These Never, Ever Get Old To Me...

Not sure we really needed an animated story to explain that NBA players make millions, and love poontang by the truckload.

But, here we are again. God bless you, Taiwanese animators!

Czabe's Official 5-5 "State of the Skins"

I got an email from my #1 Redskins homeboy Johnny "One Account" Rhodes (he treats all of his clients SO well, you'd swear you were his "one account!") and he took issue with what he thinks is some "circular" logic by me about the Redskins, 10 games into the Shanny regime.

Fair criticism.

Sometimes, you say enough things, reacting to enough games, that the message gets mixed. So let me state for the record, where I think this team sits right now, how we got here, and where we are going.

(Note: see Johnny's original email below).

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I would say simply: This is a talent poor roster, that has gotten lucky (or "fortunate" if your tender Skins fan ears can't take "lucky") to be 5-5.
Which is okay. That is a "micro" analysis of the TEAM. Not the franchise, or roster.

As for "rebuilding", no we are NOT rebuilding. To me, that's the "macro."

We "patched" this year and went with a BUNCH of dead-end vets to "plug" holes.
We traded for a veteran QB. Not rebuilding.
We sent away 3 prime draft picks for players. Not rebuilding.
We signed the following "dead end" players, mind you, not TERRIBLE, per se. Just guys who are going NOWHERE in the next 3 years, much less 5.

OLD Dudes Brought In As Patches
Philip Buchanan - dead end (9th year vet, on his 5th team.)
Joey Galloway - dead end (16th year. 39 year old WR's are totally worthless. Give his reps to Terrance Austin.)
Vonnie Holiday - dead end (13th year)
Rex Grossman - dead end (9th year player, will hold a clipboard the rest of his career).
Maake Kemoeatu - 9th year player, chronic injuries
Artis Hicks - 9th year player, battling injuries

NOT OLD.. But..
Adam Carriker - dead end (Skins moved down 28 spots in 5th round to get him from Rams. Has a chronic shoulder injury.)

Laughable Reaches
Larry Johnson - cut
Willie Parker - cut

Two Big Trades of Picks (Future) for Players (Now)
LT Jamaal Brown (4th or 5th rounder, depending).
Former Pro Bowler (oohhhh, Pro Bowl!) who was out all last year with a sports hernia and hip surgery. Could have chronic hip issues.

Donovan McNabb (2nd and a 4th or 5th, see above)
Former 6 time Pro Bowler who is battling hamstrings and has missed 17 games over the previous 5 years with the Eagles. Great intangibles, leadership, marketability. However, those values were undercut by his benching by Shanahan. Commitment to him remains lukewarm, IMHO.


Aging Vets Who Have Been Good/Great/Solid, But Are Going to Fade Quickly
Philip Daniels - 15th Year. Like the guy will never leave.
Andre Carter - 10th year player, out of position
London Fletcher - 13th year, awesome stud. But how many more good years?
Clinton Portis - FINISHED
Casey Rabach - FINISHED

Vinny Era Guys Who are Apparently out of Favor
Derrick Dockery
Wil Montgomery

B+ Vets With Gas Still In Tank
Chris Cooley
Mike Sellers
Santana Moss
Rocky McIntosh
DeAngelo Hall

Just Guys
Fred Davis
Carlos Rodgers
Rocky McIntosh
Korey Lichtensteiger
Kedric Golston

YOUNG STUDS
Brian Orakpo
Trent Williams
Laron Landry

There are some potential gems.... stress POTENTIAL
Keiland Williams - UFA Rookie
Ryan Torain - UFA (was out of football for a year, and has a ongoing groin/hammy issues)
Anthony Armstrong - Intense Football League in the house!
Brandon Banks - breathtakingly fast, but small.

Sooooo... all told, here's what I think Shanallenhan did this season. The "patched" and "marketed." Which I'm not mad about, per se, but it added up to a wasted year. They have to loop back, and start REALLY re-building in the off-season.

What I would have done is this...

Don't trade for McNabb. Keep the picks. Who would be your QB then? Tough call. I couldn't support more Campbell, but since Vinny didn't leave a young guy (legit, not Colt) in the pipeline, this would have been a rough year. You could have gone with Grossman.

Don't trade for Brown. Keep the pick. He's a RIGHT tackle, for gods sake, not a left. Find somebody. Play him. Take your lumps.

Cut Portis. Even though he busted his ass in the off-season to get in shape, he was extremely unlikely to be our starting RB in 2011, so give his carries elsewhere. When you add up the last two years of Portis, we missed the exit ramp on this cat by two full seasons.

Keep Devin Thomas. I don't care how big a bag shit he might have been, hold his hand for one fucking year, and if he still is a bag of shit in Jan 2011, THEN you can cut him.

Trade Haynesworth for that 4th rounder. The team got hung up in the money, and Shanny showing how "tough" he was going to be. #FailFail. Al's given us virtually nothing this year, and is now excused from actually playing the scheme as intended.

Don't bother with Johnson and Parker. Those were stupid. The whole league knew neither guy had anything left. In the meantime, there are Danny Woodheads out there. Go find one.

The rest of the aging roster, you are just going to have to work through, like a store moving through unsold inventory. But at least with my plan, you would have four extra picks in the first 4 rounds. And so what if you are 2-8 right now? To me, non-playoff years are non-playoff years. 4-12 is not much different than 9-7.

Except 9-7 can be worse, if it is a wallpapered 9-7. If it's a dead-end 9-7.

I'm glad we have a "real" coach in Shanny. But my god, his ego is fucking Jupiter sized. And his track record for talent evaluation is super-dicey. So I worry. Alot.

There's a larger dynamic as well that is troubling. It's this. Star coaches never want to rebuild. Ever. They don't want 4-12 their record, because it makes them look less, well, GENIUS like!

