Good Thing Umpires Are Not Eye Doctors

Because they would likely push you out the door with coke bottle glasses saying.. "eh, that's close enough!"

How on earth can these guys be so fucking blind, as to MISS both a foul-ball vs. home run call last night (thankfully overturned) and yet also miss ANOTHER case of clear fan interference when Nelson Cruz almost has his GLOVE STOLEN by this mouthy poster boy for "Why I Hate Yankee Fans."

They ADD two umpires for the playoffs, whose ONLY job is to watch the foul line, foul, pole, and home runs for fan interference!

And they STILL can't do their job right!

Good grief. And when replay doesn't even look at the fan interference call, then why bother having it?

Luckily, the Yankees lost, and from a karmic standpoint, all is right with the world.

Now they're both single

You Just Knew...

.... it was going to get the royal, Taiwanese animator treatment!

That looks just like...

Find out who in today's Pix.

Czabe's Jumble

Unscramble the letters to find out who today's Snicky is.

The Most Interesting Coach in The World

Les Miles vs. "Dos Equis Man"

>>He once played an April Fools joke ...on 92,000 people ...in October

>> He once scored a TD on a fake FG, so 3 years later he added a bounce pass to it, just to see if he could

>> He is mentally challenged and still able to challenge you mentally

>> He has been undefeated in regulation (2007), and defeated in regulation (TN), while still being undefeated.

>> He drinks tabasco to warm up the ice in his veins.

>> The only man to ever lose to and defeat a 10-3 Defense at the same time.

>> He has never seen a glass half empty, only one he wants to be full.

>> He uses the word "want" as both a verb and noun in the same sentence.

>> He will build a lead at half and then let the other team come back just to make things interesting.

>> He once bought a thesaurus, just to throw it away.

>> He once simplified an offense that opposing defenses have already figured out...

>> His organ donor card also lists his hat...

>> He has never lost a game, he only finishes second.

>> He once recruited the top QB in the land, just to prove he could play wide receiver.

>> He can make comparisons about the excitement of reading books without ever having read one.

>> He recruits 5 star talent simply to keep other schools from having it.

>> His hat has turned down head coaching offers.

>> He hates the guy who doesn't make the coffee and complains about how it tastes.

>> He once lost in overtime, just to know what it felt like to be undefeated in regulation.

>> He manages the clock by forgetting it's even there

>> He has a want to get a guy more touches without actually wanting to get a guy more touches.

>> He is.......THE MOST INTERESTING COACH IN THE WORLD!

(Hat tip to Rob in Dothan, AL for this gem!)

It's A Miracle!

But somehow, the Redskins - with the "best fans in the world" (sez Joe Gibbs) and something like 255 straight "sellouts" have magically "found" a FEW face value tickets against the Colts tonite.

And they are so hot, so coveted, that they are only going to let all 200,000 or so people on their "email list"... errr... "season ticket waiting list" have a crack at them.

Uh huh....

Train Wreck

The following from Mr. X, my baseball gambling fanatic, about how Ron Washington ... ahem... "engineered" .... the final innings of Texas' Game 1 debacle. Remember, Mr. X does have money on Texas in this series, FWIW.

Here was his scathing email to me....

Seriously ---forget my $...that was the worst F'n managing I've ever seen. EVER.

Herm Edwards needs to call Ron Washington - "You play to WIN THE GAME".

As he paraded out the END of his bullpen in the 8th, and left his 2 best RP on the bench - my txts were ringing loudly.

CA - says, "why is he throwing his bums?"

WI - says, "wtf is he doing, he's over-managing".

Most baseball 2nd guessing is crap. Leave Pedro in? Take him out? Tough calls.

This was stupid. He managed like it was JUNE! Ah, big lead, good time to get some other guys in?

You throw Ogundo in the 8th, Feliz in the 9th, you are up 1-0!

