Friday, September 24, 2010

It Just Keeps Getting Better...


When the guy who created the infamous "Hope" poster for Barack O-blah-blah during the campaign has now himself... wait for it.... LOST HOPE in the guy, well then....

Heh heh heeeeeee....

"There's a lot of stuff completely out of Obama's control or any of the Democrats' control," Fairey allowed. "But I think there's something a little deeper in terms of the optimism of the younger voter that's happening. They wanted somebody who was going to fight against the status quo, and I don't think that Obama has done that."

Luckily, some of us do not worship a false god of ever-growing, hyper-intrusive statism like Obama.

We worship ruthlessly logical, ruggedly independent beet farming paper salesmen like Dwight Schrute.

Fact.

A Monument of Mediocrity


Don Nelson is out at Golden State. But hey, he's still the "Winningest Coach In NBA History!"

With a record of 1335-1063 (.557) how will the league ever replace Nellie's brilliance in calling those 20-second timeouts?

Now, Nellie's a nice fella, but for a guy that has NEVER BEEN TO THE NBA FINALS, I find the fact that he's the all-time top dog a little troubling.

If you look here at his year-by-year coaching resume, you realize even more that the NBA is the least coaching important pro league in America.

All aboard the Jimmy train!

Jimmy Masterlock sets you straight with this week's picks:



Check out the Football Page to sign up for the Czabe Craction league.

Czabe.com Facebook Temporarily Offline


We'll be back for your Facebooking pleasure as soon as humanly possible.

Perrys


The Latest DJ Steve Porter Coaches Masterpiece!



All I can say is, O-M-G!

DJ Steve Porter, you sir, are a genius. And all of the video snips in glorious HD! With some rare, seldom seen footage: like the Jim Mora: "You don't know... and you'll never know."

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

"Let Me Just Take One Little Bite Out of You!"



God, I do love Photoshop!

When did TV become so confusing?

The guys discuss the joys of linear plot lines in the newest Czabecast:



NFC North Monday Night Showdown

Who will come out of the fray 3-0?

Weigh in on this week's Football Poll.

You just might want to watch Amazing Race this season.


Find out why in As Seen On Czabe, part of the How I Roll page.

Oh-For-219


From the Associated Press...

President Barack Obama once told Democratic lawmakers they'd be proud to campaign on historic health care legislation. Six months later, the only Democrats running ads about it are the ones who voted "no."

None of the 219 House Democrats who support the legislation are talking about it in campaign ads. But several of the 34 Democrats who voted "no" can now boast of that vote, casting it as a sign of their fiscal responsibility or independence from Obama and party leaders.


Hope the Kool-Aid was tasty, Democrats. In about a month, you'll begin to feel a hazy, peaceful feeling, and then fall gently asleep.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The Truest Thing Ever Written About Kids and Vacations


Drew Magary, who writes for Deadspin, is one salty, foul-mouthed mother.

I guess that's why I like his writing so much. Guilty, sophomoric pleasure.

Anyhoo, he wrote perhaps the most honest, blisteringly true paragraph in the history of parenting. It goes something like this.

I don't even like the parts of summer where you DO get to go on vacation. I have kids. Vacationing with kids is fucking AGONY. It's like double the parenting work. You don't have your own bed. They don't have their own beds. You have to fly somewhere, or drive somewhere, and you constantly have to make sure they're all happy and quiet while you're traveling. They stay up late because they don't understand what the hell is going on. There's no relief. There's nothing in the way of rest. You try and convince yourself the whole thing was a good idea when you know, deep in your heart, you're fucking miserable. In fact, the most restful part is returning back home and releasing the kids into the babyproofed section of the house. If you have young kids, you really shouldn't go anywhere. There's no goddamn point.


You can read the rest of his rant about how I too feel at the end of summer: it just needs to go into a corner and die!

Thank God, the weather is turning goldenly perfect, and cool and crisp will give way to the dark winter. A perfect time to stay the hell inside, and watch your 1080 lines of resolution until your eyes sting.

Now This Guy...


.... is a football dad!

"A Florida man who this weekend was charged with prodding his stepson to run "football sprints" while motivation-ally waving a BB gun is now in the hospital after an apparent overdose."

Classic.

Today's poll - it was talked about on B&B

In case you missed it...

Here's the Czabecast on Ken Burns' new chapter his 18 ½ hour Baseball documentary:



Don't worry–the Czabecast is under four minutes.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Finally, Somebody Who Knows LESS About Overtime Rules Than Donovan McNabb!