Someday, I would want a coach like Harbaugh in Baltimore, or McCarthy in Green Bay, or Payton in New Orleans. I want the hungry guy, who has YET to get his first big coaching contract. I don't want the TV commentator guy. Gruden and Cowher? I bet they fail at their next stop. Being on TV means you are always right, and leads to being an inflexible dick.

Look at the Snyder coaching hires.

Marty - Star with total control.
Spurrier - Star college coach.
Gibbs - Legacy star.
Zorn - Stooge
Shanny - Star coach.

Nowhere in there, is a young, hungry, LEGITIMATE head coach in waiting. Zorn was on NOBODY's radar, and not young. He was 54 when he was hired.

Bruce Allen is a nice guy. But I'm calling him the alumni director and Mr. Goldpants. Because I don't think he really has much personnel hammer.

So here we are. A very weak roster, poisoned by HORRIBLE shortsightedness from Gibbs (my god he wasted so many f'ing picks!) and continued by Vinny stoogery (witness the three 2nd round WR/TE bust draft).

The new regime came in, and just couldn't stomach the thought of TRUE rebuilding, and so they "marketed" and "patched." McNabb is marketing (along with Bruce Allen's harkening to the team's past) and you saw the list of patches above.

Note, it doesn't mean McNabb was ALL marketing, or even a BAD idea. But there was a distinct marketing element to that trade, given that he became the face of the new team and the centerpiece of various marketing campaigns.

And the patching isn't bad, PER SE, mind you, but I don't call it "rebuilding." We have the oldest team in the league this year. And guess what. We did last year, too! That's not exactly moving the needle toward youth.

This team will eventually get younger, whether Shanny wants it to, or not. The patches will be cut loose, and the older vets will finally give in and become unstartable.

My personal feeling: we wasted a year along that road.

There. That's where I stand.

Hail Skins!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

TO: Czabe
FROM: Rhodes
RE: Redskins

I hate to say it but I actually agree with Andy and Thom putting you under the heat lamp on the roster/ "rebuilding" thingy. I heard you again this morning refer to our "roster" conversation last week. I have to say, I've never heard you speak in circles as much as you have regarding the Skins this year.

For years, we listened to you say the Skins would take years to clean up the Cerrato mess. Lack of draft choices, washed-up talent, overpaid free agents, etc. This is sort of like when GW Bush took over the white house with a plan in place and then a bunch of planes crashed into a bunch of buildings, then he inherits a completely different mess.

Do you honestly think the Skins got smeared last week because they didn't spend hours in the film room studying the Eagles or could you see the lack of speed and athleticism on our side? How did we win yesterday? The Titans were out-coached. Fischer didn't manage the game as well as we did. Our roster is still inferior to the Titans'.

When the Skins were 4-4, you said they were a 2-6 team disguised as a 4-4 team. What did you mean by that? To me and most of your listeners, it was interpreted as that the talent didn't match the record. You also said to me, "This same roster was 4-4, so you can't have it both ways". I don't understand what the point is there and that also made a few of my friends scratch their heads.

So, I'll throw the same comment back at you. "You can't have it both ways". Is this a talented team that is underachieving or is it a team thin with talent? If you point towards coaching, then you're saying they are underachieving. If they're thin with talent, then it's a roster issue.

Tonight you said the Skins aren't rebuilding. How do you know? You haven't even seen the off-season following Shanahan's first year. He wasn't left with an abundance of draft choices, so he'll have to rebuild at a different pace but I definitely still consider them to be rebuilding.

Sincerely,
John Rhodes

Packers Deliver Final Gutting of Favre

Watching the Packers demolish the Vikings on Sunday, was like the biggest serving of Shadenfavre pie with triple icing, syrup, and whip cream on top.

Lap it up, Packer fans. Lap it up.

Greg Jennings was swerving around like a remote controlled toy car, making Vikings DBs look like your cat chasing that car hopelessly on your hardwood floors.

Favre looked like warmed over ass. Then there was the argument with Darrell Bevell.

Oh, how sweet.

I always wished for somebody to finally crunch the narcissistic Mississippi Dongslinger into retirement with a hit that would break several bones, and tear several ligaments.

The dick is too tough for that. I'll give him credit there.

But short of such an ending, this might be even better. Favre is now stuck in the awkward limbo with the Vikings of being a CLEAR liability, yet not wanting to end his career without the incredible tagline of "never missed a game".

Not only did the Packers help extinquish the Vikings season, but they effectively snuffed out Favre's career once and for all, and may well get another coach fired!

It reminded me of the chilling scene in Saving Private Ryan where Private Mellish gets stabbed to death by the German in the basement of the Bell Tower at the end of the movie.

According to the excellent site Saving Private Ryan Online Encyclopedia, the SS-Waffen soldier who killed Mellish, whispered the following into his face as he died.

One translation of the words spoken by the Waffen-SS soldier who killed Mellish is, "Give up, you don't stand a chance! Let's end this here; it will be easier for you like this!"

Just like the Pack did to Favre. "End it here, Junkslinger. It will be easier for you like this!"

He's a wrecking ball...

Jimmy's back with four more picks:

Auburn Football Headed For SMU Like Purgatory

The following are excerpts from a long, and exhaustive compilation of facts, rumors, timelines, and speculation about what will happen in the Cam Newton recruiting scandal.

You may choose to believe as much as you like, you may scoff at the reliability of something posted on a message board of a rival SEC team, such as this is from LSU.

You may also scream "let's let all the facts come out first!"

Which is really just code for "stop giving opinions or presenting information!"

Which is stupid. It's the equivalent of stuffing your fingers in your ears and saying "nahnahnah... I can't hear yoouuuuuuu!"

Of course, we have no choice to "let" the facts come out first, because "we" - as in the fans, and media - are not in a position to suspend Cam Newton, or to put Auburn on probation.

I'm not jumping to a conclusion, I am throwing more intel and facts onto the pile. Make of it what you want, but you can't just ignore it.

