Thursday, August 5, 2010

I'm Sure He Would Have Done Exactly The Same Thing With Sal Palantonio or Ed Werder

Albert Haynesworth is a bum.

You knew this, already.

It is fascinating, however, to witness firsthand the many ways in which he proves just what a BUM he is.

For example, yesterday at Skins camp, Big Al sat around with a playsheet, unable to practice because...

a. He's too fat to pass his conditioning test
b. He claims his knee has an ouchy
c. He really doesn't want to be here anyway
d. He already cashed the $21 million bonus check

But guess what he DID find time to do! Talk to a pretty girl! Good job, doughbucket!

You can see here that Hannah Storm - looking FABULOUS "in the wild" I must say - had an exclusive 12.5 minute chat with Haynesworth after everyone else had left the field.

Why? About what? Because of why? Nobody knows.

Maybe Hannah was trying to BUTTER him up (pun, oh yeah, intended) for a future interview on "Sunday Conversation" on SportsCenter.

Maybe Al thought he had a shot at taking her home to his training camp dorm.

You never know.

Anyhow, Al looked at his happiest and most loquacious in these 12.5 minutes (I timed it). Then, when he finally lumbered up the hill to the main building, the assembled writers and broadcasters who haven't gotten more than 2 sentences out of this overpaid malcontent, got nothing yet again.

REPORTER #1: "Hey Al, how are you feeling, do you think you'll be able to practice this week?"
AH: "Talk to Matt and Mike." (They were the two PR assistants tasked with escorting the big lard tanker into port.)

REPORTER #2: "Hey Al, are your teammates hoping to get you out there with them?"
AH: "Talk to Matt and Mike."

And so it went.

I think we should have made Hannah do a press conference to spill whatever info she had on the unwilling Volunteer.

There is still time for a passed fitness test, accelerated practice, and appearances this pre-season, followed by a starting job come Week 1.

That's looking more like a fairy tale every day.

In the meantime, I hope Shanallenhan have a good exit strategy on this one. Because I think they are going to need it.


  1. Hannah is definitely looking right and tight.

  2. Do you have more pics of Hannah Storm?

  3. I'd talk to Hannah for 12.5 minutes too if she'd let me.

  4. Is she wearing hooker heels?

  5. Dumb & Dumber (1994)
    [man and woman walk by]
    Harry: Ooh, look at the buns on that one...
    Lloyd: Yeah, he must work out.

  6. HA! Stilettos on a football field....hannah storm is queen.

  7. For the record, I'm an over weight 40 something suburban couch potato who did the little running test Mr. Haynesworth failed with epic greatness. Did I pass it? Nope. But I came darn close and bonus, I didn't take a 10 minutes bathroom break between runs. Oh, and to keep things fair, I have a knee that was damaged in a car accident and never rehabbed properly.

    Keep up the good work Czabe!

  8. Wow, talk about the Perfect Storm!

  9. She looks equally idiotic in those heels

  10. Hannah told coach she is just getting the team ready for the season. I heard that Albert has a clause in his contract that "states he does not have to do any exercise that he deems unnecessary...."