Catching Up With "Kai From Dogtown"

This dude is awesome. Somebody, quick. Give him a talk show. NOW.

From the website Vice.com....

VICE: What’s up with this other fight you got into, after the hatchet incident?
Kai: I was washing my teeth, and this dude's like, "What the fuck are you doing brushing your teeth in here?" I was like, "Uh.... When was the last time you got laid?" He was like, "Wednesday, how about you?" And I was like, "II can't call it." And then we got in a bit of a tizzle. He's a 210-pound douche-monkey looking at me thinking he can bully me around because I'm skinny. I weigh 160, 165 soaking wet. And, um, his face was split up to the point where I think he needed surgery. I guess brushing my teeth in a bar washroom just kind of attracts bullies, but whatever.

Tell me about that day you stopped the man with your hatchet. Did you have any sense about how your life was about to change?
I could sense that that dude was fucked up. And I didn't really know how to deal with that situation because I've never met anybody that fucked up before. Sometimes you get in rides, and you sense that the person's lonely or maybe they haven't been around people in a while, but he really changed how I go about things because it could have ended really differently when the cops got there. They could have shot me on sight. If it had been in Arizona or Texas, maybe they would have shot me.

He was on a trip of dominance and control. I think he had a poisoned psyche. I've heard some of the research that people have been doing about his life and apparently he was a high school basketball coach for girls. That is fucked up. That truly sickens me. When I hear stuff about him getting jumped by six guys in a Fresno County jail and getting his jaw broken, I'm not going to lie to you, I celebrate that. People like that need to be fucking stopped.

So he's in jail now? And you testified at his trial right? How was that?
He's in jail. There was this defense lawyer at the trial. She was trying to smear me. And I just threw roses, and she got hit by those thorns. She was like, "Is there PCP in this joint?" And I was like, "Is this Reefer Madness?" The judge had to call a recess. He said so the DA could inform me of the court process, but I secretly think it was because he needed to go to the backroom and laugh at how hardcore the defense lawyer was getting torn down. And at the end of me being on stand, he actually did laugh out loud right at the defense lawyer's face. She was trying to trick me up, and I said, "Excuse me, miss, please don't mistake my hesitation for weakness, I realize you're trying to trick me and I just need to consider what I am saying as not to allow you to trick me." And she said, "No further questions." The judge laughed in her face. So I'm just waiting for that transcript from the court reporter.

Shit. He want's the transcript of that court exchange? I want the fucking DVD!