Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Doomsday Has Been Cancelled. Sorry.

The next time somebody in government comes in front of the TV and tries to sell you a doomsday scenario, please remember the following statement.

Obama Spokesclown Robert Gibbs explained to reporters the astonishing report that 70% of the BP oil spill has vanished from the surface of the gulf already.

Already! And it's NOT EVEN LABOR DAY!

"I think it is fairly safe to say ... that many of the doomsday scenarios that we talked about and repeated a lot have not and will not come to fruition," White House spokesman Robert Gibbs said at a briefing with NOAA's top scientist.

THAT'S RIGHT KIDS! The government and their experts were fucking wrong as rain - again! And this on something simple, like a leaky oil well in the Gulf of Mexico.

(Note: The Mississippi river "spills" as many gallons of water into the Gulf as oil was leaked - EVERY THIRTY SECONDS! The gulf has roughly 643 QUADRILLION gallons of water in it.)

These are the same government Dictocrats that want to phase out the legality of incandescent light bulbs in the name of global warming. Oh wait, scratch "want." They already fucking have done that! And it's one of the first things we need to overturn once the adults get back in charge of government.

They have formulas, see? Magic scientific extrapolations with big numbers and complex jargon, okay? You are stupid, you sports radio guy. Shut up. You too, Mr. bus driver. What the hell do you people know?

Don't apply your common sense here. We've got degrees from big fancy universities.

They are absolutely sure that the earth is warming, and that in - try not to chortle milk through your face on this one - 50 years they will know just how many feet the oceans will rise due to manmade "warming."

They are wise. And smart. And care. And plan to tell you what freedoms you may enjoy, and what ones you may not.

REPEAT THIS FUCKING PHRASE!: "Many of the doomsday scenarios that we talked about and repeated a lot have not and will not come to fruition."

In case you wanted to know the reason why we're not going to run out of Gulf Shrimp because of this spill, here it is.

Much of the reasoning behind the disappearing oil has to do with the natural resilience of the Gulf, which is teeming with microbes that eat oil. On top of that is the natural tendency of oil in seawater to evaporate and dissolve to half its volume in about a week — something even critics acknowledge.

The federal calculations are based on direct measurements for only 18 million gallons of the oil spilled — the stuff burned and skimmed. The other numbers are "educated scientific guesses," said NOAA emergency response senior scientist Bill Lehr, an author of the report. That is because it is impossible to measure oil that is dispersed, he said.

Lesson of the day. The earth is one tough, resilient motherfucker. Of course we're going to treat her gently as possible. But we're not going to be ridiculous about it.

Mankind has built a miraculous and wonderful human paradise here on earth. (Except New Jersey). Its ugly in places, sure. There are scars, dents, and dings. But overall, we should be proud. We have gleaming cities, with technology that tames darkness, temperature extremes, wind, rain, snow, ice, and even insects.

We move freely over great distances, we associate freely. We create things. An alien creature landing on earth, would properly look around and think: "My god, you people MADE ALL OF THIS?"

Yes. Yes we did.

And we still have so many billion square miles of untamed, untouched land it's a joke.

Google Earth it, people.

And we're gonna mop up that remaining oil and wash all the stupid pelicans we can find. And we'll pay people to do it, and pay other people who were impacted.

And I pray to god we keep drilling all over the place for oil, gas, and other shit. Because this is not a big deal, people, no matter how many angry reports Anderson Cooper files in his mud boots on the beach.


  1. Bravo Czabe! And I loved your sentence that ends with, "when the adults get back in charge of government."

    Sure, November 2012 is still a ways off, but this November's mid term election can't come soon enough.

  2. Holy crap, Czabe. Thank you for speaking out. This is what us "silent majority" types need is someone with a voice to go against this hysterical, irrational, and powerful grain. I still remember watching global cooling video warnings in elementary school in the 80's. What was the cause? Man made burning of fossil fuels, of course. How can the same voices be given credibility today? It's insane. Thank you from the bottom of my capitalist, freedom loving heart! -tmac

  3. Word! Remember when Ted Turner said global warming would cause mass cannibalism? It would be funny if there were not so many people that buy into that crap...

  4. The flip side of this doomsday bullshit are the "economy is getting better," nonsense the administration and their lackies are peddling almost daily. All the while, the president is playing golf and the first family is spending a fortune on vacations.

  5. But Czabe, there is an interesting bit of political irony to it. Whilst the projections were (and still are) fairly significant and plenty of Republicans are happy about the administration being wrong (as some proof of incompetency), so is the administration (one would think). At the same time though the folks down there paint a completely different picture. They always thought more oil was being spilled than the gov't even reported. They thought the impact would be worse. And they still do. And these folks have VERY low opinions of the administration and are largely Republican. So, according to a Republican POV, the gov't either overcooked it to raise hysteria and feed the liberal media or undercooked it to sell the folks in the gulf region as it not being so bad. Which is it? Perspective folks... perspective!