For the record, I like our current Redskins Radio play-by-play booth. Larry Michael has gotten better as the replacement for beloved former front man Frank Herzog. Sonny Jurgensen is still very, very sharp from an X&O standpoint, and beloved. And Sam Huff, well, Sam is pure comedy.

This from the excellent site TBD Fact Check:


4:48 p.m. — Michael mentions former Redskins punter Matt Turk is the holder for the Texans. Huff says he knew there was a reason he never liked Turk. Michael: "He's just a punter, Sam." Huff: "That's why I don't like punters." I'm as confused as you are.

5:44 p.m. — Huff suggests the Redskins abandon the 3-4. Larry: "It's going to be a 3-4, Sam. They're not going to change now." Huff thinks the Skins need to get London Fletcher involved more.

6:37 p.m. — Huff, who has been complaining about field goals all day, takes the block relatively well. "There's never any guarantees on that play," he says. That's undoubtedly true. Booth is very quiet. Huff, trying to be optimistic: "They just wanted to put a little excitement in it. Jurgensen: "They sure as hell did that."

6:45 p.m. — Michael mentions McNabb's frustrated smile after Galloway can't grab the long pass. Sonny: "Don't smile about it! Get off the field."

6:52 p.m. — Sonny, without ever using Matt Schaub's name: "Let me tell ya, this quarterback is a good quarterback." Yes, that's why he made the Pro Bowl last year.

7:12 p.m. — One of Sonny or Sam (I couldn't tell which) floats the idea of calling an on-side kick to start overtime. Larry Michael is as respectful as he can while responding: "No."

7:14 p.m. — After Texans wideout Kevin Walter makes a grab: Sam: "Walter? Is that the first time we've called his name tonight?" Larry: "He's made nine catches." Sam: "Where have I been?"

7:26 p.m. — Sam Huff asks if the game will end if Gano misses the field goal. Michael, Jurgensen clear things up for him. Huff: "I don't know all these rules."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Then, for a fuller recap of Sam's concussion and senility re-mix of "what...?" you can read Dan Steinberg's piece here.

Michael: Of course there's new overtime rules in the playoffs, but not during the regular season, so the winner of this coin toss is obviously going to have the first possession and the first chance to score.

Huff: I thought everybody had one chance.

Michael: That's gonna be the case in the playoffs. Rule change for the NFL this year.

After the coin toss, Michael asks Huff about the defense taking the field.

Huff: Well, they'll be on the field first, but they're kicking the ball. You're not gonna score when you're kicking the ball....Let me say this, you don't want to try an onsides kick here, do you?

Michael: No, I would not do that.

Huff: You've got to kick it as hard as you can.


REACT: I say cherish this radio booth for every blessed minute, Redskins fans. Someday, we won't have Sam around to provide this kind of unintentional comedy. It'll just be blah, blah, boring football analysis.

This is like hitting the "DVD commentary" button and getting a whole different audio track besides the movie itself!

What's it going to do with that dragonfly?

Find out in today's Pix.

No Dude, You Don't Get To Keep The Helmet


This clown has got to be the idiot of the week for actually thinking he is allowed to KEEP a stray HELMET that flies into the crowd.

Enjoy the moment when security guy has to SHOW him the fucking back of his ticket, explaining that, um, no, that Brandon Jacobs helmet is NOT a souvenir.

Of course, you don't want to mess with "Helga Manning" because she seems mightily pissed off at something.

Now that they both have had children who is going to win today's poll?

Sunday, September 19, 2010

"Seemingly Innocent, Cascading Series of Unfortunate Events."



The Redskins game finished something like this. Only it took longer, because Jeff Triplette and the replay crew were apparently getting paid by the hour and wanted to review everything right down to players' sock lengths.

Here's where the game went up in flames.

Skins lead 27-20, driving for dagger TD in 4th quarter.
Portis running for an easy first down inside the 10, somehow falls down in open space one yard shy of the line.
3rd and 1.
False start.
3rd and 6. Incomplete.
Field goal.
Blocked because Fred Davis did a half ass job chipping his man Bernard Pollard.

Right there, was the QUINTESSENTIAL NFL moment that I like to call the "Seemingly Innocent, Cascading Series of Unfortunate Events."

This happens to everybody's team. All the time. And it won't be the last for our squad.

Of more concern is this. Trent Williams knee got fucked up. LaRon Landry is singlehandedly keeping the defense relevant. And he's going to either break himself in two hitting like that, or put a fellow teammate on season ending IR.

(Please, please, please make that guy Reed Doughty...)

**looks around sheepishly**


Was, um, that my "out loud" typing voice?

It was?

Oh.



Awkward.