He parades out the end of his bullpen in this L/R crap, and you end up losing and NEVER USING YOUR TWO BEST RP to protect a lead?

No excuse. Just stupid.

Ahh, and it was all set up for CJ to win 1-5 and snatch that MVP.

I guess we're not allowed to call him stupid, right? Because ---well, you know why!

All aboard for Moneytown!

Jimmy promised you picks, Jimmy gives you picks:

Ride His Ass, Or He Can Ride The Bench

The fact that Gilbert Arenas is a responsibility-proof, needy, emotional child does not bother me.

We have known that for a while now.

What bothers me, is how the Wizards still coddle him.

Okay, so he lied to Flip Saunders about an injury, so his buddy Nick Young could get more playing time.

In the PRE-SEASON!

Fine. Whatever. This is what idiot athletes do. They fail entirely to grasp the exact how's and why's this is a very bad thing to do.

It's a bad thing to do because when a coach is told by a player that he is injured and cannot play, a coach must trust 100% that his player is being honest and respect that preventing further injury trumps any or all concerns about making a star player earn his millions on a given night.

Trust. It's a trust thing, Gil.

So guess what, you just violated that trust. For what? More attention?

Now, the next time you say your knee hurts - which given your surgeries, will probably be every 3rd night for the rest of your career - and that you can't play, who is going to believe you?

How will we know that you aren't just taking the night off to let John Wall score more points, or because you were up late feeding your pet bull sharks at home?

Now, every night you need off because of a LEGITIMATE injury issue, there will be a certain portion of the fan base who thinks you are once again, totally full of shit.

What good does that do your reputation?

But thinking more than 5 minutes down the road, has never been Gil's strong suit. To say this guy lacks the ability to see the "big picture" is the understatement of the year.

No, all of this is not enough to get me riled up.

It bothers me that the Wizards are not willing to RIDE HIS ASS over things like this. I mean, call him out LOUDLY and do so in public. Stop tip-toe-ing around Gil's fragile ego and emotions. What good has it done so far?

Suspend his ass. Hard.

If you want more of the same, keep doing what you have been doing. And apparently the Wizards want more of the same. Because to only "fine" him an "undisclosed" amount does nothing.

This is a guy who spent $1.5 million on his own 25th birthday party.

They fined him. A fine?

Please.

We are stuck with this guy for $80 million over the next four years. If you can't stomach cutting him loose, and cutting him that monster check, then stop treating him like he still holds all the cards.

Ladies, Gentleman, Gambling Degenerates...

Due to his dazzling success, Jimmy "Masterlock" Dugans has drawn the ire of the United Bookmakers of America.
In order to acquiesce to their very reasonable and wholly legal demands, Jimmy will be releasing his Week 6 Craction picks no earlier than 6 am EDT, Saturday, October 16th.

Check back here tomorrow to climb aboard the Jimmy Train and take it to your man!

She was a co-host with this guy.

Find out in today's Snicky

Narcissistic? Moi?

Due to a technical snafu we need to start the Czabe.com Facebook thing from scratch...Please join now, or tomorrow, but sometime this week or this month. Click the Facebook icon above and you'll be directed to the new Czabe.com Facebook page - You have our gratitude.

Hardin-Simmons brings the Payne

This week's installment of Small School Ass Whippings:

Well the flags look sort of similar

Find out who stars in today's poll

More effective than a half nelson...

Check out this amazing wrestling move in today's Pix.

You Have Our Gratitude

Due to a technical snafu we need to start the Czabe.com Facebook thing from scratch...Please join now, or tomorrow, but sometime this week or this month. Click the Facebook icon above and you'll be directed to the new Czabe.com Facebook page - You have our gratitude.

One if by Rice, two if by Brady.

Cast your vote in this week's Football poll.

Time for a mid-life crisis

This could get expensive...check out the latest Czabecast:

Well, how would you list these?

