Sunday, October 25, 2009

The Following Occurred To Me While Watching the NFL on Sunday...


Idle thoughts by me, watching Red Zone Channel with my boyee Andrew Siciliano on the 102” main screen, and then the following games on my flanking twin Vizio 60” plasmas:

Right Screen
“A” (primary) Game: Packers at Browns
“B” (“Last channel” alternate) Game: Chargers at Chiefs

Left Screen
“A” (primary) Game: Vikings at Packers
“B” (“Last channel” alternate) Game: 49ers at Texans

So here we go...

Mike Singletary is wearing a stopwatch and a huge wooden Jesus cross around his neck. Doesn't the NFL prohibit outside the shirt jewelery and such? Besides, what is he, Catholic? Hey kids, looks like communion is running 1:43:12 too long. Let's bolt!

UPDATE: Dammit! Sports By Brooks already beat me to this one, with a much better “Singletary Trusts in Jesus, Accusplit Timing.”

Mario Williams makes a big play. How come we don't absolve Charlie Casserly for making the right call on him vs. both Reggie Bush AND Vince Young? Sorry for doubting, Chuck. Could you please come back to the Redskins?

Colts rookie Donald Brown explodes for a big gain against the woeful Rams. Donald Driver does the same on a long TD pass and run against the pathetic Browns. Later in the day, I would watch Miles Austin cross and burst for a big TD early against the Falcons. Lesson here? Simple. If you are an offensive player in the NFL, you are either EXPLOSIVE or you are not. It's that basic. The Redskins have no explosive offensive players. Portis was, like, 5 years ago. Santana Moss is explosive only in a straight downfield capacity. Everyone else? Eh.

Speaking of not explosive, it's now comical how impotent Ladanian Tomlinson now is near the goal line. Remember when he was bitching about Sproles getting it down there, instead of him? Uh huh. Norv fed LT 4 consecutive times inside the 3, as they were comfortably ahead. Quadruple-fail. Sad.

I understand Arrowhead is an aging building currently undergoing an expensive re-vamp. I noticed their replay screen is a big, nice, shiny, widescreen hi-def sucker. Dan Snyder's stadium is much newer than Arrowhead. It has a shrimpy 4x3 analog. Yeah. I'm sure he's working on that upgrade as we speak. Right.

Ooooh! Look at that! Random Packers TE makes big run and catch for a TD! Who was ol' #41? Spencer Havner? Who the.... Former UCLA LINEBACKER!? For Redskins fans who have watched alleged TE "stud", Mackey Award winner, and 2nd round pick Fred Davis do absolutely nothing, this is quite infuriating.

Speaking of #41, is that not the most RANDOM and under-used numbers in NFL history? I am having a hard time thinking of anybody of note who wore #41. Oh, thank god for the internet! Lookie here! Website! Charlie Waters, Eugene Robinson, and Terrance Newman!

Stat Alert: The Patriots had an 80-0 “run” ended when Tampa lucked into their only TD on a long pass. It's the longest “run” spanning multiple games since the '85 Bears.

More Redskins Bitching: Sorry, but I need to get this off my mind. So the Rams, Bucs, and Chiefs have all played the Redskins. We caught all of these teams AT HOME, too. So, lets see. We scored 9, 16, and 6 against them. At the half, the Colts, Patriots, and Chargers led those scab teams on Sunday by a combined 62-10. ON THE ROAD! The Redskins were SHUT-OUT at halftime by both the Bucs and Chiefs. These three awful teams allowed an AVERAGE of 38 points Sunday. We averaged 10 against them. This is NOT because Jim Zorn's play calling is sub-par. This is because your team is no good, your scheme is crap, and your players are either old, overpaid, or untalented. Or all three. Vinny Cerrato, you suck. Okay. I feel better now.

These London games are a total waste. Roger Goodell says there could be a franchise in London in less than 10 years. Sure there could. And I could learn to dunk on a 10 foot rim if I just keep going with P90x. Uh huh. I would love to know what percentage of the crowd at Wembly are UK natives? I'll bet anybody, that the crowd is 50% Americans working over there, if not more. But hey, maybe we WILL someday see the London Jaguars. Here's a nutty idea. There are plenty of AMERICAN cities of decent size, with college stadiums, that would love to have a real NFL game once in a while. Charity should begin at home.

Oh, look up in the sky! DirecTV has enough money for a fucking blimp. But won't pay to resolve the Versus dispute. Suck it, DirecTV. I'm calling for some free shit tomorrow. Get your customer ass-kissers ready. You may record that call for your "training purposes" but you're gonna want to burn it unless you want 118 operators to call in sick the following day.