My sense here, is that Auburn football is like the band of bank robbers who are desperately stuffing $100's into their pants as they run to a getaway car, being closed in on by the cops. And they are shooting everyone and everything in sight, in a desperate attempt to just somehow make it to the edge of the city limits.

At which time, the bank robbers will "figure everything out" - if they even make it.

Like dropping their gun and the money now, suspending Cam Newton reduces your chances of
"getting away with it" from 1% to ZERO, so Auburn is going to take that 1%, thank you very much.

The real question, and the real drama, will be for later, when the full scope of the scandal becomes known. How hard will the NCAA come down on Auburn? How pissed will the SEC be at a member institution for delivering a stain on their reputation that will likely, never, ever ever be fully wiped away?

Those are tomorrow questions. For today, you can read this and get up to speed a little bit on what's really going down. Then when the rest of the mainstream, Northeast pro-sports-oriented media starts to report it, you can sit back and say: "I knew all that already."

>>>>>>>>

IF YOU WANT THE FULL THREAD OF SMOKE AND FLAMES FROM THE CAM NEWTON RECRUITING SCANDAL, CLICK HERE!

Here's some relevant things I have excerpted for your convenience....

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Adding fuel to the fire are the ties between former Colonial Bank Chairman Bobby Lowder (Bank of $25Billion failed earlier this year), Milton McGregor (Dog Track, Bingo, and Casino Owner), and Pat Dye (former AU Football Coach).

These were the three largest shareholders of the now defunct Colonial BancGroup, a mortgage brokerage, commercial banking, and mortgage warehousing firm based in Montgomery, Al. McGregor was indicted about the same time as Geddie. Wire-taps were the backbone behind the indictments, but it has been speculated by most the FBI overheard conversations between McGergor, Rane, Dye, and coaches talking about the PFP (pay-for-play) schemes that are speculated at Auburn. What most are saying is that the FBI just stumbled into the PFP planning while gathering the voter fraud and political corruption evidence.

Notice how the 1st person the FBI supposedly questioned regarding Cam and his Father was John Bond. Next, they’re going to Kenny Rodgers (this Tuesday). Speculation is the Feds are gathering the bits and pieces from the MSU side which can be proven or substantiated with the wire tap tapes they have between all of these AU Boosters, and then are going to the AU side corner those suspects either in perjured testimony, or extortion charges relating to this unintended evidence. Once they are able to turn the smaller players, the FBI will turn the pleas against the real targets, in very much the same fashion as the Edwin Edwards and William Jefferson Cases.

Think about it for a minute. The FBI could care less about college football unless it involves organized gambling or extortion. They are after evidence of Voter Influence, mis-appropriation of Bank Funds, extortion, embezzlement, the ultimate goal being to gain as many assets as possible to offset the FDIC losses incurred from the Colonial failure, while punishing those behind the schemes.

Remember TMZ’s report and why the FBI was involved in the 1st place. They implied that the FBI is more interested in efforts to shop players around, not just a single player (extortion). This was again confirmed Friday, November 12th when John Bond stated the reason for the FBI’s questioning was that "They don't want people selling kids to colleges." This ties into the AgentGate BS all of the governing bodies came unglued about earlier this summer. One editorial out of Mobile included this little gem the other day - With Milton McGregor involved in this as an Auburn booster watch out. The FBI has listened to every phone conversation from his office in the past year. He is the dirtiest multi-millionaire in Alabama.

Fast forward to this past Thursday, November 11th. The NCAA meets with Auburn officials supposedly to discuss the previous two weeks news reports. Upon conclusion of that meeting, the “We’ve done absolutely nothing wrong, Cam is Innocent, this is a Witch Hunt” being spewed by both the University and the Athletic Department suddenly changed to “No Comment.” Auburn quickly lawyered up with an experienced NCAA Compliance Firm. They also hired a longtime NCAA investigator which acted as a consultant when Albert Means and Alabama went down in 2001-2002.

Again, this thing now goes way beyond PFP (Pay-For-Play) schemes, and it appears the FED’s goal is to build the ultimate case against Bobby Lowder, who is the CEO of failed Colonial Bank, an Auburn trustee, and considered by many to be the single most powerful booster in all of college football.

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AUBURN’S SLIPPERY SLOPE

• January, 2010 Byrne (MSU)reports to SEC

• SEC responds wanting more information, into allegations

• MSU waits because they are working on eligibility’s issues relating to their Basketball program, currently in season

• SEC contacts NCAA

• NCAA-SEC get with MSU

• During this time, the Church managed by Newton was in financial trouble and facing eviction but suddenly had enough cash to do extensive renovations to meet building codes.

• Newton's father owned a small trucking company with two drivers. After Newton signed they were flushed with so many contracts that a dozen drivers were hired.

• OCTOBER 4TH, 2010. McGregor, Geddie, and others with political ties Lowder and Co. are indicted and arrested, based on taped conversations held during the previous 13 months.

• 10/21/2010 Dan Mullen goes on Rivals radio ASKED... how close were you to getting Cam at MSU ...Dan Mullen: "thats a long long story ...that be in the book."

• Nov 4th, Bond releases statement “During the 2009 football season, I was contacted by a former football teammate, who represented to me that he was speaking for the Newton camp. He told me that Cam Newton wanted to play at Mississippi State, but that a specified payment would have to be made. I reported the conversation to the Mississippi State Athletic Department. I was told by the Athletic Department that Mississippi State would not respond to the overture that was made to me, and that Mississippi State would continue to recruit Cam Newton as it does any other football recruit.”

• MSU: "We are comfortable that representatives of Mississippi State University's interests conducted themselves appropriately and in compliance with all NCAA by-laws. Mississippi State is committed to operating our athletics programs within the rules of the NCAA and Southeastern Conference, and we expect those affiliated with our program to continue to do the same."

• Cecil Newton, the quarterback's father, denied the allegations to ESPN.com. "If Rogers tried to solicit money from Mississippi State, he did it on his own, without our knowledge," he told the website.