Well, I Think We Can Say We Know His 'Type'

Brett Favre's heavily protected image - Peter King and ESPN have been like Saddam's Republican Guard - is about to get laid out like the infamous Chuck Bednarik hit on Frank Gifford.

There's no way out on this one, especially when Favre's best answer to "Junkgate" is "that it will take it's course."

Oh, that, it will.

And there's likely no happy ending at the end of it all.

Best case - and let's admit this is a fantasy - is that somehow the investigation unearths an exonerating smoking gun (elaborate Deadspin hoax?) and the NFL clears him fully.

Fully.

He somehow presses through this major distraction, and gets healthy as the season wears on. Randy Moss starts providing instant dividends, and the Vikes rally to win the division.

That's a pretty tall order, isn't it?

More likely, Favre will have to issue a blanket mea culpa, that admits to the least amount of guilt possible. The NFL will probably wuss out and fine him only - no suspension - and he'll limp through the rest of the season, with his head swimming with guilt and distraction, taunting signs at every road game.

The Vikings will struggle to 9-7, and either miss the playoffs, or get bounced in the first round, and Favre can slunk back to Mississippi forever, confident that Ryan Longwell and his "Band of Brothers" won't ever come back looking for him again in August.

But then, there's the "big dream" if you are a Favre hater, and think this douchebag deserves the ultimate career "crash and burn."

It goes something like this.

The Favre allegations and evidence only gets WORSE in the next few weeks, and he has to admit to essentially all of it. The NFL, caught in their suddenly pious stance on women in the workplace (Inez Saenz) is forced to suspend him.

Rather than have the inglorious and indelible wikipedia footnote of "Brett Favre's consecutive games played streak was ended by a league suspension over photos of his penis being sent to a Jets sideline reporter", he'll just quit.

What does he care?

Any notion that this narcissistic me-first asshat cares about others, should be thoroughly debunked by now.

He doesn't.

The Vikes get crushed tonite. Favre plays like ass. Quits by Wednesday, and the legacy has turd stains that never fully go away.

If you hate Favre, that could happen. You just gotta dream a little.

Speaking of dreaming... I've collected some of the interweb's finest Jenn Sterger pics.

You are welcome.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>

There Is No 1099 Line Item Here

Apparently, whores are not deductible. Damn IRS! Damn you to hell!

There are two "D's"

Solve the puzzle in today's Pix.

Today's Snicky Clue is...

Scraping the bottom of the barrel

Jimmy Masterlock Dugans' Week 5 "0-4 to 4-0 Special"

"It's The Uncertainty, Stupid"

Charles Krauthammer crystallizes nicely just how staggeringly incompetent the Democrats are. Despite record majorities in both houses of Congress, they can't do shit. And yet, a good chunk of people will still go pull the lever for them next month.

Amazing.

Put simply: The Democrats have our nation's checkbook, ATM card, credit card, and on-line banking passwords. They have been bouncing checks like crazy. There are a dozen collection agencies calling us at all hours of the night. They are banging at our door.

And what do the Democrats do? Run away.

The rest of us are begging, pleading for some fiscal sanity. Hell, just some clarity would be nice. Are you going to raise taxes? If so, let us know, and we'll adjust accordingly. (You don't think were just going to sit there and take it in the face, do you?)

Krauthammer....

For the first time since modern budgeting was introduced with the Budget Act of 1974, the House failed to even write a budget. This in a year of extraordinary deficits, rising uncertainty and jittery financial markets. Gold is going through the roof. Confidence in the dollar and the American economy is falling -- largely because of massive overhanging debt. Yet no budget emerged from Congress to give guidance, let alone reassurance, about future U.S. revenues and spending.

As if this were not enough, Congress adjourned without even a vote -- nay, without even a Democratic bill -- on the expiring Bush tax cuts. This is the ultimate in incompetence. After 20 months of control of the White House and Congress -- during which they passed an elaborate, 1,000-page micromanagement of every detail of American health care -- the Democrats adjourned without being able to tell the country what its tax rates will be on Jan. 1.