Can't Spell Dungy, Without "Duh"


When ever Tony Dungy - the NBC analyst - comes up, I usually say: "Nice man, AWFUL analyst."

Some people are taken aback. Others mount a timid argument.

Here's a perfect example.

Sunday, talking about the Texans comeback win against my Redskins, Dungy said he thought it was an impressive win because "the ground game wasn't working..." blah blah blah.

Uh, wrong.

The ground game might have worked, if not for the fact that MATT SCHAUB WAS PASSING THE BALL AT WILL!

Sorry, I am yelling at you in my ALL CAPS. Sorry.

The dude was throwing pitch and catch like it was a 7 on 7 drill in May OTA's.

So when it comes to that kind of "analysis", well as a fan, let's just say it doesn't exactly wow you that somehow these ex coaches are all capable of explaining the game in ways you never would have imagined.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Get your picks!

Jimmy "Masterlock" Dugans gives you his sure-fire Week 2 picks, just in time for the weekend:



Check out the Football Page to sign up for the Czabe Craction league.

Lynch Tippin' His Whip

Just in case the Packers somehow pry away Aaron Rodgers' former Cal teammate Marshawn Lynch, you'll want to walk down memory lane with this epic post-game celebration from 'Shawn after the Bears beat Washington.



Sure, he could have crushed three innocent people/players/coaches with kneecap to bumper mayhem, but he didn't. So wheeee!

Even the Onion gets it!



Touchdown Disallowed After Ref Drops Ball Handed To Him By Player

She's unbeatable in a poll - today's Snicky

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Wayne State wins!...Twice!

Czabe, Bob & Brian recap some of the biggest wins by schools you've never heard of:



Poll me

Sick of seeing this bumper sticker?

Check out a much funnier one in today's Pix.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Revenge of the Rules Nerds


Well, that didn't take long.

The NFL season is always sure to produce several calls by the refs that baffle, infuriate, and generally create a week's worth of griping on sports talk radio.

But here we go. Week one, and the beer swilling masses are already up in arms over the Megatron negated game winning touchdown.

As they should be.

Nobody likes a rules ninny, and this league is becoming as technical and litigious as your cell phone company on early termination rules.

When things look like a catch, they should be called just that - a catch.

How on earth could the NFL rulebook allow for something as vague as "the process" of making a catch enter the rules? The process? Process? (insert high pitched, Jim Mora-esque voice).

You talking, process?

The fact that the NFL also has a definition of a "second act" during a catch, is proof positive that even they can't truly define when that "process" ends.

Fans bitch about the refs all the time in the NFL. Sometimes, rightfully so.

I bitch about the rule book. It is a bloated mess.

And get this, the NFL won't even put the full rulebook on their website. They have a rules "digest" but the full megillah is only available by going through the NFL Media site, which requires a password.

SIDE NOTE: When I went to use the phrase "full magilla" I stopped to wonder: "What the hell is that from?" Well, I found out!

It’s really spelled megillah, and it’s the Hebrew word for a scroll. In particular, it refers to one of five books of the Old Testament, namely Song of Songs, Ruth, Lamentations, Ecclesiastes, and Esther, which are read on certain Jewish special days. The most common reference, though, is to the Book of Esther, which is read in its entirety at the feast of Purim.


Anyway, back to my point. The rulebook is a farce. The NFL has tried to define every single act, concept, and possible athletic move in writing.

No wonder they have tied themselves in knots!

The rulebook needs to be made more SIMPLE, and in many instances, LESS specific. I know that is counter-intuitive, but think about it: somebody at the end of all the rulebook's legalese is still going to have to make the call.

A judgment call.

You can't reduce all judgment calls to black and white, legally binding rules that fit all occasions.

Just like the horrible Troy Polomalu call vs. the Colts in the playoffs.

Polamalu intercepted a pass, rolled to the ground, then fumbled the ball while getting up. The play was initially ruled an interception and fumble, but after viewing the instant replay, referee Pete Morelli ruled the play an incomplete pass. His rationale was that Polamalu did not make a "football move" after intercepting the pass but before fumbling the ball, and therefore did not demonstrate possession of the ball. The NFL later released a statement saying that Morelli's interpretation was incorrect, and that the interception should have been upheld.


This time, the NFL has not thrown their own refs under the bus. Instead, they are doubling down on stupid.

"I'd like to see a little commonsense injected into the officiating," Jags coach Jack Del Rio said Monday.

That's exactly what the league doesn't want.

"What we try to do with any rule is eliminate the gray area," NFL vice president of officiating Carl Johnson said.

"It reminds me of the tuck rule, which a lot of people didn't know," he said. "But it was properly ruled on the field. Now it is a nonevent because the fans know it.

