She needs less booze and more p90x. I like the idea of sending her on a trip to various ballparks with pools and fountains. I would also suggest a stop at Augusta national for a dip in Rae's creek and Ike's pond. You could probably get Girls With Low Self Esteem (aka Girls Gone Wild) to co-sponsor this.
where were these moms in my neighborhood when i was growing up???
I'd hit it.