It's not just income taxes. It's capital gains and dividends, too. And the estate tax, which will careen insanely from 0 to 55 percent when the ball drops on Times Square on New Year's Eve.

Nor is this harmless incompetence. To do this at a time when $2 trillion of capital is sitting on the sidelines because of rising uncertainty -- and there is no greater uncertainty than next year's tax rates -- is staggeringly irresponsible.

And no, the Republicans were not much better prior to losing the purse strings in 2006. But they weren't this bad. Not even close. So of course you have to vote to punish the Democrats for this spend-a-thon that has crippled the country's balance sheets. Of course you have to rout them in a manner which sends a generational message for the next 25 years.

And of course, you have to hold the new Republican congress by the throat to actually get something done when it comes to slashing spending, and canceling Uncle Sam's already over-leveraged credit cards.

It's no guarantee it'll get any better. But it can't get any worse. It is literally, our only hope.

The W represents today's Snicky

Click to Find Out Who

Repair Your Ball Marks, Chops!

Get out that divot tool!

Road Win

Hat tip to my main man, Dewey for the slammin' artwork.

Thierry Henry Sneaks A Look

God bless Eva Longoria who is still looking fine as wine! Here she roots on her hubby Tony Parker, while French soccer superstar Thierry Henry looks on, or, er, "in" so to speak.

The Lombardi Trophy, Before There Even Was A Lombardi Trophy

File this under "things I never really thought about, or even knew".

The E:60 piece about Dan Snyder's desire to engrave his dad's name on the Lombardi Trophy got me to wondering: "Do teams even do that?"

Answer: Yes, and No. The Redskins have done it, the Giants have apparently done it, the Steelers have done it.

But not the Packers. At least not the first two of them.

So I suppose the engraving is up to the team.

Which got me to Google-wondering: "What the hell was the NFL's championship trophy before the league's merged?"

Answer: THIS ol' warhorse of a tarnish silver chalice. The ol' "Ed Thorp" Trophy, named after - a REFEREE!

Redskins blogger Matt Terl picks it up from here:

In the early part of the 20th century, Ed Thorp was a referee and friend to prominent early NFL owners. After he died in 1934, the league created a trophy to honor him. Unlike the modern Lombardi trophies, this trophy did not become possession of the winning team, but instead spent a year with the winning team before being passed on to the next year’s champion, much like the NHL’s Stanley Cup.

The Redskins were the winners of this trophy in 1937 and 1942, but that trophy is NOT in Redskins Park.

(In fact, no one knows where that trophy is. The prevailing theory is that the Minnesota Vikings – who were the last to win the Ed Thorp Memorial Trophy, in 1969 – somehow lost it when the league switched over to the Lombardi Trophy the following year. Which is an impressive feat; if this were baseball, there would have been books and stories and TV specials about the Curse of Ed Thorp, especially when the Vikings lost three out of four Super Bowls in the mid-1970s. But it’s the NFL, so apparently everyone just sort of shrugs and looks embarrassed by the whole thing.)

LAST ADD: Terl has more on the Redskins Thorp replica trophy, which does sit in the trophy case collecting dust from the late 30's.

Supposedly they have more fun

check it out in today's Poll

What seems to be the problem?

Find out in today's Pix.

Cue the drumline...

It's time for Small School Ass Whippings of the Week:

Mr. Snyder, We're Ready For Your Close Up

The much anticipated (by Skins fans, at least) E:60 feature on Dan Snyder last night was disappointing, to say the least. Not only did it lack any kind of journalistic teeth, but it lacked even the basic balance you would have expected.

One of my local sports radio brethren who was included in the piece, Eric Bickel of the Sports Junkies, had an excellent take on the disappointment of the piece in his blog entry on MASN.

