Put On Your Zorn Face, Skins Fans

“Look, we lost the game today. I GET that.”

- Jim Zorn, pumping the breaks on his selective post game enthusiasm over what went “right” in the Skins 31-17 loss to the Falcons.

Okay then, that's a start. He does “get it” that losing is bad. We can build from here.

But there's a ton of work still left.

Where to start?

Well, let's start with Zorn. Is it me, or does watching him on the sidelines make you cringe? I mean, I have never, ever, ever, seen an NFL coach who has been so thoroughly drained of “coaching life force” like this.

Sure, I've seen awful coaches, who were almost CERTAIN that they were soon to be fired.

But they still stalked the sidelines, ranting, raving, tilting at imaginary windmills and yelling at the refs on occasion.

Zorn? It's surreal. Nothing.

In fact, he has what I am simply going to call from now on: “Zorn Face.”

Zorn Face: adj. - A facial expression of false interest, concern, or thoughtfulness. Usually highlighted by a steadily furrowed forehead. Used to conceal the fact that you really don't give a crap either way, since you get paid the same just to stand there.

(Example: “You know, Bill, that all-staff meeting on email etiquette was a real waste of time. Still, I just put on my “Zorn Face” and made it look like I was totally engaged.”)

That said, there's only three things I see wrong with this team.

1.They aren't that talented.
2.They don't play very hard.
3.They have poor or non-existent coaching.

Other than that.....

Has anybody else noticed that the guys who keep saying “we've got talent here...” are the guys with the biggest contracts? Haynesworth, Portis, Hall...

Zorn told Sonny on the post-game show that he was “impressed” with how his defense “popped” Michael Turner a few times. Sonny, non-plussed, then said: “Yeah coach, but 168 yards....” Parried Zorn: “But most of that was just on two runs....” Right. Let me say it one more time: THOSE YARDS GET CHARGED TO YOUR ROOM TOO, UPON CHECK OUT!

Is the running attack better – at this point – without Clinton Portis? Well, duh, yeah. But only marginally. Betts gives a quicker chop-chop with his legs through the hole, but he's only a slight upgrade over CP. Plus, just look at the line...

Speaking of..... how great is it (insert sarcasm before “great”) that our line now includes... Mike Williams (plucked off Derrick Dockery's couch at 410 pounds with 2 years of rust), Will Montgomery (who is only playing because 3rd round pick Chad Reinhardt is a total bust), and former Bossier-Shreveport Battle Wings and Edmonton Eskimo D'Anthony Batiste. Fun times!

PS: Center Casey Rabach can't play anymore. Pssst. Keep it quiet. We've got 8 games left still.

This great defense we have, once again failed to produce a score. The last DFT for the Skins came in 2007! For perspective, consider this: the Saints have 5 pick six's this year alone! You would need to go back to the Lavar Arrington pick-six against Carolina that turned around the one Marty year to cover the last 6 skins pick-sixes.

Albert Haynesworth came off the bye week and promptly committed an off-sides penalty. Added another one when Matt Ryan all but shouted out: “Let's make the fat kid jump!” Fabulous.

People say this team is “un-disciplined.” Well, yeah. No players ever get ripped by the coaches. No players ever get benched by the coaches. No players ever get cut from the team. (Okay, they benched Horton, and cut Mason. Otherwise, have fun boys!)

The first snagged fabric of the Magicolor Dreamcoat that is the “Bingo Lewis” Offensive Play-Calling Relay Team has appeared. Near the goal line, you could see Zorn mouth the words “I wanted to throw” when they ran. Later, they called timeout on 4th and 1 inch (waste) and threw un-successfully to Mike Sellers. When asked, Zorn said: “Stump Mitchell designed the play, Sherm Lewis called it. And I made the decision to go for it.” With costume credit to Angela Silverstein, script enhancement by Bert Rossman..... They showed Zorn on the sidelines right after that. Zorn Face. I really wanted him to sheepishly point his finger up in the air. Psst. Sherm's call. Not me.

How is DeAngelo Hall working out for Redskins fans? Uh huh. Not like I didn't try to warn everybody. Aside from his crap tackling, he's really not shutting guys down either. His team-hi three picks included two pop-ups off deflections.

LaRon Landry is regressing. That is sad. He was one of my favorite players. I think back to how insanely devastating he and Sean Taylor were together. He seems lost now. One caller said on the post-game show, that ever since the opening night trucking he took from Brandon Jacobs in 2008, Landry hasn't been the same. Hmm. Interesting theory.

The fake coaching, and weekly mini-dramas begin continue with Denver coming to town Sunday. Should be fun.