Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Well, At Least We're Getting Free Books Now!

I remember during the election run-up, that our Dear and Great Leader Barack Obama once said in a speech that a victory for him would help mark the moment "when the rise of the oceans began to slow, and our planet began to heal."

I don't know about the planet healing, but I do suspect the oceans are holding steady now that the endless stream of hysterical Obama-bot tears at his inauguration have finally dried up.

But okay, I'll try to be open minded, I thought. Maybe the rest of the world WILL cut us some slack, now that the Texas punching bag is back on the ranch. Never mind that I was 99.9% convinced that the rest of the world hated us on the basis of their own self-loathing and weakness.

We are the Yankees. It's that simple.

So, let's see how we're doin'......

Pirates running wild off of Somalia.
Iran convicting a US journalist as a "spy."
Hugo Chavez shoving anti-American books in O's face.
Europe giving us absolutely zero help on Afghanistan.
North Korea lobbing long range rockets over Japan's head.

Oh, fun, fun times!

But I can feel the respect coming. I really can.

Can I please get a few honest liberals out there to come clean and declare this little election fantasy to be just that - a fantasy?

Really, it would do all of us good, to realize that everybody else's opinion of the U.S. is non-negotiable, and totally impervious to the "audacity of hope."

When the chips are down, we've got 3 friends. And they are, in order. 1) Britain 2) Australia 3) Canada. (I might throw a few newly freed Eastern Block countries in the mix, but I wan't them to earn it.)

Everybody else, you're on our list.

So let's dispatch with the ugly business of keeping the lid on the global boiling pot as we've done for decades now, with little or no thanks.

We can start by remembering how to tie dead pirates to the yardarm.

I read with amusement and horror the account of how NATO forces chased a group pirates for SEVEN HOURS in the dark, only to catch them - and THEN LET THEM GO!

Nice work.

But hey, don't worry. Hillary Clinton is a fast learner!

Speaking after meeting Dutch Foreign Minister Maxime Verhagen, Clinton said the two agreed "it sends the wrong signal" to the pirates operating off the coast of Somalia.

She said the United States and others would work to hold "these pirate-criminals" accountable for the actions, adding that the "Contact Group on Piracy Off the Coast of Somalia" would meet in New York in early May to discuss the issue.

Yeahhhhhhh... you do that.

In the meantime, maybe we can arm shipping vessels with advanced NERF rocket systems. It can't be less effective than the current policy, and those toys are a helluva a lot of fun!


Speaking of fun toys, I couldn't help but ask myself: "What about those cool disc-launcher guns I played with as a kid!!! What were those called??"

Ha! Found 'em!

These guns were the source of hours and hours and hours of fun growing up. I remember me and Mike Nelson playing shootout in his house with plastic discs ricocheting harmlessly off walls, windows, and ceramic vases.

The guns were perfect. The discs came out at sufficient speed to be exciting. Were too light to hurt you or anything inside the house. And were big enough and brightly colored enough to findable.

I should buy the rights to the toy, and re-launch it.

I recall the prolonged shootouts, which resembled the scene in the Angelina Jolie - Brad Pitt spy movie "Mr. and Mrs. Smith."

Ah, childhood.

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