Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Winter Treat: The ENTIRE Sunday Final Round of the 2012 Masters (Bubba!)



YouTube continues to amaze.

I had no idea people could upload 5 HOUR LONG videos! And in crisp HIGH DEFINITION!

And this somehow is OKAY with the "Lords of the Rights Fees" known as CBS and the (/insert Southern Gentleman voice + accent: heavy) "Augusta National Golf Club?"

Shhhh. Enjoy. Before somebody takes it down.

"Grit, Spit, and a Whole Lot of ..... Antler Spray??"

So Ray Lewis is a fast healer?

Whattya gonna do? Make a federal case of it?

So what if a triceps tear is relatively rare? So what if a shockingly fast 2 1/2 month recovery to playing speed in MID-SEASON doesn't pass the smell test of an injury that is SUPPOSED to take 4-6 months?

Antler spray. Uh, huh.

Here's what one medical expert had to say about the injury back in October...
A significant force is required to completely tear away the triceps tendon, which typically occurs in a traumatic fall onto the arm or among players in sports such as weight lifting and professional football. In the general population, triceps tears are quite rare, but such factors as steroid injections, anabolic steroid use, underlying medical disease (metabolic disorders) and olecranon bursitis can increase the risk of partial or complete tears.
Hmm... well, now.

But again, "he has never failed a test!"

Just like Lance.

The whole episode reminds me of my favorite scene from Madagascar.

Alex: "Sixty-nine months?!"
Penquins: "Six TO nine months."
Alex: "Where do you pull that number out of?"


The PGA Tour Takes Corporate Idiocy To A Whole New Level

You know the expression: "He could screw up a two-car funeral?"

Meet the geniuses at the PGA Tour.

PGA Tour official Ty Votaw sent an e-mail to reporters on Thursday that said the PGA will "revoke the on-site credentials of all journalists affiliated with outlets that post play-by-play coverage, whether those posts are originating from tournament site or otherwise."

That's right, kids. Stop your damn FREE PROMOTION OF OUR PRODUCT!

/slaps forehead in exasperation

Apparently, the PGA Tour did not like the fact that a certain fan with the Twitter handle @TigerTracker had the audacity to pay for tickets to Tour events with Eldrick in the field, and then meticulously tweet details of every Tiger Woods shot, chip, and putt.

You know, stuff people might actually want to know.

The PGA Tour, no doubt anticipating a future world in which golf fans pay a nickel for every tweet they get about Jeff Overton's 2nd round at the Humana Challenge, is making a heavy play here to tamp down rogue tweeting and (I suppose) re-direct hard core fan interest to their own website, PGATour.com. (Where they may just provide such lush, real time detail of every player from Steven Ames to Y.E. Yang.)

Never mind the fact that the PGA Tour just announced a "landmark" moment by allowing live computer streaming of weekend coverage of Tour events. Like a wayward drive, settling in on a steep cartpath, you know where this thing is heading - toward "All-the-time-and-anywhere" video access to the PGA Tour.

Which is great!

So why clamp down on mere bloggers? Because the Tour is a bunch of overpaid bureaucratic idiots.

A recent analysis of the PGA Tour's non-profit form-990 showed that the top-19 pencil pushers in Ponde Vedra took home a collective $23 million in salary! Hell, 10 of them are annual MILLIONAIRES!

Some stuff from the 2010 form-990 which covered the 2010 calendar and fiscal year...

1 TIMOTHY FINCHEM Commissioner 5,227,497
2 THOMAS WADE Exec VP Marketing 1,846,398
3 CHARLES ZINK Co-Chief Operating Officer 1,689,249
4 EDWARD MOORHOUSE Co-Chief Operating Officer 1,688,920
5 RONALD PRICE Exec VP/Financial 1,334,891
6 HENRY HUGHES Former CEO THE PLAYERS 1,322,958
7 THOMAS PERRY SVP Human Resources 1,313,939
8 DAVID PILLSBURY President GCP & Champ Mgmt 1,009,107
9 SID WILSON Former VP Player Relations 1,002,440
10 TY VOTAW Exec VP Communications 997,575

I don't mean to get all "Occupy Wall Street" here, but you have to admire the structure of a business, errrr... charitable organiztion.... with "Co-COO's" at $1.6M per! (Wait until Moorhouse finds out ol' Zink makes $329 more per year than he does! And his parking spot is one space closer to the office!)