• Chizik: "I'm standing up here on a very important week trying to defend something that quite frankly is garbage," Chizik told reporters. "Is there a wizard behind the curtain? I don't know. Is there one, is there two, are there 10? I don't know and I don't care. But what I do care about is coming to the defense of not only a great football player but a great human being who comes from a great family."

• Nov 8th, Foxsports.com reports that Newton was caught cheating three times at Florida.

• Nov 9th, Auburn AD called cheating allegations "sad". "Cam is by all accounts a great kid."

• Nov 9th, ESPN.com’s Joe Schad reported that “two sources who recruit for Mississippi State” said in separate phone conversations that Cam Newton’s decision to commit to a school “would be part of a pay-for-play” plan.

• FBI gets involved in the MSU portion of the investigation, as they are already well trenched in the Auburn/Lowder/McGregor and friends side.

• Nov 10th, Once the NCAA enforcement staff became involved, Mississippi State University cooperated fully with its investigation. MSU is confident the SEC office has managed this process consistent with its established procedures and the university is committed to the conference’s ongoing efforts to ensure compliance with SEC and NCAA rules.

• Nov 11th, “The SEC never received information from MSU about phone calls with the Newtons about pay for play,” SEC spokesman Charles Bloom said in an e-mail Thursday.

• Nov 11th, Bond releases a statement. “My story hasn’t changed. I absolutely talked with Kenny Rogers, and there are phone records that will show that.” Bond said he’s scheduled to meet with the FBI on Tuesday and plans to turn over his phone records and anything else they ask for at that point. He said the FBI reached out to his attorney earlier this week wanting to talk with him about the Newton situation, in particular if kids were being shopped out to colleges. That meeting was originally scheduled for Wednesday, but was postponed by the FBI until next Tuesday. “Until I speak with the FBI, I’d prefer not to say much more,”

• Nov 11th Rogers admits, after previously denying, that in fact Cecil Newton had asked for money to recruit his son to play at MSU.

• Nov 11th Bill Bell says he was contacted and asked for payment by Cecil Newton and he has been interviewed by the NCAA

• Nov 12th Jay Jacobs says "We aren't commenting on it"

• Bond to meet FBI on November 16th, later said "This has nothing to do with Auburn, Absolutely nothing to do with Auburn. The FBI does not want anyone selling the right to players"

• Rodgers to meet with NCAA around November 16th

• Nov 12th, Cecil Newton admits to asking for money from MSU in exchange for Cam to play there.

• Nov 12th, ESPN reports that a source stated that he was contacted by an emotional Cam Newton stating his regret that he would not be playing for MSU, as his father had chosen Auburn because "the money was too much".

• Nov 13th, Despite all of the above evidence, Auburn Still Plays Newton

Suprise: Not Much "Mania" For $20 Scratch Offs

Sometimes, you wonder if Dan Snyder thinks the smallest dollar bill the US treasury prints, is a $20 bill. It's like everything costs $20, or $40. Parking. Beers. Lottery tickets.

Yes, Dan Snyder can now add "Lottery Ticket" to his list of #EPICFAIL.

From Dave McKenna of the Washington City Paper, you apparently can't just gouge the shit out of degenerate scratch off addicts and get away with it, even if you plastered the mighty Redskins colors and logo on those scratchers.

Whatever caused the Redskins scratch ticket to flop, it wasn’t the medium’s fault. Other NFL scratch tickets did just fine, thank you. Take the game being offered by the team just up the road, the Baltimore Ravens Cash Fantasy, marketed through the Maryland Lottery. The state agency says it sold essentially every Ravens Cash Fantasy ticket that was printed. All three of the $1 million top prizes were given away.

The Ravens scratch tickets cost only $5. One Maryland Lottery official, requesting anonymity, tells me the agency and team were both surprised when the Redskins announced such an expensive ticket but briefly considered following Washington’s lead. Ultimately, the official says, they concluded that “people wouldn’t buy them for $20.”

The Ravens and the Maryland Lottery announced last week that the 2009 Cash Fantasy game “holds the distinction of being the best-selling $5 scratch-off ever sold by the Maryland Lottery.” So the lottery game offered by the Ravens, one of the most stable franchises in the NFL over the past decade, will come back basically unchanged for the 2010 season, with the same $5 price and three $1 million prizes.

The Redskins, of course, have had the least stable operation in the NFL, on and off the field, since Snyder came here in 1999. So it makes metaphorical sense that the team’s initial lottery offering is getting blown up after its one disastrous season. Though nothing’s been announced by the Redskins or the Virginia Lottery, the name and huge price point of the 2009 venture are gone; current plans hold that the team will market a scratcher called Redskins Legacy beginning in August.

REACT: Oh joy. A remarketed version of the game, that draws from the nearly bankrupt account of "old" Redskin success, dubbed "Legacy." You know, at some point, those "Legacy" checks with the Redskins are going to start to bounce.

And if you want MORE, of SnyderFail, you can read Mr. McKenna's excellent, and exhaustive "The Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder."

It won't make you feel any better about our beloved Belt Buckle Football King. But it will probably make you chuckle.

Animals are people, too...

No, Czabe hasn't gone soft...check out the whole picture in today's Pix.

Rat-a-tat-TAT-TAT-bump-chump-bump-BAM!

An NFC East Clash

Who will reign supreme? You decide in this week's Football Poll.

"You Can't Have Exciting and Fair"

FROM: Dave Mann
TO: Czabe
RE: NASCAR Chase

Steve,

Interesting (to me and precious few others) add to the final Chase race Sunday. NASCAR is wetting itself giddy that there is a 3 horse race within 46 points for the title. I don't blame them. Although....46 points is like.....12 spots on the track. And the odds of Harvick beating Hamlin by that much and JJ by nearly that much? Slim at best. It's mostly a two horse race.

