’s World Cup quarterfinals. Several members of the current side personally were affected by the March earthquake and tsunami, including defender Aya Sameshima, who worked part time at the damaged Fukushima Daiichi nuclear power plant and played professionally for the team sponsored by the company

Okay?

I mean, suck on that for a while and tell me how it tastes?

WE had a grumpy goalie four years ago to "overcome" this time. THEY had a tsunami that rose up and swallowed about a dozen cities.

It's not even in the same league.

I know that those Japanese chicks are so homely they would have a hard time getting work in a local rub-n-tug joint here in our country, but don't hold that against them, okay? The Japanese goalie looks like a troll doll giveaway from McDonald's.

Hope Solo is awesome to look at! She's like the athletic love child of Hines Ward and Gweneth Paltrow. It pissed me off that I won't get to see her do Letterman, Leno, Today Show, PTI, SportsCenter, Dancing With the Stars, and a million other things.

Because we don't do losers in this country. As Ricky Bobby said: "You're either first, or last."

We're last.

We blew it. We suck. Oh well, tip your cap to Japan. And just re-write all that stuff about US, and make it about THEM. They deserve it.

/insert Stewie voice

"Soooooo.... how's that nuclear meltdown thing going, eh? Got it all, mopped up, yet?"

This Is Wrong. Very, Very, Wrong.

/blinks/stares/blinks/blinks

Oh my....

British Open Eye Candy

Call me a sap, call me a golfing romantic, call me a nerd. I don't care. You give me this gauzy, poetic introductions from ESPN's image department and the brilliant voice and inflection of Ian McShane (Al Swearengen) and I will eat it up - all, day, long.

Play the UK Open!

Beer tubes! Get your Beer Tubes!

Jump in with my majors contest and root for your guy like a MANIAC this weekend at the Open Championship.

My pick: consistent Tour ATM Steve Marino from nearby Fairfax, VA! Guy has made $8.7 million on Tour, and has never lifted a trophy!

But, two second places THIS YEAR, and the guy is ready to break through, random winner Ben Curtis style this week!

Book it!

Good luck, and enjoy the free contest, you ingrates!

;)

Oh.... snap....

Yep... this is EXACTLY what the NFL Lockout needs RIGHT at this moment. James Harrison, posing with guns, and calling the Commissioner "the devil."

Please return to your seats, and fasten your seatbelts and stow your tray tables....

This Was Not The Subject of Tiger's Big Non-Announcement

But hey, don't say the old Japanese "ouch cream" deals don't pay some sweet cash!

This courtesy Shane Bacon at Yahoo Sports' Devil Ball blog:

That's thanks to his latest endorsement deal for the Antiphlogistic Analgetic Vantelin Kowa series, a pain relief cream that, as the ad shows us, helps heal backs really, really fast. 

Honest question: Wouldn't it have made a little more sense to have Tiger rub this stuff on his knee? I mean, that's the part of him that's broken. I'd at least have him rub it on his knee and then do a lap or two on the track.

I want to know how today's dramatic "He's going to make an announcement!" story broke loose, and then had to be reeled in by his boy Steiney. You can say, it was just a "bad report" by one outlet. But then again, as his AGENT, don't you make SURE to let people know: here's EXACTLY what is happening?

Doesn't seem that hard to me, unless you somehow want to make the media look stupid. Or maybe somebody just jumped the gun.

Too bad, because I was hoping the "announcement" was going to be that Tiger is the next subject on "The Haney Project."

Over-rated, My Ass...

Get ready for this one on Monday from certain bloviating sports radio hosts.

"Derek Jeter is over-rated."

Or....

"Derek Jeter is the MOST OVER-RATED shortstop in history!"

The host will yell, the host will pull out stats, the host will cut-off dissenting opinions.

The host will turn off the mic, and pat himself on the back for stirring things up, and not just following the crowd.

The host will be an idiot.

Derek Jeter might be slightly over-HYPED, sure. He plays for the f'ing Yankees. The east coast media bias is real, and I get it.

But over-RATED?

Get out of here.

The guy has played shortstop for 17 straight years - un-interrupted! - for a team that can purchase any player they want. He did so in the biggest media market in the country. He did it with not one, but two back-page tabloids just waiting to tear him apart, drag him down, or hound his ass out of town.

You know the phrase: "He must be doing something right..."?

Furthermore, the guy deserves All-Universe status for having the brains to not put a big fat ring on some bimbo who would have schemed to take half his money already.

Here's Jeter's career dating list: and these are just the FAMOUS hot pieces of ass we KNOW about, not the many others we don't know, and will never know.

