Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Somebody Even Dumber Than This Guy

Oh irony, it is sweet, and delicious.

In this very blogospace you may have read my opinion regarding Roger Goodell's draconian suspension of Big Ben Roethlisberger over alleged - yet wholly unproven - sexual assault accusations.

I said, at the time, and maintain today, that Roger's gavel-happy powerlust has already severely outkicked his intellectual coverage.

Many disagreed with me on the Big Ben 6-gamer being too harsh, because they simply can't hold two seemingly opposing notions to both be true at the same time.

To these critics, their simple conclusion was: "Big Ben is a drunken idiot, and he deserves to be suspended." (White guy logic). For others, it was "Black guys have been getting suspended, what about the double standard?" (Black guy logic).

Yet here's the key concept that seems hard for many to grasp: I think Big Ben is indeed a drunken idiot AND Roger Goodell's suspension is a meritless and dangerous precedent of NFL discipline.

Yes, both are true!

They do not cancel each other out!

I think Big Ben probably raped that girl in the Milledgeville bathroom, and yet there's no way to suspend him without so much as even a single charge filed, much less a guilty plea or conviction.

Roger Goodell got caught up in a feelgood, righteous moment, and somehow mistook it for POLICY!

True policy, as in "this is our policy on that"... rests on measurable guidelines, benchmarks, and precedent. Terms are spelled out in concrete and simple language, and made transparent to those subject to said policy well in advance.

Goodell is running the league's principals office on a whim! The player conduct "policy?" Policy?

The current NFL player conduct policy says - in essence - if you embarrass the league with criminal, near-criminal, or unsavory activity, we might just suspend you.

This would be akin to Best Buy having a return "policy" that says you are entitled to a full refund if "you have a good reason, and ask nicely."

So here we are, at the big ol' birthday cake of delicious, "what-do-I-do-now" irony for Goodell.

1. Vince Young attacked a dude like a pit bull in a strip club pisser.

2. Michael Vick went to a birthday bash where one his fellow dogfighting felons (Don't call him a "snitch", that's my man, Q!) just happened to get SHOT outside da club. Vick said he had already scrambled out of the birthday pocket, and delivered a one-hop incompletion before going to bed, so he thinks he's cool on this one.

3. And the president of the Detroit Lions got pulled over for driving with the equivalent BAC of an intravenous drip of Jack Daniels.

Well, there goes your summer, Roger!

Have fun with each decision. I am sure they will be equitable, smartly argued, and ultimately help protect your league's squeaky clean image.


  1. I just keep thinking of how the NFL didn't like HBO's Playmakers because it was so "unrealistic"....yeah...

  2. Since we can't comment on the poll on the poll, I'll do it here. BOOOO!!!! to the percentage that picks Ghana over the sweet All-American 3-way. Now for some Mississippi River washup....

    Czabe is missing
    Come back Czabe

  3. OOPS..All-American 4-WAY...I want to be there too.

  4. Playmakers? Nothing to see here....Move along, move along.

  5. One last thing..I'm not a trucker. I'm a heavy equipment operator. But where am I at and what I'm haulin? Near Myton, Utah. HWY 40. 11 tons of dirt per bucket, back and forth from the virgin earth to the rock crushin' feeder about 140 times a day. You're welcome for the roads you drive on.

  6. I can't take it anymore. This might be a dumb question for the Superfriends about old school gear. When are you coming back? SAS thinks Doug Williams led the Redskins to victory over the Raiders in Super Bowl 17(XVII) in 1983. Vic the Brick is a buffoon. Petros has no insight on anything related to sports. He thinks all you do is scream every 4th syllable and you're golden. Hartman tries, but gets over-yelled by his 'friends'. Patrick would be better if the ego would drop and the Danettes would get off their knees. I remember your tribute to your boss Andrew. It seems when he left it all went to poo. Please keep us informed. I live in nowhere Utah with 3 FM channels and 2 AM channels. Please go to satellite so I can once again hear small school ass whippings and where you at and what you haulin'. Lock and Load...Saddle up....Nolan from the 435 is your miserable bitch.

  7. ONE CORRECTION: Andrew didnt leave a job.

  8. Czabe, you forgot about Cedric Benson. He just stomped somebody in a bar in Texas.

  9. to Nolan from the 435: There is one thing to consider. Those American girls aren't very hot. The girl from Ghana is cuter than any of the American girls. The poll results reeks of RACISM.

    Big Ben is drunk and stupid and yes he deserved to get suspended. Rape or not, I don't think having sex in a public restroom at a bar is representing your employers in a good light. Given the same circumstances, I think a lot of people would be fired for doing the same thing.

  10. I maintain this isn't about individual power-lust. Goodell knows
    his entire tenure rests on one thing — the outcome of the 2011 labor
    negotiations. He needs to "beat" the union. The "player conduct
    policy" has always been a key part of his strategy.

    Since the Age of Rozelle, every NFL policy has been designed to
    insulate the owners from the consequences of their actions. It's
    always about shifting the burden elsewhere — to taxpayers for stadium
    construction, to the television networks, and to the players. That's
    all Goodell has been doing here. By publicly flogging errant players,
    Goodell reinforces the notion that the players bear the responsibility
    for the league's problems, not the owners or the league office. It
    helps when you have a compliant media — witness the SI cover story on
    Big Ben. Minor infractions by the players get blown up while serious
    malfeasance by NFL management goes unnoticed — witnessed Dan Snyder's
    Six Flags pyramid scheme.

    Put another way, imagine you're a CEO and you're faced with two
    incidents: In the first, a regional sales manager got drunk at a
    client dinner and made an ass out of himself. In the second, a
    division vice president lost $40 million on a bad investment. The
    second incident is clearly more serious from the company's standpoint.

    The analogies here, obviously, are to Big Ben and Snyder paying Albert
    Haynesworth. Except Snyder is an "owner," so he's immune from any
    retribution from his poor decision-making, even if it directly relates
    to the business. And therein lies Roger Goodell's dilemma. He can't
    deal with the actual structural problems of the league — the poor
    quality of ownership — so he's reduced to scapegoating the players in
    hopes of garnering press-cover for the looming 2011 shutdown.

  11. Add Chris Simms to the list...wonder what Phil will say about that?

    And then there is the whole Packer Johnny Jolly, not rape, but drug trafficing and using charges that have been going on forever and yet I think the league completely missed this, maybe they just figure the law will put him away when they're done with him.

    Not to mention the Williams' who the league appears not to be able to suspend.

  12. pleasure to find such a good artical! please keep update!!.................................................................

  13. And now JaMarcus Russell has been arrested for having some kind of liquid dope - codeine syrup?

    I think you wrote this article a few days too soon, Czabe.