I guess you need two COO's, so one guy can cover when the other is out golfing.

So among the organizations beyond just uber-fans like @TigerTracker who are super pissed off and shaking their heads, are outlets like Golf.com who do a liveblog of Tour events and majors. (Highly enjoyable!)
Look, we get where the Tour is coming from. The official broadcast partners pay big bucks for the rights to live tournament coverage, and the Tour wants to protect this valuable product. 
PGATour.com has Live@ streaming video and Shot Tracker and their own live blogs (see that, more promotion!). The Tour also announced earlier this week that it will be live-streaming its weekend broadcasts on PGATour.com and CBSSports.com, and the executives from the Tour and CBS want people to tune in. But it's unrealistic to think they can force people to only tune in to officially sanctioned options for real-time updates. 
As proud as we are of our coverage, we realize that our live blog is a second screen, a complementary form of coverage that primarily serves to enhance the viewing experience of hardcore fans. Those who want to banter while they watch TV or an online stream may tune into our blog or check Twitter to get updates and see what our writers think, but few choose us exclusively.
Bans almost never work in sports media, and in this day and age, I guarantee this one has #fail written all over it.

But good job, Ty Votaw.

Take the afternoon off. You deserve it.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Poll: "The Harbowl"


customer survey


San Fran's Zone Read: "By The Numbers"



Say what you will about ESPN's Michael Smith, or the value of paying a sharpie artist to painfully draw out pictures like this.

But the season numbers right now on San Fran's Zone Read are pretty eye popping.

Will it last?

Logic says "no". Why? Because currently the play/formation is UN-stoppable.

I just don't believe in permanently UN-stoppable plays in the NFL.

That said... here's the numbers, if you can't sit still for 1:30 of dry erase scribbling.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>.

"Option" Plays in the NFL (All Teams)
2010 - 49
2011 - 277
2012 - 515

San Fran's YPC on Zone Read
5.8 When handing off to RB
11.8 When Kaepernick keeps it

Play Action Passes of 20+ Yards off Zone Read
54% complete. #1 in NFL

Hits on QB in Zone Read
6 of 55 Called Plays (less than 1 per game)
0 of 41 When he actually hands the ball off

Average Run Before Contact by RB's in Zone Read
5.9 Yard from Line of Scrimmage

Snicky: Taylor Swift

So in case you hadn't heard, somebody asked Michael J. Fox to see if he would approve of Taylor dating his son Sam, 23.

"No. No ... Just back off," Fox said. "I don’t keep up with it all. But Taylor Swift writes songs about everybody she goes out with, right?"

“Right,” they replied.

"What a way to build a career,” Fox said.

The interviewer then asked Fox how he would react if Swift showed up to a Fox family dinner.

"I wouldn’t even know who she was," he said, before agreeing it would dawn on him when the eventual breakup song hit the radio. "'Sam, You Piece of S--t.' Oh … that was the girl you brought home!"

Now that's funny!

Of course, Taylor's screaming legion of teenage fans on twitter me took great offense, and fired back at Fox.  (Aside: MY GOD PEOPLE, DON'T YOU KNOW HE HAS PARKINSONS! IS NOTHING SACRED!)

Now Taylor says Fox has apologized and spoken to her. Boo. You may resume gazing at her increasing hotness. 

She's 23 now, after all.


Jim Harbaugh PWNS The Potus on Merits of Football

So our Dear Leader, the Teleprompter King, opined that he might have mythical reservations about his mythical son playing some level of mythical tackle football, because of course, the sport is so "dangerous."

Enough, already.

It's about damn time more people started to stick up for the virtues of this awesome game - especially down the youth level where simple and important life values such as perseverance are taught - in light of the recent drumbeat of Oprah-cized hand wringing over "safety" and such.

What better spokesman than Jim Harbaugh, who did not flinch when it came to responding to a reporter's query about Our Dear Leader's concerns....