Mariah Carey
Lara Dutta (Miss Universe from India)
Jordana Brewster
Adriana Lima
Vanessa Minillo
Jessica Alba
Vida Guerra (FHM/Playboy model)
Jessica Biel
Minka Kelly

The guy has zero arrests, zero DUI's, zero gun incidents, zero moments where you just rolled your eyes at something he said and thought: "Oh god, just shut the fuck UP already, Derek!"

No mention of him in the Mitchell Report, no obscure spikes in his numbers to hint at something.

None of that.

Perfect. Clean. Untouched.

Amazing.

Don't hate the dude for that.

The biggest testament to Jeter is not the 3,000 plus hits, not the 5 championships, and not the amazing trail of supermodel ass that has been through his bedroom.

The biggest testament to Jeter is that he absorbed having to accomodate, and play next to his exact opposite - Alex Rodriquez - while not once coming across as petty or classless.

In other words: there ain't no painting of himself as a centaur above his pillow.

Big ups, #2. You are a stud.

If I live long enough to see somebody else lay waste to a milestone day with a 5 for 5, bomb-launching, game-winning-hit lacing performance, then I'm pretty sure I'll be well over a hundred.

Contractual Albatross

Jason Werth is the new Juwon Howard.

The minute the news hit the wires on Jason Werth's bank breaking $126 million deal with the Nationals, I said to anybody who would listen: "They'll regret this contract until the day the payment coupons finally run out."

He's a decent player, currently struggling, who will likely bounce back for a few years, and then gently decline into being virtually unplayable by the final two years.

But my god, the money. The f'ing money.

Thomas Boswell tries to implore Nats fans to basically forget about the cash, and focus on the fact they have a pretty good outfielder who is a pretty good guy.

And he does so by referencing a former National who is currently serving as a salary anchor around the Cubs neck. AlfQuonso Soriano.

The Cubs paid a career-year price for Soriano after he had 46 homers, a best-ever .911 OPS and 22 outfield assists as a Nat. Washington wouldn’t touch the $75 million that was considered market price in summer of 2006. Nobody imagined $136 million for Soriano any more than $126 million seemed sane for Werth. But that’s what the Cubs paid him. 

Last winter, the Nats became the Cubs: They wanted to make a splash, prove to future free agents and their fans that they would compete. They “had to have” Werth and thus overbid, just as the Cubs had to have Soriano and were willing to overpay. 

Like the Cubs, the Nats paid for a player that did not exist — or existed for only one season: In 2010, Werth’s slash line was .296/.388/.532. 

In reality, Werth, in his 15th year as a pro, is a .266/.362/.470 hitter. That’s him. He strikes out, draws walks, fights off tons of pitches and hits it two miles to all fields when he runs into one. Werth also has 20-steal speed and is a better-than-average right fielder. And he had a great pedigree: a stunning .989 OPS in 10 postseason series as well as a grandfather and uncle who were big-leaguers.

Again, if you have to rationalize this much about a player, the bottom line is that he's just not worth it. And no matter how you try to say "why do you care about the money? It's not coming out of your pocket" I can say with confidence that the money will REMAIN an issue.

It remains an issue with fans, because modern salaries are so obscene, and so out of touch, you simply CAN'T separate that from the guy you are told to root for on a daily basis.

This same dynamic happened to Howard as a Wizard. He was no stiff, he was dependable night in and night out, he didn't make trouble.

And the fans hated him.

Hate.

It wasn't fair. It wasn't his fault. And we would have taken the money just the same.

But it never went away.

Get ready for the sequel.

The Bloody Horns Open I

For everybody who got shut out of the Bob and Brian Open, here's your chance to meet me, play a great course, and have a chance to win 2-nights, and 2-rounds of golf at next spring's CzabeVegas trip to Sin City.

So what if you and your partner will probably shoot a million?

It's gonna be a blast. Besides, at $99 bucks a head, including post-round grub, I'm practically losing money on every entry! That's over $35 off the regular weekend rate!

Cannonball!

Greetings from vacation with the family.

Where you don't have to be on the beach until noon, and you can knock off for the day by four without anybody complaining.

Good work, if you can get it.

Al Gore: Loser

Gore has the Midas touch in reverse; objects of great value (Nobel prizes, Oscars) turn dull and leaden at his touch.  Few celebrity cause leaders have had more or better publicity than Gore has had for his climate advocacy.  Hailed by the world press, lionized by the entertainment community and the Global Assemblage of the Great and the Good as incarnated in the Nobel Peace Prize committee, he has nevertheless seen the movement he led flounder from one inglorious defeat to the next.  The most recent,failed global climate meeting passed almost unnoticed last week in Bonn; the world has turned its eyes away from the expiring anguish of the Copenhagen agenda.