"Now we can further educate the fans and media on what the proper requirements are for a catch."

Now, it could just be me, but I don't think holding up the NFL's OTHER absurdly abstract and drippingly unfair call helps the NFL's image on this. Yet, this is apparently what league administrators get all hard just thinking about.

And if you really want to "educate" the fans on the rules, why not start with putting the full 137 page PDF "Rule and Casebook" on the front page of NFL.com so we can print a copy, and keep it by the ottoman on Sundays.

And you thought baseball GAMES were long...

Ken Burns squeezes a few more hours out of Baseball in the new Czabecast.

Those Manning Boys are at it again...

Weigh in on this week's Football Poll.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

I'll Take Two, Please



You won't get a better use of your 2 minutes than this today, trust me.

Today's Poll - Who keeps a better secret?


Has "Jumping the Shark" jumped the shark?

There's one Happy Days writer who's had enough:


Monday, September 13, 2010

"Animals Want To Hang Out With Me"


Forgetting for a moment that his homeboys stabbed two guys to death at a Super Bowl party over something petty, and forgetting that the Ray Lewis glorification by ESPN remains over-the-top and nauseating (how many pre-game dances of him do we really need to see?) I must say this Old Spice commercial cracks me the f' up!

I believe what does it for me is the bear. That dude in a bear suit is MOVING! And it's a GOOD bear suit!

Then, the bear just stops and hangs out, because, well, Ray Ray has that power over animals.

Classic.

Given how few plays overachiever and good guy Reed Doughty is making right now, I say we cut Doughty, sign the bear.

Check out the competition in todays Pix.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

You... JACKASS!


Watching college football on Saturday, I noticed at least three absurd jackass plays by kids for various teams.

Throwing aside the old nostrum that "hey, they are 19 year old kids, they are going to get carried away at times..." what I saw stunned me.

A Notre Dame wideout cruising for a touchdown dropped the football like some cocky prick at the 2 yard line. Replay should have taken it off the board, and Brian Kelly should have benched his ass until Catholic priests stop tickling boys, but no. Modern day football, and I suppose these things get overlooked.

In the Stanford-UCLA game, a Stanford DB makes a pick at his OWN 1 yard line. Then, while being tackled, he LATERALS to a team-mate, who - shocker - does NOT proceed to run 99 yards for a touchdown. I thought Stanford players were smart.

In the Florida State game, a big oaf on the FSU sideline decides to give an Oklahoma player an obvious SHOVE about 10 yards out of bounds, in clear view of the refs. The shove wouldn't have hurt one of the Olsen Twins, but it was an easy call for an additional 15 yards.

Stupid.

Of course, Matt Millen was calling that game, and then bragged about how doing that shit was actually POLICY when he played with the Raiders.

Wonder why he never made it as GM in Detroit?

I get it that college players make mistakes. Often times, big ones. Mental, physical, the whole gamut. But I think plays like these three plays I cited, are more a product of the modern culture, and not limited to a black-white thing either.

Players of 30 years ago in college made mistakes. But I would think it would be HARD to go back and find plays of this caliber of stupid.

Can you guess today's Snicky?

Friday, September 10, 2010

Calling all Inter-Web Gambling Degenerates!

Jimmy "Masterlock" Dugans is back laying down four flawless week 1 picks.



Check out the Football page to sign up for the Czabe Craction league or head over to Craction.com to find out how to play!

Gold Pant Dreamin'


Well, kids, we can dream, right?

I have banged the drum all off-season for the Skins to rock the old school mustard pants as part of their new uniform look. With Bruce Allen's return to the team, sporting the look his father coached under back in the late 70's would be truly delicious.

All through the off-season, the Redskins as an organization, and Allen in particular, have been coy - if non-committal - about what will be the defacto "home uniform" of the team.

Under Gibbs 1.0, it was white tops on brick red pants. A classic look, made even better looking by the fact that those teams won in that get up. Alot.

Over the years, however, it became a bit tired and dated. Losing in them certainly rubbed off much of the "glory" of the white-on-red.

Marty decided he liked the brick-on-white look, and I generally resented it.

Then Spurrier started ushering in the awful white-on-white.

Gibbs 2.0 went back to the white-on-red look, but then relented to the players late in the 2nd season and had some Spurrier-inspired white-on-white games. Boo.

Zorn was mostly white-on-red, but allowed the biggest travesty in Skins modern uniform history when the team rolled out on Monday night against the Steelers in double-burgundy (really, red).