So......as always I track who would be winning the title under standard scoring and luckily this year Harv made it easy. He would. Simple. He had a huge lead going in (that gets erased) and he's still right there. So Harv is your defacto "shoulda been" Champ for this year. Congrats to him.

That's the "fair" way to do it. THe "exciting way" is the Chase which will likely see JJ win #5 in a row or Hamlin get his first. Exciting? Yes. But quite by accident. This is the first chase in the format's existence that is at all exciting or interesting. So it's a false positive if you ask me. Thats why I want JJ to win so that changing the system is still the mood of the higher ups in NC. A great race Sunday or a Hamlin title might be the worst outcome..it could easily make NASCAR over confident and then go another 10 years of boring after this. It's just random.

I'm on record as advocating single elimination like every other playoffs. Cruel, sudden, but exciting every week. The lower 9 drivers are eliminated anyway by this point....why not make it gutwrenching to see who goes home every week by finishing the worst of the remaining Chasers? My system? 12 Chasers...10 weeks. Worst Chase finisher each week is eliminated.

Attached find what would have happened in a single elimination format. Points are thrown out for this...so you'd have 3 drivers TIED for the lead.....best finisher wins at Miami this weekend. And those three guys would be? Harvick (fair), Edwards (what?) and Kenseth (atta boy). Would having Matt or Carl win the title when Ford has sucked all year and they've only won one race between them be fair? NO!! But Fair doesn't live here. Fair is Harvick. We've established that. Playoffs aren't about fair. * Credit to the 48....they've won an astonishing number of Chase races over the years. They are an amazing team with a killer instinct. He is deserving of what he has won. No question. But it's been a ratings nightmare. So with all due respect to them......it's important I frame the argument around what is the most exciting television.

Would JJ having gotten bumped in week 1 of the Chase be good for ratings? Yes.. Hell yes. It would get racing talked about above the fold for sure which is important. It'd be the 16 over 1 seed upset shocker. Good for ratings I think. Folks can handle #1 seeds getting bumped in football. Its what makes the playoffs so amazing.

And right now racing has its coveted three driver finale. "Hey,how 'bout that?" But my system? Guarantees that EVERY year...and adds brutal disappointment of sending a guy home each week. Can't have exciting and fair. No such thing. Either go back to fair and concede the ratings for the final 10 weeks to the NFL. OR....ensure the excitement and sacrifice a little fair.

Come on Stevey...you got the NHL to go shirts and skins for the All-Star game. Let's make this happen.

Dave

ATTACHMENT:

Bum

This is what one looks like.

CLICK HERE TO WATCH HAYNESWORTH LYING DOWN AS VICK THROWS A TD!

And to think that they were saying how well Big Al was "fitting in" now that Jim Haslett has allowed him to "opt out" of much of the "base" 3-4 nose responsibility.

Drunken Front Row Cowboy Game Lap Dance

This video is about two weeks old, but knowing how far and wide the ol' interwebs can spread, I am guessing that many of you have yet to see it.

So, if it's new to you, then enjoy!

She may be a sloppy drunk, and even sloppier kisser, and a lousy Cowboy fan because she has only a casual interest in how bad the actual team is playing - but my goodness, she does aim to please!

Awesome!

Somebody put her on the JerryTron, and make a bit of it! Forget the "Kiss Cam", let's introduce the first "Lap Dance Cam" in stadiums!

Shotgun Wedding

Never a dull moment when you are living under the rule of the Dan Snyder Redskins.

Never.

Witness today's McNabb Contract Extension bombshell, which really, we all should have seen coming down the pike like a plot line to any episode of Three's Company.

Did you really think Snyder was going to allow the ESPN crew to pore over, regurgitate, and/or opine on the whole McNabb/Shanny/Cardio/Playbook benching from two weeks ago?

For three hours on national TV, with the football world watching?

With the ugly, and stupid, racial element lobbed in like a molotov cocktail by guys like Feinstein?

Of course not.

This deal - regardless of your personal feeling on its merits, and more on that in a minute - was driven directly by the Redskins Marketing Department.

So why do it, then?

Well, it makes sense for all involved. Here's why.

For McNabb, he gets more money "safely in the barn" so to speak, before anything gets worse in his world. Like before he gets really injured, and teams start to back off of him this winter. Or if he keeps playing like crap. Or, if a prime landing spot like Minnesota, watches Tavaris Jackson start lighting it up down the stretch (laugh all you want, I never thought Vince Young was redeemable as a starter).

The only INCREASED leverage McNabb would have is if he suddenly started playing GREAT down the stretch. Which was unlikely.

For the Redskins, you douse the "controversy" with a firehose of wet benjamins. That is worth quite a bit, if you know how dicey Snyder's hold on the local fan base is becoming. Snyder can't afford to let his prized coach, openly diss a classy starting black quarterback, without a genuine risk of doing damage to a huge chuck of his stadium ticket base.

For everyone unfamiliar with the Redskins history, here's the thumbnail sketch. Former owner George Preston Marshall was a screaming fucking racist, who resisted integration until he was the last NFL team standing with an all-white team.

And we sucked doing it. Yeah, whitey!

When most NFL teams started mixing in black players in 1945, Marshall thought he could stay all white and make it all the way until the year, oh, 2073.

He made it to 1962.

By then, every other pro basketball, baseball or football team had at least one black player. Hell, even HOCKEY had broken the color barrier before the Redskins!

It was this backdrop, that allowed the Washington D.C. area to incubate a significant Dallas Cowboys fanbase, born purely of black fathers who would much rather raise their sons to be fans of "America's Team" than root for the Redskins.

To which my generation and many others say, "thanks, George. You dick."

So when Shanahan even swerved inadvertently into the POSSIBLE connotation that McNabb was too stupid or lazy to run his offense when he tried to explain that idiotic benching, it really was a DEFCON 2 or 3 level of fan angst here in DC.

But apparently, the Lil' General knew NOTHING of this franchise history, according to one source I know who spoke directly with Shanahan in the days afterward.

