Monday, November 23, 2009

Back Up The Truck of Free Programming, Bitches!

I just knew that if it dragged on long enough, the stupid pissing match between the Versus Network and DirecTV was going to burn my ass.

Consider it charred.

The only game I wanted to watch on Saturday night, was - you guessed it! - Stanford vs. Cal on Versus.


So I called those clowns at DirecTV and asked them to ….

a. Count my number of HD DVR receivers (“oh, I have eight, do I? Well, that sure is a lot… isn’t it?”)
b. remind me how long I’ve been a DirecTV customer (“hmm. Since you began service in 1994? Un-interrupted? Wow, that’s pretty loyal, isn’t it?”)
c. Start throwin’ some free shit my way…

Predictably, the front line woman was of little use. She offered the Center Ice package for HALF PRICE plus $10 bucks off a month for 6 months.

Child, please.

So I was sent off to the “customer retention” department, where I made much better headway.

I got the Center Ice package thrown in gratis (Yea! Thrashers and Blue Jackets on a Tuesday night! Just what I wanted for Christmas!) which doesn’t really address the fact that the Caps will be on Versus A LOT this year.

I also got $20 off a month for 6 months.

I probably could have driven a harder bargain, but I only feel comfortable being a total prick on the radio. Yeah, I know. Hard to believe.

This has been repeated by many, and I am more than happy to publicize the fact that you can bang the monkeys at DirecTV for discounts and free packages if you threaten to leave.

Hell, you don’t even need a reason. Just call up, say you are out of work, and need to cancel service unless they can make it more affordable.

So what if it’s a total lie? Is this unethical? Hell no. It’s capitalism! They know damn well just how much each customer is worth, the cost off gaining new ones, the threat from other TV services.

Nobody is putting a gun to their heads on this.

Well, you are. Sorta.


  1. Yes, it's so true Czabe. My neighbor has DirecTV and he tells me the same thing instruction wise. Just threaten to leave and they'll hook you up. Good business is being loyal to your best customers. I wish more companies followed suit, maybe it would end the Great Recession.

  2. This is true for any subscription service I've ever had except magazines.

  3. Works with cell phone companies too, as long as your contract is close to running out. Bitch until you get to some phone jockey who can pull the right strings.

  4. I do this with satellite radio and have the same results. $12.95/month? How about $4.95 a month.

  5. You have 8 DVR's. What are you recording?

    My Comcast DVRs cost $15/mo and I bitch about having to pay for 2 of them. I've tried threatening to cancel, but if I want high speed internet, Comcast is my only option.

  6. @KidHorn: 8 receivers, not necessarily 8 DVRs

    Did something similar with Dish Network. Threatened to leave for whatever reason, and I got a technician out the next day to improve my signal reception (which he did), and $10/mo. discount for 12 months.

  7. The only thing that works better than this is to(assuming you have the stones to go without tv for a week):
    1)Actually cancel your direct TV service.
    2)Wait for the customer retention department to call you.

    I did this after dropping direct TV and they called my house every night for a week upping thier offers., they must be hurting down here. I was in the same boat as Kidhorn with comcast internet. But by the end of the week Direct TV was offing 6 months free and 6 months of the "everything" package.

  8. A few years ago I read on the sattelite forums that DirecTv would deal if you threatened to cancel, so I called in and threatened, and the girl was like "Ok, I'll process your cancelation ..." and then I had to back track. This kind of shit never works for me.

  9. Jeff you must be a real pussy, should of told that bitch to cancel it, she must of heard the pussiness in your voice.

  10. Josh, I weigh 240 and could probably whoop your ass.

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