I personally think we're gonna see that gold-pant glory on Sunday, for the following reasons.

a. If it was NOT going to happen, I think Allen would have said that by now.
b. It can't be a league permission issue because they certainly didn't need it for burgundy on burgundy which came out of nowhere, and was launched on a whim.
c. The team has been handing out special "Beat Dallas" t-shirts for this game, that are... wait for it... in GLORIOUS mustard yellow!

Since the Cowboys are normally forced into their non-preferred road blues against the Skins, it was eye opening when Dallas Cowboys.com reported to their fans that there would be no wearing of the road blue this year, because the Redskins had REQUESTED to wear red on Sunday.

Hmmmmm.

It's all pointing to a golden moment on Sunday. If not, shame on Bruce Allen for leading us on.

"23 Inches of Pure Comfort!"



This has to be the worst idea, in the history of ideas.

New Coke, combined with Milli Vanilli, and the Olympics Triplecast stupid.

You'll enjoy the quote: "Cowboys ride eight hours on their horses during the day and still feel comfortable."

Yeah, they are fucking, COWBOYS! And have you seen how they walk? Do you know how they feel when they wake up?

Plus, the seats look like a blast when you have NOBODY else in front of you (as shown) and the chick a hot-ass size 2.

Imagine a fat dude shimmying into those saddles between two lineman sized gang bangers with sleeve tattoos on their arms.

Yeah. Not so fun.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Robot Football: Your Protocols Must Be Coachable!

Czabe joins Bob & Brian to discuss the future of the gridiron:

"Dude, about that trophy...."


So Vince Young doesn't want Reggie Bush's tainted, and about to be repossessed Heisman Trophy.

I get that.

This is one baller, looking out for another. I wouldn't expect, or want Vince to say anything else.

It doesn't mean the Heisman Trust should just leave the thing in the closet. It needs to award the Trophy to Young in title at least, and then remand it's custody to the University of Texas.

Vince can come claim it at any time, but the school should have custody rights of that glorious stiff-arm in its trophy case.

First, let's address whether the trophy should be revoked. Answer: OF COURSE! The logic is plain. Bush was INELIGBLE that season, by virtue of massive amounts of illegal cash and gifts showered upon him by boosters.

Thus, you can't let a player who was INELIGIBLE receive such an award.

It has nothing to do with morality. And it doesn't mean we have to go on a witch hunt to find other players in college history who have won the Heisman and perhaps taken money under the table.

If there's a clear cut case of Rashaan Salaam taking cash, then fine. Present it. We'll make the call then.

Of course college athletics is a ridiculous semi-pro activity in which colleges hold all the cards, and make millions off the backs of players.

Still, when Reggie Bush signed up with USC to play, he accepted this fact. He agreed to play, by those ridiculous rules.

If you want to radically change college athletics to allow for paying of players - either small stipends, or perhaps more - then do it up front.

Just don't say: "Well, the whole system is so corrupt, how can we revoke Bush's Heisman?"

In the meantime, Texas had more than a little something to do with Vince Young's success that season, and schools are rightfully proud when they produce Heisman winners.

As such, they should re-engrave the plate, let Texas display it in the lobby, and tell Vince he's welcome to pick it up and bring it home if the mood ever strikes him.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

A Picture = 1000 Words


Well thank you to a commenter who found me that exact site I was looking for!

FAKE POSTERS.COM!

These are Czabe.com originals, so feel free to pass them along as you see fit! Or, come up with something even better!

What a great country we live in! (At least, for now....)

ALTERNATE VERSION

Behold: "The Woz!"


How could I have been sleeping on Caroline Wozniaki?

Sure, she is only 20 years old, and is just now pushing into the tennis limelight. But still, I feel like I'm late to the party.

Just look at this incredible Denmark-born all-Polish gal!

The smile is fantastic, and for the record, I like the yellow nail polish with the yellow accented tennis top.

I think it's her "power color." Like Tiger's red.

Let's hope she keeps slayin' 'em as the #1 seed at Flushing Meadow, and we can usher in a new era with her, as the "it girl" of women's tennis!


"Barry Poppins"



Classic. Fucking, classic.

I was thinking about this photo, and figured it would make a good "fake" Successories style of picture. You know, with a headline and sub-head like....

LIBERALISM
"Because, God forbid, you should ever get even a little bit wet in life."

Or something like that. Perhaps you enterprising folks could come up with even better slogans for the picture. And if you want to get really nuts, whip it into a poster itself and I'll post the good ones.

In fact, somebody by now, should have invented a website, where you simply upload a picture, type in the heading and sub-head you want, hit a button called "Create" and have it poop out a finished product for everybody's enjoyment.

Tell somebody at Google, to get on it.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Hokies and Broncos Sport the ALT Look on ESPN



Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and as such, so go sports uniforms.

