Jack Nicklaus runs the Memorial Tournament like Itzhak Perlman plays a stratavarius.
It is a nearly flawless event, with a golf course that is manicured to a degree only shy of Augusta National.
So when this happened a few years ago, I nearly... well, I nearly pooped myself.
To quote Ricky Bobby: "That was REAL! That happened!"
If don't believe me, here is the actual PGA Tour.com story.
DIRTY PROBLEM: Phil Mickelson returned Saturday morning to resume the rain-delayed second round when he noticed the hole on the sixth green was not in the same spot as it was when he left the course the night before.
The new hole was about 3 feet away, and there was a good reason for the relocation.
Someone had defecated in the hole overnight.
"They tried to clean it up as best they could," PGA Tour tournament official Slugger White said. "The more they cleaned around the cup, it tufted the grass up."
The best solution was to move the hole, and officials had the players move their ball marks the same distance. White wasn't sure if there was precedence in a book of decisions on the Rules of Golf.
"That's just common sense," he said.
I can just see Nicklaus' face when he hears the crackle come over his radio as the sun comes up on his beloved course during tournament week.
RADIO: "Ahhhh, come in Golden Bear, this is Maintenance."
JACK: "Go ahead, this is Golden Bear."
RADIO: "Uhhhhh... yeah. We got a 'situation' here on #6."