Friday, October 16, 2009
O Captain, My Captain....
You may have heard about the Warriors Stephen Jackson having his captaincy stripped/relinquished with the Golden State Warriors.
Yes, THAT Stephen Jackson. The same guy who once brandished a dust bucket at fans during the “Malice at the Palace.”
Golden State actually named him that. But not no more. Jackson gave it up after he was fined and suspended again by the team.
Jackson may be one of the WORST “Captain's” of all time. Let's take a look....
Captain Stephen Jackson
Golden State Warriors (ex)
STRENGTH: Attacking fans
WEAKNESS: Responsibility, strip clubs
1963 Quaker Oats Co. Cereal Creation
STRENGTH: Delicious and unique brown sugar and butter flavor.
WEAKNESS: Harsh corn squares tear up the roof of your mouth.
Captain Joseph Hazelwood
Skipper of the run aground Exxon Valdez
STRENGTH: Making amends for bad mistake
WEAKNESS: Seals have yet to forgive him.
Fictional character in Herman Wouk's 1951 novel The Caine Mutiny.
STRENGTH: Elaborate whodunnit searches for missing strawberries.
WEAKNESS: Crew hated him.
Captain and Tennile
AKA: “Daryl Dragon” - Pop Music Duo from late 70's.
STRENGTH: Peppy diddy's like “Love Will Keep Us Together”
WEAKNESS: Absolutely no “pimp hand” at home.
Captain Mark James
European Ryder Cup Captain, 1999 at Brookline
STRENGTH: Head shaped like a big ol' skin bullet
WEAKNESS: Totally fucked up Sunday singles by not playing his bench
Captain Matt Hasselback
Quarterback, Seattle Seahawks
STRENGTH: When healthy, a Top-5 QB in the NFL
WEAKNESS: “We'll take the ball, and we're gonna score.”
Bob Keeshan, kiddie show host on CBS from 1968-83
STRENGTH: Bangin' red wool blazer. Mustache.
WEAKNESS: Creepy as hell.
Captain Jack Sparrow
Constantly on the run captain of the Black Pearl
STRENGTH: Master of escape
WEAKNESS: Rum, women, hygiene.
Captain Merrill Stubing
Gavin McLeod, ABC's “The Love Boat”
STRENGTH: Calming, fatherly presence on the ship.
WEAKNESS: Tight white shorts
Captain Han Solo
STRENGTH: Wisecracks, handsome
WEAKNESS: Has no idea how to fix his own ship, relies on Wookie.
Captain Lou Albano
Famed Wrestling Manager
STRENGTH: Always had a rubber band handy.
WEAKNESS: Dead now.
Premium Malt Liquor
STRENGTH: Goes great with coke.
WEAKNESS: Your head, tomorrow morning.
Jimmy Masterlock Time!
Last Week: 1-3
LAY THE LUMBER WEEKEND!!!
Green Bay -13.5 vs. Detroit
Pittsburgh -14 vs. Cleveland
Philly -14 at Oakland
Kansas City +6.5 at Washington