“If President Obama feels that way, then there will be a little less competition for Jack Harbaugh when he gets older,” Harbaugh said, prompting laughter. ”That’s the first thing that jumps into my mind, if other parents are thinking that way.”

Boom, roasted.

So just on a lark, I decided to see if there were any good pics on the intertubes of POTUS throwing a football. Or maybe some file footage.

Um, not really.

The most common pic is the one above. Where he is clearly in a pose, not in actual motion while throwing a football. 

How can you tell?

Notice the eyes, gazing to the heavens. The very place from where he descended.

Nice form, Barry.

Mike Mayock doesn't think much of your downfield awareness or "eye level" when the pocket gets "muddy" but you look good just standing there.

And for those that don't know the term "PWND", well here's your primer.

Monday, January 28, 2013

LeBron's Likability On The Rise?

I don't know about you, but this little feelgood moment from the weekend certainly notched him up in my book.

I also said that simply winning the title, was going to get 'Bron over the hump with the skeptical basketball public.

Is LeBron suddenly a "great guy" or my "favorite player ever?"

Hardly.

But this was not phony enthusiasm. Look at that picture above.

That's simple joy.

Joy in the moment, of a fat guy computer technician, hitting an incredible - and perfect - half court bomb, for 75 large.

It makes sports fun again, amid all the nonsense. And it makes King James just a little bit more like the people's champ.

Poll: New Orleans Pelicans Logo



survey hosting


Snicky: Jennifer Lawrence

The girl is a flat out firecracker. She can really act. And for my eye, she's a less stuck up version of Rene Zellweger - before she got all plumptastic in the awful "Bridget Jones's Diary."

For me, the above pic is her at her best. A makeup-less action-heroine with a bow and arrow. I also dig any chick who braids long brown or black hair into the classic Lara Croft Tomb Raider look.

Here's a few more pics, as she has many different looks to choose from. The only time she fails to impress me at least, is when she's overly "glammed" up for these award shows.

But good for her. She's blowin' up and rightly so. I highly recommend Silver Linings Playbook, even though it's darker than your average ROMCOM flick. Excellent "crazy" from Bradley Cooper, and DeNiro pulled off just enough "sports knowledge" to play a part-time bookie, even though you get the feeling DeNiro doesn't know shit about sports in real life.






Sunday, January 27, 2013

Ray Lewis Double Murder 101

Okay, let's get this out of the way now.

Plenty has been forgotten, twisted, exaggerated, or fluffed up since the infamous night of the Cobalt Lounge in 2000 in Atlanta.

I for one, do not think Ray Lewis literally murdered Jacinth Baker and Richard Lollar. Star athletes never do any of their own dirty work, much less their bloody dirty work.

That said, the image rehabilitation and Saint-ification of Ray Lewis since that time has been nothing short of the most dishonest, ridiculous, and nauseating episodes in modern sports.

Yet, I have no energy to rail against it, full throat. Nor interest. It's so ludicrous, it's like writing a manifesto on Britney Spears' lack of musical talent.

Whenever it comes to Ray Lewis, my fullest sentiment is approximately a chortle and a sarcastic "well, of course."

That said, here's the best Ray Lewis Murder 101 story I've seen, and people can make their own final judgement on all things "Ray Ray" with this as a guide. You should read the whole thing, but because I am never failing in helping you readers be lazy, here's a few key edited 'graphs to consider.

