Thursday, February 21, 2013
Top 10 Rejected Ski Tourism Slogans
Good for you!
Hell, I am skiing right now with my family, so what does that say? That I was forced at bayonet-point by my wife and kids to strap on the ol' Rossignol's (do they make them anymore?) for some hap-hap-happy-wintertime-fun?
No, I was not. I am here in Vermont (particular resort name withheld due to lack of promotional considerations to this popular website) at my own free will.
And by "free will" I mean that my 10 year old daughter would simply never leave me alone again if we didn't do this because she's too young yet to realize that skiing gets increasingly boring and dangerous as you age.
So as I was sitting on a chairlift, watching my big toes slowly "code out" to frostbite, contemplating this "exhilarating" outdoor winter activity, I imagined all the very true slogans the ski industry would never, ever, ever want to get out there to people who don't yet ski, but have been thinking about it.
Here's my Top 10.
10. Lift Lines: The Most Boring Place on Earth
9. Sure, That 8 Month Knee Rehab Was Totally Worth Getting 3 Feet of Air
8. Name Anybody Famous That Ever Died Skiing, Besides Sonny Bono, Natasha Richardson, and That Idiot Kennedy Kid. Go Ahead, I Dare You. Yeah, That's What I Thought.
7. Skiing: You Will Be Cold
6. Skiing: Nope, The Boots Still Suck
5. Skiing: Fun For The Whole Family (Just, Not Yours)
4. With A Hot Young Girlfriend, It's Not Bad. But Then Again, Doing Anything Else With Her Is Totally Awesome.
3. Skiing: More Flaps, Buckles, Straps, Hooks, Loops, and Clamps Then You Will Ever Know
2. Skiing: Oh Yeah, It's Slightly Expensive.
1. Skiing: Seriously, F*** The Slopes And Just Drink in Front of The Fireplace