One man's classic color scheme, is another man's tired old paint job in desperate need of a makeover.

Last night in Landover, MD, the VA Tech v. Boise State game lived up to all expectations, see-sawing until the final Bronco kick to the gut with less than two minutes remaining.

But what about those unis?

I'm guessing, people either loved them, or hated them.

Nike is pushing this line of ALT jerseys known as the Pro Combat line. They include very nontraditional elements like flat black helmet paint, and graphic sub-tones inside the actual jersey numbers.

Boise State stole a concept from the Pittsburgh Steelers, only sporting a logo on ONE side of their helmet.

From afar, I thought VA Tech looked too much like Oregon State, and Boise was bland without their traditional splash of orange, which was all but banished from their look.

Take a closer look youself, and come to your own conclusions.






Personally, I think it's just a bit of overkill. For example, if VA Tech had gone black helmet (flat finish) without the funky morphing stripe in the middle, and without the graphic in-lay in the uniform numbers, it could have been pretty cool.

If Boise state had gone with the enlarged Bronco head logo on both sides of their helmet, and added a more prominent slash of orange somewhere in the pants or on the side venting of the shirts, I would have been more enthusiastic.

But at this point, the Nike Pro Combat series has SO MANY graphical bells and whistles, it has almost ceased as a uniform, and morphed into a graphic designer's wet dream.

Now, if you want a guy who is vehemently against all such "ALT-Black" schemes, it would be Phil Mushnick of the NY Post:

Virginia Tech's school colors are orange and maroon -- but only for the last 104 years, since 1896. Such traditions can't survive the combination of money-first TV and sneaker company demands and marketing blueprints.

Certainly, the introduction and subsequent sale of street attitude-enriched black uniforms is hardly new. No other color has systematically been added to all sports' uniforms and team logos -- while mascots have been turned into snarling predators. Black uniforms are now even worn by the Duke Blue Devils, Rutgers Scarlet Knights, Toronto Blue Jays, Harvard Crimson, Louisville Cardinals and St. John's Red Storm.


I can only imagine what would happen if the famous "Maize and Blue" Michigan got swapped out for a midnight "black" and "Wolverine gold" instead someday.

Or if Joe Pa agreed to let the conspicuously austere Penn State uniforms get graphically raped by Nike designers.

I would say I won't live long enough to see that, but I seem to be seeing more and more crazy shit all the time with uniforms, and I've got a lot of life in me yet.

Mushnick

Saturday, September 4, 2010

A Big "Huh?" On A Big Ben Argument


Everybody is entitled to their opinion.

But if you are going to have one, it would help if you supported it with a few bullet points of reason.

For example, I am rather stunned that a decent percentage of people think Roger Goodell should NOT have reduced Big Ben's 6-game suspension to just 4 games.

Okay, fine. That's your opinion. Now give me the specific WHY you feel that way?

I don't expect ding-a-ling callers on sports talk radio to have cogent arguments (although many do), but I do expect hosts to have them.

I was driving home on Friday night when I happened upon ESPN Radio's "Freddy Coleman Show." Mr. Coleman, the host, was conducting a call-in segment that asked: "Do you think Commissioner Roger Goodell should have reduced Big Ben's suspension."

Mr. Coleman, repeatedly, and flatly, stated he thought the commissioner should NOT have done so.

And so I listened for his reasoning. And listened... and listened....

It never came.

It was sorta odd, actually. Okay, WHY not, I kept asking my dashboard radio, which did not answer.

Goodell made clear that the 6-gamer could be tailored to 4 with good behavior. It is a policy that makes sense as an incentive to the athlete to behave in the interim.

By any and all measures, Roethlisberger complied with all the Commish's requests. He did the counseling, he still does community service, he has stayed out of the drunken limelight.

Furthermore, Goodell did the exact same thing with Michael Vick, reducing his possible 6-game suspension to a mere two.

And yet Mr. Coleman went on and on, taking way too many calls, asking the same question, and repeating his claim that somehow the commish was in error.

I have no great affinity for Big Ben. He's a dope, and a drunk, and in all likelihood a rapist. At the same time, I understand when a guy gets shafted. Big Ben is hardly the only dope, drunk, thug, or possible rapist in the NFL.

It was just that his incident came along at a perfect time for the league to "over-prove" that it was...

a. Tough on crime (or in this case, non-crime)
b. Not afraid to whack a star player on a legacy franchise
c. Not racially biased in its punishments

And they sure did over-prove it on Big Ben. I think four games is too much, and sets a bad precedent. The sad irony though for those who think white guys get off easy by the NFL, is that the new extra-tough "Big Ben Standard" will likely end up costing the next black player who gets sideways with a woman after hours in a bar.