Still, I found it absurd that somebody smart like John Feinstein would advocate firing Shanny because of intentional "racial coding" intended to embarass McNabb.

It was as if Shanahan was driving home and had a neighborhood dog run in front of his car, and killed it. It doesn't mean he hates dogs!

Besides, as I said on my radio show. Shanny is a man of color too.

Red.

Ba-dum-bump!

So McNabb is now under contract for a REPORTED $40 mil guaranteed. The total number is pointless, so let's call his deal 5 years/$1.73 TRILLION, with $40 mil guaranteed.

I saw Mort tonite pooh pooh whether it is REALLY $40 mil, and he may be right.

But even if it is that much, it doesn't mean anything about whether McNabb is a Redskin come September of 2011.

Depending on how the labor fight shakes out, we may not have a sudden re-installment of a hard cap. In fact, let's just say there is no more hard cap. Well then, the Redskins could just pioneer the new NFL era of "sign and trades" like the NBA has been doing for a while.

With no cap "hit" to worry about, the Redskins can trade McNabb to Minnesota/Arizona this winter for (pick your appropriate compensation) and eat whatever portion of his deal that the Vikings/Cardinals are unwilling to pay for.

It's like McNabb becomes the moveable $40 million man, unlike Haynesworth who is seen (properly) as a cancer, just currently in remission. Plus, hey, it's just money. Snyder is selling beers for $8 a pop out there in Raljon, so what's it to him?

The fun part is going to be watching how Shanny tries to spin this afterward. A QB who is getting $8 million a year now, can't be trusted to run a 2-min drill against the Lions!

Wha.. whaaaa?

Unless Shanny just comes out and says, "hey, I don't write the contracts around here, talk to Bruce the alumni director" it's pretty damn hard to square the last 1:53 in Detroit with a deal this big.

Like any shotgun wedding, the bride smiles and the groom looks around nervous. We'll have to check back in the trailer park in about 8 months to see if our happy couple is still together.

If diamonds are forever...

Check out today's Pix.

Yes - she was a Power Ranger

"The Greatest Regular Season" Myth Endures

On Friday, I made the point on my radio show that the notion college football has the "greatest regular season" of any sport - by virtue of its high-wire, one-loss-and-your-dead nature - is totally absurd.

I used the just completed tepid slate of games to prove my point. Since we're down to a four-teams-for-two-spots race now, a whole wide swath of teams are totally off the championship radar because they were stupid enough to - gasp! - lose one game.

Idiots.

Of course, this point gets totally missed by guys like listener John (see his email below) who would rather get into DNA testing to see if I love college football sufficiently to be considered "pure."

Well, thankfully, I was able to pen a prompt reply to his screed. Isn't email wonderful!


From: John A. Witzke
Sent: Sat, November 13, 2010 4:56:55 PM
Subject: [yawn]

Yep, another boring Saturday.

I'm bored stiff, Czabe.

40-watt bulb.

Nothing to see here.

Just admit that you don't truly have the CFB gene...you enjoy it, but much like, oh, 99.999% of sports fans who grew up in major east coast major markets, you're simply WAYWAYWAYWAYWAY more partial to the pro game...there's nothing wrong with that, and I honestly don't hold it against you.

The first time starters are ever sat out of Auburn/Alabama, UM/tOSU, etc; because each team already has clinched a spot in some stupid unnecessary media-concocted playoff, I'm moving to Asia... nothing could be more un-American!

And for the record, being in favor of a "plus one" is NOT the same thing as being in favor of all the "Death to the BCS" propaganda that's making the rounds.

Only a few more precious weeks left in The Greatest Regular Season in All of Sports... savor it!! -John

>>>>>>>>>>

And here was my reply......

TO: John Witzke
FROM: Czabe
RE: College Football

John,

I am in favor of a plus one. It would make college football, already awesome, even more so. The BCS is a tool, and a not very good one at that. But you need some kind of tool to set up a "virtual" championship game without benefit of a tournament, and a selection committee, as there is in CBB. Under my "plus 1" I would keep the BCS architecture intact, with the only tweak being a re-insertion of margin of victory, which I think is very important. Of course, I would put a "limiter" on that numerical input, to keep games like Wisconsin's 83 point outburst from being over-valued.

Under my scenario, about 12 games Saturday would have had huge implications. Instead, there were only 3. Auburn, Oregon, and (surprise) TCU. The fact that there were many other "entertaining" games only means that they are entertaining, not significant. I like watching CFB games such as Florida v. South Carolina for the pageantry, competition, tradition, and spectacle. That will never change.

But dicks like you, who for reasons completely unknown, RESIST like a child going to the dentist, the attempt to create even a modest playoff, are the most pompous and tiring assholes to debate. Sorry my CFB "DNA" doesn't match yours.

The CFB regular season is flawed, capricious, and utterly illogical. Much like a woman. And yet, like a woman, I still love it. But in the same way, only idiots wouldn't want a woman who could find a way to suppress some of her maddening "womanlike tendencies" with a little tweaking.



Oh yeah, one more thing.

Go fuck yourself.

Regards, Steve

Jimmy didn't forget ya...

Four "Masterlock Guaranteed" picks for your weekend action.

His daughter - seriously

Uh, sorry about that...

The Clerk of Courts Office has some explaining to do in today's Pix.

Cheaters DO Prosper

In the wake of the Cam Newton mushroom cloud that has exploded over Auburn (and the SEC, for that matter) the perennial question about college football must be asked one more time.

"Does it pay, to cheat?"

For the 100th time (or more), the answer is: "Yes. Of course it does, silly."

See my friend Gary Veatch who submits the following...