Dan says very early on in the interview with Nichols that he is very shy around the media because he's taken such a beating over the years. He plays the victim card very nicely. But it's a joke. Please give me all the incidents where Dan Snyder was unfairly criticized?

Was he unfairly criticized when he started suing his own fans last year when they couldn't maintain their season ticket plans in the middle of a recession? Was it a low blow to complain about how he has jacked up ticket prices to levels that have essentially priced out the average fan, while producing only two playoff wins in 10 years?

Maybe nobody should complain about having to pay $25 for the privilege of parking a mile away from the stadium and taking a bus into the game? Or how about the time he tried to ban walking to the stadium, just because he wanted to make as much off of parking as possible? I'm sure fans loved when he tried to make everybody purchase tickets using a Redskins credit card too.

Look, everybody makes mistakes. And Snyder is slowly owning up to some of them, to his credit. But let's paint the whole picture please. This is a guy that's been a ruthless businessman through the years. He's fired long-time employees and public relations people at a rate equivalent to the number of coaches he's gone through.

When you hide in the middle of an entourage and fly in on your chopper or private plane, fans have a hard time relating to you. Ted Leonsis is a very wealthy man too; yet you can go up to Ted at the Verizon center and shake his hand. He'll talk to you about the team. He seems to care about your opinion. He'll even give you his email address. If Dan Snyder is in the room, it's like he's surrounded by the secret service. It's absurd. I've witnessed it firsthand.

These are just some of the issues that have upset the fans over the years - In my opinion, none of them unjustified either. So who's really been the victim here? I'd say it's us the fans.

REACT: Indeed, the fans only got quick and short mention in this piece, which I suppose was by design. It was supposed to be a "who is Dan Snyder" piece not a "how pissed off are Redskins fans" piece.

Still, these kinds of fluff pieces by E:60 only further weaken the brand of that show, which by its looks and faux "newsroom" intro, aspires to be in the 60 Minutes or Real Sports league.

Well, clearly, it's not.

UPDATE: Holy, shit, I AM AN IDIOT!!!! It turns out, the Lombardi trophy DOES have names of players and owners and coaches on it! I never knew! They are engraved on the rear panels of the tri-panel stand. I had previously riffed on this on various radio shows, and I have Dan Sndyer like free-agent egg on my face right now. Apologies, Dan.

Who will win the battle of the aging stars?

Cast your vote in this week's Football poll.

You're gonna need a few firemen for this one...

See the daring rescue in As Seen On Czabe, part of the new How I Roll page.

Natalie Gulbis and Paula Creamer

Yep. I thought you guys would enjoy this.

Damn, Girl!

Serena Williams is recovering from a mysteriously "cut foot" that happened - she says - in a restaurant way back in July.

Her story, such as it is, goes like this: I cut both feet on top and bottom, walking out of a dark restaurant in Berlin, Germany. I don't know how it happened. Why it happened, who is responsible, or basically anything. I am not suing the restaurant, or filing charges, and I had to miss the US Open. But oh, well, I still got to host a cool fashion party wearing high heel shoes.

Uhhhhh huh.

Well, never mind all that nonsense, how about this smokin' hot picture of her with straight hair!

THAT's Serena Williams now?? Wowza!

I mean, she still has a 'Hood Approved caboose on her, and she'll chew your head to a nub if you call too many foot faults.

But look at her here. Spectacular. I don't even know what she got done to look this good, but I say, keep on doing it!

Sexy or Sesame

Sporting News Radio Chime

A guy wanted me to post this, and make available on website.

For all who want it - here is the Sporting News Radio Chime

Throw out the records and grab your pickaxe.

It's time for Small School Ass-Whippings of the Week:

"Absolutely Crushing Pressure"

Hunter Mahan signed up for this. He wasn't drafted. He didn't get picked randomly out of the PGA Tour phone book and summoned like jury duty.

This is why golfers play the game. This is the price they agree to pay, if they are on the wrong side of destiny.