After racing from the scene, Lewis’ limo didn’t return to his hotel, the Georgian, but instead to the Holiday Inn Express where Sweeting was staying. Lewis then took a cab back to the Georgian. 
It didn’t take long for police to find the limo, shot through with bullet holes, blood in the interior. It sat just a mile from the crime scene, and when cops walked into the lobby, they found Lewis’ driver, Fassett, trembling and chain-smoking. 
Fassett told the police he’d seen Sweeting, Oakley and Lewis all fighting and provided details that only an eyewitness could know. He said he’d heard Oakley boast, “I stabbed mine,” and Sweeting reply, “I stabbed mine, too.” When police got to Lewis’ room, they found blood there, too — but not Lewis, who had fled to his fiancĂ©e’s family home. 
A few hours after the murders, at about 6 a.m., Lewis had called Robertson and asked her to go to the Georgian and pack up everything he’d left behind. A jailhouse informant, meanwhile, told cops that Lewis was using one of his sisters to relay messages to Sweeting, telling him not to worry, that Lewis would never betray him. 
Lewis himself felt he had little to worry about. The Ravens were standing firmly behind him. Lewis’ own private investigators beat the cops to just about every witness in the limo; they all got lawyers. His driver, Fassett, became increasingly unsure of what went down that night. 
The trial began on May 15, 2000, and quickly fell apart. The state’s star witness, Fassett, recanted much of what he had told police. He swore he’d never seen Lewis strike anyone. 
By the trial’s second week, Lewis wasn’t even attempting to appear respectful. He sat at the defense table and scrawled his autograph over and over. Finally, on June 4, Lewis’ attorney and the prosecution cut a deal. Lewis would testify against Sweeting and Oakley in exchange for one year’s probation on obstruction of justice. Lewis testified he saw Oakley fighting in the melee and that Sweeting had told Lewis he’d been punching with the same hand that cupped a knife. 
Here, too, the prosecution miscalculated. On June 13, 2000, the jury acquitted both men on charges of murder and assault. They spent just five hours deliberating.
Chalk it up to police incompetence, the force of an NFL team/owner racing to save his "investment" and ultimately, a just outcome.

I think Ray Lewis did exactly - and mostly - what he ultimately plead guilty to: obstruction of justice.

In an awful street fight between his thug friends, and a group of other random thugs.

The NFL should have absolutely suspended him for a considerable amount of time, because obstructing justice in a double murder is a seriously awful act. Minimum 4 games, upwards to a year. Instead, he just paid out money, and returned to the league as a superstar, with virtually no price to be paid as a bankable endorser.

Now, Ray Lewis will retire directly to ESPN - where I think he has a chance to be quite good, if you can compartmentalize all of the above - and also become a special consultant to the NFL.

To which I say, as always... /chortle... "Well, of course."

Friday, January 25, 2013

Poll: Lookin' Fine, Baby, Lookin' FINE!



panel management


"So, That Went Well. Right. Right?"

Um, no Manti.

It did not.

Unless you are running for "Dope of the Century."

If you do not want to be accused of STILL lying about all this, then you are asking us to believe you are a rather callous, dopey, yet Academic All-American at an elite University. That you are someone who is OF the internet generation but apparently more tech-illiterate than the average grandmother.

Like you just stepped off your outrigger canoe and took off your grass skirt to play football.

Come on, brah.






Now on the matter of the "impersonated female voice" that Roniah Tuiasosopo initially executed himself for the entire scam? Well.... not so fast my friend. /pays Lee Corso royalty.

Not only does that voicemail sound like a real chick-chick, you know, like the ones who smell sweet and stuff - but how could any dude pull of actually talking and THINKING like a chick for that long of a period, and for those many hours on the phone without breaking character?

He'd have to be like the epic line by Jack Nicholson in the movie "As Good as It Gets".



Then there's this little ditty for your snickering pleasure... from listener David Staples in Charlotte, NC. It's a riff off OutKast and lead singer Andre 3000, who bears a strong likeness to being RG3's long lost brother.






Thursday, January 24, 2013

Purple Jesus on RG3 Comeback: Curb Your Enthusiasm

From one pro football warrior to another, Adrian Peterson is trying to help Robert Griffin III in his comeback, whether RG3 knows it or not.

By saying that anyone who thinks RG3 will match Peterson's amazing comeback from ACL surgery is being totally un-realistic, I think he's sending a subtle "bat signal" to the kid to not do anything stupid in rehab that might further compromise his long term career.
"This is also a matter of genetics," Peterson said. "Look at my dad. And my mom's side, my aunts and uncles, they're all ripped. At 50 years old, they've got six packs and eight packs. 
"My body just heals differently. I know it has a lot to do with rehabilitation and work ethic -- but I really credit my genetics for my recovery as much as anything else."
Freak, indeed! (see below!) But I still wouldn't mind seeing AP's mee-maw and pee-paw. And if they DO have six and eight-packs, I want to know what THEY are on!


Snicky du Jour: Sophie Horn

Wow, that's one hot "golfer", Czabe!

