Thursday, June 24, 2010

The Sweater Never Really Fooled Me

Albert Haynesworth is not a nice fella.

This is, and was, no secret.

In fact, Big Al, is a big bag of shit.

So why do you pay guys who are known bags of shit, $41 million guaranteed? Answer: you don't, unless you are Dan Snyder, and the bag of shit looks like a shiny new toy to play with on your football field next fall.

Then, you overlook every red flag, siren, warning sign, cautionary tale, bad reference, league suspension, arrest and lawsuit – and schedule your press conference to show him off smiling.

In a big ol, blue sweater.

The “good boy” sweater, as I like to call it. Whenever a bag shit wants to soften his public image, he puts on a sweater. Don't be fooled.

Now, a year and a few months later, the Redskins are as uncomfortable as Al would be if you made him wear his prom night tuxedo. Do you let this bag of shit walk away with a Brinks heist caliber $32 million for one mediocre season?

Or do you play the “hold, torture, and recover” game in an attempt to get him to cough up some of that dough?

I say, forget it. The money is gone. Like hiring a contractor to re-do your kitchen and paying him up front. Then the guy skips town. Your $40,000 is gone, dummy. Live and learn. Pay as you go.

I've heard from some Skins fans that letting Albert getting away with this, would “set a bad precedent.” Too late for that. Signing shitheads in the first place, is a bad precedent. And Snyder has already set that, practically in stone.

Sure, Al is stealing Dan's money.

But so did Deion, Archuleta, Bruce, Randle El, Lloyd, and others.

This is not new.

Haynesworth is the BP oil spill of the final un-tethered days of spending by Danny and Vinny. I think those days are over with Shanallenhan in control. But we'll have to see.

You really can't get a draft pick of consequence for Haynesworth now. At best, what? Fourth rounder. And getting money back isn't going to do anything for this four-win football team. So let's say Danny gets back $10 million to release Big Al. What does he do with that money? Put on his bigger pile of money?

If it were my football team, I would look at it like this. I have a new coach who has two Super Bowl rings. I have a son of a team coaching legend running the front office. I have a Pro Bowl quarterback. Despite the fetid stench of a 4-win season, there is actual optimism ready to break out this summer in Redskins training camp.

Why spoil that?

Why let a fat loser, who is going to be broke with your $32 million leaking out of his pockets in under 3 years anyway, put a dent in what could be a nice, momentum building start to 2010?

Just yesterday, Big Al's agent put out a statement on Al's behalf, saying he would indeed show up for training camp to “honor” his contract.

Yeah, sure. “Honor” and “Haynesworth.” Two words that hardly go together.

I believe he will show up, and look around like, “what, what? Did I miss something?” He'll claim to be trying to learn the new system. He'll give you maybe 80% effort. He'll start having constant hamstring issues and then ask to miss practices.

Teammates who ripped him in the press, will have to gently retreat to at least a workable position, making them look weak and silly in the process. I can't wait to see what London Fletcher's “new” Haynesworth stance will be.

And...... then what?

Then what.

Are you going to keep playing this waiting game with Big Al all summer, trying to force a trade, or hope he gets with the program and screws on a smile? How deep into the pre-season are you willing to go? Are you willing to risk one of his teammates punching his fat lip while he sits in the ice-tub?

All of this is going to help you win games, how, exactly? We are still in the business of winning games, right?

This thing is over, people. Big Al won. Let's hope Danny learned his lesson, and we'll press ahead with trying to have a good season.


  1. I still say put him on the taxi squad for 4 years make beg him to get out of town. Then if Danny gets any money back he can drop the price of beer. hahaha

  2. Fat Albert is a perfect opportunity to trade waiting to happen to the Bengals. As a Bungles fan, I know this. Think of the good company: Cedric Benson, Ocho Stinko, Matt Jones, Pacman, Tank Johnson, Chris Henry (oops).

  3. He isn't stealing Snyder's money. He is stealing the fans money. Danny pays all of these bums with money he generated from increased ticket sales, food/beer, parking, merchandise, etc.

    Every yeay Snyder creates enough buzz with new players, new coaches, etc to make sure the dollar are flowing. And with this, he pays down his debt used to buy the team and the intrinsic value keeps growing.

    Marketing brillance. Same suckers buy in to it every year.

  4. Im not a Skins fan, but my best friend is and I sent him the following text when Fat Albert proclaimed he would attend camp...

    "Good News! Haynesworthless will be attending training camp so he can be a whining distraction with his teamates instead of being a whining distraction without them. That a team player!"

    You nailed it Czabe! Cut the cord and move on...

  5. if he makes it to november with the skins, the reaction in nashville will be this: titans fans cheer, skins fans boo. isn't that the exact opposite of what should happen?

    i will be booing, as a skins fan.

  6. Let's get rid of the Asian site spammer all ready. Whaddya say?

  7. I do not understand the contracts, union rules, etc. of the NFL but I can't believe some structure isn't built in somewhere to stop this kind of thing. Of all the whining (some of) the players do about greedy management, (some of) the players really do a good job of 'screwing the man.' It's a shame, that's just bad character.

  8. What's the over/under on the line of excuse, "It's just Albert being Albert?"