Mahan had a dance with a lifetime of glory on Monday morning at Celtic Manor. He could have been Justin Leonard, who will dine out until he's old and wrinkled on that miraculous putt at Brookline.

Instead, Mahan has this chip. This chub. This stabbed, feeble finish under golf's most searing pressure.

It will forever live in golf low-light history. It will be on many Golf Channel Top 10 shows.

And no, it is not fair. In the least.

Golf isn't about fair.

He knows this. His teammates do too.

I am an even bigger fan of Mahan now than I already was. I'm even a fan of just about all the golfers on both sides of the draw at this Ryder Cup, and for that matter, past Ryder Cups.

(Okay, for the record, you can have Overton for us, and Poulter for them, if you must know. The rest, I'm cool with. Even Cheetah. But just barely. Anyway...)

I am in awe, and appreciation of how these guys can operate under such golfing heat. What happened in the final hour on Monday morning was nothing short of absolutely crushing pressure.

Hell, just look at that photo of Mahan, post chub!

That sea of eyeballs, staring at him, the collective hushed silence of 40,000 fans, must have sucked the oxygen out of the entire Usk Valley.

Anybody who has ever taken back a golf club in earnest, knows the sensation of "somebody is watching me hit!"

In fact, it is probably the FIRST feeling of nervousness a beginner to the game experiences. Golf is so much about not looking foolish in front of other humans, that when more people are watching you, and more is at stake, the more your mouth dries to dust, and your hands start trembling like guitar strings.

A foursome on the first tee is waiting behind you on Saturday morning. You nervous?

A small gallery of club members is watching your match behind the 18th green. More nervous?

Perhaps you are playing in a college tournament, and now there are a hundred or so people watching you. Still nervous?

Of course you are. This never goes away. Not even for grizzled tour pros.

Now, imagine being there in Mahan's spot. LOOK at all those eyeballs! If a single set of eyeballs can impart pressure on a human being trying to deftly strike a round white pellet with a crooked stick - then imagine 40,000 eyeballs!

Those collective eyeballs are enough to melt a bronze statue, much less a human being.

Graeme McDowell was up to the moment. But it could have easily been the other way around. Props to him, and the Euros.

But props to the men who put themselves in this golfing arena, for our visceral enjoyment.

They volunteered for this. Glory or infamy.

Great show, lads. Great exhibition. The game of golf, the game of a lifetime, was a winner again.

See you in Medinah, in two years.

What could possibly go wrong?

Find out in today's Pix.

Today's Snicky Clue is....

Small part in Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace - and starred in Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

Put A Fork In Him...

Who knows how many carries Clinton Portis gets Sunday against the Eagles. But I do know this: he likely won't get another 20-plus carry day in his Redskins career.

Not after Portis pulled the Robert Duran "No Mas" equivalent last week by diving against the Rams.

The story is convoluted, but if you care to sort it out, Dan Steinberg does a decent job here in his DC Sports Bog.

Basically, it all adds up to needless fake "intrigue" about Portis' "role" now with the Skins.

"Role?"

He's cooked. You don't see the grill marks?

A running back taking a full on DIVE in the OPEN FIELD is utterly unheard of in the NFL. And if you are paid like an "elite back" (Portis has CASHED over $50 million from the Redskins ALONE!) you break these runs to the house!

An elite back finds a sliver of daylight, charges through it, and then starts mashing every X-button, right trigger, Playstation-silly move he has to keep the yard meter running.

And yet here was Portis. Shanahan said he had an ouchy on his wrist. Portis said he was coached to do it that way.

Whatever.

I know most Redskins fans with rudimentary Adobe skillz aren't buying it. Here are a few of my favorites.









Here's the full gallery of Photoshop spoofs, for your enjoyment.

The J.I.M.M.Y. System

Jimmy Masterlock makes his picks for Week 4:

Do you recognize today's Snicky?