You're darn right it is! And I hear she can even break 80! (maybe).

Look, nice looking tart. However, her golf "resume" is more flimsy than Mantei T'eo's cover story. In fact, I couldn't find any tournament results, only a few vague references to her being a "single digit handicap" and also a "part time golf instructor."

Of course, she's available for corporate outings and photo shoots.



>>>>>>>>>>

Pound the Table


"If you have the facts on your side, pound the facts. If you have the law on your side, pound the law. If you have neither on your side, pound the table."

Yep. Just as I thought.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Bad Lip Reading, NFL Style



Okay, so I finally watched this video, after seeing it in my email inbox about a trillion times, and thinking it was lame. I guess anytime I get SO many "you gotta see this" emails, like many people, I dig my heels in and try to be cool by NOT watching it. Well, guess what?

Not lame.

Worth your your employers time to check it out.

Plus, safe enough for your kids to watch. Bonus!

Now, everybody please stop sending me the...

"NFL QB's On Facebook" and "Hitler Reacts To..." emails.

For the love of God, just, please, stop!

Poll: Frontcourt Upgrade?



survey software


This Would Be Awesome! Let's Go, NFL!

Of course, they are dragging their feet, likely trying to grind down the inventor of this "real life" first down lazer line to just GIVE the billion-dollar league this technology for free.

Here's NFL spokesmonkey Greg Aiello: "“We have not been convinced that it would work for us, but we are open to further discussion after the season.”

Whatever. Get it done, dummies. Then, work on getting a lie detector hooked up to Mike Shanahan.

Thank you.

>>>>>>>>>>>

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Duck Dynasty 101



Okay, just so everyone is clear. This show is STAGED AS HELL!

I get it. And sadly, they are starting to really stretch the limits of stupid with each episode.

That said, I love each of the characters in the clan, and don't doubt that there is a genuine kernel of redneck truth underneath all of them.

So if you've never seen it, here's a quick primer.

Poll: NFL's Best Play-By-Play Man



survey service


Snicky: Michelle Beadle

So a funny thing happened when I went out Google Image Searching the spunky Ms. Beadle.

I had a hard time finding really aweome pics of her.

Hmm. That's odd, I thought. Because I KNOW she's HOT. I just know it.

So.... where' the pics? I mean, come on! This is the internet!

Then I realized: Beadle is hot because of WHO she is, and HOW she can hang with the fellas. She's funny. Knows sports. Doesn't take herself too seriously. Tweets pics of her and her girls out drinkin'.

Loves pro wrestling. I mean, hot. Right?

Sadly, the Access Hollywood thing just has her buried, and a little out of her league, so to speak, on pure looks. Get back to sports, Beads. We miss you.



Monday, January 21, 2013

Peyton Manning Foreshadows His Own Doom



So that backbreaking INT ol' LegoNeck threw against the Ravens last weekend? You know, the one where he suddenly thought throwing across his body, rolling away from the flow of the play was a GOOD idea in overtime?

Yeah.

He knows that's stupid. But like he said earlier this year: "When you are a 15 year veteran, you don't give a shit."

Skip to 1:48 to hear it. Or, enjoy the entire live mic sequence for still one of the greatest modern QB's of all time.

Meet The Most Coveted Vintage Cell Phone in Japan

If your husband comes home with a beat up old flip phone, ladies, look out! He's creeping!
A Japanese blogger who goes by the name Bakanabe and writes anonymously about picking up women, said he looked into buying a new device but found the privacy settings fell short of his current phone. Instead, he opted to refurbish his battered, three-year-old Fujitsu flip-phone with a new casing and a new battery. 
"Women may want to check my phone for strange emails or calls when I'm not around. With Fujitsu's 'privacy mode,' they can't see that information at all," he said in an email. "The key is to give off the impression that you're not locking your phone at all." 
Fujitsu's "privacy mode" is a layer of nearly invisible security that hides missed calls, emails and text messages from contacts designated as private. If one of those acquaintances gets in touch, the only signal of that communication is a subtle change in the color or shape of how the battery sign or antenna bars are displayed. If ignored, the call doesn't appear in the phone log. 
The changes are so subtle that it would be impossible to spot for an untrained eye. When the privacy mode is turned off through a secret combination of keys, the concealed calls and messages appear, and voice mail becomes accessible. 
You would think some phone maker would come out with a new phone that incorporates maximum privacy and security, while doing so in a "stealthy" way. But then word would get out that it's a "cheater phone" and good luck explaining that away to your wife or girlfriend.
Better yet, peeps: stop creepin'. Or be romantic, and send her an encrypted telegram.