TO: Czabe
FROM: Gary V.
RE: College Football Cheating

Czabe, Is it worth it? Just ask OU. (The above chart is dated, but still accurate) This chart was made prior to the probation that OU was forced to vacate its wins from the 2005 season... It shows their 2000 National Championship and the Sooners managed to hide their indiscretions until 2007 when, yep, back on probation. The booster that owned Big Red Sports/Imports (auto dealership) had some Sooners on the payroll for not working. OU Staff: "I'm shocked, shocked to find that cheating is going here!" The Sooners have cheating down to an art form. Who's going to investigate possible infractions? The local Oklahoma media? Not in prior lifetimes, or this lifetime. What can you expect for a program that would accept a recruit that kidnapped a minor (female girlfriend) and held a screwdriver to her throat. (Well he did plead it down. It didn't work out for him at OU and eventually left the school.)

Gary

LAST ADD: That recruit was Justin Chassion, whom I had to Google search since I had not even heard of the story. Pretty outrageous, yes? But the fact that it gets so little national media attention is proof that this kind of "looking the other way" is exactly how business gets done in big time college pigskin.

The battle for the AFC rages in Pittsburgh

Who will emerge the victor? You decide in this week's Football Poll.

Getting "Re-Combombulated"

Saw this sign at the post-TSA check area at General Mitchell Airport in Milwaukee.

Classic.

Recombobulation.

I too, am trying to "re-combobulate" after a truly epic weekend in Wisconsin. Much thanks to everyone involved.

Thanks to Jim Reichart at Frontier Airlines for getting both myself and radio wingman Scott Linn from The Steve Czaban Show on Sporting News Radio safely and easily back and forth between MKE and DCA.

Thanks to Annmarie Topel and Jeremy Zuleger at 102.9 The Hog for downtown Milwaukee hotel arrangements at Hotel Metro.

Thanks to Eric Jensen for awesome tickets to see the (not so awesome) Bucks on Saturday night.

Thanks to Nick Vitrano and Mark Daniels for being great hosts at 1440 WNFL. Also Jason Bartel from Kroll's West for incredible tickets at Lambeau.

Thanks to Casey Ausloos for tickets to the Packer Hall of Fame and the stadium tour.

And 'natch, thanks to good ol' Bob and Brian for taking their show on the road for us, and letting us waterski in the wake of their massive, statewide, radio-God, popularity.

Ahem....

So here's some images from the weekend.



Old School ACME Packer guy, with Czaban wearing his throwback ACME Packer hoodie. Bill Belichick wants that gear!


Those white lights you see on the field, are "grow" lights that Lambeau began using this year to help stimulate actual grass growth as deep into the Wisconsin winter as possible. They say Euro stadiums have used them to success with soccer teams. In addition to this, the field has pipes with chemical fluid to keep the field temp 53 degrees even when it's zero out, and the natural grass surface has a sort of "hair weave" synthetic turf layer that helps the field stay together.


Camera tech guy, tweaks goal-post-cam. They should use this one more, IMHO.



Ice Bowl statues in the Packer Hall of Fame.


Replica of Lombardi's desk. Get me more players, dammit!

Interesting to me, at least: the cameramen apparently prepare their own "charts" of players, much like PXP men. Because they looked original, and not photocopies, I think these guys do this on their own. Dedication, baybee!

Cowboy guard Kyle Kosier. Took his picture because his dad, Keith, is a big listener of my national show out in Arizona where the Kozier's hail from. Nice guy.





Another awesome camera that is not used nearly enough IMHO. I wonder what deceased TV techs from the 1960's would think if they saw this rig. Amazing to watch.

Packer fans. Well fed, and hearty. Ahem.

Dez Bryant caught the Cowboys ONLY touchdown RIGHT in front of this dude. No leap. Bummer. Makes me feel a little better that my attempt to purchase a Lambeau Leap was thwarted by 5 TD's to THE WRONG END ZONE, AND Clay Matthews swerving to the other side of the end zone halfway to paydirt on his pick-six. Damn!

Me and the fellas at WNFL in their spanking new building! What a clean, beautiful radio facility!

The answer may surprise you

Find out in today's Pix.

As pretty as a...

Find out who Today's Snicky is

Don't call it a bounceback...

Jimmy unleashes four picks sure to reverse his downward trend:

I didn't know she had a chocolate line?

Can't figure it out from our clue? Click here to find out

It's like making a gorillapus...

An all new Small School Ass Whippings of the Week:

Heathers

None of these Heathers made today's poll -find out who did

Crab Vending Machine

Yep. And this is NOT a spoof from the boys at The Onion.

And the Brett Favre Investigation...

... continues at breakneck pace.

Errrr....... not exactly.

Almost a month now after Deadspin.com posted the photos and voice mails, and several weeks after the league talked to Favre himself.

Annnnnnddd... we've got nothing.

*Roger Goodell taps his watch and thinks: "Hmm. Just eight weeks left. Hang in there...."*

Massacre at Demon Pass

Back then, it was called “Deem and Pass.”

It sounded a lot like “Demon Pass.”

Generals Pelosi and Reid decided last winter and spring to risk a political run through the “Demon Pass” of brute force politics to pass health care “reform” over the stated will of the American people.

Tuesday, their congressional forces got eviscerated for it.

How sweet it was.

This is no time for freedom loving Americans to get all mopey about what might have been. Sure the inability to eliminate Reid, the narrow loss in Colorado, and the fubar three-way in Alaska, put a slight crimp on an otherwise euphoric night.

But lets look at the big picture.

Did we really think we could take out the entire army of liberal democrat statists who were marching at the heart of democracy with more and more regulations and taxes?

Of course not.

General Pelosi, for one, was going to desert her ranks, and slip into the darkness of her safe San Francisco district with her pathetic 8% national approval rating the minute the first bombs started to drop.

And while Reid is alive, I look at it this way. He's been mortally wounded. For Democrats, they now have to give him triage, and cart him along with what's left of their majorities for the next two years. The surviving members of the Democrat senate will look at him privately with resentment for their losses.

Meanwhile, step back to admire the utter political carnage that has revealed itself upon morning light.

It's like the infamous Iraqi “Highway of Death”.

Just look at it!