So now that Big Ben has been properly scolded, served his time, and been given early release by the league, if you still think Goodell should have kept the suspension at 6, then you'll need to show me some much stronger arguments than just: "These guys need to learn a lesson."

Friday, September 3, 2010

Kat Von D: Freak or Natural Beauty?


Jesse James is now hitting this.

Perfect.

The guys digs chicks with tattoos, and Kat is maybe the prettiest, "cleanest" looking chick on the planet who has more ink in her epidermis than the printer aisle at Staples.

I think she's pretty damn hot, but then I think: "What if she had NO tattoos?" Probably, just another good looking Southern Cal A-list party babe, but nothing special.


Gettin' Mouthy At the US Open



Ah yes, the kind of stuff that would never, ever, ever in a million years happen at hallowed Wimbledon. Stay classy, New York. Stay classy.

A Wasted Roster Spot


I guess because nobody in the media has been saying anything negative yet in Redskins training camp or pre-season about the "wisdom" of just handing a valuable roster spot to a 38-year-old wideout, I've got to be the one to be the "bad guy."

So here goes.

We need to CUT JOEY GALLOWAY on Saturday.

PERIOD.

I've never recalled a case where a guy with so little upside, so little statistical chance of making an impact on a roster, with so little pre-season evidence to the contrary, was just GIVEN a roster spot by a coaching staff.

I'm not hating on Galloway. I'm just here to bring you the numbers.

THERE IS VIRTUALLY NO PRECEDENT FOR A 38 YEAR OLD WIDE RECEIVER HAVING A MEANINGFUL SEASON IN THE MODERN ERA OF THE NFL!!!!

The only guy who breaks the numerical mold, is Jerry Rice. Here's Jerry Rice's end-of-career profile.

AGE-CATCHES-TEAM

38-75-SAN FRAN
39-83-OAKLAND
40-92-OAKLAND
41-63-OAKLAND
42-30-OAK/SEA

That's sick. But unprecedented.

Here's your comps on what the Redskins are hoping Galloway can do for them. It's rather grim.

Tim Brown
38-24-TAMPA

Marvin Harrison
36-60-INDY

Henry Ellard
36-32-WASHINGTON

Cris Carter
36-73-MINNESOTA
37-8-MIAMI

Isaac Bruce
37-21-SAN FRAN

Terrell Owens
36-55-BUFFALO

Andre Reed
36-10-WASHINGTON

Art Monk
37-46-NY JETS
38-6-PHILLY

Joey Galloway has caught exactly 20 passes in the last two seasons. He has a history of being "Ferrari wide receiver" who is often in and out of the hamstring shop.

How many catches to the Redskins realistically expect him to make this year for them?

Unless he's Jerry Rice, the answer historically is going to be somewhere south of 20.

And yet, for some reason, nobody has been reporting that Galloway is AT ALL in danger of being cut.

Maybe Shanallenhan will suprise me and decide it's far better to keep a younger wideout with some upside (like Terrance Austin or Brandon Banks) than to let Joey Galloway have one desperate fling at production at age 38.

Last year, Bill Belichick thought Galloway had something left. Nope. But they only had Tom Brady throwing to him, so what does that prove? (chortle).

Lance Armstrong Comes Clean.... Well, Sorta....




Another gem from the boys and girls at the Onion...

DALLAS—Saying that it would probably be best if everyone sat down for this, seven-time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong informed the U.S. populace Thursday that he wanted to tell it something, but that the nation first had to promise it wouldn't get angry once he did.

"Look, I'm not going to sugarcoat this. It's bad," Armstrong said during the nationally televised press conference. "But you have to swear to God that you won't get mad when I tell you, because if you get upset and yell about how you're really disappointed I'm just going to walk out of here."

"Okay?" Armstrong continued. "You guys promise?"


MORE HERE.....

Vintage Sonny Footage vs. Eagles



I don't know about you guys, but I just gobble up any and all footage of the Redskins from the 1960's and 70's. The stuff from the 50's doesn't excite me as much because, well, you know how I am about watching things that are in black and white

The stuff from the 80's is cool, but I've seen or remember most of it.

So, so, soooo much however, of the 60's and 70's I have never seen, and do not remember because I was just a wee little lad.

So thank you to Comcast SportsNet, the Redskins, and good folks at Geico for doing this segment called "Brothers of the Legacy."

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

The Continued Insanity of Playing Your Starters In August


NFL experts, are slow learners.

