Thursday, September 15, 2011

Rachel Uchitel Finds A Silver Lining In 9/11

Her would be ball-n-chain fiance died in it!


Hey, folks, thanks coming tonight. Drive home safely!

No really, she actually said that. Or at least the NY Post's Page 6 reported she said that. Then Uchitel's attorneys charged her $350 an hour to write an angry letter to the Post demanding a retraction and apology for words taken out of context.

Haven't seen that retraction yet. Maybe they're working on it. Ahem...

Here, let me step aside for the master of snark, "What Would Tyler Durden Do?" take it from here.
Long before she helped ruin Tiger Woods marriage, Rachel Uchitel was engaged to an investment banker who was killed during the attacks on 9/11. But don’t feel too bad for her, because as she explains in a New York Post interview that comes out tomorrow, dead fiances never start fights. 
She’s now threatening to sue the Post while claiming these quotes were taken out of context, though I’m not sure what the right context is for, “I’m happy he got burned alive on 9/11 or else I might have gained some weight.” 
“I believe Andy was meant to die because he was too good. I’m almost happy it ended the way it did because I’ve learned so many lessons from him. It would have been tragic if we got into fights and then divorced.” “(Had he not been murdered) I would be a fat housewife with three kids on Long Island.”

REACT: Sigh. I'll never write this well, or be this mercilessly funny.


  1. excellent attention getter czabe. This was the first time i read what you posted and thought "whoa, that might be a little too much". After reading the news article..... wow. Who wants to be happily married (and apparently that means you will be over-weight and get divorced), when you can be on celebrity rehab?

  2. Sorry, Czabe, what were you saying?

  3. Why would a newspaper interview this no-talent whore in the 1st place?

  4. Her headlights are out of alignment