Something like 65 seats or more in the House. A downpayment of 6 seats in the Senate, with a disliked but still useful-to-the-cause Murkowski expected to win in Alaska. Manchin in WV ran so hard as an anti-Obama, he's basically a DINO.

And the in-play list of Democrat Senate seats for 2012 looks like a red state shooting gallery.

The Republicans turned statehouses their way from coast to coast. Take a drink every time you read about something that happened to Democrats “for the first time since...” - and the year is before 1960!

Long time Democratic stalwarts with high committee memberships have been ousted from 30-plus year careers.

Virginia, Florida, and Ohio all turned back blood red at every level, restoring a crucial Republican firewall for the 2012 presidential fight. Wisconsin has gone deep red! Wisconsin! Maine is all red for the first time in 50 years!

Iowa ousted three state Supreme Court justices who thought they could magically find “rights” in the state constitution for gay marriage.

The tea party took its lumps with O'Donnell, Angle and Miller. But to think the movement is going away would be as foolish as those who tried to tar it as a racist, astroturfed, passing fad. The tea party has learned that good candidates matter, so the effort to upgrade the “retail image” of those flag bearers will be front and center for the next cycle.

There are rising stars in the party about to become well known entities, starting with John Boehner. Paul Ryan is as sharp and reasonable as they come and now he can't just be ignored by Obama when he brings his spreadsheets to the table. Marco Rubio and Chris Christie could be formidible together in 2012, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

All of this is not to say that the war is over. The Democrats will re-group, and press ahead with their own unique brand of governing arrogance. They are not to be underestimated. Their union machines and voting strength in large cities remains formidable. Their cheerleaders in the mainstream media will double down on trying to block the emerging Republican majority at ever turn.

But still, my god. My.... god!

The people last night went to the polls, and tore a swath of vengeance through the arrogant 111^th Congress, in a stunning counter-action that has left Democrats crippled and confused.

Today is not the day for disappointment. No sir. Smell the sulfur of the carnage, and feel the pride.

In 2012, let's be ready to finish the job.

The NFC South will rise again

Who will it be in this week's Football Poll?

I guess he should have spent more time lining it up...

Check out more videos in As Seen On Czabe, part of the How I Roll page.

Welcome to Hell, Democrats....

As if you weren't fired up enough. Release the Cracken!

More Super..er

Cast your vote in today's poll

This Is Jupiter

Because I could not find a photo approximating the size of Mike Shanahan's ego.

Better yet, let's call Jupiter Shanahan's ego. And we'll call Earth, Shanahan's brains.

That's about right.

Er, Mike Zornihan. Excuse me.

Er, "Palm Beach Mike" Tan-ahan.

To quote Jon Gruden... “Lemme tell ya... THIS GUY has got an ego! DIS GUY, is gonna let you know that he's the man!”

The Joyless Marty pulled a brain fart that instantly bumps down the last two great coaching blunders in Washington DC football history. Here's your new list.

1. Shanny's Detroit Train Rex

2. Zorn's Back-to-Back Fake FG's

3. Gibbs' Double Time Outs

But hey, Shanahan's awesome. Just ask him. Or his kid. Who am I to question him? Or them.

On an ego scale of 1-100, this move was a 99.

On a “chance this will work” move, it was a 1.

He combined them both, for a statistical chance of success approximating NEGATIVE 1000%.

To put Rex Grossman in the game at that juncture because he “knew the 2-minute drill” by virtue of holding Matt Schaub's clipboard for a few years, is patently insane.

That would be like telling a fresh West Point grad to go command a regiment in the middle of firefight, because he just aced his finals.

Or having a pilot of a 757 jet step aside trying to land in a thunderstorm, because a Boeing engineer just happened to be sitting in first class!

<“But you don't get it! He DESIGNED this plane!”>

After the game, Shanny said it was being able to knock out two plays at a time. Bullshit.

In a two-minute drill, even minus timeouts, anytime there's an incomplete or a play out of bounds, you can slow down and get a play from the sideline. You might have to call double-plays a few times in such a drive. But hardly every other play.

On Monday, Shanny dug his hole of lies deeper, saying McNabb didn't have the "cardiovascular conditioning" to run the 2-minute drill. Even said they haven't practiced it for FIVE WEEKS because McNabb was not healthy enough to risk it.

Double bullshit.

Let's see.... Tour De France, IronMan Triathalon, Two-Minute Drill. The most GRUELING physical endurance tests in the world! Right!

So far, I've yet to hear a single NFL talking head or pundit say: "You know, it made sense at the time."

I fully understand that McNabb is hardly The Black Elway. I understand that Philly fans have been saying for years that he's been sub-par in late game situations, with the most notable being the vomit drive in the Super Bowl.

But he's still better than Rex Grossman.

The Rex Grossmans and David Carrs and Chris Simmses and Joey Harringtons of the world are either holding a clipboard or retired before 30 for a reason. They prove repeatedly, to multiple coaches and teams, that they are NOT viable NFL starting quarterbacks.

Period.

So now we enter uncharted waters. The McNabb “Era” here in DC is on life support. He, and Shanny have all of 8 games, plus this bye week, to go through QB marriage counseling to see if they can save the marriage.

Good luck.

If I'm McNabb, I would sure love to hear the sales pitch Minnesota has for me this winter. Or Arizona.

Should the Redskins let Shanny run off McNabb after just 1 year, it'll be more wasted draft picks out the window, and “Hello, John Beck!”

Makes you wonder if the coach just didn't read the CarFax report on the 5-car, or if he's got buyer's remorse? Maybe, McNabb was acquired with draft picks from Danny's Marketing Department.

Whatever the case, Redskins fans hopes that we would be set with steady hands at the two most important positions in pro football – head coach and QB – for the next three years, have been blown to smithereens.

Oh well. Shame on us for expecting anything different.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Look who's shaving

Find out in today's Pix.

I guess it isn't just for horses

Hey! find out who today's Snicky is