Friday, July 9, 2010

Did That Really Just Happen?

Well, I'm wrong as rain, yet again. Put it on my room tab, I'll pay up by credit card on the way out.

But for an outcome that matched all the rumors and reports, how is it that I am more stunned the morning after, than I was last night when I heard it?

I have this feeling of: "Man, I gotta get my head around what all of this actually means now."

For LeBron, I'm struggling to find any upside. Any.

Yes, he gets to play in a warm, international city, with his buddies. He might someday win a championship.

And....... that concludes the "upside" portion of his Decision 2010.

The downsides are all over the place.

The manner in which the announcement was made, will go down in the PR Bible under the chapter of "Don't Ever, Ever, Do It This Way".

More importantly, how can he even call himself "King James" anymore? The guy has voluntarily downgraded his status in the league. He's an accessory now.

In a span of 27 eyeball glazing minutes on ESPN, LeBron James morphed himself from potentially "The Greatest Player of All Time" into a jezebel Scottie Pippen.

The King? Please. He's now middle management in Miami. He's Dwight Schrute with a 48 inch vertical.

Did that really just happen?

Clearly, James and his high school homies who manage his image, tend to his empire, and control his "brand" didn't really think this one through beyond the initial two moves on the sports chessboard of greatness.

If they don't win a championship THIS year, it's EPIC FAIL.

If they never win one together, it's ALL TIME EPIC FAIL.

Every casual or "on-the-fence" LeBron "fan" just fell off the fence. On the wrong side.

Every other NBA team is going to lick their chops when Miami Thrice comes to play. They just signed up for 82 consecutive regular season "Game 7" efforts from opponents.

Cavs owner Dan Gilbert may have done himself and his franchise irreparable damage with that open letter to fans. But guess what? You aren't going to escape his wrath without further image damage to yourself.

You can say Gilbert is a ranting lunatic, but people do listen to ranting lunatics.

Many will listen and say: "Oh. Really? Wow. Didn't know that...."

Gilbert is now the crazy spurned girlfriend who just threw your clothes and shit out the window onto the street. He's the crazy bitch, we get it. But crazy bitches run around and tell all the dirty secrets about you, and that's not going to be fun.

Gilbert has the freedom now to elaborate on the absurdly feeble exits to the post-season James authored the last two seasons.

"He quit," Gilbert said in an interview with the AP right after "The Decision." "Not just in Game 5, but in Games 2, 4 and 6. Watch the tape. The Boston series was unlike anything in the history of sports for a superstar."

Gilbert continued, saying LeBron quit against Orlando in 2009 as well.

"Go back and look at the tape," he said. "How many shots did he take?"

You can say Gilbert is wrong to be saying this now, but the substance is 1000% correct. A fair defense of Gilbert's bitterness is that he did all he could to provide a championship caliber team to Lebron. They were the league's #1/#1 seed going into the post-season.

And then James turtled.

LeBron fucked it up this year. I don't know how you can say otherwise.

Gilbert must have been thinking: Hey, grow up kid, work harder on your game's weak points, become a better leader, stop taking fake pictures with your team making goofy poses, and I'll pay you every dime I'm legally allowed AND put up with all the myriad nonsense and off-court bullshit that I have been keeping buried for the last few years.

It doesn't make what Gilbert did right, or even smart. Felt good, I'm sure. Entertaining as hell for us in the chattering class to discuss.

But he'll pay a dear price for it too.

Like the crazy bitch who throws your clothes out on the street, guys will whisper that one around too.

So Lebron is in Miami. Good for him. I hope he's happy, because he sure didn't look like it on TV. For a moment so big, so career defining, so worth making yourself look like an insufferable ass on TV for, well, he sure did come off as nervous and timid.

That ain't no Global Icon, folks.


  1. This may or may not put me in the minority, but for me, the NBA has been unwatchable for at least the last 10 years; and crap like this just reinforces my feelings regarding the NBA. I say this with some remorse, because in times past I once really enjoyed the product.

    The greatest risk taken when a league decides to build their brand around individual superstars instead of team identity is that one day the individuals will turn into donkeys; evidence of such return on investment is what you all witnessed last night. Sad!

