Thursday, December 17, 2009
The Razor Madness Must End!
Tiger Woods hasn't lost Gillette was one of his major endorsers.
But the more I think about their whole "The Best A Man Can Get" campaign, I start to think of creepy Tiger related jokes that, well, let's be honest, revolve around whores.
So maybe they need to shift gears on that one.
But since we're on the topic of Gillette and their fine facial scraping products, I had an epiphany the other day while shaving.
I don't need 5 fucking blades to take care of my beard. I just don't.
I have the "top of the line" Fusion razor. The one Tiger, and Roger, and that soccer dude endorse. Eh. It's okay. I don't like the pivoting action, and it's damn expensive.
I also have a variety of other "high end" disposable razors. Ones that vibrate, others that don't. Got a few Schick's in there.
I'm going back to the simple Mach3 Turbo. It's all I ever really needed anyway. Three sharp blades, aloe strip, and not too expensive.
Don't take it personally, Tiger.
Which reminds of me of one of my favorite Onion articles ever. The memo from Gillette's president about the push to invent a 5-bladed disposable. Still classic, after all these years.
"Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades"
"People said we couldn't go to three. It'll cost a fortune to manufacture, they said. Well, we did it. Now some egghead in a lab is screaming "Five's crazy?" Well, perhaps he'd be more comfortable in the labs at Norelco, working on fucking electrics. Rotary blades, my white ass!
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe we should just ride in Bic's wake and make pens. Ha! Not on your fucking life! The day I shadow a penny-ante outfit like Bic is the day I leave the razor game for good, and that won't happen until the day I die!
The market? Listen, we make the market. All we have to do is put her out there with a little jingle. It's as easy as, "Hey, shaving with anything less than five blades is like scraping your beard off with a dull hatchet." Or "You'll be so smooth, I could snort lines off of your chin." Try "Your neck is going to be so friggin' soft, someone's gonna walk up and tie a goddamn Cub Scout kerchief under it."
Last add on shaving talk: Did you know: Andy Pollin has NEVER shaved with a razor and cream. NEVER! He's 51 years old! Always been a 'Lectric man, says he always will be. Wont' even try a disposable to compare. I don't get his stubborness sometimes. I've used electrics before. They are okay. But they seem to tear up my face, and dry it out. I prefer the ol' Barbasol Zamboni for a super clean sheet on my cheeks.
And now, your holiday photo of the day!