Poll: Super Bowl Saturday?




You Mad, Bro?


Snicky: Jennifer Aniston

She's 43 and can still bring it in leather. Mmm, mmm, mmm.



Sunday, January 20, 2013

Goldmine!

Consider this: if not for two horrible mistakes by a punt return man last year, Jim Harbaugh would be going to his second straight Super Bowl.

In his first two years as head coach in the NFL.

Incredible.

It's the greatest hire in the history of the NFL. Period.

And it's not like he took over a "stocked" team. This was an underperforming group, with a quarterback widely considered a "bust."

Now, he's going to the big game, after pulling off one of the gutsiest moves in recent memory. Benching a winning QB, for an unproven 2nd year flyer, mid-season.

Whatever motivated the Eagles to overpay Chip Kelly to the tune of $32.5 million for 5 years (drunken stupidity?), he should really kick back at least 20% to Harbaugh as a defacto "commission."

I don't know how Kelly will be in Philly, but I know this: there's only one Jimmy Hard-paw. 

This dude is incredible. And his team is a perfect reflection of his slow-boil intensity. The last guy was a great sound bite. This one can control his emotions and lift his team up in the process.

Down 17-0 with the Georgia Dome on "tilt" Sunday, they calmly clawed their way back off the mat and started throwing haymakers. 

That's not X's and O's. That's the force of personality.

Not that Harbaugh's chalkboard acumen is lacking, or his ability to spot and utilize talent (I mean, look at how good they have been drafting since he got there!). He's got an amazing combination of instinct, motivational skills, organization and drive.

When exactly, do you think, the Harbaugh Niners will NOT be a force to be reckoned with again in the NFC?

Shit. I'm saying 8 years, minimum. It's pretty goddamn depressing, honestly.

>>>>>>>>>>>>

On the Falcons front, I do feel bad for Matt Ryan. Nice guy. Excellent quarterback. Two big mistakes in that second half that should never happen. Then with a left shoulder crushed, he fizzled at the end. He'll be back. But I was rooting for him.

Ditto for Tony Gonzalez, who goes out ALMOST "on top."

Hard to believe, because he certainly LOOKS like he could play another year. But the guy can walk off the field, no limps, no drool cup, handsome face, and walk right into Canton. 

Don't look back, Tony.

>>>>>>>>>>>>

In the 2nd half, timeouts are gold. Pure. Fucking. Gold. 

They are NEVER worth using to avoid a 5 yard penalty. Ever.

The Falcons used one that way.

So instead of being able to force the Niners into a "zero time" possession where only 15 or seconds would be used on 3 straight running plays, they were essentially able to expire the clock.

Once again: when will coaches come to understand this?

>>>>>>>>>>

How is instant replay working for all of you Replay Fanatics?

So there was a HUGE call waiting to be "corrected" in the Harry Douglas non-catch. To many of us (me, and everyone else in the world besides Terry McAuley and Mike Pereira) it looked pretty clearly that the ball started coming loose, and only was corralled with the DEFINITE assistance of something called THE FUCKING GROUND!

Now, part of the problem, is that they have managed to write the rules so backward-ass confusing, that nobody really knows what is or is not a catch. Vague terms like "maintain control" and "complete the process" and blah blah blah.

In the old days, it was simple. Keep the fucking ball from touching the ground. PERIOD.

But now, who knows?

And instant replay was as useless as tits on a bull, because when the play on the field was ruled a catch, and when a human being is required to break the obviously visually plain to see bad news to a rabid sold out home crowd like in this case, that human being is just going to fucking turn to mush and say "eh, inconclusive."

Or something. Because until we have robots make these video reviews, the dude who still has to sleep at night without a gun under his pillow, is not going to make the TECHNICALLY right call.