The "conventional wisdom" of live, real tackle, pre-season games, is that your starters "have to" play at least "some" of them.

Experts say this. Not me.

The experts also made Jamarcus Russell a $40 million codeine addict. The experts can't figure out how to make a ham sandwich of Matt Leinart after 4 years in the league. The experts decided to give Derrick Ward and Antonio Bryant big free agent deals, and then CUT them even before the NFL's final blade to 53.

Experts. Uh huh.

The experts are idiots.

I hear this phrase echoed by average fans who call my radio show. "But Czabe, you can't just sit your stars the entire pre-season, they HAVE TO play a little bit, in order to get ready for the regular season."

When anybody says you "have to" play your starters in August, I always respond with: "... or WHAT?"

This is where the stammering begins.

"Or what, you FORFEIT?"
"Or what, you'll get shut out?"
"Or what, you might lose ONE game?"

The answer is: nobody really KNOWS what. Since no teams have ever taken the arguably sane approach to playing only rookies and free agent hopefuls in pre-season, we don't have any data to analyze properly.

If perhaps a dozen teams took this approach for the next 5 years, we'd have a nice set of 60 Week 1 results over that stretch, to say: So called "cautious" pre-season teams are just 23-37 in Week 1.

Or maybe it would reveal that "Cautious" teams are an impressive 42-18 on opening week. Lending credence to a theory that fresh and rested veterans - especially skill players - perform significantly better out of the gate than their slightly beaten up peers on other teams.

Until we have some hard data to look at, the notion that pre-season play for veterans is essential is nothing more than an old coaches hunch. It's the "way things have always been done."

Certainly, it is quite possible, that some players - especially Pro Bowl caliber veterans - will not miss a beat when the first live game begins in September.

Certain other positions, like running back and wide receiver, which tend to be more instinctive, and individual - and not as scheme or team-mate oriented as defense and offensive line - would likely be less affected by a player going into the regular season "cold", so to speak.

But again, it is not like Star Player A is not going to PRACTICE extensively leading up to the first game of the year. Of course they are.

So I ask, "how bad could they play, just because they don't suit up in August games?"

That's the only question teams should ask. What is the more important value:

a. A player being slightly more "in sync" or "in game shape" for ONE game of the year (the first?).

b. A player NOT getting an injury that causes him to miss time (or an entire season) in a game that doesn't count in the standings.

If you look at it strictly from a cost/benefit analysis standpoint, I just don't see how or why coaches cling to the old notion of playing stars in pre-season.

This season alone, there have been a variety of important players injured.

The Rams #1 wideout Donnie Avery blows out his knee running under an August bomb from new QB Sam Bradford. Necessary? Really??

You can say Avery could have done the same thing in practice. Sure. Possible. But much less likely. You can say he needed the live reps to get in tune with Bradford. But at the cost of his whole season?

Would the Rams trade having Avery and Bradford slightly out of whack on timing for say the first two games of the year, for what happened? Of course they would.

But football coaches - and experts - cling to old notions. They don't make rational arguments.

Remember, football experts were once sure that WITHHOLDING water from players (at various levels of the game) in summer practice, was actually a GOOD thing! Toughened 'em up!

Right.

As of today, my team, the Redskins, have two important players hustling to get fully healthy for the season opener against the Cowboys: Donovan McNabb and Clinton Portis.

McNabb has thrown 34 passes, and had his ankle injured against the Ravens. He has not played since, and will not play again until September 12th. That will make over THREE full weeks since he has played a "live" game.

So you have to ask: "How could those 34 passes in mid-August, which put him direct jeopardy of injury, be of any meaningful significance when the season opens?"

Portis too, has a slightly injured ankle. This came after all of 9 pre-season rushes. He too, will span 22 days between games. Portis has carried the ball 2,176 times in his career.

And you are going to tell me those 9 August carries were worth it?

The counter argument, is that "you can get hurt doing anything in football."

This is true.

However, live fire, is live fire. Period. It greatly increases your chances of getting hurt, and the severity of the resulting injury.

I do not know how often military units perform "live fire" exercises, but I'd imagine it is very limited. And the environment, controlled.

Just because a soldier can get can get killed falling off a jeep going to the mess hall, doesn't mean that injuries are uniformly random and thus, their occurrence cannot be mitigated.

The near-miss decapitations of both Eli Manning and Jake Delhomme should serve as the final wake up call to coaches who still think August games are in any way "important" to players who have significant game experience already.

Delhomme and Manning have both played in Super Bowls, and played very well. Neither one should be playing August games of "capture the flag" with live ammunition, and a bunch of gung-ho recruits blasting off their M-16's like idiots.