The state of the global green movement is shambolic.  The Kyoto Protocol is withering on the vine; it will almost certainly die with no successor in place.  There is no chance of cap and trade legislation in the US under Obama, and even the EPA’s regulatory authority over carbon dioxide is under threat.  Brazil is debating aforestry law that critics charge will open the floodgates to a new round of deforestation in the Amazon.  China is taking the green lobby head on, suspending a multibillion dollar Airbus order to protest EU carbon cutting plans.

It is hard to think of any recent failure in international politics this comprehensive, this swift, this humiliating.  Two years ago almost every head of state in the world was engaged with Al Gore’s issue; today the abolition of nuclear weapons looks like a more hopeful cause than the drafting of an effective international treaty that will curb carbon emissions even a little bit.

Read the whole thing. It's so good, it'll bring tears to your eyes.

Because Wooden Bats Just Break All The Time

I have always wondered why can't college baseball get out of the aluminum - PLINK! - bat business once and for all. cost

But then "baseball people" tell me that wood bats break, splinter, and crack way too often, and the cost would simply sink already budget strapped programs.

Well.... now, aluminum bats are breaking!

Whathafugggggg.....?!?!?!

Now That's A Road Win!

Some people are impressed at a mere airport bathroom.

Others, a mid-flight lavatory.

Still others, proud at a small powder room during a holiday party at somebody else's house.

Okay, fine.

How about a road win in a house you broke into, and you leave a calling card?

Put it on the board, yes!

The 8-Bit Nintendo Version of "Friday"

If you thought it was impossible to improve on Rebecca Black's "Friday", well sir, you were WRONG. Period.

The Seats That Were Witness To S-U-C-K

Removed FedEx Field seats for sale.

Yes, it's come to this.

A stadium loathed by all, site of exactly ZERO magical Redskins moments (please don't start about the ONE playoff game win vs. the eviscerated Lions in following the 1999 campaign) which is now so bloated and un-sellable they are removing thousands of seats just to avoid blackouts?

Yes. That stadium.

You may now own a cherished piece of it. Just $250 bucks.

Egad.

On the one hand, in THEORY, there's nothing wrong with this. The seats are available. Some fans have a stupidly nostalgic Billy Crystal-esque fetish for hard, uncomfortable stadium seats in their house/apartment/condo/rec-room.

Anything less than $250 makes them seem like junk (they are). Anything more becomes laughable.

On the other hand, I don't think this juice is worth the squeezing. The Redskins MIGHT sell about 100 of these seats.

Maybe.

So even if you wrap yourself in the flag of "it's for charity", it's still just not worth it. Better for Snyder to say to anybody who actually used to SIT IN THOSE SEATS AT GREAT COSTS, "hey, sorry we had to move you. But if you want, you can come pick up those seats, free of charge. Enjoy."

Then there's this gem of a comment I noticed under the Post story, from somebody with the handle that appears to be Redskins GREAT, linebacker Monte Coleman.

Writes "Monte"....

The FedEx years have generally been so disappointing, some might wonder why you'd want one of it's seats. I think, if used properly, it could smooth over with a familiar feel some of life's most disappointing moments. Meeting with your tax attorney? Settle back into some plastic FedEx comfort. Your wife says "We need to talk". Perfect time for some upper deck luxury. Fearing bad news from your oncologist? Bring along your seat to the appointment. None of these moments will seem as bad when you're nestled into the same seat you were sitting in when the Turk brothers muffed the game winning playoff field goal. These seats have carried Redskins fans through over a decade of disappointments...and they aren;t done yet.

Bravo!

World's "Greatest" Dad

You know, I forgot to post this last week, being as it was Father's Day and all.

I personally believe the two best fathers I've ever seen (outside of my own, of course) are radio buddies Bob Madden (three wonderful, well mannered, successful daughters) and Scott Linn (3 small kids, 3 adopted rescue dogs, 19 different jobs).

Well, they can just go suck it.

Because "local fisherman" Donald Jacobs has just cut down the fucking nets on that championship fellas. Just check the shirt.

As Long As You Don't Really Like Parades, This Was a Fabulous Year For Miami Heat Fans

Pat Riley is a pussy.

And I never though I'd have to write that.

For a guy who once had the stones to promise another Laker championship from the podium of the current title parade in LA, to hear him declare the Heat's season a "great" one, is beyond comprehension.

"We had a great season."

His words.

Holy, fuck. 

I guess LeBron had some room in the Hotel Delusion, and Pat checked himself in for a nice little stint of post-finals rehab.

Let me remind you, Pat, your team was the most hyped thing in the history of hype. You guys were the favorites in the Finals, had home court advantage, were up 1.5 games to none, then 2 games to 1, and then shit the bed in a messy disgrace at home in Game 6.

