Monday, April 5, 2010
The Ballad of South Side Barry
So you are an adviser to the President. You know he is going to throw out the first pitch at the Nationals' home opener. You know it is custom to don the colors and hat of the home town team.
Yet, POTUS wants to rep his supposedly beloved hometown Chicago White Sox hat.
What do you tell him?
"Yeah, boss, that'll go over well! It'll show that... um.... that, you are, ummm... something."
A dick, that's what you are.
Like, where exactly is the political benefit of doing something lame like that? So you can hold the all-important White Sox vote in 2012?
The downside is clear. You wear that mismatched hat, and you send a lot of negative signals. For one, it makes more headlines. "President Acts Like A Dick On Opening Day." (Story, Page D1).
It also reminds people that you throw like a girl. Actually, worse. Next time, have Hillary throw that bitch out on opening day in her frumpy tan pantskirt. She'll whomp it in there, and then spit on her own shoes.
It is one thing for pandering politicians to don whatever cap is expedient during election season. But at least they can claim they need every single vote possible. But he's already in office. Just wear the fucking hat and jacket. This team has lost over 200 games the last two seasons. Christ.
From a fan purity standpoint, he was already wearing a Nats jacket. If he thinks he's being a "true fan" by insisting on wearing that Sox hat, then how do you explain away the jacket?
If wearing another team's colors is so wrong, then you can't just split the difference and go half and half.
But then again, this guy wore his Bulls gear when he visited a Wizards game this past winter. My colleague Andy was actually - I do mean, actually - more upset about this than he was the entirety of ObamaCare's passage.
Got it, Barry. You are an old school sports fan. You fill out brackets, play hoops, rep the South Side gear. Hard core.
Now get some throwing lessons.