Wednesday, December 2, 2009

No Piece of Ass Is Worth It. Not Even Her.

If I never hear that voicemail again, it will still have been at least one too many times.

"Hey. It's Tiger. I need you to do me a huge favor..."

Cringe. My stomach starts to flip all over again.

I liked Tiger Woods where I had left him: up in the sporting firmament. Amidst the athletic Gods. As a guy who was a cut above, and a step ahead, in every regard.

Yeah, it was naive. I know that. But that's where I wanted him.

No more.

I wanted dearly to believe the "Ward-Cleaver-With-A-280-Yard-Stinger-2-Iron" myth. Now, he's like any 6th man on an NBA bench.

Thud. Down he comes.

You can rail all you want against the excesses of tabloid journalism.

Okay. Fine. Done, now?

The fact remains: the National Enquirer didn't send the bimbos to his hotel room. TMZ didn't make him send 300-plus text messages to a 21 year old cocktail waitress.

His bed. Lie in it.

Sadly, this Woods bombshell is the spectacular finale to what I am dubbing "The Year of the Cad."

Gov. Mark Sanford.
Jon Gosselin.
Steve Phillips.
Big Ben.
Steve McNair.
Arturo Gatti.
Jim Nantz.
Shawne Merriman.
The creep who taped Erin Andrews.

Cads. All of them. Sadly, several paid the ultimate price for it. And nobody thinks infidelity should be a death sentence. But it's been a bad year all around.

I hate to pile on with the "I told you so" but I must in this regard. I said loudly: "Don't do it, Tiger."

People killed me. They said: "My God, look at that Swedish hottie! You're nuts, Czabe."

No, I said. I'm a realist. As Chris Rock once said: "You are only as faithful as your options."

And when you are a star athlete like him, the options are limitless. The buffet of women is open 24/7/365. And you need an A.C. Green or Doug Christie level of purity to resist it.

I said Tiger had plenty of time to get married in his 40's. If he wanted. But there was no obligation. I knew that his fame and money would put these women in his orbit. I knew that he was a golf dork at heart. Not a playboy.

Something was bound to give. But why did it have to be this embarrassing?


  1. Tiger Woods is the new Hugh Hefner. Not a dork but definitively a true Playboy.

  2. If you want to have kids and have those kids grow up in a stable environment, you have to get married. Certain women want to get married and if you want to have a lasting relationship, you have to marry them. These are the only two reasons to ever get married.

    I would guess Tiger thought he would get married and never cheat on his wife. I doubt he went into this thinking he would have bimbos at every destination. If he wanted bimbos, then he never should have gotten married.

  3. When will other athletes see what a genius Derek Jeter is. Wives hurt an athletes performance. Jeter can have all the models and bimbos he wants and he is looked at favorably by both men and women. Men want to be him and women want to be with him. His image is not tainted by any relationship.

    Just a sidebar Czabe, but is there any corralation between knee injuries and guys being sloppy with their affairs... maybe the pain medicine grogs them up enough to slip up.

  4. Cheat on your wife... Cheat in life. What an idiot el Tigre is. He pisses it all away to cheat with those skanky Ho's. Can't wait to see the legions of others that will come out in the next few months. And can't wait to see how "Team Tiger" handles other bombshells to come. No doubt in my mind that he's taken PED's. Dudes don't get that yoked when your day job is whacking that little white ball and whacking all kinds of tail.

  5. Could not have said it better...back then...or now

  6. Czabe I got the RedSkins pwning the Saints

  7. How is this guy a "playboy"? He's getting owed right now. If he was decent looking, he would have had the training and finesse to be a real player (and control the situation) but he's an ugly dork.

    He got girls only because he's rich, then when he was caught, he got humiliated. "Player" hahaha! I don't think so.

    I'm a woman, BTW.

  8. I'm reminded of the Chris Rock bit on "new pussy"