Great season?

Who stole your balls, sir?

I'll just let the other comments about being "multiple contenders" and how this was somehow the best thing to happen to Miami sports in history (with an oh-yeah, I forgot about the Dolphins perfect season begrudging hedge) slide.

Because he had me at "great."

I mean, I expect LeBron to say stupid shit. He's never owned up to any failure in his career, ever. You, Pat Riley, architect of the Showtime Lakers, the guy who happily dragged the league into your brand of slamball when you coached the talent weak Knicks?

The hardscrabble kid from my pop's hometown of Schenectady, NY?

Wow.

Can you print shirts that say "Miami Heat: Multiple Contenders: 2011-2014."

I feel safe now that we've seen the best shot the Miami Heat with LeBron can give the league. The Boston Celtics were a bad trade of Kendrick Perkins and a few stupid brainlocks at the end of two games from stopping the Heat two rounds earlier. The Bulls were confused and inexperienced when it mattered most. They'll get better.

Then, the Western entrant to the next 3 finals will almost surely be more balanced and complete than whomever the Heat handpack around the "Big 3."

This Dallas team was a collection of spare parts and Dirk. Is it unreasonable to say that with a healthy Caron Butler they might have swept the Heat?

With the big man himself, buying into the "hey, it's okay, we still made the Finals, got lots of hype, sold seats and made some crazy cash for ol' Mickey" mindset, I think you can rest assured that honest and brutal self-examination isn't happening with this crew.

Nice try, fellas. I think watching you fail next year is going to be even more fun. And again, and again.

Nobody Deserves To Have A Job With As Many Perks As Mine Does. But I Do. And I'll Viciously Murder Anybody Who Tries to Take It!!!

You know, I urged Andy to stick with the game of golf.

When he took lessons back in 2008, he gave up summarily after 5-6 sessions with John LeSage at Falls Road GC. What a shame.

And while I understand the deep frustrations the game delivers on a regular basis, I think Andy had the requisite minimum of athletic ability to be a serviceable weekend public course "hacker" who could shoot somewhere around 100 from the appropriate tees.

If he had done so, then ANDY could have been right there with me at TPC Potomac, playing in our foursome with 2003 US Open Champion, 2010 FedEx Cup Champion, 7-time Ryder Cupper and 16-time PGA Tour winner Jim Furyk.

But alas, no.

So here I was with Jim, enjoying a round-of-a-lifetime, talking golf, sports and everything else on a TOUR caliber course with one of the most down-to-earth golf superstars you'll ever meet.

Andy showed up for the radio show, and the buffet.

Sigh.

PS: Yes, I shot 77 with Mr. Furyk on Monday. Legit. No mulligans. No gimmes. No free kick-outs, drops, or do-overs. Made many, many, many lengthy putts. At least 5 over 12 feet, and only missed once inside of 5 feet. It was awesome, I won't lie. Key to the round, however, was how utterly relaxed Jim made me feel, and our two radio winners. I don't think I actually considered what I was shooting until it was over. I was so busy talking to Jim, enjoying the course, when he added up the back nine numbers I said: "Whoa! Really???"

A few notes on the day.

Jim was a consummate pro when it came to the little things. For example, Jim proposed a friendly radio match on the first tee. Then he made sure to write out our scorecard, very neatly, with every hole where I would get strokes clearly marked. He was a +6 and I was an 8 handicap, so I was getting a massive 14 shots.

I also was playing from the 6550 tees, he all the way back, at 7130. He made sure to write down scores every hole, and never once had to ask me my score. He was paying attention. Then, when the "match" was over (6&5) he made sure to congratulate me, and note the score clearly on the card. This was very cool. Because he knows, and you can bet, that scorecard with his signature, is going straight to the framer, and right up on the wall.

I am sure, I am not the first overly handicapped amateur to "beat" Jim in such a match. But he made me feel like it was a "real" match. Even though he didn't line up a single putt, and shot even par 70 having not seen the new design since he last played Avenel at the old Kemper Open almost 10 years ago.

The folks from Diageo who set up the outing as his sponsor of Johnnie Walker, were beyond gracious to me and everyone else. We even got a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue, with our names etched on the bottle. While I like scotch, I am not an aficionado, so the high end bottle was perhaps more than I needed.

But you can bet your sweet ass, I am going to sip that scotch over rocks and savor the warm glow of my miracle 77 for many days to come.

PPS: Yes, I need to re-commit to another hard core round of P90x. Looks like my "cruise control" regimen of 3-days a week, has, ahem... gotten a little loose. Damn pictures! Why don't you look as good as my mirror!