I thought Jeff Reed's tackle attempt on Percy Harvin was the most pathetic football play I've ever seen. Then Favre packed it in on the final backbreaking INT. Seriously, the dude just retracted his legs from underneath himself while running. Almost like a plane retracting its landing gear. Or one of those toy dolls where you push the bottom button and the figure on top goes totally limp. NOTE: The effort on the strip-fumble-TD wasn't exactly stellar either. But hey: “He's a gunslinger!”

Little Things That You May Have Noticed Too, Because You Are Smart Attentive Football Fans Also...

Adrian Peterson is a stud. No news there. But he made a move that was rather incredible in its own subtlety. Bearing down in the open field on Ryan Clark, he lowered his body into the “missile” position. So did Clark. Yet at the last second, instead of absorbing the blow, Peterson yawed slightly to the right, only getting nicked, and picking up another yard in the process. Sweet.

Troy Polamalu knifed through the line on a goal-line stand to crush #38 for the Vikings and blow up the play. That full package of instinct, speed, game knowledge, and power doesn't come installed on 99% of players at his position.

Pierre Garcon's name on his jersey has a little squiggle under the “c.” Details. Nice.

Chris Henry caught an easy touchdown, cutting back against the flow in the endzone. The he casually flipped the ball to the ref. I almost fell out of my chair. Imagine that. A wideout with an appropriate reaction to a lollipop TD catch.

Jets special teams coach Mike Westhoff calls a (successful) fake punt on his own 20 against the Raiders in the first half. To quote Dabney Coleman in Dragnet: “You've got balls the size of church bells...”

8 comments:

  1. With regard to the NFL game in London, there wasn't a mention on the Sun's web site...I looked pretty hard but all the soccer news made me depressed and hurt my head.
    http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/sport/football/

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  2. Czabe. You mentioned P90X. How is that going? I have thought about trying it, but I am about 5'9" 246 lbs. Not sure I can do a pullup at this point, maybe one. Should I lose more weight first, then try P90X?

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  3. Czabe
    I am dying in Green Bay. King Douchebag is coming to town and it is all anybody can talk about. The man is a liar, self centered, egotistical, a phony, not a team player, money whore and a fake hillbilly. He lied his way out of Green Bay AND New York. He is a turd. I own 22 Packer Season Tickets and am NOT going to even watch the game. (I didn't watch the game in Minnehaha).Hope the Pack kicks his lying ass. Can't wait for him to actually retire and have someone write a true biography of this creep.
    Love your show.
    Green Bay Packer Fan

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  4. Czabe - Have you considered dumping DirecTV and going with AT&T Uverse? I don't work for them or anything, it's just that it sounds pretty good from the ads I've seen. Record 4 programs at once, with only 1 receiver. Carries the NFL network and Sunday Ticket (I think)...

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  5. Hey Czabe,

    What you have here in Asspipe, uh, accpipe (see what i did there? clever, huh?), is a typical backwards assed Wisco sheep that is basically too clueless to be opening his-her mouth. You, Czabe, really should be ashamed of yourself. Causing people with sub-60 IQs to get all worked up like this just because you are an asshat baby. It really is time to be honest. Your hate of Favre is transparent to me, but "the clueless" in this state listen to you and respect your opinion because they simply do not know any better. You are a typical jealous fan who thrives on schadenfreude. Podunk Wisconsin has (had) a player on the home team who was 10x the player that ever played for the DC team, and so you pout and whine and cry in the corner like the little beatch you are. "They shouldnt have good feelings about this guy, Im in big, bad DC, the East Coast, you know, where legends deserve to be (wah, wah, wah) so I will make the case that they should hate him . . . yeah, that's it." Its somewhat understandable when Mo, Curly and Larry would be insulted by a comparison to your owner, gm and qb. (Hey, lets pull out your email illustrating your giddy excitement about jason campbell last year (find my email in response to it too for kicks) - dude, no worries, that guy is awesome . . . well, at least hes not as fat as J. Russ - got that goin for ya. yea skins! Ironic that you scoffed at even the possibility of favre qb'ing the redskins - you lost all credibility on that one, btw.) Anyway, misery loves company, no? And the fact that you got the two morning dolts in Milwaukee on board kinda says it all.

