Thursday, April 8, 2010

Now That's a Family Man!

See that little white ball in the fairway of "marital scumbag?"

That's Tiger's ball. 306, down the middle.

Now here's Tiki Barber.

His ball just flew Tiger by about 20 yards, and is bounding up toward the green.


In case you didn't know, Tiki has decided to ditch his wife and kids for a 23 year old NBC intern.

Oh, did I mention, Tiki's wife is 8 months pregnant?

With twins.

Oh, and the intern? Former family babysitter.

Oh, one more. Tiki once ripped his own father for doing the EXACT SAME THING when he and Ronde were kids.

Scummy, heartless, cheesy, AND hypocritical. Well played, jerk.

And yet, when I offered that Tiger had just been blown away by Tiki on the wrong-o-meter, my co-host Andy and many callers on the radio said I actually had it backward. That Tiger's volume of bimbos, trumped the fact that he was at least trying to save the marriage and keep the kids.

I don't get the logic.

Yes, both are bad. But Tiki is far worse.

Not only has he walked out, but he did so on a relationship that is just about guaranteed not to last much longer than a pair of sneakers.

Plus, an intern? Can you get more cliched, Tiki? Anybody who is rich and famous can bang the interns. You don't cash in your marriage for them.

Some argued that "hey, you don't know when the Barbers' marriage became hopelessly broken."

I said: "Well, it was apparently okay 8 months ago."

I would say that it's a pretty fair bet that NBC's Today Show is going to can his ass before the year is out, if not sooner.

Because not only is Tiki NOT a sensational reporter of any kind, but the show isn't really even using him any more.

I just never got why NBC thought he was such a "catch." Sure, clean shaved head, nice big smile, well spoken intelligent black athlete with New York City name recognition.

But beyond that, what?

How long was that "hook" going to hold a viewer's "why-do-I-give-a-fuck" attention? Not to mention that fact that - at a minimum - the rest of the NFC East viewers to the Today show hated his guts to begin with.

So Tiki is now going to carve half his financial empire in half, and fork over half of all future earnings to support four kids and an insanely vindictive ex-wife for the next 21 years.

He will lose his current gravy-train TV job, leaving him free to do, what exactly?

He's forever branded as a totally insensitive asswipe, and may not get much custody or visitation with his kids.

"So, Johnny, show Tiki what he has won behind Door #2!"

"It's a piece of flighty, stupid, 23 year old ass!"

What a deal.

This comes on the heels of another epically bad decision - the decision to end his football career when he was heading into unrestricted free agency following a monster statistical year.

At the time, Tiki was praised as a "smarter-than-your-average-football-jock" guy who was going to seamlessly begin a new high profile career while saving his knees.

You know how football players always lament that they don't want to retire so broken and bruised that they can't even "play catch with their kids?"

Well, looks like that won't be a problem for Tiki.


  1. Tiger, Tiki, Steve Phillips, jesse james,jim nantz... those guys could benefit from having followed Czabe's method of "Saving your marriage". They never would've gotten in trouble...

  2. Hey now, I'm 25 and dating a lovely 23 year old. And she's not flighty at... oh now she's watching the Kardashians... efffffff.

  3. Fooling around while your wife is carrying is bad in my book no matter the circumstances. He's a scumbag.

  4. ummmm, KidHorn, fooling around with others when you're married is bad, period.

  5. I always wondered what was going on in Tiki's mind. People locally who like UVa loved him, but he ripped too many former work relationships (Manning, his coach, etc.) to come off as very likable to me. Guys who leave organizations with class, even when the situation may not warrant it, are much more appealing to potential employers (and many of their customers/viewers).

  6. The clowns at NBC are so grossly incompetent, they'll probably find a way to promote him within that circus rather than boot his ass. Dipshit of the Year, Jeff Zucker, probably has visions of "The Tonight Show with Tiki Barber."

  7. Moral degenerate. Bad hubby. Fumbler - does it really matter any more? Woods was news - this isn't. the TMZ world we live in these days...shut your yap, quit judging on dudes who screw up thier own lives, and let's watch the masters, the NBA, the draft and some baseball. Yeesh - act like men.

  8. I agree with Czabe. Tiki was much worst. And he's right in that only 8 months ago, their marriage was at least workable. Tiki will do nothing but pump gas at a local gas station. He's awful. But then again, aren't all guys just one opportunity away from cheating on our (wives, girlfriends, etc)

  9. I think they are both turned up all the way to eleven on the douche-bag dial. Czabe, two aspects may be influencing your judgment here. 1) The Tiger stuff came out drip-by-drip over a long period of time and we've gotten used to the details. Imagine if they were all coming out now, over two days. Shady car crash, lying to cops, porn stars, Perkins waitresses, neighbor's daughter, 14 other women, cheating while Elin was pregnant, still lying about car crash, etc. 2) Your personal affinity for super golfer Tiger Woods, compared to your dislike for former Giant/division rival Tiki Barber.

    Of course what Tiki needs now is an ad with his also-philandering dead dad talking vaguely about "being inquisitive to promote discussion" and shit, while Tiki sits there looking all sad.

  10. I need pics of said "intern" before I pass judgement. :)

  11. She's pretty hot. Google Traci Lynn Johnson and you should find her. That doesn't mean Tiki is any less of a douche bag.