Onion: Goodell Tells Seau Family: 'Put His Brain In The Trunk With The Rest"

Damn you Onion writers! How come I can't be even 1/8th as funny or subversive as you are!

"Use that permanent marker to write his name on the jar or whatever, and then you can just go ahead and drop it in there," said Goodell, referring to the large plastic container of more than a dozen ex-player brains he keeps in his trunk. "Oh, and sorry for your loss."

* Not an actual Roger Goodell quote.