  2. Im looking forward to a team like Miami play now. It has to be more entertaining than the boring ass clear out for one guy and watch game that the NBA has become. Additionally, they all might take less money up front, but will save much more than they lost by playing in Florida without any state income taxes.

  3. You see what you did there, Czabe? You just guaranteed Miami 6 championships in the next 10 years. If your prognostication skills hold true, Miami is destined for greatness. See you at the B&B in a few weeks!

  4. Well the Nets certainly swung and missed BIG! What's Russian for screwed?

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  6. blame Delonte West Cleveland. You can't f*ck the King's mom. He should have been dropped from the roster weeks ago. Although it would have been nice to see a father-son combo in the NBA. Even if it is step-father.

  7. Czabe you are right, you can't call him King anymore. D Wade and Bosh could have a problem with that stature. it is D Wade's team but like LeBron said he is not into sharing. he wants each player to have their own limelight. whatever...
    As a MU fan, I like D Wade, hopefully Lebron won't tarnish his legacy.

  8. What a narcissistic ass. The NBA is full of "me first" opportunists like him. This is a perfect example of why I haven't watched an NBA game for more than about 2 minutes since Stockton and Malone retired. ...and what is up with ESPN enabling this guy? They lost a lot of credibility.

  9. Gilbert is certainly a crazy bitch and in the end he'll be the one who pays the most for his comments, players will not poo-poo those scorned crazy bitch comments like Byron Scott and the current GM did.

    And yea I think the King became a Vassal, this is D. Wade's team and without D.Wade he won't win that ring.

    You can call James a narcissist, but I think Gilbert by his comments is even worse. He doesn't own Lebron, Lebron's not his slave. If he really wanted him to stay he should have worked harder at. Did Lebron does this wrong, in my opinon yes. Should he have left to goto Miami or Chicago, in my opinion yes, he just should have done it by signing and contract and avoiding the four letter circus network.

    As someone said earlier, becoming Florida Resident, will get him closer to that billion, until Obama institutes the wealth confiscation tax for the super wealthy.

    As to the four-letter, they are just doing what the four-letter always does, drama, they want to be TNT.

  10. NBA - still not a fan.... On a side note...

    I was in DC for the 4th visiting family. The place sucks for sports aside from the O's who aren't even in DC.

    Baltimore, congrats on a beautiful stadium, but I you know you're garbage when Dusty Baker's BFF is starting in LF - falling on his face on routine line drive to him in the early innings. I'm a Reds fan, so Corey is terrible, no matter how well he's played for 2 weeks as a regular for a last place AL East team.

    Czabe, I could continue on the O's, but I just witnessed Travis Wood pitch his ass off against the Phils, only to go to extras and get the infamous No Decision (ND). Who else throws a 1 hitter through nine and gets a ND?! The same guy that has his 3rd start of his MLB career and faces Doc Halladay!

    Keep preaching Strausburg, I was a "Witness" (which Cleveland no longer has) to him against his polar opposite R.A. Dickey over the 4th of July weekend. If only they still had leather pants as a GM....

  11. Hey, Czabe. I don't even care about the NBA and haven't for a long time. However, I do recognize this for exactly what it is - a prudent economic move. The ONLY two places LeBron would make out best in a new mega-deal would be Miami, Orlando or Dallas. It's basic math - there is no state income tax in either Florida or Texas. Had he signed in New York or New Jersey he would pay and additional $12-23 MILLION more in taxes. Though, I presume he voted for BarryO, I understand his unwillingness to give him more money to blow.

  12. More proof that Jordan will be the best player of all time forever. No one, I mean no one, would ever claim Jordan "quit" in the finals, a crucial series, an important late season game, a meaningless Tuesday night game in January against the Clippers, ie, never, ever, period. Jordan had personal flaws that have been revealed over the years but he was a viscious competitor and still IMHO pearless in his skill level. So I am delighted to see the "King", who audaciously wore MJ's number, get slaughtered rhetorically for his week assed performances (when it counted most)and for this Branum and Bailey ESPN 'South Beach' sideshow that I thankfully didn't watch. Oh, and btw, Kobe is great, but even he still can't tote MJ's jockstrap...

  13. i meant 'peerless' and 'Barnum'...oops

  14. Since Lebron no doubt made a boat-load of money, I am selling a special on my own DECISION!