It's a system so stupid, time consuming and worthless, I have no idea why anybody still thinks we need it, or that it even works.

Luckily, for Niner fans and Jim Harbaugh's head, it turned out not to matter.

Next time, we all might not be so lucky.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

The Bullshine Piles Up Overnight

Like waking up to an unexpected snowfall that covers the neighborhood, how hilarious was it to see that Manti T'eo had decided to conduct an OFF-camera interview, with an ON-camera reporter, on the four-letter-cable-station-in-the-Connecticut-woods.

On Friday night. Well after hours.

Yeah, sure. What now, Manti?

His new best whopper:

ESPN: "Why didn't you go visit her in the hospital?"
T'eo: "It never crossed my mind."

Congratulations. If true (it's not), you are the shittiest "boyfriend" in the history of "boyfriends."

Stop digging, dummy. Just stop.

Friday, January 18, 2013

Snicky du Jour: Elin Nordegren


So this would be a bombshell, right?

I love the line: ".... even though his accountants think he's crazy."

No shit.

But I give it more than just a snowball's chance in hell, because the Enquirer was the ones to drop the bombshell about Tiger's dalliances in the first place!

In the meantime, lovely Elin has kept herself lean and mean, and still likes rocking a momkini!



Poll o' The Day: Punching Lance


survey software


Thursday, January 17, 2013

Catfishing 101

So this woman above, she's your catfish.

Yep. Spoiler alert. Oh, sorry, too late.

If you were two years late on the "hot" indie documentary of 2010, well I just ruined it for you. You see, this mental case, is the type of woman who can run around sucker males on the internet by stealing photos and creating a robust fake digital social media profile.
Angela Wesselman, whose real identity is not revealed until the end of the movie, was a troubled housewife who spent the bulk of her days caring for two severely handicapped stepsons and building an elaborate web of online deception until it all spun out of control. 
As an aspiring artist who had started posted her paintings online in hope of earning praise. However, when she received criticism, she came up with a new plan and started posting them under her young daughter's name, pretending to be a painting prodigy. By doing this, she went from being a decent painter to an exceptional one, but her ruse would go much further than anyone could imagine. 
Wessleman fessed up to creating 21 different Facebook characters to support the character of Megan, knowing that having a Facebook family and friends would make her look less suspicious. She doesn't say that she has multiple personality disorder, although she does admit to being a diagnosed schizophrenic. 
So in other words, "yeah this stuff is certainly doable."

But many have said the entire movie "Catfish" is a hoax ITSELF (we're really in a house of mirrors now, eh?) and that while artfully presented, it's about as "real" as the "Blair Witch Project."

Whatever.

The movie producers have made the jump to a full blown career off of it, and I suppose good for them. The MTV show of the same name, does have some pretty amazing clips of dummies who will fall for just about anything on Facebook.

Like a fat chick in Redneckana, USA who can convince other women that she's really an Orlando Bloom lookalike. PLEASE, watch this clip below in it's entirety and try not to bust a gut when you see the sucker in question say her "boyfriend" is studying to be an anesthesiologist - BY TAKING ONLINE CLASSES!


Finally, you might wonder: "Why the term 'catfish'?" Well.... here's what they say...
At the turn of the century cod fish were in much demand on the east coast. News of this tasty fish spread across the country all the way to the west coast. There was however a problem. How could they get the fish across the country and still keep it fresh. They tried to freeze the fish and send it by rail, the fastest means at the time. When it was prepared it turn out to be very mushy and lacked flavor. Then someone decided to ship the fish live turning railroad cars into huge saltwater aquariums. When the cod fish arrived they were still alive but when they were prepared they were still mushy and tasteless. After studying the cod fish someone discovered that their natural enemy was the catfish. This time when the cod fish were but in the tanks they place a few catfish in with them. Those catfish chased the cod fish all the way across the country to the west coast. This time when they were prepared they were flaky and had the same flavor as they did when they were caught fresh and prepared on the east coast. You see the catfish kept the cod from becoming stale. The catfish kept them fresh.
So back to Mantei T'eo. What does all this mean? What's my current theory? Well, before I go any farther, remember my "theory" on the Erin Andrews video was dead wrong. I thought it was an intentionally filmed peephole video that Andrews had sent to a boyfriend, who betrayed her and let it get out and go viral. I just could not believe a hotel would be stupid and reckless enough to allow a perv to cherry pick a room right next to a semi-famous registered guest.

