Monday, March 4, 2013

Greatest Tryout, Ever.

You want to know when a sports league is so full of money, so full of it's own nonsense, and so utterly bored due to a lack of real threats to its existence (other than, of course concussion lawsuits, but the lawyers are cracking on that one, so what else do WE have to do these days?).

When it invites club soccer chicks to "try out" for the league. That's when.

Thankfully, the sports gods were NOT amused, and they smote down one Lauren Silberman with a vengeance.

Two kicks. 19 and 13 yards, then an injury.

Mind you, had Silberman played low-level football (say, NAIA) in college, and had some track record as a kicker, I would be somewhat charitable in this otherwise stupid attempt to be a gender warrior for the left in this country.

But no, she didn't just try out, she ran her mouth full of stupid.

Things like...

"I can kick a 60 yarder."

''I've always been an athlete, and I've always been a gamer,'' she said, her eyes tearing up. ''When I had the opportunity to be in the NFL, one of the world's most competitive leagues, I absolutely had to take the chance.''

"I was not aware that I was the first female registrant," she said in mid-February. "I was actually hoping that the 2012 historical milestone rule, to allow women to play, would prompt more women to attend tryouts this year."

''You know, the distance wasn't there, but hopefully the scouts will notice my technique,'' she said. ''It's not always length.''

''I would certainly be very, very excited and happy if I had the opportunity to try again,'' she said, ''but it's not up to me. It's up to the scouts.''

Go away, you annoying yenta.

Given that a woman's leg strength will struggle be equal to or greater than that of a comparable man, she would have to employ some incredible kicking-auto-matic-a technique to NEVER miss a kick under say 40 yards. And even then, you would need to carry a second kicker on the roster for long attempts and kickoffs...

... wait, holy shit! They tricked me! I am actually giving this notion TWO FUCKING SECONDS OF THOUGHT! God, I am idiot.

Here I fixed it........

"A WOMAN will never play in the NFL, because there is not now, nor will there ever be, a shortage of athletically skilled MEN who are lining up to play in the NFL, and each and every one of them will have a genetic advantage that is so significant it will render any female version of an NFL player inherently INFERIOR upon first contact."

Too bad I don't have a vagina or a pony-tail, maybe the NFL would invite me. But I guess a bald 44 year old radio host with PVC goalposts in his backyard and CAN actually kick a 35 yarder isn't much of  a "story".

Now for your enjoyment, two better ideas than Laura Silberman: Club soccer chick as NFL kicker.


  1. This was obviously a publicity stunt and not a real tryout. I am pretty sure that being a kicker in the NFL does require above average athleticism but give me a break. I think there are female athletes who could match the skill and strength of the 5' 8' Gramatica brothers. I know you would like to believe that no one with a vagina could possible break the boy club barrier but it will happen. Her name won't be Michelle Wie or Lauren S. but it will happen.

  2. Earlier this fall, this was Mia Hamm at Kansas City Chiefs practice in town for an exhibition match with the U.S. women's national team. Left and right foot from well outside 45 yards putting it through the uprights in front of some astonished Kansas City Chiefs.

    1. Great. She is married to loser NOMAR! No one was rushing and 65,000 fans were giving her the business. Stop with the nonsense.

      These babes could not handle it on the MLS let alone in the NFL. Yes, they would be crushed on the soccer pitch, too.

      Again, who cares about women's sports. Go fill out your Womens' Brackets.

  3. To quote former Colorado Univ coach Gary Barnett when discussing his special female kicker, "she sucks."