    Youre not alone, by the way. ESPN's Bill Simmons is the same way. He wrote in the last week that its like the Packers NEVER HAD FAVRE, THAT ALL HIS ACCOMPLISHMENTS WITH GB ARE MEANINGLESS NOW (or something to this effect). Wow. Once again, shameful. Oh, his Red Sox and their world championships are called in to question because of 'roids, and NE just doesnt look the same since spygate (not to mention that Brady, though seemingly a decent guy, does stuff like donning an ascot (sp?) for a night on the town, which just shows what a tool he really is, and in any case, is not the kind of meat and potatoes blue collar NFLer who is so easy to root for . . . who we all want to root for). So, eff this, lets rip on a guy that puked his guts out to put a long flailing franchise back on the map again (aside: did you live through the 70s and 80s bob and brian?), and for what? waffling? really? . . . yes, that will make me feel better. Again, misery loves company. But what's worse, with both you and that tool Simmons, its more than that. There is this arrogance that you weakly try to hide (self deprecating sells, after all), but is clear as day to the more than casual observer. Big bad DC (and Boston) cant be one-upped by the team and fans in a podunk midwestern state, so i will turn on the greatest thing to happen to that franchise, and in the ultimate douche move, encourage the hometown fans to do the same . . . because i can. Talk about vile.

    Come clean, Czabe, the truth will set you free.

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  6. to be clear: ". . . to that franchise since Super Bowl II, . . . ."

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  7. jgd,

    I live in a podunk midwestern state and am not at all threatened by the big arrogant bullies in the big East Coast cities. The complaints about Favre are a valid comparison of his on camera "aw shucks" persona vs. his real life history of welching on contracts.
    Maybe you should use your Cracker Jack psychology diploma to reflect inward and heal that big city inferiority complex.

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  8. Hey Rick,

    I dont need any healing, listen to Steve once (his Milwaukee show), read Simmons, Im just calling BS because the truth is apparent - no psych degree needed for anyone with half a brain. Im confident you have not. If you had, you would understand that though Steve is certainly a good radio man, and is otherwise bright and articulate, there is a thread of beatch when he talks NFL. And when it comes to Favre, the jealousy is dripping. Of course, he couldnt say anything before because BF was so revered, but with BF's waffling (caused directly by Ted Thompson - see below for part of the story), sentiment began to change some and Steve found his opening.

    Other than that, you clearly know zero about Favre's career since Ted Thompson was hired. All BF wanted was for Ted to put the best possible team on the field every year BF was there. The guy was not hanging on to collect a check, he wanted to win . . . now . . . period. Aside - 5 years later, nothing has changed - and what's this? he IS winning, notwithstanding his age, the new city, new teammates, new system. Its remarkable. And its also shameful that Ted pi$$ed away the end of such a great career with GB. To be clear, Ted did not try to "win now." He wanted to do it his way, with his guys, young guys (youngest in NFl, 3 years running?!). Yeah, Ted was ok with BF sticking around because there would be mutiny if he cut him, but his thoughts about BF were clear, again to anyone who has opened their eyes. Not signing Mike Wahle was the beginning of the end. Then effing up drafts and not getting the Randy Moss deal done made it all the more clear - he wanted BF to quietly retire - nice job Brett, now run along. Well, BF didnt want to retire Not only did he not want to retire, he wanted to finish with the Packers. He needed two things, however - 1) to be wanted, 2) an effort by the GM to win now (these 2 are basically the same thing). Neither was ever was going to happen with Ted, though BF gave him plenty of shots to make these things happen. (hey, breaking news - an average Viking team is 6-1 . . . and let me stop you before you embarrass yourself, if you think that team is any more than 3-4 with Tavaris Jackson or Rosenfels, you are completely out of your league commenting on this subject). So why have so many GB fans been ok with ted on this front, you ask? Because they are stupid sheep that simply do not understand that HOF QBs do not grow on trees. Shameful for those like Bob and Brian that lived through the 70s and 80s. So, while the reality is that you need to milk that thing until it is dead, people around here thought you could just plug in the next HOF QB. 6-10 last year - will likely improve this year, but the schedule couldnt be easier, and imo, they are no closer to the super bowl (we shall see). For the record, I like Aaron, but he has a long way to go before the packers compete like they did with Favre.

    So now the best Packer of the last 40 years is playing for the most hated enemy. That's all on Ted (and McCarthy, to a lesser extent), and anyone hung up on waffling retirement talk and "welching on contracts" (are you serious? have you followed the story at all?), simply has not closely followed the story and/or has been overcome by jealousy. No inferiority complex, just calling them as they are.

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