The Following Occurred To Me While Watching the NFL on Sunday...

Idle thoughts by me, watching Red Zone Channel with my boyee Andrew Siciliano on the 102” main screen, and then the following games on my flanking twin Vizio 60” plasmas:

Right Screen
“A” (primary) Game: Packers at Browns
“B” (“Last channel” alternate) Game: Chargers at Chiefs

Left Screen
“A” (primary) Game: Vikings at Packers
“B” (“Last channel” alternate) Game: 49ers at Texans

So here we go...

Mike Singletary is wearing a stopwatch and a huge wooden Jesus cross around his neck. Doesn't the NFL prohibit outside the shirt jewelery and such? Besides, what is he, Catholic? Hey kids, looks like communion is running 1:43:12 too long. Let's bolt!

UPDATE: Dammit! Sports By Brooks already beat me to this one, with a much better “Singletary Trusts in Jesus, Accusplit Timing.”

Mario Williams makes a big play. How come we don't absolve Charlie Casserly for making the right call on him vs. both Reggie Bush AND Vince Young? Sorry for doubting, Chuck. Could you please come back to the Redskins?

Colts rookie Donald Brown explodes for a big gain against the woeful Rams. Donald Driver does the same on a long TD pass and run against the pathetic Browns. Later in the day, I would watch Miles Austin cross and burst for a big TD early against the Falcons. Lesson here? Simple. If you are an offensive player in the NFL, you are either EXPLOSIVE or you are not. It's that basic. The Redskins have no explosive offensive players. Portis was, like, 5 years ago. Santana Moss is explosive only in a straight downfield capacity. Everyone else? Eh.

Speaking of not explosive, it's now comical how impotent Ladanian Tomlinson now is near the goal line. Remember when he was bitching about Sproles getting it down there, instead of him? Uh huh. Norv fed LT 4 consecutive times inside the 3, as they were comfortably ahead. Quadruple-fail. Sad.

I understand Arrowhead is an aging building currently undergoing an expensive re-vamp. I noticed their replay screen is a big, nice, shiny, widescreen hi-def sucker. Dan Snyder's stadium is much newer than Arrowhead. It has a shrimpy 4x3 analog. Yeah. I'm sure he's working on that upgrade as we speak. Right.

Ooooh! Look at that! Random Packers TE makes big run and catch for a TD! Who was ol' #41? Spencer Havner? Who the.... Former UCLA LINEBACKER!? For Redskins fans who have watched alleged TE "stud", Mackey Award winner, and 2nd round pick Fred Davis do absolutely nothing, this is quite infuriating.

Speaking of #41, is that not the most RANDOM and under-used numbers in NFL history? I am having a hard time thinking of anybody of note who wore #41. Oh, thank god for the internet! Lookie here! Website! Charlie Waters, Eugene Robinson, and Terrance Newman!

Stat Alert: The Patriots had an 80-0 “run” ended when Tampa lucked into their only TD on a long pass. It's the longest “run” spanning multiple games since the '85 Bears.

More Redskins Bitching: Sorry, but I need to get this off my mind. So the Rams, Bucs, and Chiefs have all played the Redskins. We caught all of these teams AT HOME, too. So, lets see. We scored 9, 16, and 6 against them. At the half, the Colts, Patriots, and Chargers led those scab teams on Sunday by a combined 62-10. ON THE ROAD! The Redskins were SHUT-OUT at halftime by both the Bucs and Chiefs. These three awful teams allowed an AVERAGE of 38 points Sunday. We averaged 10 against them. This is NOT because Jim Zorn's play calling is sub-par. This is because your team is no good, your scheme is crap, and your players are either old, overpaid, or untalented. Or all three. Vinny Cerrato, you suck. Okay. I feel better now.

These London games are a total waste. Roger Goodell says there could be a franchise in London in less than 10 years. Sure there could. And I could learn to dunk on a 10 foot rim if I just keep going with P90x. Uh huh. I would love to know what percentage of the crowd at Wembly are UK natives? I'll bet anybody, that the crowd is 50% Americans working over there, if not more. But hey, maybe we WILL someday see the London Jaguars. Here's a nutty idea. There are plenty of AMERICAN cities of decent size, with college stadiums, that would love to have a real NFL game once in a while. Charity should begin at home.

Oh, look up in the sky! DirecTV has enough money for a fucking blimp. But won't pay to resolve the Versus dispute. Suck it, DirecTV. I'm calling for some free shit tomorrow. Get your customer ass-kissers ready. You may record that call for your "training purposes" but you're gonna want to burn it unless you want 118 operators to call in sick the following day.

I thought Jeff Reed's tackle attempt on Percy Harvin was the most pathetic football play I've ever seen. Then Favre packed it in on the final backbreaking INT. Seriously, the dude just retracted his legs from underneath himself while running. Almost like a plane retracting its landing gear. Or one of those toy dolls where you push the bottom button and the figure on top goes totally limp. NOTE: The effort on the strip-fumble-TD wasn't exactly stellar either. But hey: “He's a gunslinger!”

Little Things That You May Have Noticed Too, Because You Are Smart Attentive Football Fans Also...

Adrian Peterson is a stud. No news there. But he made a move that was rather incredible in its own subtlety. Bearing down in the open field on Ryan Clark, he lowered his body into the “missile” position. So did Clark. Yet at the last second, instead of absorbing the blow, Peterson yawed slightly to the right, only getting nicked, and picking up another yard in the process. Sweet.

Troy Polamalu knifed through the line on a goal-line stand to crush #38 for the Vikings and blow up the play. That full package of instinct, speed, game knowledge, and power doesn't come installed on 99% of players at his position.

Pierre Garcon's name on his jersey has a little squiggle under the “c.” Details. Nice.

Chris Henry caught an easy touchdown, cutting back against the flow in the endzone. The he casually flipped the ball to the ref. I almost fell out of my chair. Imagine that. A wideout with an appropriate reaction to a lollipop TD catch.

Jets special teams coach Mike Westhoff calls a (successful) fake punt on his own 20 against the Raiders in the first half. To quote Dabney Coleman in Dragnet: “You've got balls the size of church bells...”