Thursday, March 12, 2009

Idol Musings

Kayne West appeared on American Idol last night, a show I had SWORE I was thoroughly done with.

(I know, it's the one show my wife and I can watch together and carve up mercilessly. She doesn't let me do the same to Housewives or Lost.)

Last I checked, Idol was primarily a SINGING competition, not a rap fest. He "sang" a song called "Heartless."

To me, it sucked. But I'm old and white, what the hell do I know?

Of course, I'm not the only one who thought the whole concept sucked worse than the Paula Abdul/Randy Jackson single "Dance Like There's No Tomorrow."

So did this Idol Blogochick.

Let's face it, Kanye may have appeared as the marquee guest on Idol this week, but if under very different circumstances he'd entered Simon Cowell's audition room as a no-name nobody and delivered this sort of vocal, the only way he would have ended up on American Idol would've been in a bad-audition blooper-reel montage.

Yeah, the whole "singing" thing was a mistake. He shoulda just picked one of his harder edged "street raps" and knocked that out. Like this one I found called "We Don't Care."

Uplifting. Wonderful. Perfect for teens and families at home.

And all my people thats drug dealin jus to get by
stack ya money till it gets sky high

We wasnt supposed to make it past 25 but the jokes on you we still alive
Throw your hands up in the sky and say we don't care what people say

[Verse One:]
If this is your first time hearing this
You are about to experience something cold man

We never had nothing handed took nothing for granted
Took nothing from no man, man i'm my own man

But as a shorty i looked up to the dopeman
Only adult man i knew that wasnt a broke man

Flickin starter coats man, Man you ount no man
We don't care what people say

This is for my niggas outside all winter
Cuz this summer they aint finna to say next summer im finna

Sittin in the hood like community colleges
This dope money here is Lil Treys scholarship

Cause aint no to tuition for havin no ambition
And aint no loans for sittin your ass at home

So we forced to sell crack rap and get a job
You gotta do something man your ass is grown

Yeah. He shoulda sung dat shit! Fer real, dawg! An' like dey shudda put da wurds up on the screen, yo! I bet Randy Jax wouldda thought it was dope!

Meanwhile, Kelly Clarkson seems to have regressed. Despite professional songwriters backing her, and years of pro experience, her rendition of her new hit song was also very shaky, at best.

Seeing as how Carrie Underwood dusts Clarkson in both looks and chops, do we really need to see her any more?

One last thing, in case anybody still cares. They've totally fucked up the batting order for the judges. Kara Dioguardi is the un-wanted (albeit snicky) 4th wheel on the tricycle, and her opinions are almost always un-necessary and un-remarkable.

Worse, some producer decided to have the judges shuffle up the order of comments for whatever reason. Idiots. In the past, it was always the same: Randy, Paula, Simon. Randy, Paula, Simon.

And you knew what Randy and Paula were going to say (for the most part) but Simon was the wildcard in the cleanup spot.

Now, it's like Joe Torre picking the dodgers lineup out of a hat. Ridiculous.

Oh well, I just want Anoop Desai - the nerdy-chic cross-eyed Indian-American pre-med student with a booming voice - to make the finals.

He's a dreamboat. I bet he'll sell at least as many records as Taylor Hicks.

1 comment:

  1. I couldn't agree more with some of your Idol musings. Kanye shouldn't have been anywhere near the Idol stage the other night. It is NOT the proper venue for whatever message he's trying to send.

    A.I. is supposed to be wholesome, family entertainment, not an avenue for more vile yet unitelligable street punk rap. I also got a kick out of how Kelly Clarkson was trying to come off as a tough rock singer as well. She sang her new song "My Life Would Suck Without You". Well you know what Kelly? Your new song sucked, that's for sure!! And please tell long has your ASS been bigger than your voice?!?!

    Did you get a glimpse of THAT Czabe??? Clarkson's backside is nearly big enough to show a movie on these days!!! Holy Crap...I thought she was supposed to be so knocked out hot!! All I know is that if she plopped herself down next to me on the love seat, I'd be concerned that was enough room left for ME!! Give me Carrie Underwood or Katharine McPhee back on Idol any day!!

    I'm not with you on your Anoop thing, tho. I think he's in WAY over his head and it's only a matter of time before he gets shown the door like he should've gotten this week. I also think Jasmine Murray got bounced too soon. She's better than she performed this week, and I think some smart record exec is gonna ink her pretty quick. Heck, if Taylor Swift can get a contract with her God awful live voice, then there MUST me room for Murray out there somewhere.

    But I am certain that the winner this year is going to be between Danny Gokey and Adam Lambert. Those two are just so far ahead of everybody else on that stage right now that it's barely worth having any of the rest of them there. I say let's just send everyone else home and let these two belt it out for 10 weeks, and crown the one who shows more versatility. Of course, we all know THAT will never happen.

    Alright...I've used up enough of your time. Thanks for allowing me to vent.