  6. Thank God for Czabe. One rational viewpoint in the face of thousands of Rosie O'Donnell's. The same Rosie O'Donnell, who on her pathetic show actually said the government should seize the assets of BP and take it over.
    Liberals....what a bunch of clowns.

  7. Stick to sports please. You sound like an idiot. Better to be safe than sorry don't you think? So now all you Republican NUT JOBS can go celebrate because the Dems were wrong. Congratulations. But let's not forget the environment was still FUCKED UP because of the oil spill.

  8. Asshats, most of you.

  9. The Global Warmers have all these doom projections based on weather history. Now, this planet, and it's weather, are BILLINONS of years old. The Golbal Warming data is based on barely over 100 years of actually keeping weather statistics (and I'm SURE those instruments in the 1800s were REALLY precise).
    So on a comparative time scale, their "data" doesn't amount to a NANOSECOND of documented facts. The Warmers also use anecdotal accounts of weather through the ages. No inaccuracy there, I'm sure. They then package all their 'data' into a computer model which then tells them what they want to hear.

  10. But....but....but...we can't let a crisis go to waste, can we?

    Freaking communists!


  11. Its easy to see why you got kicked off the radio.
    When you worry about people getting a free ride, include your old man whose been on the the tax payers dole all of his career. Why can't you just admit you don't like the black guy. You had a great show. Too bad your racism got in the way.

  12. Hey George, you are the perfect lib-tard. No facts so you throw down the race card.
    Classic, LMAO!!

  13. Czabe,

    you are silly! the spill is STILL 5X larger than the Valdez. Cleanup is nearly impossible. In Alaska, it only takes a shovel and a couple of feet of digging to find OIL that was spilled 20 years ago.

    Before you go on another one of your right wing rants, get your facts straight.

  14. @Christian - I think the point is that the environment isn't FUCKED UP, just damaged (and repairing itself) and those in charge have no idea what they are talking about... I saw digital models (not projections) of oil slicks coming up the east coast. Not happening.

    @DAVE! - So?

    @George - I didn't know Robert Gibbs was black, thanks for the heads up on that. Now... why do you still read the blog?

  15. The quote below is from the article Czabe has linked in this article. As you can see the decison was made when the previous Prez was in charge. The same one on watch when the economy was screwed up in the first place.

    "The Energy Independence and Security Act of 2007 will effectively phase out incandescent light bulbs by 2012-2014 in favor of compact fluorescent lamps, or CFLs."

  16. "So?"

    SO, oil doesn't simply go away or get eaten by microbes or burn off or evaporate completely. There is residue and smoke from burning. The other crap simply falls to the ocean floor. never to be a problem again. Right...
    (Yeah, I know. The ocean and sky are both really, really big, so it won't matter. Blah. Blah. Blah.)

    The dispersants used to minimize some of it may be (no one knows for sure) worse than the oil itself.

    Keep your collective heads in the sand regarding the problems we've all been a part of, and you'll find more oil I'm sure.

  17. Wow. Libs rock. Humanism is so arrogant to think that we could screw up this planet with one oil spill. Hey, whatever happened to the poopstorm that was supposed to befall us for years after Mt. St. Helens ended her hissy fit?
    Just admit that Creation heals itself way more than most of us pinheads want to admit.

  18. Never fails to amaze me, all the Lib-tards who post here with their global warming this, and the sky is falling that, and racism, and poor me why can't the government fix all my problems blah, blah, blah.
    Newsflash: Czabe leans conservative. So do the vast majority of his readers and so does this country. I wouldn't think of going to some lefty's website and pissing and moaning like you all do here. Now STFU or get digitally bitch-slapped you cying nancys!

  19. It is very arrogant to think we can have such monumental influence over our planet and the environment. Planet Earth has taken on much much worse than us homo sapiens.

  20. People who claim Czabe has engaged in a fact-less right wing rant should read some of these items, all of which appeared in the mainstream media.,8599,2007202,00.html

  21. I like your take on sports, but I find your hubris on environmental issues troubling. A government has to prepare for the worst case scenario in times of crisis. Doomsday didn't happen...Great! But to think that there won't be long term dire consequences is ignorant and irresponsible. Golf sea food won't be right for a decade. Look at Spain. It's been 8 years after their oil spill and things are still not right. Just because the oil stopped flowing doesn't mean this is close to being over.

  22. Czabe, do you mean to tell me that all those Sociology majors in Washington were wrong about something that involves math and science? Man, good thing we didn't put them in charge of something complex like the entire healthcare system.

  23. Good point, Matt. But I think alot of them actually majored in Basket Weaving or Ant Communications or whatever the easiest major in their university was. You know, after they got a free ride because of who "Doddy" knew or the fact that they were 1/128 part Native Arctic Tribal blood.

  24. I think you had the best sports show on radio, but you sound like an idiot when you make these comments. I'd love for you to share your opinion with someone who made their living fishing in the gulf, and see if they think the oil spill reaction was overblown. It's easy to make these comments when it has no impact on you whatsoever, other than paying a little more for your shrimp cocktail.