I was wrong. Dead wrong. They did. Wow.

So on T'eo, my hunch right now is this. The fake girlfriend was a beard. Either a beard because he's gay, or a beard because he was a poontang-slayin', field-playin', BMOC at Notre Dame. And BOTH of those realities, did not jibe with being a humble, earnest, Mormon kid at a prominentl Catholic school.

So what may have begun as a catfishy prank, T'eo climbed on board with, and milked it for all it's worth.

I mean, it's pretty clear he was lying at some point. Certainly he lied by omission for 3 weeks after he told coaches about the "hoax" on December 26th. To not come forward right away is certainly his/their right in order to keep the focus on the game.

But a lie is a lie. That was a huge lie.

And I think T'eo lied about sending her white roses. Otherwise, I'd like to see a credit card slip and an address of the "fake" funeral home he sent them to.

But hey, it'll all end up washing out in the end. The story is too convoluted for it ALL to check out as legit.



Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Manti T'eo: Grab a Snickers, Everyone

Okay, a few thoughts. And my head is pretty melted right now, like everyone else.

1. Holy SHIT!

2. Bwhahahahahahahahaaaahahahah!

3. Okay, look. Seriously. Please God, NOBODY do anything stupid right now. This is a major shitstorm, but it too shall pass. No crimes have been committed. We *think*. Someday, we will all laugh our asses off about it. Please, please, please, God, nobody involved here succumb to the white hot spotlight of modern media controversy, and decide it's too much to handle. We're one gunshot from a horrible, horrible angle to all of this.

4. If T'eo has other "secrets" then let's give him space to sort them out, and decide what he wants to reveal and how. He has no need, no obligation right now, to do anything other than stand behind his statement, as bullshit as it may seem. Until the NFL combine, or even the draft, he only has an obligation to whatever team might be stupid enough willing to draft him, to come clean with the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

5. The modern media (sports included, obviously) is a pathetic, contemptible, lazy, corrupt lot. To the core. Not a single one of them decided to get a hold of this magical woman. Not for a single quote. Not a single photo. No family members. Nothing. For several YEARS! These are not reporters, they are repeaters. Good at repeating whatever they saw on the Twitter feed, whatever somebody else wrote, or just whatever. Repeat, repeat, repeat. This is the 9/11 of sports journalism. Complete catastrophe. This was NOT some obscure linebacker at BYU!

6. Deadspin should win a Pulitzer for investigative journalism.

7. Notre Dame will never live this down. Ever.

8. The art of snarky signmaking on ESPN's College Gameday is about to go a whole new level.

9. Tom Rinaldi should still, AB-SO-LUTELY do a tear-jerking, piano-keys-tinkling, soft-focus-sob-story about Lennay Kukua anyway. It's what she would have wanted. You know... if she, uh, existed. I've even got the opening line.... "Lennay Kukua was the perfect girlfriend...."

10. Gonna be a long, long, long ass time before we see a sports story more fucked up from A-Z than this one. Hoo, boy.

Snicky du Jour: Elizabeth Banks

From the moment she made her big breakout in 40 Year Old Virgin, I was smitten! Besst smile in Hollywood. Period. And she's so hot, she can look awesome in just a sweatshirt, like below in the movie "Invincible."



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Brewer Uniform Re-design Contest Enters Final Phase

So hey, whoa, how come you peeps never told me about this?

New Brewer uniforms?

Nice.

And a contest to design it?? I like it even more.

So here are the final 3 uniform sets. I will gently say I "prefer" the classic "Brewer Glove B" on the front. The bottom font and style of jersey is very classic, and classy, but I don't know about that weird cartoonish hat head logo of the guy with the pipe for a nose.

They will only be used for one game in spring training and one game at Miller Park just before the season opens says the team. And the three finalists are all from out of state, which may or may not matter to you cheeseheads.

I say whichever uni wins, it deserves more than just two pre-season roll outs. Let it play 4-5 games this year. C'mon!